The Onion: Equestrian Bureau

by The Read Later List

Mating Game Show

Mating Game Show

Las Pegasus, Equestria

Critics everywhere are praising the Pony Broadcast Channel for its new hit program, The Mating Game Show, which aired Tuesday to a record breaking audience of 500,000 viewers across Equestria. The Mating Game show has quickly become the most popular television show in history, boasting an almost perfect 9.6/10 rating and landing a deal to air for the next ten years. It has even beat out TBS's most successful programs, including "Let's Have Sex!", and the increasingly engaging daytime drama, "Porn".

The show begins with Solar Flare, the programs host, trotting on stage and asking the audience, "Who wants to... find a mate?!" The audience then rushes the stage in an effort to claim the available seats so as to compete for a mate. It is at this point in the show that a medical team stands by to be sure that nopony is severely injured in the scuffle on stage. After everything settles down, the losing audience returns to their seats and the game commences. One member of the audience sits in "The Love Seat", while three others sit on the other side of a divider in their own chairs. Solar Flare then rings a bell, commencing the question and answer round which consists of 30 second intervals where the contestant in the love seat is allowed to ask each suitor basic questions. Some typical questions include, "What's your favorite color?", "How old are you?", and "Are you an flank or tits, stallion?".

Because the game is designed to find the perfect mate for the main contestant, voice technology prevents him/her from hearing the other contestants true voices, and a divider prevents them from seeing each other as well. Though, this often adds to the confusion considering all of the seats were picked randomly out of the audience. It would not be unheard of to have four stallions or four mares competing at the same time as seen in the second episode of the show when a mare named Blossomforth found out her perfect mate was also a mare who was named Cheerilee. The two then meet in the middle of the stage under a lone spotlight and get at it right in front of the audience. After both contestants are fully satisfied, the show concludes.

With the huge success of the mating game show, producers are already planning a Mating Game Show specifically to cater to children. It is expected to garner that much needed family demographic as well as the nations pedophiles.

Author's Note:

Okay, this is an article I wrote a long time ago. You can probably tell why I haven't posted it until now. Oh, and there is no way in hell that I'm providing an image for this article. Just imagine the set of the Dating Game Show (for those of you who don't know, that was a show back in the 70's where young attractive people were tricked into dating ugly people with good hearts) and some ponies standing around. Eh, good enough...

Comments

[MerlosTheMad]

And we have officially 'Gone There.'

[NoisyPegasus]

i115.photobucket.com/albums/n310/Ox24601/Fark%20Pics/oh-lawd2-11.jpg

[KingOfTheMuffins]

2737525

You have entered The Twilight Zone.

[Valkir2464]

I'm only going to say this once,

That last part is just plain creepy.

[The Read Later List]

2737795 That's what I was going for. lol

[CartsBeforeHorses]

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