324431 Never really noticed how much I abuse "as she" before. God I love the Edit button. I think some of those sentences sound fancier now that I had to sit there and think of how to rework them.
first, i although you do have paragraphs; you separate them with indents (i think that was the english word for it, although im not certain), it would be a tad easier to read if you used the' block paragraph' method instead. although; its nearly the same thing, so it might just be me.
one thing that kept creeping back into my thought is the problem of guards or staff either directly outside the room or walking past...the princess shouting out twilights name in pure pleasure, that would probably turn a few heads (would actually be quite funny to read a short story from a guard or staff members point of view; both during the times that celestia wasn't with twilight and the time(s) they were in celestias room )
EDIT: oh and i forgot to write something! AWESOME I WANT MORE!
347481 My view is that the guards are so dutiful to the princess, that they know not to ask questions about what goes on within her royal bed chambers. Since they're usually represented as similar to the British guards, they're probably standing outside motionless while they hear her cries of pleasure. The most reaction you might get out of them is a few drops of sweat, or a possible "standing ovation" from their stallionhood...
352196 Oh my gosh, I'm glad you're such an avid reader. It makes Molestia so wet
To answer your question, yes it is, but the story is completely unchanged. I like to make some small edits from time to time if I think of something that might read better. I'll have to update them on the other fic sites as well, to stay consistent. Thanks for being so faithful!
352398It makes Molestia so wet. Awww I hate you for typing that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE I checked this reply on mobile. In class. And I almost spurted out everything I had in my mouth
Well yeah I almost always tweak my stories a bit too even after they've been published
"The princess breathed hard, rolling herself onto her back. I’m not finished… yet." - Yo dawg, you're missing a quotation mark "Their vulva’s mashed into each other while" - You do not need an apostrophe here "each one matching the others speed as they moved" - You do need an apostrophe here
The only thing sad about these stories is that Twilight dosen't usually become an alicorn or find some way of living forever. Which makes me sad knowing Celestia will have to suffer through her death. :(
406436 I like to keep the number of existing alicorns limited to canon in my stories. >.> Of course, it's a very sad thought. But I think it makes Celestia a stronger character to know that she's dealt with this many times before, and after Twilight's passing, she'll deal with it many times again.
324431 Never really noticed how much I abuse "as she" before.
God I love the Edit button. I think some of those sentences sound fancier now that I had to sit there and think of how to rework them.
Basically same points as above; just some streamlining and the hyphens.
As for content though, scissor me timbers!
“Now bend over. It’s my turn to do the molesting.”
Oh you sassy gal, you.
Licking up magical shining jizz ejaculated from the giant kick ass facial horn of an alicorn? I believe that deserves applause.
first, i although you do have paragraphs; you separate them with indents (i think that was the english word for it, although im not certain), it would be a tad easier to read if you used the' block paragraph' method instead. although; its nearly the same thing, so it might just be me.
one thing that kept creeping back into my thought is the problem of guards or staff either directly outside the room or walking past...the princess shouting out twilights name in pure pleasure, that would probably turn a few heads (would actually be quite funny to read a short story from a guard or staff members point of view; both during the times that celestia wasn't with twilight and the time(s) they were in celestias room )
EDIT: oh and i forgot to write something! AWESOME I WANT MORE!
347481
My view is that the guards are so dutiful to the princess, that they know not to ask questions about what goes on within her royal bed chambers. Since they're usually represented as similar to the British guards, they're probably standing outside motionless while they hear her cries of pleasure. The most reaction you might get out of them is a few drops of sweat, or a possible "standing ovation" from their stallionhood...
Glad you liked it.
Yay, it's up here! Is this an edited version? If so then I guess I'll just have to read it a 5th time!
352196 Oh my gosh, I'm glad you're such an avid reader. It makes Molestia so wet
To answer your question, yes it is, but the story is completely unchanged. I like to make some small edits from time to time if I think of something that might read better. I'll have to update them on the other fic sites as well, to stay consistent. Thanks for being so faithful!
352398 It makes Molestia so wet. Awww I hate you for typing that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BECAUSE I checked this reply on mobile. In class. And I almost spurted out everything I had in my mouth
Well yeah I almost always tweak my stories a bit too even after they've been published
Wait...A constellation formed.....As in stars....As in the night... LUNA have you been watching?
382834 I wouldn't put it past readers to think most of my works are silly to an extent.
I happen to love the idea of unicorn/alicorn horns being erogenous zones.
img.ponibooru.org/_images/46aba080826f017c8fee9b730552ec8c/45617%20-%20celestia%20colored%20hooves%20horn%20Horngasm%20hornjob%20lesbian%20pair_these_together_more%20twilight_sparkle%20unshorn_fetlocks.jpg
383816
Erogenous zone? Oh totally. Yes.
Stuff coming out of it, however...? Not so much.
384237
Yeah, my first proofreader isn't very good at finding little mishaps like that. But it's mostly my fault for not catching that.
"The princess breathed hard, rolling herself onto her back. I’m not finished… yet." - Yo dawg, you're missing a quotation mark
"Their vulva’s mashed into each other while" - You do not need an apostrophe here
"each one matching the others speed as they moved" - You do need an apostrophe here
Damn. I lost the battle with clopfics.
Oh well, its been a good run. And now... NO SHAME! You sir, are a genius.
387671
I'm excited
Glad to hear you enjoyed it.
The only thing sad about these stories is that Twilight dosen't usually become an alicorn or find some way of living forever. Which makes me sad knowing Celestia will have to suffer through her death. :(
406436
I like to keep the number of existing alicorns limited to canon in my stories. >.>
Of course, it's a very sad thought. But I think it makes Celestia a stronger character to know that she's dealt with this many times before, and after Twilight's passing, she'll deal with it many times again.
Dat picture.
Both o' dos pictures.
467322 What can I say? I'll never have too much solar princess.
Twilestia is canon and I apple bucking loved this.
Good story
>wetness all over Twilights face and mane
You missed an apostrophe
>shot out it's own stream of fluids
its, not it's
This is a really great story so far. Thanks for sharing.
Truly remarkable story, I so much love Celestia and Twilight, wonder if they'd fancy a menage a trois
Dammit trolLuna...freaking spying and shit...
3457603 What about a ménage á neuf? A 'meeting of nine'?
Huzzah! The fun has been tripled!