Twilight thought her life and her friends were safe and protected by friendship but Celestia has kept a secret from them. As the unsettling truth unfolds for Twilight and her group of friends what will come upon this faithful group of friends, and where will the truth take them. in this suspenseful story.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is a very good idea!
However, I do see some mistakes. When people/ponies are talking, give them a new paragraph. Each speaker needs a new paragraph. Also, try to give a little more detail; describe what Twilight and other ponies are feeling.
I love the words you make the ponies say, it really matches each pony`s personality! 
But it is pretty good! Other than some others grammar mistakes, i like it!
p.s.
Rainbow Factory reference?
hahaha yeah it was my friends idea and i'll do what i can to improve
it's my first witting so yeah so criticism would be good. /)
Hey guys FC here and I want to thank you guys who like the fiction and for those who didn't you can play a nice game of hide and go fuck yourself.
it's a good read, a few mistakes, but still good. And where is Newk1ll3r? I would love to chat with him.
2253388 NeWK1LL3R Here.
2253388 You could add him on skype MessanoMusicHD or on facebook NeWKiller or Quest dante Oulette.
2382790
I know his name :-P how should I not know my buds name. No Facebook, or Skype.
2357216
So this is your fimfiction account name?
Great. Two questions, can you guess who I am? If not, its okay man. And don't consider me a stalker, but, when will you make more music? Imma waiting for some beats. ^^