809698 Yeah, never really thought out the raincoat thing all the way through. There's only one chapter that delves into that particular fetish, and this isn't that chapter. Thanks for stopping by!
809707 Thank you for not referencing Episode 3. I would have had to report you for that.
809838 I wanted to reference Zits, but I don't think it would have been as recognizable.
811289 I'm not making you respond.... or maybe I am.... I still wanna know if you have something planned between the two non alicorns in this thing though...
Celestia not being the initiator? Luna being insecure and unaccepting of it? Brrrill I love it. Good job! Celestia also seems to be faithful to Twilight, this will be interesting. I think I need to reread some before the next chapter-
811713 I really really REALLY enjoyed writing this one, especially for Luna. Writing her as being so sexually frustrated but keeping it all to herself drove me wild. Had to take a few breaks in between, especially during the "walk-in" scene.
By the way let me comment chapter 5, it will be pretty fast...
What did I tell you about using words such as vagina and vulva? I guess you want to avoid crude words (these don't cater to the largest audience) but for the love of Sade, if you want to keep it erotic use euphemisms rather than such clinical words. It is a clopfic, not a medical checkup.
8th line from the bottom: "kinds" mispelled "kids".
For the rest it seems good enough but I need a night of sleep before being a decent judge.
Pardon my harshness but it is a poor excuse for an alleged perfectionnist. Being accessible is not the same thing as dumbing down your work. As far as I know you're a native english speaker, so the barrier of language is not the problem... I guess you just lowered your ambitions. The malediction of our days, story over style. Bernard Werber is a perfect example of that, he can create captivating frameworks yet his writings makes me cringe
Good chapter, I liked the set up. Continuity question : what's up with the moon at the end of the chapter? Is that a reference to the celestial body, Luna, or Luna's rump?
Poor Luna, she's just as bad as her sister!
In a good way, of course.
Also, Twilight is best tease
I didn't read it, neither do I plan on reading it.
These are my two reactions to the description.
Is Twilights' body ready for what the princess has in mind?
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/077/988/my_body_is_ready.png
Bring your raincoat, because when Princess Molestia's involved, it's gonna get mad wet.
29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq6b6i6zMP1qmaa4ro1_400.gif
809698
Yeah, never really thought out the raincoat thing all the way through. There's only one chapter that delves into that particular fetish, and this isn't that chapter. Thanks for stopping by!
809707
Thank you for not referencing Episode 3. I would have had to report you for that.
809838
I wanted to reference Zits, but I don't think it would have been as recognizable.
We need Luna icons!
kids of feelings for me
KINDS of feelings :P
When will the next part come ?
809934
The next part will come...
i.neoseeker.com/mgv/574321-Liege/321/24/40435_sweetie_belle_meme_soon_display.jpg
Cute, well written and decidedly hilarious.
twilight wins... that is all
Poor Celestia. Poor Luna.
810642
Don't be sad! It gets better! Everypony gets a happy ending!
If you know what I mean...
Can anybody say threesome?
810935
You think Twilight is the kind of pony to just let herself get double-teamed like that?!
She'd at least need TWO chapters of convincing before that happened!
811049
With the amount of character progression you've crammed into her? I'd say only one chapter....
811087
Yeah, you're right. More like the end of a chapter.
Dammit, quit making me spoil the story!
811289
I'm not making you respond.... or maybe I am.... I still wanna know if you have something planned between the two non alicorns in this thing though...
811310
Wait a minute... Twilight... who's the other non-alicorn?
Celestia not being the initiator? Luna being insecure and unaccepting of it? Brrrill I love it.
Good job! Celestia also seems to be faithful to Twilight, this will be interesting.
I think I need to reread some before the next chapter-
811713
I really really REALLY enjoyed writing this one, especially for Luna. Writing her as being so sexually frustrated but keeping it all to herself drove me wild. Had to take a few breaks in between, especially during the "walk-in" scene.
A reread? Sounds good, I love it!
811486 SA maybe?
810748
811486
809698
i.imgur.com/8HiBZ.jpg
Hopefully we can see the next part of this without quite the wait.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra2.png
813408
I don't get it!
813457
Yeah... hopefully
813794 There's only one other canon pony who's not an alicorn in the whole chapter...
814374
Oh! Sorry, I was only thinking mares for some reason
No... nah.
I'd rather do a story with him and his wife before I throw him (or them) into Molestia's realm.
815712
Kay.... I'll be watching!
809838
Cat and lasagnas, that would be Garfield.
817580
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4hd6c0HPI1ru6roto1_500.jpg
817997
Are you really that surprised?
By the way let me comment chapter 5, it will be pretty fast...
What did I tell you about using words such as vagina and vulva?
I guess you want to avoid crude words (these don't cater to the largest audience) but for the love of Sade, if you want to keep it erotic use euphemisms rather than such clinical words. It is a clopfic, not a medical checkup.
8th line from the bottom: "kinds" mispelled "kids".
For the rest it seems good enough but I need a night of sleep before being a decent judge.
818663
We've discussed it in groups before, others agree that you can use the terms sparingly and still keep it erotic. And I agree with them.
Molestia not jumping all over Luna's attraction to her... Molestia has limits?!
BEHOLD! THE ARMAGEDDON!
820227
Remember, it's part 1. We still have a part 2 to... "prevent Armageddon."
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/169/432/nic_cage_moar.gif
811049
i agree with the kids sir above me /\
836220
Thanks... I think...
Hohoho.
819515
Pardon my harshness but it is a poor excuse for an alleged perfectionnist. Being accessible is not the same thing as dumbing down your work. As far as I know you're a native english speaker, so the barrier of language is not the problem... I guess you just lowered your ambitions.
The malediction of our days, story over style. Bernard Werber is a perfect example of that, he can create captivating frameworks yet his writings makes me cringe
twilunestia inbound :D
Agh!!!
Next part please!!!!!
809838
You sir, for your Theodin, King of Rohan picture, are awarded this:
image.spreadshirt.com/image-server/image/composition/17240212/view/1/producttypecolor/2/type/png/width/280/height/280/broseidon-king_design.png
fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/344/d/4/luna_clop_by_mihaaaa-d4ipt8o.gif
Princess Moluna is very pleased.
Celestia: Im not decenttt!
Luna: oh my goodness im sorry
897388 Oh dear!
Luna go for it its ok
cant wait
811049 2 chapters...... such a long time. lol
Still waiting ;_;
Good chapter, I liked the set up. Continuity question : what's up with the moon at the end of the chapter? Is that a reference to the celestial body, Luna, or Luna's rump?
1040776 In this case, that would be the celestial body she's staring at.
1041371
... But I thought they were sunbathing...
1042567 They are. She gazedtowards the moon. It's there, even if it's not visible.
*Sees Moon in Chapter Title* YES A LUNA SECTION!