Kaidan's Short Stories: Vol. 1 - Teen

by Kaidan

6 Dexterity: The Serial Killer :: T/Tr

{Grimdark parody} {Tragedy} {Teen}

Flim had gotten into plenty of fights as a traveling sales pony. The throbbing in his forehead right now topped every fight over cider or booze he had ever had. As Flim awoke he could make out a dim ceiling, aged and covered in cobwebs. The world was spinning and coming into focus; He must have had quite a night with his brother. They must have used their cider maker to make hard cider again. No stranger to hangovers, he took a deep breath and tried to sit up. Confused, he looked down to see why his body wasn't obeying him, only to find himself strapped to a table.

"I'm so glad you could join us Flim. For a while I thought I had given you too much tranquilizer. Even your brother screaming for mercy didn’t wake you up." A cold calculating voice spoke softly from the shadows, "did you two really think nopony would notice the mares going missing in each town your little 'cider' squeezer visited?"

"What... there..." Flim felt like he had a mouth full of cotton and struggled to get a better view of his assailant. The voice was coming from across a table with a white cloth laid over it. A single red stain adorned the center of the sheet. "Flam... You're... why are you doing this?" he asked. Deep down he knew what he had done. "Sweet Celestia, you finally caught—"

"Celestia holds no power here!" the white mare barked with emotion as she stepped from the shadows. "Do you see the pictures on the wall? Look at them!"

"I.... but..." The angry white mare slammed Flim’s head to the left against the table. On the walls were pictures of 6 mares, Flim remembered one of them as Cherry Jubilee. A grey one had eyes that seemed to be bouncing around in different directions. He couldn't remember names but he could remember what he and Flam had done to the mares... Flim inhaled deeply as he realized why he was here and tried to summon his magic. Instantly pain racked his brain, spreading down his spine and into his legs.

"Looking for this?" the mare mocked him. She tossed his horn to the ground and smashed it with her hoof. "You murdered these innocent sweet mares, and that was enough for me to put you on my table. What I wasn't expecting was your blubbering brother to admit too much... darker acts before you two killed them."

Flim looked over at his brother and then to the mare in front of him. She had a cold, calculating look in her eye just like his brother when he sized up a mare. This white mare was a cold blooded murderer. Flim thought of the angles he could take to try to appeal to her. She had already killed his brother and altar to the lives he had taken. The mare had gone to great lengths to prepare her own brand of justice. Perhaps if he convinced her that he was a victim? "If you kill me you'll be no better than Flam. All my life I've lived in his shadow, forced to help as he tricked these young mares and—murdered them" Flim said, trying his best to cry.

"No. You and your brother have done something so vile that the only way to protect Equestria is to take your life. Now tell me how sorry you are and I'll make this quick" the mare stepped forward and snipped a lock of hair off of Flim's mane.

"Please... Don't... I'm sorry! Please have mercy on me!" Flim begged, finally able to cry.

"Celestia has mercy, I do not." The mare raised her blade and with a single stroke to his heart she ended the life of another serial killer. Equestria, and mares throughout it, would be safe from scum like Flim and Flam. She wished she had caught on to them when Derpy had vanished. They killed 3 more mares after Derpy and she could have saved them. Those 3 lives weighed heavily on her conscience while a darker voice in her brain rejoiced. She had to keep this dark side fed and in control. She had to channel her urges into something positive to control them. She had to remember who she truly was: Rarity, big sister, and guardian of the innocent.

~*~

"I can't believe Tank is turning 2 years old! This is the best turtle party I've ever thrown" Pinkie exclaimed.

"It's a tortoise… if you don’t mind" Fluttershy corrected.

"Tortoise, turtle, what's the difference? Here have some of my red velvet cupcakes they're the best!" Pinkie shoved one in Fluttershy's mouth.

"Really darling, I wish you wouldn't go around shoving cupcakes at everypony. It's not very ladylike" Rarity stated.

"I'm just glad we have something to celebrate with all the disappearances lately" Twilight broke in.

"Whatever do you mean Twilight?" Rarity asked, fighting the urge to smile.

"Celestia had some royal guards stop by the library earlier. They had heard from the police that Flim and Flam were seen near Ponyville so they came to arrest them. Their super speedy cider squeezy 6000 was found near the Everfree Forest. The princess wanted to question them about some disappearances," Twilight sighed.

"Were they the colts everypony was looking for to question about the mares disappearing?" Rainbow glanced back to Twilight "Derpy disappeared after they visited Ponyville and mares vanished from the next few towns they visited. Sounds to me like they were up to no good and got what they deserved."

"Now Rainbow, that's horrible to say." Rarity fought back another smile at the unintended compliment. "Just because somepony takes another ponies life doesn't mean something terrible should happen." Rarity could see she had the desired effect on Rainbow. For years Rarity was the reason there were so few murders in Ponyville. When a pony disappeared, she could quickly track down and deal with the culprit.

The party for Tank continued on until late at night at the Carousel Boutique. After everyone had left Rarity let out a sigh of relief and headed for bed. In her bedroom under a false floorboard, she pulled out a simple looking wooden box. She looked at the two newest trophies, two locks of red hair with white stripes. Today had been a good day.

~*~

Rarity was curling her mane and sorting various hair care products with her magic. Since she had started protecting Ponyville the crime rate had dropped to the lowest in Equestria. She hoped that with Flim and Flam out of the way there would be a chance to relax and get back to dress making. Trotting downstairs she wondered which dress she should start with when Applejack burst through the front door.

"Rarity, quick! Ya'll need to get over to Twilight's with us, Big Mac's gone missing!" Applejack blurted out.

Rarity knew that Big Mac was probably asleep in the shade of an apple tree. The other voice in her head suggested that a new murderer was in town. Rarity found herself smiling and said “Don’t worry darling, we’ll find him.”

~*~

At the library Applejack and her friends discussed plans for search parties. "He was 'sposed to be back for dinner after workin' the south field but he didn't come back. I reckon we looked all over Sweet Apple Acres for him but couldn't find him anywhere!" Applejack was barely able to control her emotions.

“I’m sure we will be able to find him, don’t worry yourself," Rarity consoled.

"Yeah, so have some cupcakes to cheer up! These ones have extra extra frosting and extra extra extra sprinkles!" Pinkie gleefully began passing out her cupcakes. Sure enough these were large chocolate cupcakes generously covered in red frosting and green sprinkles.

"I've sent word to Celestia. She has dispatched the royal guard to all the towns in Equestria due to the recent string of murders and disappearances. She has instructed them to follow my orders and aid in the search for your brother, we'll find him Applejack" Twilight assured.

~*~

Rarity paced angrily across the boutique hurling bolts of fabric and spools of thread. With resounding crashes she manifested her anger on anything in range of her magic. So far nopony found Big Mac and to make matters worse Lyra disappeared then the Mayor. As her rage exploded, she flung several of the broken mannequins back across the shop.

This time it was personal; somepony had kidnapped Rainbow Dash. In all the years learning to follow clues and track down serial killers, nopony had ever taken one of her friends. She had caught dozens of evil ponies, followed clues and solved cold cases. So far nopony had left her a clue to follow; it was as if they marched off to their deaths willingly. Big Mac, Lyra, Mayor Mare, Dash… Rarity had personally searched all of their rooms with help from Twilight and found nothing.

Rarity looked around at her destroyed shop, it was clear she was getting nowhere. The weather team had gone to check on Rainbow when she didn’t show up for work this morning. She had been napping in the town square yesterday, how long had she been missing? Was she already dead? Rarity had no answers and realized whoever was out there was every bit as cunning as her.

Twilight, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie were out looking desperately for Rainbow Dash. Applejack was so devastated about Big Mac that she had packed up her whole family and moved to Appaloosa. Rarity had to salvage what was left of her friends, of the elements of harmony...

Rarity stepped out into the night with her saddle bag and her favorite knife. Somewhere, in one of these houses had to be somepony and Rainbow Dash. The beast inside Rarity knew this to be true; it knew that the killer was someone trusted in Ponyville. When it came to matters such as these Rarity had learned to trust that instinct. No struggle meant it was somepony they had trusted. She set off first towards the center of town and Sugar Cube Corner. Maybe Pinkie Pie had some luck in the search for Rainbow Dash. As she approached the house she noticed the closed sign on the front door. It made sense the Cake's wouldn't be taking any chances with their young foal and filly. What she didn't expect was to see Pinkie leap past the kitchen window with a mixing bowl. How could she possibly be looking for Rainbow Dash if she was wasting more time baking those insufferable cupcakes!

Rarity used her magic to break down the locked front door, upset that anypony would be doing less than spending all their effort looking for Rainbow Dash. When she got to the kitchen Pinkie was already gone. She had just been in the kitchen and Rarity could see no trace of her. She felt a nagging in her mind as a voice inside told her to examine the floorboards. She looked around and saw that flour and sprinkles of every color adorned the old pine floorboards. She glanced towards the oven, where there were 4 planks without a single sprinkle on them. Rarity grinned as she realized Pinkie must be hiding in the cellar baking cupcakes instead of searching for Rainbow Dash.

Rarity used her magic to lift up the floorboards and head downstairs, but nothing could prepare her for what she saw next.

~*~

"Please Pinkie... why am I tied up? What's going on? Is this some kind of prank?" Rainbow cried, pure terror in her eyes.

"It's like I told you, you get to make cupcakes because I pulled your number, see!" Pinkie cheerfully pointed out a scrap of paper with ‘42’ on it. "Now you'll make the tastiest cupcakes ever!"

"I don't understand... I can't make cupcakes strapped to a table! And it's really hurting my wings!" Rainbow pleaded. Her eyes bulged in terror as she realized what Pinkie had meant when she invited her over to ‘make cupcakes.’

"Now Rainbow, I don't want you to be scared, I'm just going to take a little piece and figure out what flavor we'll be making!" Pinkie slid a scalpel into Rainbow Dash's flank near her cutie mark, and every muscle in Dash’s body tensed.

"Gasp! Uh—" Pinkie looked down at her chest as a cold chill filled her. Something had hit her in the back, something red was pooling on the floor... with a big grin she collapsed to the ground.

For a minute, Rainbow Dash didn't move, she didn't even open her eyes. She realized Pinkie wasn't talking, and that her flank wasn't feeling any more pain. Two cyan eyelids rose slowly, blinking away the tears. Traumatized by the horror she had just undergone, she began to cry for joy when she saw Rarity slumped on the floor next to Pinkie Pie.

"Rarity!—" Rainbow sobbed and added "I'm—she—oh Celestia, what's happening?"

"Pinkie... why? Why would you do this? Why didn't I figure it out sooner, maybe Lyra and the Mayor would still be here.... how many others?" Rarity questioned the dead mare who up until a minute ago had been one of her best friends. Pinkie Pie had always been one of Rarity’s closest friends and had shared in countless happy memories. She was the element of laughter, throwing parties for everypony, baking cupcakes… If a pony so nice could be this evil, was Rarity any better?

"Uh.... Rarity? I could really use a hoof here. Please? You did what had to be done let's just go get the police—" Rainbow froze when Rarity looked up at her, those weren't the same eyes of the element of generosity she was used to.

"All these years Rainbow—all these years I thought I was protecting innocent ponies. If Pinkie Pie can be a killer too, how am I any better?" Rarity asked, as she began to stitch up the cut on Rainbow's flank with her sewing kit.

"Rarity, if you hadn't killed her she would have killed me, doesn't that make it alright? You're kind of freaking me out here..." Rainbow blubbered.

"Do the ends justify the means Rainbow? It wasn't just Pinkie; I have caught dozens of serial killers before her. I have killed them for the evil they wrought on Equestria. I have weighed each life they took before I caught them against each life I saved.... in the end, am I any different?" Rarity inquired.

"Um..." Rainbow Dash had tensed up. Not only had Pinkie been a serial killer but Rarity too? And now she was stuck here, her savior having an existential crisis? Deciding her only way off this slab was to appeal to her generous side, Rainbow decided to help her through this.

"Rarity please, think of Sweetie Bell and all the other fillies that will be safe now. Think of all the ponies that will be safe for what you did. Just—" Rainbow steeled herself for what she was about to say. "Just let me go, and if you don't want anypony to know about this I won't tell them."

Rarity began removing the straps from Rainbow Dash, and finally admitted "No Rainbow, ponies need to know. Violence and hatred is spreading across Equestria. I thought the solution was to excise it. Go to Twilight, tell her to send a letter to the Princess about this and meet me at my boutique. I have a letter to write to Sweetie Bell. Celestia willing I may be able to atone for the lives I've taken without taking any more."

The straps were now undone, and as much as Rainbow wanted to comfort her friend, the voice in the back of her head was screaming for her to fly out of that place as fast as she could. "Rarity..." Rainbow began, but was interrupted. "Dash no; I've broken the elements of harmony, only Celestia can save me now, go!" Rarity commanded. Dash took off and flew out of Sugar Cube Corner, leaving Rarity with her thoughts. The control she thought she had over her dark urges to kill had been shattered when she killed one friend to save another.

~*~

Rarity walked through the darkened boutique and levitated a quill to paper.

Deer Sweetie Bell,

I want you to know that you are going to hear some terrible things about me, and I want you to know I did what I did to protect you. What I did was still wrong, I had angry feelings and I didn’t handle them the right way. I hope someday you can forgive me. Stopping violence with violence is no cure. I only hope you will grow up generous, kind, and full of love. You are sweet and innocent, and I will always love you.

-Rarity.

~*~

Twilight walked into the darkened boutique to find Rarity exactly where Rainbow Dash had told her she would. "I couldn't believe what Rainbow Dash told me. I wouldn't have believed her but she had a fresh cut and was sobbing. You and Pinkie are serial killers? " she chided.

Rarity looked up and met Twilight's eyes and even her dark passenger felt a twinge of guilt "I never knew it would go this far" she stated. "I used my evil for good" Rarity said, chuckling "if that even makes any sense."

"You saved lives Rarity, but you also took them and that was wrong. I just want you to know that as angry and disappointed as I am right now, I will still remember you as the generous pony I met when I moved to Ponyville." Twilight tried to comfort her.

"Thank you, for understanding Twilight" Rarity said. She stood up and would have hugged Twilight, but Celestia and Luna were already waiting behind her to take her to Canterlot. She would face trial soon for her crimes. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she approached the princesses and hoped they could help her silence the dark voice in her head.

~*~

A pair of deft hooves sewed flesh as the pony hummed a song. She had cleaned up Pinkie Pie and gotten her ready for the burial. There wouldn't be a burial though; she couldn't stand the thought of any of her friends ever leaving her. Instead an empty casket had been buried, and Pinkie was brought here. Despite being dead she still had that smile on her face and that joy in her eyes. Whether from insanity or laughter, the features had stuck there. As the Pony finished sewing the knife wound up, she took a step back to admire her work.

On a pedestal now stood Pinkie Pie, preserved and not looking much worse for wear. Years of taxidermy had paid off, and she had wondered if she would be ready when the time came to use it on one of her friends. She couldn't bear to let any of her friends go: not a squirrel nor a pony. Every critter she had ever lost was preserved in this room. As Fluttershy stepped out of her shed, she saw an inquisitive Angel tapping his foot impatiently. "Stay out of my shed, Angel" Fluttershy whispered.

Author's Note:

Time to give credit to those I wrote this parody about:
Dexter (tv show), Cupcakes, Secret Life of Rarity, shed.mov (youtube)

Charcoal Quill, who had the idea for the title Dexterity.

If you have any ideas and would like me to write a short story about, suggest it below.

Comments

[Diamond Sparkle]

Preserved Pinkie-eww. Good eww though. Here are some seedlings...

What if one of the Mane 6 was a Changeling?
What if, as you said,parasprites ate ponies?
What if Celestia regularly turned ponies into stone?
What if the Changelings won?

[Kaidan]

1966574
Thanks for the ideas, the first and fourth will take some thought but I think the 2nd is one I'd like to do next. What if Twilight's spell turned the parasprites from herbivores into carnivores? I'm also liking the 3rd, because it would be the perfect 'evil Celestia' short story if she had a stone garden full of ponies. It would be up to Luna and the mane 6 to banish her to the sun.

[Jormungandr]

The caverns underneath Canterlot go deeper than anypony could have ever dreamed of, the murky and oppressive depths concealing ancient nightmares and secrets long forgotten.

Wallowing in despair at being imprisoned, Cadence's despair and misery began to arouse an ancient horror from its sleep; a candle-flame in an endless night.

When Twilight Sparkle, enraged and feeling abandoned by current events, joined her, that small flicker was replaced by a raging inferno.

And in the dark, something long forgotten stirred.
--

Twilight's friends were worried.

Since returning from Canterlot and her brother's wedding, she had been unusually...distant with them, preferring solitude over having company; whispered and private meetings with Cadence aside, when she now-frequently visited.

Oh, she hadn't been outright rude, even if they did miss the glances of bitterness, anger, and sometimes loathing in her eyes - just polite and vague in her dealings.

Even the Princess was concerned; her letters had become unusually clinical and to the point, lacking the warm and friendly touch they once had, and were signed simply with, "Your loyal subject, Twilight Sparkle."

Likewise, the relationship she had with her niece had also degenerated into a mockery of what it once was, though she had heard from Luna that the passion in her marriage with Shining Armour had only increased.

Hoping to discover the cause of and heal the growing rift, Celestia sent the summons; Twilight, her friends, and Cadence were to attend a 'friendly' weekend visit in the capitol.

When they arrived and were being settled in to their guest suites, Celestia and Luna quickly realized that something was terribly, terribly wrong.

Were these changelings? If not, what had Cadence and Twilight encountered during their imprisonment?

What had sway over Twilight Sparkle and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza?

.

TL:DR; all that negativity in the Caverns woke something up from the world's ancient past and, in return for various rewards, a bitter and angry Cadence and Twilight entered into its service.

¬
Mike.

[Kaidan]

Wow that's an impressively detailed story idea Jormungandr, I'll definitely be thinking about that at work. It will be worth a story just for the obligatory scene where somepony faces the ancient evil from the deeps and shouts "you shall not pass!"

Kidding aside, i will draw up an outline for it instead of winging it like I have done with my current short stories. It sounds worth some extra effort

[Plot Connoisseur]

1967734

Hrm.... That reminds me a lot of Yogg Saron (Old God) and his influence on many NPC's in the events of Wrath of the Lich King.

Interesting premise though.

[Octavia Harmony]

Wow, good chapter. And of course, Rainbow is the manager of the Rainbow Factory.

[ShadyCanopy]

2864311 And it's Insane Twilight to round out the bunch.

[Neko Majin C]

Chapter six: Deterity: The Serial Killer. I laughed, and laughed, and laughed, though I have no idea why.

She had already killed his brother and altar to the lives he had taken.

Ouch, my brain.

[DitsyDerp]

Next there's twilights dollhouse, then rainbow factory and then... um... aj's the good pony here.

[Twisted Code]

Great work as always, Kaiden
Have you parodied Rainbow Factory? If not, that would be a good target for your next short story parody.