LordEpicClop
Joined 17th Jan, 2013 ·
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Well now, Ah think ya could make use of an editor if'n ya ever find one.
So they have sex after Twilight found out that her Grandmother died. That's just horrible.
1989052
Maybe it was pity sex
Clop with less than 3k words does not work!
Not care to read, but by reading the comments, I highly doubt that a pony, being emotive creatures as they are, would want to have sexual intercourse after receiving such a terrible notice as the pass away of a relative, let alone a grandmother, let even more alone being Twilight seeing how she is extremaly attached to her family (BBBFF song anyone?). I also doubt that even you, or me, or any reader here would be able to do such, and we are humans, beings that can mask their emotions pretty well.
Your plot does not work, no, just no.
I always had trouble picturing Derpy's expression when trying to convey sexual arrousal,. That picture really helps, and it's awesomely sexy.
1989418
*shrugs* I'll learn. Comments like these help though, thanks
Swag.
•_• I see
Hmmm... I have to throw my lot in the with the "Huh?" crowd. That segue into sex was pretty abrupt. Also, If Derpy hadn't delivered the mail yet, how did Twilight get the letter? Even if she had gotten it the day before, why would she wait to read it the next day? Waiting to open a bill or something similar I could see, but a personal letter? That doesn't quite ring true. One last thing: Barley is an edible grain, barely means only just.
Dead Grandma sex? Really? Jeez, these ponies will do anything. :P
next chapter?