Before the civil war between Celestia and Luna and during the time of the great and powerful Crystal Empire, the frozen tundra of Northern Equestria was a place of hardship and struggle. The actions of an avaricious unicorn leave one of the villages in ashes and a foal orphaned. One pegasus by the name of Shadowscare begins a journey to redeem himself and protect the innocent life of the foal left in his possession. Rising tensions and dangers will be faced on his path, and eventually he must face the decision of what truly means the most to him in this world.
Chapters (7)
Liking what I've read so far, gonna be looking forward to this story's continuation.
Thanks!
Chapter 3 is being written now.
Nice chapter, along with a few interesting developments. I especially enjoyed the final dialogue there, nice and foreboding.
Although, if I might say, the pacing seems a tad bit too quick and story-flow seems a bit too quick. Still enjoyable, though.
Keep it up, and I look forward till next time!
Oh it's only begun, my friend. This is a story about the war between night and day, so once the crystal empire's part has been said and done, you better be ready for a ride.
I did not finish both chapters 3& 4 in one night. I had questioned whether 3 was good enough for publishing, but I released it because 4 was very ready to be published.
I've just read the last two chapters, good stuff, it's going to be quite interesting to see how events continue to unfold. I think you're doing a better job with the pacing, but I still think it's going by just a tad too quick. The events as they occured durring the flash-back could have gone a little bit slower, perhaps going more into depth with the expressivness of Shadowscare's mood, or even a bit more of an analysis from Cadenc's percpective.
The story itself just needs to slow down a tick-or two, everything seems to be happening so fast, or at least a bit of a build up. The coronation for one, sure it was nicely placed, but It felt as though it happened all too soon. Perhaps more Luna stewing over her sister's thoughs, maybe on her way to Shadowscare's quarters.
The transisions that occure seem to be a decent part of what takes away from the pace, it's nice that things happen at a pace enough it keeps things interesting, but it's just a bit too much. What happens in a character's head on their way to where their going in order to make them say or do what they are going to say or do when they get there, if that makes any sense?
I actually like how you handled the flashback, I feel as though it were inserted at a good time.
Alrighty then, hope that wasn't too much and made sense! Keep on keeping up the good work!
2178158 Thanks! Good advice! Chapter 6 is going to be the last flashback for a while. I am going to develop the present more and I will be slow about it. Thank you once again for your wonderful critiques. Oh and that isn't Cadence. I should probably explain my belief on the powers of Alicorns in chapter 7, but I believe that Celestia and Luna are truly immortal. The coronated royals should only have a boost in life. They can still take disease and get hurt to the extreme (which can end their lives), but if they stay clear of that they are likely to live as long as they can. Cadence is descended from the current Crystal Princess. But I'm honestly glad you mentioned that. I made her look just like Cadence so that everypony could understand how little they have kept crystal royalty from changing.
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Ah, I see and understand now. My thoughts on the matter were actually quite questioning to her identity, as it never mentioned a name whilst the description was quite that of Cadence. Good to know.