there are a few typos still in there, for instance you make reference to 'lions' rather than 'loins' and the word 'maw' is generally used for your mouth, or beak or muzzle whichever you prefer. It refers to a mouth of some sorts; "The maw of the ocean slowly started to close in around them, the ship Odessa would never see light again save through murky sea filters of the ocean." oor "There was something stuck in the birds' maw, so i took it to the vet" other than that it was a pretty good story, kinda sad it was so short, it seemed a little rushed as well but its understandable.
Amazing! But I'm sad that this is the last one :( I think it'd be great if you do one for after Celestia turns Twlilght into an Alicorn. I think it'd make a great story!
2537083 Thank you so much for being studious and pointing out those mistakes! Apostrophes give me a lot of trouble, I can never remember what the proper usage for possessive rules. I hope I did it right this time.
Comment posted by Cloperella deleted May 18th, 2013
2590215 Negative feedback is always expected when putting out a story. I take most opinions that don't offer constructive criticism with a grain of salt.
I SO much want to be Twilight, Clit Clop Clit Clop Clit Clop Fillies and Gentlecolts put your hooves together and give a round of applause for such an enchanting story, Clop Clop Clop Clop Clop... Thank you Cloperella, Thank you !
2034869 Why not cake?
Heh such a fun story to read :D
Keep on the good work.
Awesome work!
Yes... Everything went much better than expected. Excellently done, I'd say.
there are a few typos still in there, for instance you make reference to 'lions' rather than 'loins' and the word 'maw' is generally used for your mouth, or beak or muzzle whichever you prefer. It refers to a mouth of some sorts; "The maw of the ocean slowly started to close in around them, the ship Odessa would never see light again save through murky sea filters of the ocean." oor "There was something stuck in the birds' maw, so i took it to the vet" other than that it was a pretty good story, kinda sad it was so short, it seemed a little rushed as well but its understandable.
Lovely, as always. not to mention, satisfying.
400th like!!
2210858
Congratulations! Here, have a prize~
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDMvMDMvMTdfMzVfMzFfMTQxXzI2MTQ0M19fVU5PUFRfX3ByaW5jZXNzX2NlbGVzdGlhX3N1Z2dlc3RpdmVfcGxvdF9hcnRpc3Rfam9obmpvc2Vjby5qcGcuanBnIl1d/261443__princess-celestia_suggestive_plot_artist-johnjoseco_princess-molestia.jpg.jpg
2211174
YAY!! --smothers face into it-- I love it!! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!
This chapter was so awazing!!
Looking forward to more of ur awesome stories :)
This was a masterpiece. I love this story. Twi is just a little vixen in this.
Amazing! But I'm sad that this is the last one :( I think it'd be great if you do one for after Celestia turns Twlilght into an Alicorn. I think it'd make a great story!
>I admire you very much,Twilight Sparkle
There should be a space after that comma
>I may have overextended myself.It requires more energy
There should be a space after the period
>She looked into her younger sisters shimmering eyes
This needs an apostrophe
>the two alicorn sister flew
sisters
>as she sat between the two princess’s
princesses
>rubbed against her sisters wet fur
>her wet crease was directly in front of her sisters
>All over your sisters fur
sister's
>you yourself have taken your mentors teachings
Take out yourself + change mentors to mentor's
2537083
Thank you so much for being studious and pointing out those mistakes! Apostrophes give me a lot of trouble, I can never remember what the proper usage for possessive rules. I hope I did it right this time.
2590215
Negative feedback is always expected when putting out a story. I take most opinions that don't offer constructive criticism with a grain of salt.
>sees cover image
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw9077-205384.gif
"Looks pretty sexy. I'm sure I can handle it."
>after reading
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8840-1353967924658.jpg
Nothing I could have done would have prepared me for sexiness of this magnitude.
2774237
And now the bakery will feel like walking into an adult toy store.
2776382
Well, I have started working on chapter 8. It's... it's coming... some time...
2830560
That's great, so glad you enjoyed it!
I SO much want to be Twilight, Clit Clop Clit Clop Clit Clop Fillies and Gentlecolts put your hooves together and give a round of applause for such an enchanting story, Clop Clop Clop Clop Clop... Thank you Cloperella, Thank you !