The Onion: Equestrian Bureau

by The Read Later List

Celestia Sick of that Terrible Looking Settlement Below Her Majestic City

Celestia Sick of that Terrible Looking Settlement Below Her Majestic City

Royal Castle, Canterlot- Citing her undeniable hatred of that drab little settlement she is forced to see every time she walks onto her balcony in the morning, Princess Celestia decided it was time to resettle Ponyville.

"Every day, when I wake up to raise the sun, I walk out to my balcony and look over my beautiful country. Well, all except that terrible, little eye sore that never seems to go away, no matter how many natural disasters, monsters, or pissed off, chaotic Demi-gods you send its way," her majesty stated. "I think it's time to pave over the area, you know, make room for something new, like... maybe a cake factory."

When asked by the town why she would even consider destroying their homes, forcing them to wander the country and fight to survive, our benevolent princess had this to say: "Oh I'm sure they'll be alright. It's not like I'm putting anyone important out of a home. Mostly just a bunch of earth ponies."

Comments

[Cynderfall]

Celestia you stupid...

[Phenoix12]

Bitchlestia strikes again