Chapter 8
Chapter 8 BFF: Best Fiendish Friend
"... and then I said, 'oatmeal? Are you crazy?'" Alex told Rainbowdash, who burst into laughter. They were hanging out at the field Rainbow likes to practice at. Alex had just helped Rainbowdash to do some sweet new moves, and now that practice was over they were just hanging out in the field.
"That was hilarious! Its gotta be the best thing I've ever heard!" exclaimed Rainbowdash.
"I know! I told Twilight the same joke, but she didn't get it," said Alex. "That, Rainbow, is why you're, like, my best friend. You totally get me!"
"I'm you're best friend?" asked Rainbowdash.
"Yeah. The rest of the girls are great, but they're all so different than me. Twilight is into lectures about science and stuff, Applejack is all about working from morning to night, Rarity is a great designer but she can't stand the smallest mess, Fluttershy is a great animal person who has trouble with people, and Pinkie is too... well...Pinkie." Alex said. "But you, on the other hand, love to live wild and go crazy, enjoying what life gives you, just like me."
"Well... thanks Alex," said Rainbow. "I guess you're sorta my best friend, too.
Alex was about to say more, but a familiar pink blur landed on his back.
"Is this gonna be a regular thing with you, Pinkie?" Alex angrily asked the pink mare on top of him.
"Sorry Alex," said Pinkie as she got off of him. "But it's not my fault this time. Gilda threw me over here."
"Gilda is back!?" asked Alex and Rainbowdash in unison.
"Yeah, I just saw her! I was all like 'what are you doing here?' and she was like 'I could care less.' and then she threw me over here." exclaimed Pinkie.
"Well we better go find her!" said R.D.
"Agreed," said Alex. "Who knows what trouble she'll cause next."
The soon found Gilda standing under a tree by a lake, causing absolutely no trouble. Alex, Rainbow, and Pinkie hid behind a bush for a second to see what was going on.
"Come on, Alex," whispered Rainbowdash, "She's just standing there. Why don't you just go Kung-Fu on her like you did last time?"
"Because even an idiot like Gilda can learn from their mistakes," said Alex. "We'll need a new plan this time."
"Oh oh oh oh oh!" said Pinkie, waving her hoof in the air like a student trying to get the attention of their teacher.
"Yes... Pinkie," Alex said, deciding to play along.
Pinkie calmed down and said, "Why don't we all just ran at her. She can't take us all on right?"
"That... is actually a good idea," said Alex, a surprised look on his face. "Let's try that."
The three got into position for the plan. Alex gave the signal and they all ran towards Gilda. As soon as they got close to her, though, three nets fell on top of them, leaving them completely trapped.
"Well this isn't good," said Alex.
"You bet it isn't," said Gilda as she walked in front of him. Two black male Griffins landed on either side of her with smug grins on their faces. "Allow me to introduce my friends, Dan and Stan."
"Well it's a pleasure to meet you. I'd shake hands, but I'm a little tied up at the moment," said Alex sarcastically. Come on, there's gotta be a way out of this, Alex thought. What would Batman do?
"Oh we'll make sure you can go, after I get back at you for beating me that one time," said Gilda.
"I hope she doesn't plan on throwing Alex in the lake," said Rainbow. "After all, he is afraid of water."
What is she talking about? Alex thought. Oh, I get it!
"Rainbow! You just told them my worst fear out loud!" screamed Alex.
"Oops," was all R.D. said.
"A fear of water, eh?" said Gilda. "Boys, put Cooper over the lake. Oh, and thanks for ratting out your boyfriend Rainbow Crash."
"Boyfriend!?" said Alex and Rainbow in unison.
Before Alex and Rainbow could argue more about that topic, Gilda's 'Hench Griffins' picked up the net Alex was in and threw it into the net. For a few seconds, the only that happened was Gilda laughing like crazy. Then, a few feet away, Alex quickly jumping out of the lake and hiding behind a bush.
"Well, my hat may be wet, but at least I'm okay," said Alex as he rung out his hat. He began sneaking over to R.D. and Pinkie, keeping out of the griffins sight. Alex got to Rainbow and started to take off the net.
"You see, this is what I was talking about before. You and I are both tricky and clever," said Alex, "plus, I can easily tell what you're thinking."
"Guess we really are best friends," said Rainbow as Alex freed Pinkie Pie. Alex silently motioned for her to be quiet and follow him. The three of them snuck up behind Dan and Stan. Alex showed Rainbow where to punch to knock them out and then he and Rainbow punched them out cold. Hearing the commotion, Gilda stopped laughing and looked over right before Pinkie jumped on top of her, pinning her down. Pinkie quickly punched her between the shoulder blades and Gilda fell into unconsciousness.
"Well, what do we do now?" Pinkie asked Alex.
Alex smiled. "Hmm. Every artist should sign their work," he said. "Anybody got a brush and some paint."
Pinkie pulled out the requested items from nowhere, and Rainbowdash took them.
"I know just what to right," she said.
After she was done and showed it to Alex and Pinkie, they all smiled. Written on Gilda's wing were 'Beaten by Best Friends Alex Cooper and Rainbowdash.'
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9/10. The caps lock gave it away.
Yeah, I should have seen that coming from a mile away.
Listen up buddy: deleting comments will get you nowhere. If you delete comments that give you advice and criticism (I, for example, was merely informing you of what kind of story is overdone on this site), then you're not going to get any better or get more readers, since you're blocking out the ones that can help you do so. Sure, it may seem harsh, but many people here know what they're doing and can help you improve if you let them, myself included.
That's my two cents. Keep deleting comments if you want, but, in the long run, it's only going to hurt you.
2117802 dude I totally understand what you're saying, but you know people tend to look at the comments first, and I'd rather have people read my story and judge it for themselves instead of judging it by what other people say.
If people choose to read the comments before deciding to read the story or not, they will. You're not going to be able to control that. And the marker for a deleted comment will still be there for them to see.
2117961 Okay, so if I give you actual advice on how to improve your story it will get deleted. I want to just bash you on the fact that you have no respect for writing, and how accepting and taking criticism is just part of the game. You will not become a better writer if you don't at least learn from both positive and negative criticism, you should be quite ashamed to reject others opinions. Your right, people tend to go to the comments first and make sure they aren't wasting their time. Why should they? It's their right whether or not they want to read it, and you have no say in that.
Anyways, let me read this story, and I'll give you feedback. I'm not promising that it will be nice, but I'll try to tone down the asshole level in it. You delete my comments I will make sure to spread the word not to read your stories. Respect opinions and become a better writer from them, I had to, any writer on this site has to, and you are no exception.
First off, stop putting things in parenthesis. It is distracting from the actual story.
Ugh, a human in Equestria fic, why did I even bother? I guess I'll suck it up and read through the rest.
In chapter two I don't need a synopsis of the chapter previous. This isn't a T.V show, and I hate shows for doing that even. Sir you are quickly starting to bum me out with this. Not only is it an overused concept, your character is very typical. He is a lonely kid who gets teleported into Equestria, and goes on some adventure to save the universe. Trust me, it's been done way too much. As I've said once, I'll say it again, it's like beating a dead horse to make it go faster. Nothing will change, and maybe some of the earlier ones were cute, but now its just boring to read. I take pride in the fact the only Human in Equestria story I've done was a complete troll fic to make fun of these stories.
-sigh-... This is all I can do, this is so boring, even the exciting parts were below par. to be fair you at least kept the ponies and Spike in character, so that's a plus. Look, if you really want to razzle dazzle people on this sight, do something different. I am having trouble understanding why you think this would even fair any better if others were to read it for themselves. You wanna know the honest truth, after the first chapter no one is going to read it. You know why? Because stories like these happen all the time.
Final Verdict: You owe me thirty minutes of my life back.
By the way, I enjoy Sly Cooper too. He is my childhood friend. Write a crossover about him, I don't actually see a lot of those. Just do something different and interesting. You deserve a second chance, everyone does. So if you need any help just PM me, I'll help with ideas, proofreading, etc. Just respect our opinions and reviews, even if they are harsh, there has to be truth to them, because they would have had to of read at least part of your story to give them.
If you're going to delete any comments, delete your first three. They're obnoxious and it makes you look like someone who has never written a story for anything ever.
uhhhh... Buck my life.
2117961 *comes out of nowhere* I see what YOU mean, but I'll tell you from experience that that is never going to happen. I mean, what do you think the voting tabs are for? To let potential readers know what others thought. My advice is to learn to live with it.
Ha! story of my life.
2118597 sorry, was that supposed to be directed toward me? Uhg, I really hate commenting a bunch of times on other peoples' stories... it reminds me of what an attention whore I am
Actually, that was directed at pretty much everyone. sorry.
What seriously?
Too many commas. Internal dialogue that isn't set up properly. A total lack of any realism when it comes to the internal dialogue and a very unoriginal plot.
There's a reason why you're getting so many thumbs down and the comment deleting you did earlier really didn't help matters. My suggestion is to take this story out back behind the barn and put it down. Then when you've done that, read some of the stories first. Take a look at how they're set up and once you understand the concept of style come back and try again.
You're going through commas like I go through chalky candy hearts on National Singles Day.
(And that's pretty fast)
The occasional text wall, especially the one at the begging, is going to turn most readers away right off the bat with a bad impression. You use the rule of parentheses, I'll give you that. This whole story tells too much and shows to little. Overall, not trying to be mean here, but just not too good of a work.
2118909
I have never been able to relate to something as much as this post.
2119361 Who needs a girlfriend when you have fucking heart shaped candy!?
NOT FUCKING ME!
....
Excuse me.
Congratulations - you've just caused my hair to spontaneously combust.
NO.
2119968
I mean seriously - here I am reading and suddenly *FOOMF*, the top of my head gets really warm and the air fills with the stench of disintegrating hair.
And I have a crew-cut, so that's pretty impressive.
I stopped reading there.
It just, from this intro, seems like a generic HiE story. As a HiE writer, (hurr hurr im considering myself a HiE writer even though I've only written one) it bothers me how much this fits into an archetype.
He's a teenager of around 14-16 years of age, who is an orphan for most of his life (showing le independence), he makes a wish that he could be special AND HE DOES. It doesn't seem to be anything that seems really special from what I could think as a generic fanfic.
I'm not going to read the story, because I'm kind of more annoyed at the comments. This site is very good in the sense that members will always give good criticism. deleting that to "let people view it for themselves" is absurd as it does not benefit you, nor does it make others happy. Here's the impression I get from deleting comments
"This is a writer who is probably pretty young and/or immature, who believes that his story is the greatest anyone who disagrees is a hater, let's just delete all bad comments"
If that's not what you want to portray, then that's what you're doing with that.
Also the rating at the top gives it away either way so its not like comments do anything (Just as a note, I only look at stories with absurdly low ratings unless they look appealing (ie. Mary is a Mare, Romance Reports, etc).
So, yeah, attitude is an important thing as a writer. People will be much more willing to help and have a better view on your story if you have a good attitude and don't try to North Korea your comment box.
2119429 2.bp.blogspot.com/_-sSevxRkpCY/TAAsG9SQGMI/AAAAAAAAAWw/HMEOHs3yPQk/s400/No+Gf+No+T.jpg
i1149.photobucket.com/albums/o595/moviemaster8510/WOURFHDKMVLAJFPOWK_zps158dc9fc.png
...I just want my hair back.
2118139
Applies to this.
I need spy to backstab me now.
Hell I'll even throw jarate on myself to put myself out of my misery.
Even I can tell this story needs help.
Seriously?
You guys have got to be kidding.
Can I at least have one good comment? I've had people favorite this story, and the whole thing couldn't be that bad.
Is it really too much to have just one, single positive comment?
)
(If any of you say yes I will be soooooo ticked.
I think it's Good keep going
2122364 THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally, a good comment! I was going Psycho Pinkie meets Insane Twilight crazy without one!
Seriously, I was this crazy.
2122408 i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/187/542/72743%20-%20animated%20happy_happy_joy_joy%20parody%20pinkamena_diane_pie%20pinkie_pie%20ren_and_stimpy_show%20twilight_sparkle.gif
Disturbing, isn't it?
2122408
Don't get too excited - we dared him to.
Now we each owe him five bucks.
And I still want my hair back.
2122446 ....................jerk.
2122197 That was he best part of the game. I agree completely, these fics keep showing up, I keep telling them to stop showing up expecting different results. What you don't know my dear sir... I'm Already Fucking Insane
2122408 You want something positive? I like your shirt, it's a good color on you.
2122456 Aren't we all?
2122460 Haha, very funny.
2122453
But my hair, man! My beautiful, beautiful hair!
How will I tempt Rebecca into going to the sock-hop with me now?
2122463 Well, no... We are all doing the same thing, so people who do the same thing over and over are not insane, yet they are. People who do different shit, are also insane to the people who are insane in the first place.
2122479 Yeah we're all insane.
...well, i'm late.
followin'
Don't Worry I Wasn;t Dared to do nothing I really like the Story don't let them get to you.
I hope u update soon
2183121 Oh, trust me, I will, and when I do, you won't believe what happens.