Flight

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Cloud Burst is the only one of her kind, a crystal pegasus pony. She shows us what it means to her.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 9 )

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qohdqihdoqifhoeifheowifh

qohdqihdoqifhoeifheowifh #1 · Jan 12th, 2013 · · ·

Hello, I am your friendly neighborhood editor with some edits for you.

It would kill me. It would certainly kill me. That means I need a plan. Then it dawns on me. Going down at this speed might tunnel me into the earth.

I'm thinking you can cut this up into one or two sentences, like such:

It would kill me. It would certainly kill me, so that means I need a plan. Then it dawns on me, going down at this speed might tunnel me into the earth.

I stood in the clearing, everything was beautiful, crying was near my only option. Passing out from exhaustion was the other. I chose the second option and slept.

You need the comma there, or else the sentence doesn't make much sense.

I exited the cave and flew up and alighted on another cloud and willed it to take me home.

Thats a lot of ands.

Crystal Faire

I'm not sure if you meant to spell fair like that, or you did the same typo twice..

I think there might be a bit more edits, that I missed. Overall, I liked it. Nice little fic for an OC.
i1355.photobucket.com/albums/q714/mufffinpatrol/tumblr_mdl9prFKIs1rwn8v0_zps67a952c1.gif

Have a brilliant day,
~Muffinpatrol

Tazmaniac

Tazmaniac #2 · Jan 12th, 2013 · · ·

what Muffinpatrol said. Brilliant story btw.

frostingthecake

frostingthecake #3 · Jan 12th, 2013 · · ·

1944830
Alrighty then, the edits are done. Thanks for telling me what to fix, it really helps.

frostingthecake

frostingthecake #4 · Jan 12th, 2013 · · ·

1944943
Thank you, I'm not that good though. But I suppose it is an interesting one-shot.

qohdqihdoqifhoeifheowifh

qohdqihdoqifhoeifheowifh #5 · Jan 12th, 2013 · · ·

1947469
No problem, I'm glad I helped.
And feel free to send me a message if you need something edited.

Bubbles_the_pegasus

Bubbles_the_pegasus #6 · Jan 15th, 2013 · · ·

Ahem, I believe that someone needs to give credit where credit is due. Sorry if I'm being pushy. -Bubbles

Bubbles_the_pegasus

Bubbles_the_pegasus #7 · Jan 15th, 2013 · · ·

But amazing, Frosting! I love what you did with Cloudburst's character! It's sort of like gar beginning, before the other members of the 9. (I will not bother to explain what that means. Frosting understands)

Bubbles_the_pegasus

Bubbles_the_pegasus #8 · Jan 25th, 2013 · · ·

Thank you frosting!

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