Kaidan's Short Stories: Vol. 1 - Teen

by Kaidan

17. A Cock in Derpy's Box :: E/Co

{Everyone}{Comedy}

Derpy has one last package to deliver before she can close the post office and head home. Unfortunately, the package has plans of its own that don’t involve being delivered.

Story prompt/Requested by: Daemon of Decay
Part of my one-shot week

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Derpy Hooves only had one package left to deliver before she could go home for the day. However, she walked into the post office’s storage room to find the package missing. The room was full of empty shelving aside from a few stray packing peanuts. On the wall was a tracking list, and she doubled checked it. There was definitely one more package.

There should have been another box here, she thought. Derpy began to look under each shelf as if the package might have walked off and hidden itself. It wasn’t in the storage room, or the break room, or in the customer waiting area. The box hadn’t hidden in a P.O. box, or gotten stacked in the return to sender pile.

As she walked back to the storage room, one of her eyes drifted, and she saw the back door cracked open. Derpy wondered if she had propped the door open with the box, and went to investigate. No sooner had she opened the door, a brown box began to slide across the alleyway and around a corner.

Derpy flew over to the corner and looked out into the dirt street, but the box was gone. Frowning, she marched out into the street and looked around. A bush rustled in the corner of her eye. She jumped over a bench and nearly knocked Lyra out of it as she went to investigate..

There was a small scrap of packing tape on a branch, but no box. She lowered herself to the ground and glanced around, looking under each bush on the street. Her eyes wandered slowly as she surveyed the street. Finally she admitted defeat, sighed, and stood up.

Both of her ears perked up at a sudden, faint scratching sound. It was barely audible over the conversations of passing ponies. Derpy spun around to see a box edging its way around the edge of Sugarcube Corner.

She flew over only to find the box was gone yet again. Derpy dashed through the bakery and threw the back door open. There was the box! With a loud laugh she pounced it, and a cloud of white flour burst out of it.

As she sat there coughing, she heard Pinkie clear her throat behind her. “Hey, are we playing ghosts?”

“No,” Derpy said, “I’m looking for my box.” She coughed to clear the last of the flour out of her lungs and stood up. “It’s trying to run away.”

“Oh, I hate when boxes run away and I . . .”

Pinkie trailed off as Derpy prowled down the street, scanning left and right for the stray parcel. In her twelve years delivering mail she had never once lost a package, nor allowed rain or snow to prevent her from doing her duty.

“Look out!”

Derpy jumped back as Scootaloo flew by on her scooter. As she watched the filly go, she saw a startled postal package jump out from behind a tree, and scurry away.

“Aha, I’ve got you now!” Derpy yelled. She sprinted over, pushing ponies out of her way as the box fled into the marketplace.

Once she slowed down, she saw the many street vendors at their stalls, and nearly every stall had boxes stacked alongside it.

“Great, it had to be boxes. Why can’t they ever stack fruit or plushies or something?” Derpy wondered out loud.

She walked up to the first stall and began poking boxes with her hoof. The culprit wasn’t here, as none of the boxes tried to run away. There would have also been a black postal stamp on the box in question.

Derpy walked up to the next stall. “Howdy, Derpy,” Applejack said. “Can ah interest ya in some apples?”

“No thanks, I’m looking for a fugitive shipping box. It is ten by ten by twelve inches, double-corrugated cardboard, crush test rating two hundred pounds, with industrial grade brown packing tape,” Derpy explained.

Applejack stood there with her mouth agape before blinking and coming to her senses. “Say what now?”

“I lost my box,” Derpy said.

“Oh, well is it here?” she asked, gesturing to her stack of empty apple boxes.

“Nope. Thanks!”

She flew off to the next stall. In no time at all she checked the cherry, orange, strawberry, lettuce, and carrot stalls. She was beginning to wonder why so many ponies prefered to sell vegetables and fruits in the middle of a street when Filthy Rich had a perfectly good, air conditioned grocery store.

She wiped the sweat from her brow and approached a cabbage vendor.

“Can I inte—”

“No!” Derpy barked. “I need to find my box. I’ve never lost a box, and I’m not letting this one get away!”

The tan stallion backed up. “Okay, okay. Look around.”

Derpy sniffed the air and listened carefully. She could feel it in her bones; the package was nearby. With a little concentration she brought her eyes into alignment and began to poke the boxes, watching carefully for their reaction.

The first box was full, but did not move. The next sounded empty. Right as she poked the third box, she heard a thud from another box behind the stand.

Derpy’s head shot up over the cabbage stand. On the other side of it, next to the stallion, the brown package was getting away.

“Grab that box!” Derpy screamed. She jumped over the cabbage stand, knocking it down, and spilling cabbages everywhere. Derpy raced after the box before it could get away.

Big Mac had to stop hauling his cart of apples to avoid running her over as she darted across the road. He looked for what she was chasing, but didn’t see anything out of the ordinary.

Derpy ran around the corner blindly, colliding with Rarity, and knocking her over into the dirt.

“My mane!” Rarity cried out.

“Sorry, but I need to find my—there it is!” Derpy said.

Rarity stood up and began to dust herself off, as the box inched behind her to hide. “Why, I’ll have to move up my spa appointment to today, and postpone the dress order! This is the worst possi—umpf!”

Derpy dove under Rarity, causing her to lose her balance and fall on top of her. The box was just a hoof away but she couldn’t stretch far enough to grab it in time. She wiggled out from under Rarity and resumed the chase as the box ran down the alleyway.

It kept turning blindly around corners, but Derpy managed to just barely keep up. Finally, it went back onto the main street next to the spinach vendor. It froze next to some other boxes.

Derpy saw her prey stop to take a breath, and gave a feral grin. “I’ve got you now!”

She stalked to the edge of the alleyway, and leapt onto the box. Derpy nearly crushed it, and it began to shake frantically as it tried to get away.

Derpy looked down at it. “Ha! I win—oh no, the box is damaged!”

She looked at the hole in the box, putting her muzzle right next to it to peek inside. In a flash, a yellow beak poked through and bit her nose, before squawking. Derpy dropped the box, and it took off again.

This time she reacted quicker, diving on the box and tumbling into the middle of the street. She lifted it up and saw two small feet scurrying frantically through one of the airholes.

“Haha! There’s no running away now. Let’s see. . . Deliver directly to Sweet Apple Acres, rush delivery. Easy day!”

Derpy grasped the box firmly and flew up into the air towards Sweet Apple Acres.

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Big Mac and Applejack watched in surprise as they watched Derpy tackle a stationary box. She began laughing and talking to the box, before flying off with it.

“There’s somethin’ off about that mare,” Applejack said.

“Eeyup.”

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Author's Note:

Edited by: Selbi, Abcron

Comments

[Neko Majin C]

Chapter twenty: A Cock in Derpy's Box.

She was beginning to wonder why so many ponies prefered to sell vegetables and fruits in the middle of a street when Filthy Rich had a perfectly good, air conditioned grocery store.

It is funny because he was murdered in the last chapter. It feels good to be able to laugh again.