Chapter 25
Heartbreak in the City
Spike nearly jumped over the table and was looking at the same city skyline that I am.
“Spike! If you need to get to the window, please say, ‘excuse me,’ instead of scrambling over the table like an ill-mannered foal!” Rarity exclaims, chiding him.
Spike’s spines droop and he looks at Rarity. “Uhm, sorry about that... I’m just really excited to see the city! After all, I’ve never been here before!”
I gape in wide eyed confusion about all this. Here it is. An Equestrian equivalent of the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul. I am attempting to process this information but as we pass the towering skyscrapers and quartz-crystal shaped buildings, I am finding myself hard pressed to know where to start.
Alright, it’s obvious to me that I did not expect this. After all, Whinneapolis was made mention only twice! I think. Well the only time I can think of was on a variation of the first comic book to be produced for the show. There was some sign post that had the name on it, and I was like, ‘Oh! Ha! Ha! Funny! I get it!’ But never did I think that this place actually existed.
Rarity points at some of the buildings. “Now, right there is the IDS Tower. That’s where the auction is going to be taking place tonight. Next to it is the Clopella and Wells Cargo Towers.”
'Clopella... tower...’ Oh geez, I swear every brony out there would be throwing themselves into giggling fits right about now. I mentally sigh. “I seriously hope that not every single thing that I know from the, ‘real world,’ has been mirrored and ponified over here.”
I shake my head, it’s just swimming too much in all of this surrealism. After all, if Minneapolis is ponified, maybe even Sunny Grove, the suburb where I was living, has been ponified.
Most likely however, no. I chuckle to myself and really hope that where I was originally from: Spokane and Otis Orchards, Washington don’t have ponified counterparts. That would really fuck with my chi here.
“You don’t say...” I reply distantly at Rarity.
“Oh, we’re coming up the Great River Bridge! This is always a spectacular sight!” Rarity unfolds a small map that she pulled from her saddle bag. As we start to pass over the bridge, Spike covers his mouth and points at a tree that is just at the entrance of this bridge. It’s covered with horse shoes that have been tied together with string. Once we get to the other side of the river, the train makes a sloping curve, however there is strange looking but familiar building. If you were to take a bunch of spheres, some cubes, a few cylinders, and a pyramid or two that were made of stainless steel, them mash them all up into an atheistically pleasing sort of way you would have the -
“The Weismare Art Centre! I have always wanted to go there, but seeing that I only visit Whinneapolis annually, and I rarely have any time for anything else...” Rarity says as the train passes by an assortment of really old looking granite buildings. “You know darling,” Rarity starts, her tone totally changing, “These two cities are only next to Canterlot when it comes to the arts! Why, many theatrical, musical and comedy events take place here all the time! Along with some very prestigious Equestrian artists and songwriters.”
“You don’t say...” I am still being balled by the fact that this place exists, and that I’m here to see it.
Rarity coughs and then sighs a bit. “Well, I’m going to freshen up in the fillies room before we arrive at the station.”
“Ok Rarity...” Spike replies as distantly as I do.
==============================================================
The train continued down the line, Spike eyed the strange buildings and then turned to Heartbreak. The look on her face was a mix of different emotions. Mostly shock, worry and disbelief.
“H.B.?” He asked.
“Yeah, Spike?”
“Are you alright? You look a little spooked,” he replied.
“Huh? What? I’m fine! Just... fine..” Heartbreak protested.
There was a solid moment of quiet between the two as the train continued to dip into and past the various streets and landmarks. Just then they passed a park, contained within was a sculpture of a very large bent spoon with a cherry on it. Heartbreak’s face twitched and her eyes followed the large oddity.
“So....” Spike said looking at Heartbreak.
“Yes, Spike?” Heartbreak asked as her eyes looked up at the various skyscrapers.
“When you said that our worlds were similar... I didn’t think you meant this similar!” Spike quipped.
Heartbreak turned and frowned at Spike. “You were looking at my drawings that I told you not to, didn’t you?”
Spike looked at Heartbreak a bit sheepishly. “It was before you told me not to look at them. I saw a few things that... well, are right here! It’s almost like you’re right back in your homeworld, right?”
Heartbreak bit her lip and glared at the surrounding city as the train started to approach the station. “Yeah...” She frowned at the various ponies that she saw on the platform as the train rolled into the station. “Almost.”
“Well, that’s great right?” Spike asked with a bit of excitement to his voice.
Heartbreak pulled herself away from the window and rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Great,” She replied in a low grumble.
“Is something wrong, H.B.?” Spike asked confused.
“No, can you help me with my saddlebags? I’m sure that Rarity will want to get the hotel as quickly as possible,” Heartbreak replied glaring out the window one last time before the train came to a full hissing stop.
==============================================================
As we get off the train, I am greeted by the sound of bustling voices. Coming to a city is always a bit of a weird feeling. You can feel utterly dwarfed by the immense scale of things. The fact that you can’t look up without seeing some massive structure smack dab in your face. Behind me there is a large square granite building that has a blue-green copper topped shingling on it. It’s almost castle-like in its design, what with those pyramid and cone spires placed neatly at the top of it.
Across the street from us, another building that threatens to touch the sky. The monolithic tower looks like a tall concrete, ‘u’ with a glass middle that goes all the way to the top. The large park-like area in front has a circular fountain that is more like a large pond with foaming white jets that push out from the surface of the water here and there. The water falls in a curtain to a circular basin. I can just make out a sign denoting what the building is.
“Whinneapolis Government Center.” Looking to my left, I can see the street intersections of 4th Ave S and S 5th Street. “Glad to see that not everything has been turned into a horrible pony-slash-horse pun...”
Suddenly I feel something tap my shoulder. “Darling, stop gawking. You’re blocking others who want out.” Rarity says tugging on me to move me out of the way.
I jump out of the way of any oncomers and they nod and smile at me. I nod and smile back politely. “It’s just really... big.”
Right, some would think that none of this is new. None of this should be a shock. But despite living in Minnesota near the Twin Cities for over a decade? I barely got out of the house that I was living in. The only times I ever got out was to my game and fur meets. Both events held at rather specific locations. And I was never the one doing the driving. Mainly because I never learned how to drive, and because the thought of driving scared me out of my mind. All those cars getting too close to me on the freeway and the thought of bumping the wheel accidentally resulting in an auto accident?
Yeah, call me a pansy, call me a wuss, but seriously. It was enough to keep me from driving for pretty much all my life. My girlfriend... my last girlfriend had to ask if I was ok when we were driving and another car got too close to us more than once.
“Excuse me, Ma’am!” Suddenly my thoughts are interrupted by a strange smiling face of a teal stallion in a bellhop outfit. Eyeing his name tag I see that his name is... ‘M. Aid’? What the fuck? Seriously?
“M. Aid?” I say backing away from them.
“Magnificent Aid Colver, miss! But everypony calls me, ‘M.’ So, want that I take your saddlebags for you?” I look at my saddlebags hesitantly.
“No... but thank you,” I reply awkwardly.
“Darling, you’re gawking again,” she looks at the bellhop, “I presume that you’re from the Hoofington Inn?”
“Yes, ma’am! You must be Miss Rarity and-” He looks over at Spike and me. “Company?”
“That would be us!” She replies gleefully. “And I would be delighted if you were to take my bags.” Rarity points out the mountain of suitcases stacked and strapped to trolley.
M grins at Rarity. “Packing light today?”
Rarity turns to me and smirks for some reason. As if to hint to the fact that I complained about her over packing. “Just some of the essentials. Shall we get going? I want a little time to spruce up before we get to the party!”
“This motel isn’t too far is it?” I ask as we start to walk. M has saddled himself up with the trolley and seems to be pulling it along just fine.
“Ooh no,” he replies in a rather distinct Minnesota lit. “Are you sure you don’t want me to take your saddlebags, miss?”
“Oh, yeah. I’m sure I don’t want you to,” I reply. Spike sprints forward to catch up with Rarity. I shake my hoof to see if it is sore or not. It isn’t right now, but I can feel an ache starting. “And please, don’t call me, ‘Miss.’”
“Ma’am then?” He asks me as we hit an intersection. Across the street there are little walking signals. Well, I guess I could call them, ‘trotting signals.’ As we get there, the red standing pony figure turns to a white walking pony figure. “And are you sure? I mean this load is nothing compared to what I normally have to pull.”
“Oh yeah, I’m sure. You don’t have to strain yourself on my account. And please don’t call me, ‘Ma’am,’ either. My name is Heartbreak,” Fuck. Did the Minnesota, ‘nice,’ get put in this city too? “Please call me, ‘H.B.’”
“H.B. you say? Are you sure I can’t carry your saddlebags?” He gives me a funny look as we get to the other side of the street. “You know, you almost sound like a native born Whinneapolian!”
“Oh, you don’t say...” I reply rolling my eyes. Fuck, with the way this pony is talking? I’m getting flashbacks from the movie, ‘Fargo.’ “And yes. I am very sure that I don’t want you to carry my saddlebags.” After all I told you how many times?! Fuck, there is the Minnesota nice and then there is just pushy. I attempt to catch up to Rarity and Spike.
However, M keeps trotting by my side. “Are you from around this area?”
==============================================================
Heartbreak rolled her eyes and sighed. “Yeah, I’m not from anywhere near here.”
M smiled and pushed forward as they passed various street performers and artists. “Really? Where ya from then?” Heartbreak turned and nearly fought off a snarl. “Oh! Uhm, no need to get hostile now. I’m just making friendly chit-chat. I like hearing about where all stories that all the folk that come here have to tell. Whether they be pony, cow, donkey, mule, gryphon, the occasional open-minded dragon or whatever have you!”
Heartbreak rolled her eyes again and quickly glanced at M’s flank for a moment. She shook her head in confusion. “Uhm...question.”
“Yes?” M asked.
“If you’re a bellhop, why do you have a box and check as your cutie mark?” She asked.
Rarity looked back at the two. “H.B.! Manners!”
“What?” Heartbreak replied, confused.
“You’re going to have to excuse her. She’s foreign,” Rarity explained.
“Oh, it’s quite alright, Miss Rarity. Ya see, while I’m good at pulling stuff around, my real special talent is proofreading and spell checking,” M explained.
Heartbreak looked up and pointed at a sign. “Uhm, is this the Hoofington?”
“Yes, indeedie! Anyway, there are a lot of artists, writers and storytellers here in the Twin Cities, and so a lot of ponies with my talent type come flocking here too. Which would be great and all, but that means that practically anypony who is an artist or writer already has a proofreader. Sooo, right now? I’m kind of in the middle of this job until I can find somepony to help,” M continued as they got to the hotel door. “Here, let me get that for you,” he said attempting to open the door.
Rarity smiled and waited quietly while M strained to pull open the door.
Heartbreak facehoofed and glared at Rarity.
“Whaat?” she asked innocently.
Heartbreak gave Rarity an annoyed stare.“You really expect him to open the door too?” She asked.
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Darling, it’s part of his job. Besides, he’s more than willing to do so,” she replied. M smiled and nodded as he attempted to pull the door open. “Fine, then why don’t you do it, darling?”
Heartbreak sighed. “Shaky hooves, Rarity...Remember?”
Rarity grimaced. “Very well, Spike please open the door.”
Spike smiled pulled the door open. “Your wish is my command, m’lady!”
==============================================================
Finally we get up to our room. I swear, I don’t know what was taking us so long other than copious amounts of pointless chitter-chatter with the bellhop. I undo the belt buckle on my saddlebags and place them gently next to the bed before flopping down on it. As expected, it’s a very nice posh bed that has been neatly made up. The room looks exactly as I expect a hotel to look. Clean, neat and with generic decorations on the walls. There’s even a little mini-fridge and a small nightstand with what I can only assume is a call-button thing for room service. And of course, a chocolate mint on the pillow.
Well, ok, there was a chocolate mint on the pillow.
The chocolate slowly melts away in my mouth and I sigh contently for the moment. “Good fucking gods, I needed that.” It might seem silly to be getting my knickers, or in my current case, ‘overwear,’ in a bunch over all this. But good fucking gods. That, ‘Minnesota Nice,’ that existed in the, ‘real world,’ exists here. It’s the kind of nice where you don’t want to be mean to the other person because they are being nice, but they are insisting on being nice. Like aggressively nice. How many fucking times did I tell him that I was sure that I didn’t want him to carry my saddlebags?!
Spike hops next to me on the bed. “Sooo...”
Crap, he’s wanting to ask questions. “Not right now, Spike. Maybe later.”
“I just wanted to know how you were holding up there, H.B.” He crosses his arms. “No need to get defensive.”
I rub my temples before laying my arm over my eyes. Just something to block out the light. Block out the sun. “Right, yeah... I didn’t mean to...ugh... Forget it. I’ll be fine, Spike. I’m just a bit... tired. I’m going to lay here for a bit, while Rarity is in the bathroom getting ready. Kay?”
“Alright... but you know if you need to talk, your good buddy Spike is here to listen.” He pats my shoulder. The gesture is not unwelcome, but at the same time? I don’t feel like talking. I’m still processing. Still processing the fact that I am in a hotel that has a real world counterpart. “In the meantime? I’m going to polish my scales.”
Ugh, that last little bit totally wrecked what was a touching moment. No! I will not let my brain spoil that! No making jokes or remarks! He just wants to look nice for this stupid party! “Duly noted, Spike.” I lift my arm and give him a smile. “And... I’m glad you still think of us as... well... yeah...”
Spike shakes his head and walks over to the other side of the room where there’s a small dresser and mirror. He gets a fine bristled brush and starts grooming himself. “Anytime, H.B.”
I lay there on the bed for what seems like forever. In the bathroom, I can hear Rarity singing. She’s singing about looking nice for the party and what she plans on doing there. She’s singing about putting her makeup on and what have you. I sigh and zone it out. I just relax and zone out playing other songs in my head. Old songs from the show, songs that were on my YouTube playlist. Anything to keep out what is such a... ugh, ridiculous reason for singing. It’s not like we are cleaning up winter. It’s not like we’re going to the moon and back. It’s not like we’re even going to Canterlot. We’re just going to some party that is happening before an auction. “An auction, that if you’re lucky? You’ll get a house at.” Yeah, sure we will, because houses that are located in Ponyville that are cheap run on the market all the time, brain. “Hey, I said if you were lucky. Just be glad that-”
“Daaaaaarling!” Turning over, I see that Rarity is wearing, and here’s a big shocker, a dress. It’s a simple looking almost causal thing that might look like it has influences from the 1920’s or 30’s. I don’t know. But there is a small string of pearls that flow around her neck. Her mane has been put up and she’s wearing a little more blush than before. I think.
“So, what do you think? Too much?” She asks me.
Spike has gone all googly eyed and is practically drooling over it. “With you, there’s never too much...” he replies in a daze. Rarity blushes and smiles.
“Why are you asking me? I don’t know the first lick about dresses, remember?” I reply scratching at my cheek with my right hoof.
“Darling, I just wanted your opinion, not a full out critique,” she replies pouting a bit.
I roll my eyes. “Did you design it?”
“But of course!” She replies.
I turn my head and look at Rarity again. “Looks like what I would expect of your work, Rarity. You put your time, effort, energy and I am sure magic into making something that is both comfortable to the wearer and visually appealing. Now if you don’t mind, I am going to lay here for a bit and relax a bit more.” I turn my head back to the ceiling and go back to covering my eyes with my arm. Gods, I must be out of shape. That little walk from the train station to this hotel took a little bit out of me. I mean, I’m not sweating, but I’m still a bit tired and-
“Ehem?” I look over at Rarity who is trying to, ‘subtly,’ get my attention.
“Yes?” I ask.
“Aren’t you going to do anything to get ready for the party? A party, that, I might add, starts in fifteen minutes?” She asks me.
I quirk an eyebrow, then sniff myself. “Let’s see here. Don’t stink,” I adjust my hat. “Hat is on head, and I don’t have a wardrobe. Yup! I’m ready.”
==============================================================
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Has she no sense or interest in the slightest about looking remotely presentable? I was certain that she would at the very least want to take a shower.” “Darling, this might be a casual event, but there are going to be some important names attending this year. So you might want to try and look your best? Even Spike is making an effort in polishing his scales!” Heartbreak’s face twisted and she covered her face with her hat. “What? He is!”
“It’s nothing, Rarity,” Heartbreak replied, coughing hard.
“I need to get her to that party! Come on, Rarity. Twilight’s counting on you! Don’t blow this! What can we do to... Oh! Idea! Options! Show her what her options are.” “Oh my, with a cough like that, you sound like you might need to stay here...”
Heartbreak pulled the hat to the side of her face using her ankle. “I have the option of staying here, instead of going to the party?”
“Well of course you do!” Rarity replied, smiling. “Or at least that’s what I want you to think!” “Your options are: come to the party and socialize with some ponies, with one or two of them being a minor annoyance, or stay here in this quiet, lonesome, and isolated hotel room all by yourself!”
Heartbreak chuckled. “Oh you make one of those sound so horrible!” She started with a sarcastic lit. “Whatever shall I do? Woe is me with only two options! Wait. I know what I’ll do.”
Rarity hoped that Heartbreak wasn’t really being sarcastic and would make the right choice. “And that would be?”
“Stay here by my,” She began to over dramatize. “Lonesome self! Go on without me Rarity! The world of social parties and snooty ponies awaits you! No! Go on! I’ll be fine!” Spike adjusted a bowtie that he put on and rolled his eyes, before groaning.
“Darn it! I don’t have time for this! I really need to get her there!” Rarity thought, rubbing her temples. All this worry was causing her mane and tail to come undone! And at this rate? They would be lucky to catch any of the really juicy gossip that happened at these events. Just then, Rarity heard a ray of hope. Heartbreak’s stomach growling at her.
Heartbreak looked down at her stomach. “Seriously? I fed you on the train. Stop it already...”
“Getting hungry, H.B. darling?” Rarity quipped.
“What do you think, Rarity? Ugh, bodies. Always needing to be fed and junk.” She groaned.
“Well, I did make mention that there would be food at this party?” Rarity asked.
“If you didn’t, I think it was implied. But it’s cool. I can just order room service right?” Heartbreak asked.
“Darn it. She acts like she has an answer for everything! Alright Rarity, you can do this. You can get her to this party. It is important that you get her to this party! However-” “You could. That’s one option. After all the Hoofington is well known for it’s room service. Though, it is a rather expensive option. First there is the matter of the paying for the room service, the minibar-”
“I’m sure I can get a simple meal, Rarity,” Heartbreak replied scratching her side. “And I don’t have to worry about the minibar ‘cause I don’t drink alcohol.”
Heartbreak replied rolling her hoof. She peered at Rarity who was giving her a look. “Alright... I don’t drink much. If at all. And the last thing I need right now is alcohol.”
“That’s not what I was implying, darling. What I mean to say is that food here isn’t cheap. While at the party, the food shall be paid for,” Rarity replied. “Then there is the fact that if I let you stay here, then we would have to come back here, most likely early from the party, just so that we can come back and-”
Heartbreak raised a hoof and sighed. “Right. So my options are, stay here alone and have to pay for my own food. Or go with you to a party where, while the food is free, I have to deal with some snooty ponies?”
“Precisely!” Rarity said. “Sweet Princess Celestia! Why is she testing my patience so?!”
There was a quiet from the mare as she lay on the bed, back hooves dangling over the side and hat covering her face. “Fine... let’s get going and get this fetting thing done and over with already,” Heartbreak replied in a neutral manner before pushing herself off the bed. “Is there going to be more walking?”
“Of course not! We’re going to be using the lightrail!” Rarity replied, smiling proudly.
“The… light rail?” Heartbreak said facehoofing while her eye twitched.
“Yes, the light rail, Darling. You see it’s the-” Rarity began.
“I know what the light rail is, Rarity.” She took a deep breath. “Come on then! Let’s just get going already...”
I hope the light rail is only the lightrail in name and not a train....
There are some weird formatting things in this chapter, especially in the second half. (orphaned quotation marks and a shifted carriage return) Using quotation marks for both dialogue and inner monologue feels a bit confusing in places, but I've just noticed that you've been doing it for quite a while now. Derp on my end >.<
Slightly longer chapter than usual, which is nice. Twin cities kind of makes you wonder if there's an equestrian Heartbreak roaming around somewhere, or if she too got booted from the world. My, what a fun time that would be :D
I feel like Rarity for saying this, but HB's lack of manners irritates me. She just seems like she doesn't care about the outside world. I know what brought this on and all, but I do hope to be seeing a change in her attitude eventually. Even if it requires ridiculous amounts of lecturing. RARITY class lecturing.
Or maybe I am just sadistic towards the main character. I tend to do that.
I'm not sure if the building descriptions are supposed to make me go "ohhh, that building" because I have no idea where they are at all.
Then again, I have never even heard of the city at all so that might be why.
Poor poor HB..... Rarity forcing you to go to a fancy party to get food. Whatever shall you do?
3080990 HB "Manners? *buuuuuuuuuuurp!*
3082196 HB "... Maybe you want to go to fancy parties. But I'd rather go to a Normal party where things are relatively quiet and I don't have to worry about being put down by rich snooty ponies. Or even worse: Hit on by lackered up rich snooty ponies."
3082151 Look up: Minneapolis and St. Paul, Minnesota. Or not.
3079721 Why?
3082273 *shakes his head* No thank you. I'll gladly take a pinkie party over a fancy party any day.
3082281 HB "Suit yourself. I'd rather the party be be in a place where we're free to roam about, interacting with whom we like. Where I don't feel any pressure to talk to others, but If I see somep-pony I find interesting or has similar tastes, I can talk to them. No real loud music and if I want to, I can sit in a corner and draw. What the fet is wrong with wanting that?"
3082281 HB face hoofs. "Oh. Uuuuuhm. One Pinkie Party once a month is fine, but seriously? I just want somewhere quiet to draw. Maybe with other artists."
3082293 *blinks* Okkk..... Have you always been this antisocial?
3082303 HB face hoofs! "Want a nice quiet place to sit and you're called antisocial! Want a party that is the equivalent of a fur meet and you're an introvert! GAH! Have you been reading my story? If those are the things that you think make me "anti-social" then yes! I never liked going to parties, mostly kept to myself when I was young, hung out in book stores and libraries and had few if any fffriends!
I don't like large fancy parties with snooty pinies who feel that they have to look their nose down at you all the time! FET! I never said that I wanted to be alone at my make-believe-ideal-party-gathering-thing! But I would like the option if the option can be there!!"
3082321 *snorts*. Be glad you weren't put on a big float and paraded are a city. Nothing like missions of eyes staring at you.
3082349 " *snorts*. Be glad you weren't put on a big float and paraded are a city. Nothing like missions of eyes staring at you."
See... that's why you don't go to things that involve those things or let yourself get put into those situations.
3082393 missions of eyes? Isn't that to see? Anyways. Great chapter as always, but something felt a little off. I'm not sure what, but I'm pretty sure it's Rarity's impatience. I hope to see what shenanigans you have planned for the two of them, (and Spike), at the party. You should probably get around to Rarity mentioning what sort of activities/questions are faux pas for the ponies too.
3079721 Tron time.
This former Minnesotan greatly appreciated all the local references. I was actually just up in St. Paul a couple weeks ago. Fun times.
Here's hoping she gets that house, although I doubt the ponies will let her enjoy it in the peace and solitude she wants (not that they should, given the whole memory thing).
3082278
Hmmm? It is not that I would be dissappointed seeing nearly exact parrallels of earthly technology with some twist but.... magical parallels such as a rail that actually uses magical light (an aspect of being in a punny universe with different laws of physics.) would be pretty funny/awesome.
Please do not take this as something negative or a passive aggressive critique. For a more accurate feeling for what I am talking about look at the below response/post.
3082939
He got the idea!!!!!! Tron is the perfect example/idea!
Exactly!
2980152
For some reason I was thinking the same thing more or less.
3084272 Yes. You understand!...I think. Though this chapter was a little more 'off' than the others...
3084508 Perhaps. However, maybe it was less the filler itself, than the feel that was off. It was rather unnecessary as a whole and showed little exposition. A little bit different, and it cold have been a more filling chapter. I think, personally, that the train-ride itself was interesting, but the immediate movement, (rather than waiting a day), into the auction offset the feel of the whole chapter. However, contrary to previous filler chapters, in this one, I may or may not have had a problem with Rarity's inner monologue, (I'm not sure entirely what it was that made this chapter different from the other fillers that I enjoyed with relish), as referenced to myself, here.3082925
Other than these, I felt the train-ride to be more than interesting, giving exposition on the town itself and the mood of H.B. upon seeing it again, of a sorts. While this is my personal highlight of the chapter, I didn't find anything particularly useful in M.Aid's personality. For an OC, he was dry, and I'm not sure if he was/is entirely necessary to the story to afford an upgrade from a redshirt status. Clever use of the anagram to show what most people think of bellhops in general, if I must say, but the jab at humor just makes the character to be less than what it could be. Maybe Author.H.B. could develop the personality into a bit more, considering he/she's already named their character.
3084724 Neigher's gonna neigh.
3085204 ...I ain't no Neigher, and I might just be incl'ai'ned to rep'ort this to May'or Ma'ore. Hrm hrm hrm?
On a more serious note, I don't hate the chapter, I was just giving my criticism upon the difference in quality, compared to what you usually put out. It just seemed odd, and I wanted to comment on it. Besides, most of my criticism of the new OC, M.Aid, is based upon the assumption that he won't be recurring face in the story. I wouldn't be surprised to find that you changed the appearance of his personality to one more...long-lasting, if you decided to keep him as a foundation in the story, but at the moment I just can't see M.Aid as an important character.
3085240 All my OC NPC's may have the chance of showing up here and there. Even this one.
3085792 Well...it if they will appear for a possible repeat performance, then I say that M.aid, may perhaps surprise me yet. Though...do you have any OC's with a bit more crazy in them?
Will lake Wobegon be real in Equestria? I think it would have a naturally relaxed atmosphere, the one place where H.B. and the animals can get along with a semblance of peace. Of course, events would conspire to keep her from there as much as possible.
3085865 How crazy are we talking about here? Cause ... Oh yeah... Any way how crazy are we talking about here?
3086393 ... I like the idea of Lake Willbeon. However... As far as the animals? You'll have to wait and see...
3086690 Psychopath/Pinkie Pie levels, if not just below Discordian. Is Screwball in your fanverse Canon?
3086738 Don't know.
3086698 Willbeon? Never heard of that one.
3086793 Pffffft you know what I mean.
3086741 ...Just don't put anyone of a tier higher than Discord...that spells trouble. Not only is it not a pleasant experience, usually that kind of insanity is more than mildly disturbing.
3086820 HB glares at you.
3087189 ...What? Discord is one Crazy SOB. H.B. is tame versus that lunatic.
Funny how after not reading for a while I come back to at least four chapters the last of which being almost on tier with the chapters of the first story. Maybe I should not read chapters more often.
3088224 HB "Stop attempting to give Jet ideas. If I came across a Zany character, it wouldn't end well. They would continue being zany, and I would try to become even more recluse. What part of "Forcing me to do things tends not to work" don't you understand?
3092169 ....The forcing you to do things part. If I could explain or describe the insanity caused by one such as I entering Equestria...Miss, I don't think you realize just how Nucking Futz I am. I'm interested in how you would react, with a 'zany' pony, one who is different from the normal obsessions of Equestria. I don't want you meeting somebody like me. I might be nice here on the net, or might be mannered at times...but I'm fucking crazy. Them Psycho Fae have nothing on me. I wish, for your own good that you NEVER meet a crazy pony in Equestria, because they will tear you apart. Besides, I don't have to give Jet ideas. He's already got his own. I'm just...trying to make the ones, (that I don't know If he has or not), sound better. I like developing ideas. I'm currently working on my own project, and this is helping me quite a lot....I've got so many ideas......So many...too many...
3092214 HB "Yeeeeeeah, time for some p-p-pony's meds! These nice p-p-ponies in white coats will help you..."
3092585 ...*adopts a higher tone of voice* B-b-but the p-p-ponies in the w-w-white c-c-coats are t-t-terrible people! *adopts regular voice* ....Yeah no. I don't think you want me to meet them. I'm quite vicious when angry after all....and things might get....messy.
Still. Have a nice day, HB, and if you see a crazy pony, *whispers*, run away. *returns to normal volume* Have a great day!
*celebrating in Head* (I got to scare H~B~, I got to scare H~B~! Let's all have some fun, because I got to scare HB~!)
3093394 HB "You're singing that outloud, you dork."
3097884 ...oops...My bad...But it was all in good intentions? Maybe? PLEASE DON'T GET PINKIE TO GO CUPCAKES ON ME! ...*CRACK*
So.... I finally finished carving through the archive of the Heartbreak Series.... As a native Minnesotan, who lives just south of the cities, and has worked in one of those Plastic Sheeting facilities (specifically UNP), I appreciate the jokes more than I can begin to describe. Also, fantastically done on the characterization of everyone in the fic.
"Whinnieapolis?!"
...
I am so going to laugh if she walks by a grey pony artist named Tympany... (for the audience; Tympany = Tim pony (say it fast) = OC of Tim Kangaroo, the big artist of Bronycon...)
What's a lightrail?