Too much world-building and backstory, not enough of the actual story. There are far, far too many details to keep track of. You really need to learn which details are important and which are not. For these reasons, I'm afraid it's time for me to un-favorite this story. Goodbye.

I was confused during this chapter, who is who and when does this take place?

While I am not going to unfav this I do think 3046638 is right

3046638 3047433

So very sorry! I've been... well, there have been things piling up over here on my end, and I'm guessing it shows...

Doesn't help that this is highly experimental, like Aether, but a little further from my usual zone than that; that, and Aether's flaws are more passable (or so I'm told) due to its highly personal narrative, the fact that the whole story is in first person past tense (I find it easier to manage if everything has 'happened already'), and the fact that I'm not making up a whole society from the ground up.

I'm guessing I'll have to give this a rewrite - the whole thing, not just this chapter- but I don't know when. Well, I can correct this chapter quickly, it was just a problem coming from working from two very different, distant places and messing up the files and order.

Once I correct my sleep schedule, I hope I can bump up the overall quality of... everything, I'd say.

I like the idea of this, but the constantly changing POV plus whether something is happening past or present is making it a bit hard to follow.
It leaves me feeling like I am reading an anthology of stories in the same universe rather then a single story.

4085873

Well, I'm the kind of person that likes doing experiments, and whose train of thought tends to run away...

Frankly, I know where and what, but I'm stumped as to how... it doesn't help that I'm used to not being understood, so I explain a lot, and that seems to filter into my writing.

Frankly, I want to rewrite the last chapter, but I don't have a clear idea, nor know how to go from there.