Alex Cooper was once a pretty average human teenager at the age of sixteen. He lived as an orphan for most of his life with only his older brother and twin sister to keep him company. After his sister mysteriously disappears, he goes into a depression. One night, before going to bed, he wishes that he could be somewhere where he could be a hero instead of an orphan loser. When he wakes up he finds he is in a place he does not recognize. He soon finds out that he is in a land known as Equestria, and he meets the main six. Is this the place he had wished for? Only time will tell.
(I would also like to thank my buddy ShadowWeaver for the cover art for this fic. It has highly exceeded my expectations, and my expectations were already very high! Thanks again man!)
9/10. The caps lock gave it away.
Yeah, I should have seen that coming from a mile away.
Listen up buddy: deleting comments will get you nowhere. If you delete comments that give you advice and criticism (I, for example, was merely informing you of what kind of story is overdone on this site), then you're not going to get any better or get more readers, since you're blocking out the ones that can help you do so. Sure, it may seem harsh, but many people here know what they're doing and can help you improve if you let them, myself included.
That's my two cents. Keep deleting comments if you want, but, in the long run, it's only going to hurt you.
2117802 dude I totally understand what you're saying, but you know people tend to look at the comments first, and I'd rather have people read my story and judge it for themselves instead of judging it by what other people say.
If people choose to read the comments before deciding to read the story or not, they will. You're not going to be able to control that. And the marker for a deleted comment will still be there for them to see.
2117961 Okay, so if I give you actual advice on how to improve your story it will get deleted. I want to just bash you on the fact that you have no respect for writing, and how accepting and taking criticism is just part of the game. You will not become a better writer if you don't at least learn from both positive and negative criticism, you should be quite ashamed to reject others opinions. Your right, people tend to go to the comments first and make sure they aren't wasting their time. Why should they? It's their right whether or not they want to read it, and you have no say in that.
Anyways, let me read this story, and I'll give you feedback. I'm not promising that it will be nice, but I'll try to tone down the asshole level in it. You delete my comments I will make sure to spread the word not to read your stories. Respect opinions and become a better writer from them, I had to, any writer on this site has to, and you are no exception.
First off, stop putting things in parenthesis. It is distracting from the actual story.
Ugh, a human in Equestria fic, why did I even bother? I guess I'll suck it up and read through the rest.
In chapter two I don't need a synopsis of the chapter previous. This isn't a T.V show, and I hate shows for doing that even. Sir you are quickly starting to bum me out with this. Not only is it an overused concept, your character is very typical. He is a lonely kid who gets teleported into Equestria, and goes on some adventure to save the universe. Trust me, it's been done way too much. As I've said once, I'll say it again, it's like beating a dead horse to make it go faster. Nothing will change, and maybe some of the earlier ones were cute, but now its just boring to read. I take pride in the fact the only Human in Equestria story I've done was a complete troll fic to make fun of these stories.
-sigh-... This is all I can do, this is so boring, even the exciting parts were below par. to be fair you at least kept the ponies and Spike in character, so that's a plus. Look, if you really want to razzle dazzle people on this sight, do something different. I am having trouble understanding why you think this would even fair any better if others were to read it for themselves. You wanna know the honest truth, after the first chapter no one is going to read it. You know why? Because stories like these happen all the time.
Final Verdict: You owe me thirty minutes of my life back.
By the way, I enjoy Sly Cooper too. He is my childhood friend. Write a crossover about him, I don't actually see a lot of those. Just do something different and interesting. You deserve a second chance, everyone does. So if you need any help just PM me, I'll help with ideas, proofreading, etc. Just respect our opinions and reviews, even if they are harsh, there has to be truth to them, because they would have had to of read at least part of your story to give them.
If you're going to delete any comments, delete your first three. They're obnoxious and it makes you look like someone who has never written a story for anything ever.
uhhhh... Buck my life.
2117961 *comes out of nowhere* I see what YOU mean, but I'll tell you from experience that that is never going to happen. I mean, what do you think the voting tabs are for? To let potential readers know what others thought. My advice is to learn to live with it.
Ha! story of my life.
2118597 sorry, was that supposed to be directed toward me? Uhg, I really hate commenting a bunch of times on other peoples' stories... it reminds me of what an attention whore I am
Actually, that was directed at pretty much everyone. sorry.
What seriously?
Too many commas. Internal dialogue that isn't set up properly. A total lack of any realism when it comes to the internal dialogue and a very unoriginal plot.
There's a reason why you're getting so many thumbs down and the comment deleting you did earlier really didn't help matters. My suggestion is to take this story out back behind the barn and put it down. Then when you've done that, read some of the stories first. Take a look at how they're set up and once you understand the concept of style come back and try again.
You're going through commas like I go through chalky candy hearts on National Singles Day.
(And that's pretty fast)
The occasional text wall, especially the one at the begging, is going to turn most readers away right off the bat with a bad impression. You use the rule of parentheses, I'll give you that. This whole story tells too much and shows to little. Overall, not trying to be mean here, but just not too good of a work.
2118909
I have never been able to relate to something as much as this post.
2119361 Who needs a girlfriend when you have fucking heart shaped candy!?
NOT FUCKING ME!
....
Excuse me.
Congratulations - you've just caused my hair to spontaneously combust.
NO.
2119968
I mean seriously - here I am reading and suddenly *FOOMF*, the top of my head gets really warm and the air fills with the stench of disintegrating hair.
And I have a crew-cut, so that's pretty impressive.
I stopped reading there.
It just, from this intro, seems like a generic HiE story. As a HiE writer, (hurr hurr im considering myself a HiE writer even though I've only written one) it bothers me how much this fits into an archetype.
He's a teenager of around 14-16 years of age, who is an orphan for most of his life (showing le independence), he makes a wish that he could be special AND HE DOES. It doesn't seem to be anything that seems really special from what I could think as a generic fanfic.
I'm not going to read the story, because I'm kind of more annoyed at the comments. This site is very good in the sense that members will always give good criticism. deleting that to "let people view it for themselves" is absurd as it does not benefit you, nor does it make others happy. Here's the impression I get from deleting comments
"This is a writer who is probably pretty young and/or immature, who believes that his story is the greatest anyone who disagrees is a hater, let's just delete all bad comments"
If that's not what you want to portray, then that's what you're doing with that.
Also the rating at the top gives it away either way so its not like comments do anything (Just as a note, I only look at stories with absurdly low ratings unless they look appealing (ie. Mary is a Mare, Romance Reports, etc).
So, yeah, attitude is an important thing as a writer. People will be much more willing to help and have a better view on your story if you have a good attitude and don't try to North Korea your comment box.
2119429 2.bp.blogspot.com/_-sSevxRkpCY/TAAsG9SQGMI/AAAAAAAAAWw/HMEOHs3yPQk/s400/No+Gf+No+T.jpg
i1149.photobucket.com/albums/o595/moviemaster8510/WOURFHDKMVLAJFPOWK_zps158dc9fc.png
...I just want my hair back.
2118139
Applies to this.
I need spy to backstab me now.
Hell I'll even throw jarate on myself to put myself out of my misery.
Even I can tell this story needs help.
Seriously?
You guys have got to be kidding.
Can I at least have one good comment? I've had people favorite this story, and the whole thing couldn't be that bad.
Is it really too much to have just one, single positive comment?
)
(If any of you say yes I will be soooooo ticked.
I think it's Good keep going
2122364 THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally, a good comment! I was going Psycho Pinkie meets Insane Twilight crazy without one!
Seriously, I was this crazy.
2122408 i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/187/542/72743%20-%20animated%20happy_happy_joy_joy%20parody%20pinkamena_diane_pie%20pinkie_pie%20ren_and_stimpy_show%20twilight_sparkle.gif
Disturbing, isn't it?
2122408
Don't get too excited - we dared him to.
Now we each owe him five bucks.
And I still want my hair back.
2122446 ....................jerk.
2122197 That was he best part of the game. I agree completely, these fics keep showing up, I keep telling them to stop showing up expecting different results. What you don't know my dear sir... I'm Already Fucking Insane
2122408 You want something positive? I like your shirt, it's a good color on you.
2122456 Aren't we all?
2122460 Haha, very funny.
2122453
But my hair, man! My beautiful, beautiful hair!
How will I tempt Rebecca into going to the sock-hop with me now?
2122463 Well, no... We are all doing the same thing, so people who do the same thing over and over are not insane, yet they are. People who do different shit, are also insane to the people who are insane in the first place.
2122479 Yeah we're all insane.
...well, i'm late.
followin'
Don't Worry I Wasn;t Dared to do nothing I really like the Story don't let them get to you.
I hope u update soon
2183121 Oh, trust me, I will, and when I do, you won't believe what happens.
I don't know why your are getting so many dislikes on the story?
It is pritty good.
2190998 Thank you. It's always nice to be appreciated.
Especially from great fans like you guys.
All shit! ever pony hit the deck.