The Onion: Equestrian Bureau

by The Read Later List

Soaren Uses Internet Marefriend Death to Solicit Apple Pie from Fans

Soarin Uses Internet Marefriend Death to Solicit Apple Pie from Fans

Cloudsdale, Equestria- Following weeks of mourning by fans of the Wonderbolts, many were alarmed to find out that the death of Soarin's internet marefriend, was actually a cleverly devised plot to obtain free apple pie. Three weeks ago, Soarin, captain of the Wonderbolts, announced the passing of his long time internet marefriend, Fragrant Breeze. However, as time passed, many fans have become suspicious of the strange behavior displayed by the world class athlete.

"At first I felt sorry for Soarin. Losing a close loved one is not easy. But then, well, I realized something was wrong when at the last show, Soaren looked like he gained 50 pounds." Of course many attributed Soarin's weight gain to the soul crushing depression he was in, but there have been other hints as well.

At the press conference announcing the tragic event, Soarin concluded with this statement: "...Please forgive me if I am unable to perform at my peak these next few weeks. I will try my best to be back on my hooves as soon as possible. Nothing will be able to rush my recovery besides the support of my friends, the love of my family, and... homemade apple pie."

"We all knew about his addiction," commented close teammate and friend, Spitfire. "We just didn't know he would take it this far."

We attempted to reach the disgraced athlete for a closing statement, but were unable due to the fact he has been in a sugar induced comma for the last four days.

Author's Note:

Day three of The Foal Free Press. Let's hope you all don't lose interest as fast as we have. Remember to favorite, like, and comment for more articles.

Comments

[The Better Scotsman Duck]

And that is how one gets free food