Chatper 1: Teleporters .... Suck
It was another hot day in the Blood Gulch Canyon and both teams had each recently received a new member (Not Donut and Caboose mind you). Let us check in on the Red team first, shall we?
~*^*^*^*^*^~^*^*^*^*^*~
(Red Base)
Sarge, Simmons, and Grif had decided to take the Warthog, or The Puma as Grif keeps calling it, out for a spin to do some, what Sarge called, ‘reconnaissance’. Meanwhile they had left their new teammate at the base with Donut.
“....So you came from where?” Donut asked the new guy.
She was a Flame red Spartan with a new looking set Recon armor. The new guy just grunted in frustration at her new teammate and began to walk off until she remember that she was ‘ordered’ to keep watch. With a defeated sigh she stood her ground and just continued to stare over the plain, boring grass and dirt that was Blood Gulch.
“I already told you...I was a tactic planner and reconnaissance expert. I was everywhere.” She said trying her best not to punch Donut off the building with the magnum she was issued. She had her SMGs clipped to the thighs of her armor, a Plasma Rifle on her back, and quite a few grenades attached to her waist, although she’d prefer not to dent or waste her weapons on a simpleton like Donut.
“Oh yeah......Do you like donut?” He said looking to the spartan again.
“Yes. I like donuts.” She said looking over the hills.
“No I meant me.” Donut replied. The spartan looked to donut before going back to his view of the gulch. “So is that a yes?...I am taking it as a yes.”
‘One day....One day I am going to blow these guys up with a 20 kilo megaton bomb.’ The flame red spartan thought.
“Whats your name again?” Donut asked.
“If I tell you will you shut up!?” She responded angrly looking at Donut through is blank visor.
“...Fine. Yes I will.” Donut replied.
“Like I have told you from day one and every other minutes since then....My name is Roger.” She said looking back over the hills. “Now shut up. And leave me in peace.”
“Alright fine.....Okay this is the last question. How did you get that armor? I mean the color not the style. ‘Cause I asked for a different colored armor and they gave me this lightish red armor.”
Roger just looked to Donut before chuckling. “That’s pink, Donut. And I got this because I was assigned here. My original armor was green, but I rather like this color more.”
“IT’S NOT PINK!! IT’S LIGHTISH RED!” Donut yelled with annoyance clear in his voice.
“Sure...Whatever you say pinkie.”
What Roger failed to notice was that whilst she was talking to Donut, Tucker and Rino were.... Or well Tucker, was sneaking up on them. Rino was just trying to catch up.
~*^*^*^*^*^~^*^*^*^*^*~
(Blue base)
(5 minutes before)
“Mr.Assault guy.” Caboose yet again said for like the 100th time. Rino sighed in annoyance.
“WHAT?” Rino growled out as he was busy trying to clean his Needler rifle, which he called “The Impaler”
“Where did you get that?” Caboose said as he pointed towards The Impaler. “It looks funny.”
“This?” Rino asked as he slowly stroked with a cleaning rag. “This I got from a dead alien.”
“Oooh! How did you get it? Did he give it to you? or Did you get it as a gift? Or maybe you... Stole it! You know its not nice to-”
“Would you shut up?” Rino said as he was getting annoyed. “I just took it from him after I stuck a knife in his throat...”
“That works too!” Church yelled from on top of the base.
As Rino was getting more and more annoyed since he could not clean his weapon in peace, he decided to put the cleaning supplies away into a small compartment on his desk. Picking up his weapon, he placed it on his back’s maglock turned around.
“Hey! Forgot to ask, how did you get that armor? You aren’t some freelancer are you? Those people are mean to me.” Caboose said a bit scared.
“Yeah that is a good question Caboose. ” Church said as he looked down the skylight hole to where they were.
“Should’t you keep watch?” Rino asked as he looked up a bit.
“What? It’s not like the reds are going to attack anyways, they have that orange guy, Grif on their team.” Church said back. ‘Fair enough’
“I got this armor aft-”
“THE REDS HAVE A NEW CHICK ON THEIR TEAM!” Tucker yelled with happiness in his voice.
“What?” Both Church and Rino said in unison.
“Is she pretty?” Caboose asked.
“She’s pretty hot man! I’m going over there to ask her out!” Tucker said as he jumped of the base and sprinted away from the other guys.
“What the fuck? Tucker you idiot! RINO GO AFTER HIM!” Church yelled.
“What?! Why me?!” Rino yelled back.
“Do you want to stay here all alone with Caboose?” Church asked “Wait! Forget I said anything!”
“No! I’LL GET HIM BACK IN A JIFFY!” Rino said as he picked up a magnum off the desk and some spare clips plus his trusty Carbon reinforced Combat knife and sprinted out of the base and after Tucker.
“SON OF A BITCH!” Church yelled angrly.
Rino was now in a full blown sprint after Tucker who seemingly had crossed in a few moments just to ask a chick out... As Rino got closer to Tucker they were at the ramp of the red base. Trying to sneak up on them.
~*^*^*^*^*^~^*^*^*^*^*~
(Red base)
(Current time)
“Roger! I already said it was lightish red!!” Donut yelled in frustration.
“Yeah yeah....Hey do you hear something?” Roger said turning around to look at the ramps only to see nothing. “Guess not.”
“See! I told you it was a girl look at that body man!” Tucker whispered as he was crouched down.
“WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT!?” Roger said turning around and pointing the gun at the ramp.
“Look what the fuck you did you dumbass!” Rino hissed to Tucker
“Hey not my fault she has sensitive hearing!” he hissed right back at Rino.
“I said who. The fuck. Said that! Get out or I swear to god I will blow you all to hell!!” Roger said pulling out grenade and priming it. “You got three seconds!....3!....2!....”
“MOVE YOU PRICK!” Rino yelled as he shoved Tucker up the ramp
“What the hell man!” Tucker yelled as he got shoved up the ramp in to plain view.
“...Who the hell are you and why were you staring at me....” Roger said putting the pin back into the grenade and pointing her gun at Tucker.
“Hey baby, no need to be so aggressive. We already had one of those here before and trust me, she did not get any of this.” Tucker said as he gestured himself.
Roger just lowered her gun and calmly walked over. “She didn’t huh?...Well I guess she didn’t get to do this...”
She walked right up to Tucker and with grace and calm commanding her steps....She kicked him in the balls and threw him down the ramp. “And they said this armor protects everything.”
“Ouch... Right in the nutter....” Rino muttered as he was looking down the ramp. You could faintly hear Tucker moan and whimper in pain.
“You want to make any remarks on me?” Roger asked as she placed a hand on her hip and glared at Rino through her visor.
“Yeah.... You have to put on some make up.” Rino said coldly. “You look like a fiddlestick.”
“I look like a violin’s bow?” She asked tilting her head.
“Huh? I was meaning you look like a scarecrow that’s named fiddlestick.” Rino replied to Roger.
“That’s all you got? Okay then. Now please take your creep friend and leave.” Roger said walking back to her post before stopping. “Wait.....Your blue!”
She spun around and pulled out her SMGs before pointing them at Rino. Who now was pointing a magnum at Donuts head.
“Oh don’t try anything. I’ve got your pink friend here at point blank range. Do anything and he gets it.” Rino said glaring right at Roger as she spun around.
“Humph. Alright you want to play it that way?” She gently put her guns back onto their places on her legs before walking over to the ramp. pulling out a plasma grenade, pushing down on the ignite function then she turned to Rino. “Kill him, I kill the creep.”
“Oh! That would be terrific!” Rino yelled in happiness. Roger just tilted her head at this, Rino then sighed in defeat “But I can’t just let my teammate die now can I?” he said to himself.
She shook her head and walked down the ramp before grabbing the groaning Blue and dragging him up. “Now take your friend here and leave before I blow us all up.”
She then got a magnum to the faceplate with a signed fuck you on it. And it was all from Rino who had thrown his magnum right at her face and hit spot on. “FUCK!!” she yelled out dropping Tucker and throwing the grenade in a random direction.
“Aha! I have you now!” Donut said as he delivered a right hook towards Rino, but when it connected it wasn’t Rino who was in pain. Something did break though.
“OW OW OW! That hurts!” Donut yelled as he grabbed his hand and fell to his knees.
Rino just stood there looking at Donut. A bit confused of what just happened. Roger had regained her senses and was staring at Donut as well. Then she looked to Rino and just sighed.
“Why do I feel like you and me are the only ones here with any sort of training?” She said while picking up Tucker and walking over to the teleporter.
“Because this Canyon is filled with idiots.” Rino replied as he looked towards Roger who was dragging Tucker towards the teleporter.
“What are you doing with Tucker?” Rino said as he raised a eyebrow behind his helmet.
“I am gonna teleport him somewhere else and be rid of him.” She said pressing a few buttons on the side of the large machine. Electrical sparks came out of the instrument board after a few presses, she assumed that the teleporter was broken, but it looked active. “Well goodbye creepy blue guy I never want to see again.”
Then she threw the Blue spartan into the teleport before it flashed, turning....Rainbow colored?
What she failed to notice was that Rino had picked up his magnum that were on the floor and walked over to Donut who had passed out of pain he gotten from his, possibly, broken hand. and picked him up by the collar and holding him up in the air.
“Well... Off you go!” Rino said as he threw Donut through the teleporter and scaring Roger a bit.
“Aww damn it. Why’d you go and do that?” Roger said sounding more disappointed than concerned.
“Well you see, you thre- Wait a second....” Rino said before reaching back to try and grab something that wasn’t there on his back. You could almost see the rage behind his visor.
“No way.... That fucker! I’M GOING TO FUCK HIM UP!” Rino roared as he ran straight through the teleporter. Roger just stood there for a moment before sighing and looking at the teleporter.
“Stay here and see if I get a reward for getting rid of two blues.....Or try and save Donut.” Roger said trying to weigh her options. “They did say if I failed this task I would have to do something to ‘make up for it’. Fuck that I’m going.”
She took a few steps back before bolting through the teleporter. After a sudden flash the device went back to the same sickly green color it was before.
~*^*^*^*^*^~^*^*^*^*^*~
(Canterlot gardens)
(Afternoon)
Twilight and her friends were walking through the gardens trying to find a good spot to put their picnic down. Princess Celestia had decided to reward them for all their efforts by giving them a couple weeks in Canterlot to relax and enjoy themselves.
“Twilight when are we gonna get there?” Rainbow Dash whined as she lazily drifted in front of the group.
“Oh hush up Rainbow. We’ll get there when we get there!” Applejack said while she carried a basket on her back.
They walked around for a few more minutes before stopping in a clear area with a few trees that provided shade. All agreeing on the place, they began to set everything up and started to enjoy themselves until.....
“FUUUCK! MY ARM!” somepony yelled. All being startled by the sudden noise, they looked to each other before running to the sound of the voice. They run through the brush and began to panic when they didn’t find the pony in question. A sudden white flash through a part of the thicket caused them to sprint over to find the owner of the sudden yell.
“What the fuck is this? Its not enough that I get hit in the balls, but now I can’t feel my body!” The strange aqua colored and armored pony yelled as he was sprawled out on the grass.
The small group of mares looked at each other and then back to the pony. His entire body was covered in a strange metal and fabric while his eyes where covered by a golden piece of reflective glass.
“Hello? Are you okay?” Twilight asked taking a step forward. Before she could take another step there was another flash of light and another pony fell on top of the other two covered in the same armor only his was colored pink. And there was some strange object that fell with him.
“Ow! What the hell Donut! Watch were you are landing!” The aqua one yelled. “Hey.... I can feel my limbs again!”
The pink pony groaned and rolled off of the aqua one before whimpering. “I can’t feel my hand.” he said.
“That’s because you don’t have a- What the... Since when were you a horse Donut?” The aqua one asked as he looked at the pink one who was named Donut.
“Um.... I didn’t... Did I?” ‘Donut’ said looking raising and looking at his hoof. “Holy crap I am a horse..... HOLY CRAP I AM A HORSE!!!”
“Calm down! I’m sure its not all that bad I mean loo-” The aqua one said as he streched out one hoof to point at some thing but stopped as he laid his visor on his hoof. “What. The Fuck?”
“Holy crap your a horse too, Tucker!!!” Donut said to ‘Tucker’.
“Holy shit I’m a horse!” Tucker said as he jumped a bit, he got even more surprised when he felt two unknown appendages stretch out from his side
“HOLY CRAP YOUR A BIRD HORSE!!” Donut said pointing a hoof at Tucker again.
The small group of mares looked to each other, silently debating whether to help the crazed, armored ponies out. With a few shrugs, Twilight walked over and spoke up.
“Um... Are you two alright?” She asked walking up to them. They both were silent and looked at her in unison, causing her to feel uncomfortable because of the emotionless helmets they wore.
“D-Did that j-just speak?” Donut said has he pointed a hoof at Twilight.
“That is a she Donut.” Tucker replied. Donut just looked at Tucker who responded “Donut It’s me. Don’t you think I can’t see guy from girl?”
“You mistook me for a girl.” Donut quietly said trying to sit up. He somewhat succeeded by rolling onto his stomach, but was still struggling to use his fore hooves to push himself up. “I think my hand is broken.”
“I think its called hoof now...” Tucker said as he brought up his own fore hoof in front of his visor.
Twilight was about to say something else until another voice was heard. Only this one was angrier. MUCH angrier.
“PINK GUY! YOU ARE SO FUCKING DEAD!” It yelled. Donut shot up without even thinking and began to, Strangely, run away, not even caring about his hoof anymore.
“OH SHIT!! I DON’T LIKE PAIN!!” He said as he ran through the brush. Before anyone could say something a large bipedal creature wearing the different style of armor and a different color which one would describe as Deep sea blue, burst out of the brush and ran past them without even looking.
“Uh! New guy! Your gun is here!” Tucker yelled at the bipedal creature who skidded to a halt and turned around. It menancingly walked up to Tucker and grabbed him by the collar before bringing him up to his visor.
“WHERE?” It spoke out in a deep rage filled voice. All the girls slightly whimpered and took a few steps back while Fluttershy had passed out.
“Just over there! Christ calm the fuck down!” Tucker said as he pointed a hoof to a strange looking purple stick with pink spikes poking out the top. He then got dropped by the creature who walked over and picked up it slowly and inspecting it.
“I swear to god, If that pink fucker put so much as a-” it began.
“You should really be nicer.” Another voice said as another one of the creatures walked into view. This one was about the same height, but it’s armor was different and slightly slimmer. It was also a bright Flame red color. It was also holding Donut like he was a puppy. “By the way....Why are our teammates ponies?”
“Oh It’s you... I thought you were back at Red base.... Wait did you say ponies?” The creature said standing up and looking to it’s red counter part.
“What the fuck are you talking about? Can’t you see that Tucker is a hu-” he began as he pointed and looked to Tucker whom was inspecting the large wings on his back. Then something unexpected happened.
The Blue creature started laughing, in fact he laughed so much that he collapsed and rolled around on the grass.
“What’s so damn funny?” Tucker asked the creature.
“The fact-” he snorted out between a laugh “-that you are a miniature horse! With wings!”
“I think they are adorable.” The red one said patting Donut’s armored head..
“I know you could not resist the Tucker, baby.” Tucker said as he looked at the Red bipedal one.
“I said I liked Donut. Not you, ya creep.” The red one said. You could almost feel the glare the she was giving from behind the visor.
“YAY! She likes me!” Donut announced happily and then looked at Tucker.. “Damn...I forgot I can’t stick my tongue out in a mask.”
“I never said I was a girl...” The red one said.
“What!? B-but...” Donut sputtered out.
“My name is Roger isn’t it?” ‘Roger’ said.
“Yeah and my name is ‘Mclovin’.” Tucker said being sarcastic.
“Are you saying I’m a lying?” Roger said looking to Tucker.
“You can’t trust a Red.” The bipedal blue said as he now had calmed himself and was standing.
“Yeah whatever Rino said.” Tucker said as he nodded his head.
“Well then you all can go to hell.” Roger said to the Blue pony and creature.
The situation was starting to get out of hand and Rainbow Dash was becoming impatient, so she decided to take action. She flew out so all both the ponies and creatures could see her and yelled.
“Alright what the buck is going on here!?”
“Rainbow darling! Language!” Rairty said stepping out as well.
The bipedal blue or ‘Rino’ as he was called by Tucker was leaning against a tree while the red one or ‘Roger’ was still holding Donut in her/his arms.
“So are you a girl?” Donut finally said as he looked up at Roger.
“....Yes. I am.” Roger finally said. Donut did a small hoof pump while Tucker yelled out.
“I fucking knew it!”
“What.... The fuck?....” Rino said in disbelieve.
“Yeah..... Do you think a man could have an ass this good and still pull it off in 3 inch steel plating?” Roger said shrugging.
“You.... You.... You...” Rino kept repeating.
“What? Does the big, strong Blue have a crush on little miss Red?” Roger said. Even though her face was covered you knew she had a massve shit-eating grin on her face.
Rino then pulled out a strange L shaped object from his thigh and pointed it towards Roger.
“There is no way you are a fucking girl.” Rino said still in disbelieve
“Oh put that gun down. I think I would know if I was a girl or not. Besides why is that so hard to believe?” Roger said.
“Yeah! I can’t see her face and I believe she is a girl.” Donut said as he shifted a little in Roger’s grip.
“There... Is... No way... A girl beat me... In combat.” Rino stated
“Oh, really? Does that make you less of a man?” Roger said taking a step forward.
“No fucking way, I’ll beat you up right fucking now if I have too.” Rino said as he took a step forward way from the tree he was leaning on.
“Oh, come now. You wouldn’t hit a woman would you?” Roger asked innocently as she gently put Donut down and took a few more steps closer.
“You are really fucking getting on my nerves here...” Rino said as he walked forward and was standing directly in front of Roger.
“I am? Well then... I guess I shouldn’t do this..” She gently placed a hand on hand on his that was holding the gun and lowered it while taking one more step to get right in his face.”...Should I?”
“Do what?” Rino asked with venom dripping of every word.
“This...” Then she wrapped her arms around him and gently giving him a tight hug.
“W-Wha?” Rino asked as he dropped the L shaped object to the ground
“Aw... I give you a compliment and I get kicked in the nuts, he points a gun at your head and you give him a hug? That’s bullshit.” Tucker said throwing a hoof in their direction.
“Firstly you are a creep. Secondly you are not as handsome as this guy.” Roger said not breaking the hug.
“W-Wha? I... Uh... Uh..” Rino started.
“What cat got your tongue?” Roger asked Rino innocently. Rino the gently pushed her off and picked up his gun, he then walked back to his tree and slumped against it all whilst being suprisingly quiet. “I think I broke him.”
Tucker took a look at his teammate and walked over to him or well... crawling in his case since he could not figure out how a four legged creature walked. When he got to Rino he gave him a light tap on the waist a few times.
No response.
He tried hitting him harder.
Again... No response.
“Yeah, you broke him. He usually punches me when I start poking him when he’s sleeping.” Tucker said a bit afraid.
Twilight just walked over to Donut and tapped him on the shoulder. “Um excuse me. But what is going on?”
Donut turned to Twilight and tilited his head. “Well... You since Spartans can’t take off their armor as often as they want they can’t do any type of intimate actions like kissing. So a hug is like the a kiss for us.”
“Donut, I’m not sure if you are really dumb at the moment.... Or if you forgot to read your armor manual.” Tucker said as he pressed a few buttons on his neck. There was a hissing noise and steam that blew out of the neck plates then he gave the helmet a light tug. It slipped right off to show a grinning aqua colored pony with black eyes and a black short mane. “See. You can still remove the armor.”
“B-but sarge said if I ever removed my armor it would blow up!” Donut said confused. Roger now crouched in front of Donut and said.
“You do know that Sarge is just screwing with you right?” Roger said. “Here. let me show you.”
She placed her hands on his helmet before pressing a few buttons and giving his helmet a slight tug before the same hissing and steam came out. Then ever so slowly removed his helmet.
“See? No explosion.” Roger said standing up so everyone could see Donut.
He was a Pink stallion who had a short hazel brown mane and light brown eyes which were confused.
“B-But.... That means Sarge lied to me...” Donut said with tears building up in his eyes. Roger knealt down again and picked up the pony like he was a child and hugged him.
“Ah it’s not that bad. They lied to me too.” Roger said soothingly.
“This is so fucking unfair. First Rino now Donut?” Tucker muttered as he shook his head dissapointed and sad.
“Well, like I said you are a fucking creep.” Roger said as she apparently had heard what Tucker muttered about, but right as Tucker was going to answer Roger they heard a faint snore coming from a tree.
All three of them looked to see that Rino who slumped against the tree had now fallen asleep and was lightly snoring.
“Well.... That explains why he wasn’t moving.”
Twilight and the others had heard enough and just wanted to figure out what was going on. Twilight took the pleasure of asking the same question everyone of them were thinking.
“Excuse me, but can somepony please explain what is going on!?” She somewhat yelled.
STARTING STRONG! 2013's already looking good for the bronies and the RVB fans. Keep goin and stay golden^^
Comrade i will give vodka for each chapter you make
Wait... is Roger a girl or a guy because I still cant tell.
bow chika bow wow
This looks great! I shall be watching this
1885348
You're supposed to disregard everything because:
1) It's a Halo fic
2) It's a Halo fic based off of a shitty YouTube series with an annoying cast.
inb4 fanboy downvotes.
1885377
In what way is it shitty, hm? Because it's popular? Because anyone who has ever been on Youtube, or played Halo has heard of them? Because they have over two million subscribers? Because they're damn better than you are?
No, go ahead. Share with me your wisdom on how bad they are for what asinine reason you can come up with.
1885455
It's my personal taste, you pretentious asshole.
1885462
I'm the pretentious asshole for simply not agreeing with you? For asking why? You can't hear it right now but I'm doing a slow clap for your astounding reasoning. I'm not being condescending because I think you're stupid, really I don't. Oh by the way, condescending means talking down to.
1885475
I was attempting a joke with that first comment, but obviously this was taken literally. The comment section doesn't need this drama, so I'll just end it here.
I don't like Halo and I don't like RvB, therefore I think RvB is 'shitty' because it is not my type of humor.
Thank you for taunting me.
There wouldn't be a reason to define condescending to me if you're not trying to belittle me, unless you're being completely sarcastic.
If you really want to verbally fight me, go ahead and PM me... I guess...
1885484
Even though I'm a fan of Halo and RvB, I completely understand why you have a distaste for seeing them, but I have just one question:
Did you dislike this, and if so was it just because it was Halo/RvB?
I ask this because one thing I can't seem to grasp is why people dislike fics because they don't like the source material, when they could just as easily have ignored it.
1885583
As in clicking the thumbs down button? No, I haven't voted on it yet...
Now this is very interesting.Keep updating this and you might just get a fav and a like.
Wow, nice job dude! Hilarious! Can't wait to read more.
This story... sucks.
Sorry, too good of an opportunity pass up. Nah, this story was pretty decent.
I really really hope for your safety that you include freelancers....
http://www.podtacular.com/images/product_1315409167f.jpg
Watch your grammar. Otherwise this is proving to be entertaining.
One thing I don't get. Why are Donut and Tucker ponies while roger and Rino aren't? Yet?
1886437 It's part of the story, I've got something very special in plan for Rino and Roger.
But.... If i told you.... It wouldn't be a secret now would it?
All I am saying is spell check and grammar
Other than that I am adding this to my favorites. I loved it!
I just made an account to tell you that you have done a great job on this
1886235 Oh, Regidar. You kidder you! Also: ^^^^1885475>>1885484MAJOR CATFIGHT ABOVE^^^^^
This is generally bad. The writing is bland and there are a lot of issues with spelling and grammar. The only reason this story has the likes it does is because there are enough halofans who don't know shit about grammar and storytelling to click the like and favorite buttons.
1885377I back you up with the downvote, but not for that reason specifically. I would give it a chance if it were written well, but this is garbage.
1885455 This story is written like garbage. it is shitty.
Will read later...
I have other stories..Sorry, but I'll follow you for updates and question and like to not forget about it!
Will maybe fav in the end...After reading.
1886597 I appreciate your feedback and I find your comment hilarious.
I shall improve my grammar and story telling.
1886759 Sorry for the brutal honesty. That's kind of a bad habit of mine.
1886773 No no, its rather fine. I appreciate your comment for telling your opinion, not everyone likes everything.
Oh, and look. My comment is getting voted down because I have an honest opinion. Christ, it's like youtube!
If you remember knighty's reason for adding the upvote downvote comment system was to help detect spam comments and comments that did not help or contribute to the story. But since 99% of people are stupid, the system is being used for personal preference instead of practical use. Isn't that just great?
How often do you update?
1886812
You sir, just made my day with that comment.
Grammar needs work, other then that I like this story so far
I squee'd in delight when I read the description, even more so when I read the story.
Ah, yes! Another Red Vs Blue
1886597 I think you got the downvotes because you weren't any help with improving the story. If you had said, "I dont like this story, here's why I dont like it, and here are a couple of suggestions/things you could fix to improve it."
All you said was:
So, you stated your opinion. And reasons why you don't like it. But then you just went on to rage. If you're gonna leave a comment to criticize the story, then at least have the courtesy to help the author out.
That comment wasn't "brutal honesty". It was being a jerk. Please try to not do that in the future!
-Winter Storm
WRITE's Technical Technicality Technician
1887229 What do you think brutal honesty is.
1887293 Brutal honesty is when you speak regardless of the other's feelings. Okay. But you went further and started insulting people, which is not brutal honesty.
1887299 I directed an insult at nobody but everybody.
1887328 The key word is "insult".
Insult: To treat with gross insensitivity, insolence, or contemptuous rudeness. See Synonyms at offend.
b. To affront or demean: an absurd speech that insulted the intelligence of the audience.
2. Obsolete To make an attack on.
1. To behave arrogantly.
2. To give offense; offend: "a speech that was intended to insult."
1886597
the grammar isn't as bad as your claiming man, sure a few errors here and there but i can safely say its not as bad as you're saying.
1887342 I'm not going to fight with you on this story. If you want to cause problems, take it to my page. The End! bye!
1887380 Thank you, I shall get to editing these mistakes out.
Ehh... I'll be frank, Donut seems a bit of to me, but I'm not sure what it is... It just seems like he's channeling just a BIT TOO much of Caboose. XD Other than that, it's... interesting, I guess. Suppose I'll track for now to see where it goes.
1886598 daddy discord... steem? are you Daytechydude?
This seems goooooood.
And stop the fuckin' bitchin' up there. You're more annoying than idiot trolls.
you must make MOAR!!!!!!!
Okay buddy, I'm in love with your idea for this fic, but they way you presented it is so... bad. The excessive minute weaponry details, the blatant lack of grammar and spelling prowess, the incredible lack of ponies for a crossover fic, and the overabundance of swearing even for Red Vs. Blue.... it's not looking good. You have the characterization for the two teams spot on, and some of the jokes are very amusing. However, I just don't see the point for the two OCs. I think that the story could work very well if you just stuck to the Mane Six and both teams, because the obvious-Tex ripoff and the overly aggressive Rino aren't adding much to the story at this point.
I think you have a great concept, it just needs better execution and some polish. I'll be watching this for a bit to see if you make any improvements. I hope you do.
Thank god! Another one...
RvB and no O'Malley? Instant dislike!