FluttershyButterfly
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Third story you've started now! What about the other two?
Well, whatever. I'm sure you haven't abandoned them yet. Don't get me wrong though, I love this story as well, I'm just worried a bit of the other two.
This fic though... Simply put, fucking brilliant. Astounding, really. Paradox has a great personality as far I can tell, Miasmian lore was very creative and all of the characters were written, for the most part, really well.
There were mistakes though. In example, From what I gathered, Paradox is generally a calm, self-dependent and confident pony. I don't know if that's what you were trying to write, but that's what I gathered. But there were parts when you broke those character traits (With the CMC part for example). If you make an OC, then you shouldn't alter him along the story, at least not suddenly.
Also, this
or
. Who is narrating should become clear from the text itself. Not from parentheses . Apart from that, only problems I found were grammatical or just plain unthought writing
Miasmians were immune to headaches
Pale >< Tan
Y'all is understood as "you all". Not to be used when speaking to an individual
Also, you never put a comma before the word 'and'.
. Just want you to know I'm only trying to help you improve. 
Reading back on my comment, I notice I seem like a dick for the most part
You should really get a proofreader though.
2161812 Thanks, I appreciate the criticism! I know that who's narrating it should be obvious from the text, but on a lot of the other stories I've read, even though it's obvious, some of the other readers got confused. Also, pale tan= an even paler tan than usual. I'll try and remember your tips, however. And thanks!
Just realized that I hadn't liked or favorited this fic yet.
Well, whatever. That's fixed now. The conversation at the end was hilarious. I completely lost it at 'You talk like a hick, darling'. Well done.
You still shouldn't put commas before the word 'and'.
That "How did you?" doesn't make sense to me. Maybe "How did you...?" would be better.
Maybe you should add a Comedy tag on this fic. It seems like a comedy fic to me in part.
Also, are you ever planning on writing longer chapters?
2165833 2165833 Haha, thanks again. Sorry, it's hard to write correctly on an iPhone, and I currently don't have a computer that can go online, so I use my iPhone to type all my stories.