A Unexpected turn.... Sucks extremely bad. (Extra long)
Chapter 6: A Unexpected turn.... Sucks extremely bad.
WARNING: This chapter contains Mature, Feels, and Loads of swearing. If this is not your forte, then don't read it.
Wash was starting to walk towards the village in a rather slow pace because he was looking around. He saw that the colors of everything was extremely... Colorful. He also noticed how lively this place was compared to all other places. Like sidewinder, or Blood Gulch.
He kept walking and inspecting the surroundings before taking a deep sigh, and said to himself.
“Too bad I wont, stay here forever. This place seems nice” He said looking up at the sky as he was walking. As he was walking, he could have sworn he heard someone yelling in the distance. He looked off to see a large castle like structure in the distance. “Huh..... That’s something you don’t see to often.”
He thought of something quickly before trying it. He looked down and turned on his radio before speaking into it.
“This is Agent Washington. Can anyone hear me?” He said looking at the dirt road before kicking a small pebble causing it to hit a ant effectively crushing it.
“HEY EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP! I AM ON THE PHO-. RADIO!” Roger yelled.
“Ow, my poor ears.” Wash muttered as he held a hand on his right side of the helmet.
Then Roger said with a MUCH gentler voice. “Hello?” She said almost sounding normal.
“Ah! Hello! This is Age-... You know what I’ve repeated myself way to much during these nearest two days. Just call me Wash.” He said sounding a bit annoyed.
“Okay Wash.... You wouldn’t happen to be a Spartan in grey armor with yellow stripes would ya?” Roger said.
“Yes, that would happen to be me. Why you asking?” he replied curiously.
“Tell me if you see this!” Roger said before a large tuft of dirt blew up next to him. “Did you see that!?”
Wash jumped a little before looking at it. “What the hell was that?”
“That was me showing Church how to shoot a rifle.” In the back ground some one was yelling. “Oh shut up Church everyone knows you suck! Anyway... Names Roger!”
“Okay.... Pleasure to meet you, but enough of that, where are you located?” He asked getting a bit more serious.
He heard a few whispers in the background. “You might want to shield your eyes.” She said.
“Huh? What do you mean shield my eyes? I have a polarized visor.”
“Well.... Let’s just say our means of arrival will be a bit... Flashy.” Roger said before getting off the radio. As she got off, there was a slight almost faint hum coming from behind him.
“What the...?” He said turning around. As he faced the area the humming was coming from, a sudden blinding light was flashed before..... Nothing was there.
Roger called in and said. “Well that backfired.... Just um... Look to the sky.”
He then turned around and saw that some thing red was flying up above the castle looking thing.
“You’ve got to be kidding... You’re all the way over there?” He said with little amusement.
“Yuppers!... Oh... No you can’t use my helmet. Because your head’s too big that’s why!..... Fine!” Roger said sounding annoyed. “Okay so... Do you see a small town or village near you?”
“It’s less than half a mile click away. I could make there in ten minutes if I walk fast.” Wash said as he kept looking at the castle looking city thing. “May I ask why the teleporter was broken in the first place?”
“I don’t know... I was tinkering with it like I do with my arm, then it flashed rainbow and now we are here! Not that bad... Except for the.... Side effects.”
Wash raised a eyebrow behind his mask before asking. “So you deliberetly tinkered with prototype teleporting technology.... And there is side effects?”
“Yeah, there are. Like the side effect of having no head from annoying me.” Roger said and just to prove a point a round went past Wash’s head. “Got’s it?”
“You have one bad aim, you missed my head by two point seventy-three centimeters.” Wash said unimpressed.
“Who said I that was me shooting?.... Take a guess at who fired.” Roger said.
“Your boyfriend.” Wash said with a smirk behind his mask.
“.....” Roger was silent before saying. “I hope you know I am wielding a anti-tank rifle that is currently pointed at your crotch. And no. It wasn’t my boyfriend. He is trying to put his hand through Church again.”
“What did you say? … And you actually have a boyfriend? I thought you were a guy.” Wash said a bit amused.
“Dude..... I am seriously gonna change your gender if you don’t shut up.” Roger said sound even more annoyed.
Wash just motioned with his hand to move the conversation along. “Alright... So have you seen the local inhabitants?” Roger said as the sound of a rifle zooming out was heard.
“No, not yet. I woke up a while ago.” He said before starting to walk slowly towards the village.
“Well then. I strongly advise you either put your gun on safety or take a few meds to numb the shock your about to get.” Roger said almost sounding... Happy.
“Oookay...” Wash said a bit creeped out. “... I swear you are having sex right now.” he said before picking up his pace.
“You would like that wouldn’t you?” Roger said suggestively. “The sound of me moaning into the mic.”
Wash just facepalmed before shaking his head lightly. “No, preferably not. In our civil conversation, please keep the moaning to the bed room.” He said with a sigh.
“That ain’t possible dude.” Roger said. “They tend to go all over the place.”
“Slut.” Wash said.
“Man whore.” Roger said back.
“Bitch.” Wash responded
“Cunt mouth.” Roger said back.
“Slut whore.” Wash said as a comback
“Man bitch.” Roger responded casually.
Wash hummed before stopping quickly. “Bet that you only use that so called ‘boyfriend’ of yours because of his looks.”
“Bet you fondle your rifle at night because it’s the only thing that sees any action.” Roger retorted.
“Better than dying on the front lines.” Wash said back.
“Eh. Only sometimes.” Roger said. “So... You gonna continue walking or do I need to cause a uproar in the town.”
“You still stalking me with that scope? You dirty, dirty girl.” Wash said with much amusement.
“Oh you know you love it.” Roger said.
Wash just chuckled before continuing to walk towards the village which looked a bit closed than it used to.
“Oh I should probably warn you about the locals.” Roger began. “They are lovely! Just smile and they should be very friendly!”
“Smile? What are you? Something with X-ray vision?” Wash said looking at the castle city thingy, before tapping his helmet twice.
“Then why don’t you take it off? These guys aren’t exactly... Violent. Just skiddish.” Roger replied.
“No, I’m not taking of my helmet in possible hostile enviorment.”
“Huh?.... No he hasn’t... Will you stop! Rino damn it! You’re such a child!!.... Fine. Rino says hi.” Roger said into her mic.
“Oh, so your both there? Good to know... And tell him Hi back.” Wash said.
“Oh yeah! And he says he is gonna cave in your helmet when he sees you.” Roger quickly added.
“You sure that’s not you speaking?” Wash asked.
“Naw. You sound like a nice guy. Don’t look to bad either...... Okay now he says your gonna get your legs broken.” Roger said.
“Eh, doesn’t sound that bad.” Wash said shrugging before walking again.
“He said that wasn’t that bad.... NO I am not saying that! Jesus your cruel. Yeah. Just keep walking.” Roger replied.
(A/N: A little bit of mature stuff beyond this point)
But back at Canterlot Rino.... Had some other ideas. He slowly sneaked up on Roger who was naked... Meaning she only was in her coat except the helmet on her head. So he slowly ran his left fore-hoof up her inner right leg.
“R-RINO!... Not right now!” Roger said over the mic. Rino of course just grinned at her before moving his hoof up to her nether regions and slowly massaging it.
“R-Rino! God damn it! S-Stop! I am doing something important right now!” Roger said using one of her back hoofs to shakily push him away. This wiped the grin of his face for a few seconds before he got another bright idea.
He quickly made his way back there but instead of using his hoof... He used his snout. This caused Roger to go wide eyed in surprise.
“Son of a bitch!” Roger yelled out. She quickly used her tail to swipe Rino’s face away. “Damn it Rino! I said stop! I need to get Wash over here!”
Rino just lost his smile and sat on Rogers left side. “You never let me have fun.” he muttered under his breath.
Roger just sighed and looked to him. “Later alright? I promise.” Roger said with a smile which was hidden behind her helmet.. “Hell go and choose a mare. You’ll get that make session you wanted.”
(A/N: And here it stops.)
Now back to Wash!
“What was that?” Wash asked from his position.
“Oh nothing. Just a small relationship quarrel. Nothing too bad.” Roger said through her mic and the sound of something skidding out the door was heard.
“What a odd pair....” Wash mused to himself.
“Mic is still on hot stuff.” Roger said snickering.
“Well... Whoops.” Wash said.
“Ah it’s alright. I think I know the perfect girl for you.” Roger said. “Her name is donut.”
“Hmm... I’m not really intrested in a relationship right now.” Wash said with a little less cheery voice.
“Hmm. Too bad. She is looking for someone like you. Strong, commanding, has a nice ass.” Roger said. “You got a few more yards to go.”
“I know you like what you see, but girl you better calm down. You already got one guy to please, unless your a polygamist.” Wash said with a chuckle.
“Mmmmmmaaaaybe.” Roger said in a sing-song tone.
Wash’s chuckle then erupted to a laugh, in fact he laughed so hard that Roger started giggling at him.
“So who is the lucky other one?” He said after calming down some what.
“Maybe you if you don’t stop flirting.” Roger said.
“Me? Flirt? What are you smoking?” Wash asked a bit surprised before walking towards the village.
“Oh come on. Even Rino noticed it. And that is saying something.” Roger responded.
Wash just rolled his eyes before saying. “You are acting more like a little sister right now.”
“Oh so that’s what you’re into? Maybe I should reconsider.” Roger said snickering.
Wash chuckled before shaking his head. “You have one weird brain, but sure. Whatever you say.”
“You want to see weird? Try seeing your boyfriend tied to a bed with another girl and then throw said girl into a wall made of clouds.... Strange to say the least.” Roger responded.
“Meow.” Wash said pretending to stratch the air in front of him.
“Oh you’d like to see a cat fight wouldn’t you?” Roger teased.
“Probably would be fun... But it will probably end up with one of them crying, then its all taken up in the court.” Wash said a bit saddend
“Nah. Usually it ends with making out and booze. Believe me, I know.” Roger said sounding a little weird.
“Heh, that’s nice to know... Oh coming up on the village now.” Wash said.
“Alright... Just be sure to..... Rino what are you talking about?.... What do you mean she is just gone!?” Roger said sounding a bit panicky. “Um Wash? Tell me. Is there something BRIGHT pink anywhere around you?”
Wash looked around and saw nothing. “No... Nope nothing bright pink.” he said shrugging a bit.
“Okay.... I would slowly begin to step away from the town. Or just be as sneaky as possible going in.” Roger replied.
“Uh, I think that can be arranged.” he said bringing up hand to his face to clean up the visor. But as he did that he noticed that he was slightly glowing green.
“Wow... Dude you alright... You look... Green.” Roger said.
“The hell?” He said rotating his hand a bit.
“Ooooh.... Yeah this is the side effect. Just stay relaxed and it won’t hurt.... Too much.” Roger said sounding sorry for what was going on.
“Well... What ever it is... It can’t be that bad right? … Right?” He said as he put down his hand again and saw some thing look at him from the town. It looked like a miniature horse. “What the fuck?”
“10... 9... 8...” Roger began to count. “7... 6... Oh fuck it. Incoming shitstorm!”
As she said that into the radio Wash ran of taking cover behind a hill. He noticed that he glowed extremely more green before a bright green flash happened. After the light died down he tried to sit up but noticed that his arms were missing something... Namely his hands.
“This... What’s this?” he asked himself.
Roger hissed though the mic and whispered something. Then went back to a normal voice. “Okay we are coming to get you big guy. Hold on!”
He lifted one of his handless arms to his forehead and felt something stick out. “What the hell? Did my forehead decide to get a boner all of a sudden?” He hissed before trying to stand up. But ended up faceplanting.
He looked back and saw that his back legs were changed too, and that he had a tail... Which made him look like a miniature horse.
“Okay.... This, is the worst day. Ever.... Of all time.” He muttered to himself.
“Okay Wash we are coming for you! Just um... Sit tight!” Roger said before a loud humming was heard over the speakers.
“Yeah, I can barely move here anyways...” Wash said before he spotted something Orange. “Is that other guy.... Grif?”
“Wash! Is that you! Oh thank go-.... Wait your not wash.” Grif said as he shakily walked over.
“What the hell, It is me you idiot!” Wash hissed at Grif.
“Hmmm. I don’t entirely believe you.” Grif said as the sound of a giant firecracker going off echoed for a moment.
“Wha-” “Aw fuck!” Both Wash and Grif said at the same time.
“What the hell did you do?” Wash said as looked away from Grif. whom was getting blamed.
“Nothing! I think.... I am a pony god damn it!” Grif shouted before laying down and huffing.
“What?”
“Look. At. Me.” Grif said pointing a hoof at himself.
“New’s flash, I’m a pony too jackass.” Wash said annoyed.
“Yooouuurr not a pony. You have a horn.” Grif said getting up and walking over before tapping Wash’s horn. “See?”
Wash though felt like someone was violating him... Somehow via the fore head. “Watch it! Shit this thing is sensitive...” Wash said as he scooted a little bit away from Grif.
“Yeah.... So are these.” Grif said as two large wings spread from his back. “I scratched my back on a tree and I melted..... It felt great.”
Before anyone could say anything they heard a very angry voice bellow out. “FUCKING SHIT FACE MCGEE.”
“I’m guessing that was Roger on your team?” Wash said looking at the living garbage dump called Grif.
“Maybe... I need to hear more.” Grif said as one of his armored ears titled towards the town.
“Fetish much?” Wash asked Grif.
“Look who’s talking boner head boy.” Grif said.
“Why the fuck are your wings erect?” Wash said looking at his wings for a second.
“HEY QUIT STARING AT MY ERECTION!” Grif yelled at Wash.
“Oh god! So you really have a weird fetish!” Wash yelled in disgusted and tried to backpedal, but could not feel any of his limbs.
“Should I leave you two alone... Or can I watch how this plays out?” Roger said as she was laying a few feet away.
“That guy must have some weird fetish about you.” Wash said pointing a hoof in Grif’s general direction.
“Naw... He is too lazy to form a fetish.” Roger said standing up and walking over to Washington. “So you are Wash I take it?”
“Yeah, that’s me.... I’m guessing that you are.... Roger?” He said after thinking a bit.
She took a hoof and tapped his armored snout. “Bingo.”
“Uh, mind helping me some? I can’t feel my limbs.” Wash said painfully.
“That depeneds.” She took a hoof and punched his front fore-leg. “Did you feel that?”
“Is that a dent in my armor?” He said trying to see if his armor got dented where Roger punched.
“Yeah probably. Okay. Up you go!” She said using he metallic arm to lift Wash up and onto her back. “Comfy?”
“Ehh, If riding a girl count’s as comfy then I’ll be damned.” Wash said with amusement in his voice.
Roger just shifted a bit before her wings spread out. “Better? Or worse?”
Wash looked at the wings for a short while before realizing that she could fly. “Wait... You are a uh, Pegasus right?”
“I believe so. Why?” Roger said walking over to Grif.
“Aren’t your wings sensitive like...” Wash said as he poked a hoof at the base of the wing. “...Here?”
Roger’s wings stiffened and shot up, one of which hit Grif in the face, and she sat down letting Wash fall off. Then she turned around and brought his visor to hers. “Do that again... And I will break your horn off.” She hissed.
"Son of a bitch that hurt." Grif said as he climbed back to his hooves.
Wash instinctively moved his hoof up to his horn... Before he was realizing what he was doing and put his arm down again. “At least Grif got a wing to the face.” he said sheepishly.
Roger’s glare, even though it couldn’t be seen, continued till she flapped her wings a few times and brought them back to her sides. “Yes. Now if I pick you up again. Are you gonna do that?”
“Only if you want me to.” Wash replied with a small yawn. Roger just put a small dent in his chest plate before picking him up again.
“Watch it hot stuff. Or Rino might just get jealous.” Roger said pointing to said pony who was walking over the hill. Weirdly enough on his two back hooves.
“What’s up with his way of walking?” Wash asked.
“Yeah I know.... Kinda hard not to stare when he takes his armor off.” Roger said turning back to Grif. “Grif hold still so I can fix your wings.”
Roger moved his wings back into place, much to Grif’s displeasure. “Easy! These things are sensitive!”
“Shut up. Hey Rino!” Roger said putting his other wing into place and waving at Rino.
Rino gave a grunt in response then a yawn. “I’m bored.” was all that he managed to say.
“Hey Rino. Dare you to touch Wash’s horn.” Roger said shaking her back to jiggle Wash a bit.
“What!? Why would he do that?” Wash said with displesure.
“Because I dared/asked him too.” Roger said Turning to Rino. “Pwease?”
“What do I get?” Rino asked looking at Roggie.
“I’ll let you have your fun when we get back to the castle.” Roger said.
Before anything else could be said Rino ran over to Wash and touched his horn. And since Wash horn was extremely sensitive... He felt violated.
“Ugh... Why would you do this?” Wash asked with a shudder.
“Because fun.” Rino said after letting go of Wash horn.
“Thank you Rino!” Roger said, attempting, to nuzzle Rino with her helmet on.
Rino on the other hand was completely unarmored and was running around on his back hooves... freely, with other mares around. He quickly hugged Roger before running off somewhere.
“Hey Wash. Look.” Roger said pointing to the running Rino.
“That look’s.... Terrifyingly weird... But funny at the same time.” Wash said with a small chuckle.
“Eh... You get used to it. Okay mister weird boner. Ready to meet the ruler of this land?” Roger said walking over the hill.
“Weird boner? The hell is up with the names today?” Wash complained. “Wait... Did you say ruler of this land?”
“Maaaaaaaaybe?” Roger said almost questioningly.
“Sensitive wing lady.” Wash said “Answer my question.”
“Nah. I think I will leaving ya hanging.” Roger said as they neared a small group of ponies.
Wash adjusted himself so he was lying across her back instead basicly over it. So now his head was on top of hers. “You feel soft-ish.... Makes me want to fall asleep.”
“You should feel my mane without this helmet on.” Roger said smirking behind her helmet.
“Guessing it feels like a cloud?” He said with a small smirk of his own.
“Close, but no. Clouds are much softer.” Roger answered. “Also I would not dose off. The purple one is very punctual.”
“Oh god, I hate briefings.... They are so long and bo-” Wash said before he yawned loudly. “... Boring.”
Rino then came runing with a broom in his forehoofs swinging it wildly before screaming “Die you stupid fly!”
“Rino! Stop swinging that thing around and put some pants on!” Roger yelled at him.
“No.” he said in with a childish voice, before swinging the broom one last time. “Hey I got that little fucker!”
“Rino! Put some pants on or next time Rainbow comes after you I won’t save you!” Roger yelled stomping her real hoof.
“Wow... Good comeback.” Wash whispered to her. “Bet that both of you are extremely inmature.”
“I don’t wanna!” Rino said sitting down with his front hooves crossed.
“Rino! Look at me!” Roger said. “Riiiiiino.”
Rino slowly looked at Roger before tilting his head. “Do you want this?” Roger said turning so he could see her rump.
“Maybe....” He said slowly. “Okay, I do want some.”
“Then you will put some pants on.” Roger said nodding her head quickly.
“Awww.... But I feel free without pants!” Rino whined.
“Do you want this?” Roger said again.
“Fine.” Rino said as he got on four hooves and awkwardly walked away. After a short time he came back with pants on. “This feels weird...”
“And why did you feel everything else off?” Roger said continuing to walk.
“I wanted to feel free!” he whined “Not stuck in some armor for the rest of the day.”
“Tell you what. You carry this guy. And you can stay with out the armor, but you have to keep the pants on.” Roger said shaking Wash a bit.
Rino pouted before saying “Why can’t you carry him.
“Because he gave me a wing boner.” Roger stated looking to Rino.
“Wha?” He said surprised. And somewhat saddened.
“Yup. And I thought you would like to have a nice little talk to him about it.” Roger said grinning evilly behind her mask.
“No, no. Its fine. I’ll keep the pants on.” Rino said with a defeated sigh. “This Wash guy seems nice anyways. Don’t you agree?”
Roger looked to Wash before shaking her head. “Nah. I think I’ll take you over this guy any day. He is nice and all, but I don’t think he would quite... match up.”
“I know what you are referring to!” Wash said tierdly.
“Oh do you now? Well I wouldn’t say it because that.” Roger said pointing to a certain tall Alicorn.
“Who’s that?” Wash asked tilting his head somewhat.
“Oh no one special. Just the ruler of this place and the mover of the sun.” Roger said plainly. “Celestia meet Washington. Washington meet Celestia.”
“Mmmh yes.” Both of them mused at the same time. Since Wash was busy trying to sleep and Celestia was still, trying to read the news paper. Roger just lightly smacked Wash’s horn and took Celestia’s paper away.
“You get this back when you do your job.” Roger said to Celestia while tucking Celestia’s paper under her wing.
Wash had gotten off Rogers back and was rolling on the ground and groaning with pain. “That hurt...”
“Oh don’t be a bitch.” Roger said walking over to Rino and sitting down. “I think that went well.”
What she did not notice was that Rino actually was drawing something and was so engrossed that when she said that his left hoof accidentaly connected with the base of her left wing.
“MOTHER FUCK!” Roger yelled out falling to her side and whimpering. “That hurt.... So much.”
There was a loud groan from Wash “Now you know how it feels.”
“I tapped you. He punched me. Big difference.” Roger said groaning.
“Sorry!” Rino said sitting next to Roger looking a bit confused.
“Still! This thing is really sensitive.” Wash said.
“I will break that thing off and eat it in front you you!” Roger said slightly getting up before laying back down.
“Nasty! That’s really nasty!” Wash said Trying to get up himself all whilst Celestia looked amused.
“I’m really sorry Roggie!” Rino said a bit panicked that he had destoryed a nerve or something on his mate.
“I think...” Roger stands up and shows her wing sticking in a wrong way. “... That is not good.”
She just sighed and pushed Rino over with her bent wing under it. After he falls on it she pulls and a loud ‘POP’ is heard. “SON OF A BITCH.” She yelled as her wing relocates.
“All of a sudden I feel empathy for you.” Wash said. Getting a nod from Grif.
“Your both sooooooo nice.” Roger said as she removed her wing from under Rino. “Thank you for being a large fellow Rino.”
“You sure you’re okay?” Rino asked with concern in his voice.
“Yes...” She flaps her fixed wing and winces. “For the most part anyway.”
“I’m sorry... It’s just that you startled me...” Rino said in a hushed tone and was looking away from Roger. Roger just hugged him and sighed.
“Yeah I know. Carry me to make up for it?” Roger said using a cute voice as she could not do the puppy eyes wit her helmet on.
“Yes.” He said nodding with a small smile. Roger just took her helmet off and kissed him.
“Thank you!” She said happily. Rino just laughed quietly and saw that Roger had a few small stray tears.
“No problem.” Rino said as he used one hoof to wipe them away. Roger just smiled and leaned against him. Wash pain in the horn had disappeared and he noticed Rino and Roger just sitting there looking happy, he looked to his right and saw Celestia. He raised a eyebrow behind his visor before thinking.
‘What a odd pair.’ he thought with a sigh.
‘I know right?’ He heard another thought invade his mind.
‘The hell? Who was that?’
‘Who else but the pony to your right.’ Celestia spoke to him via telepathy.
‘Oh great... Get out of my mind, this is my sanctuary... Or well what remains of it anyway...’
‘Oh pshaw. Wow.... You were thinking dirty things about Roger.’ Celestia said looking around.
‘Erhm... My mind, my business! Besides, can’t deny she’s a good looker.’ he thought.
‘... And there goes the mental pictures.’ Celestia said as the images floated by. Wash closed his eyes behind his visor and when he opened them again he was in a giant black room with images floating around.
“What do you want?” He asked the white alicorn who was standing watching some images.
“Just making sure you’re not gonna hurt anypony. And if you do, I guess I can just have Roger hurt your horn. That seems to work pretty well for immobilizing you.” Celestia said looking around some more.
“Try hitting yourself on the horn then, see how much you like it.” He said with a tiny bit of venom in his voice.
“I had my horn burned by a laser. You ain’t got nuthin’ on me.” Celestia said glaring at Wash. Wash just looked at Celestia with disbelief.
“Right...” He said looking around seeing all his memories floating around in a mess. “Mind getting out before you discover anything that will mentally scar you for life?”
“Ever seen a pony completely drained of love or cotton candy clouds raining chocolate milk? I think I will be fine.” Celestia said.
Wash ignored her weird statements as he saw one particular memory he did not want to see... And it was floating this way. He looked back at Celestia.
“Would you please get out?” Wash said raising a eyebrow.
“Hmmm. Might as well.” Celestia said smirking. “Although I think you should see a therapist. You’re pretty messed up in here.”
“Yeah well I need to get Rino and Roger back to where they belong or else I might loose my job. And then my Mental Insurance goes away.”
“Why would they go back? Aren’t they happy here?” Celestia said giving him a questioning look.
“Sorry orders are orders. Can’t do anything about it.” Wash said looking at her.
“I can.” Celesita said simply.
“Well I’m not going to le-” He said before remembering that something was floating this way... but it was all to late for the memory got triggered, it was the memory of him getting implanted with that damned faulty A.I which caused him severe pain just watching the memory again. Not only that, but Celestia experienced this pain too. Whilst Wash just grunted Celestia nearly screamed out in agony of the sheer pain she was experiencing.
While they where doing their thing, Roger was trying to figure out where they had left Tucker.
“Rino? Where’s Tucker?“ Roger asked.
“He’s somewhere.... Probably reading his PlayColt...” Rino responded.
“Speaking of which.... Did you notice how that thing was like a phone book of porn? I mean did you see the thickness of that magazine?”
“Why do I need a magazine when I got you?” Rino said hugging Roger. “Oh and yes... That was shit ton of porn for one magazine.”
“I am surprised there isn’t a shortage of lotion.” Roger said looking off in the distance. This caused Rino to chuckle for a few seconds before looking at Roger.
Roger noticed this and looked back at him with a raised eyebrow. “What’s so funny?”
In stead of giving a proper awnser Rino pressed his lips against hers and pulling her in to a passionate kiss. After at least two minutes of kissing, they both had to take some breath.
“I love you.” Rino whispered.
“Love you too.” Roger answered back.
All of a sudden they heard a pained scream coming from behind them... Effectively ruining the moment. They whipped around and saw that Celestia was on the ground clutching her head with her front hooves.
“What’s up with her?” Roger said sighing. Rino just looked at Wash who was on the ground doing the same except rolling around.
“Something fishy is going on...” Rino said pointing a hoof at Wash.
Inside Wash head, they were reliving small moments of The Alpha’s torture. Which caused huge amounts of pain to course through their bodies.
“I told you to get out!” Wash scremed in his head.
“Then let’s leave!” Celestia yelled as they both were covered in a flash of light.
When Wash opened his eyes again, he saw that he was on the ground on his back with Rino looking down at him.
“You okay there?” He asked extending a hoof for Wash who gratiouscly accepted.
“Thanks.” Wash barely managed to say above a whisper.
“You want some meds?” Roger said holding out two small pills. “They are painkillers.”
He picked them up with his hoof and opened up his helmet somewhat and lifted it so only his mouth were shown. He then threw the pills in his mouth had swallowed them before asking.
“Got anything to drink?” He asked a little louder.
“Here.” Roger pulled out a small flask “It’s booze. Sorry.”
“It’s fine. It’s going to dampen the pain somewhat...” he said stretching out his hoof the grab the flask but felt dizzy instead. So he stumbled forward a bit before stabilizing. “Ugh..”
“Woah there big guy.” Roger said helping him stay up by standing against him as he stumbled..
“I should probably lay down or something.” Wash whispered before his knees buckled and he lost consciousness.
“Yeeeeah... Rino. You want to put this guy on my back again?” Roger said looking to Rino.
“Sure... I wonder what happened...” Rino said as he got up on his two back hooves and picked up Washington, and carefully placed him on Roger’s back. Roger just grunted a bit as her wing wasn’t completely fixed, but sighed as she just adjusted it a bit.
“Okay shall we adjourn back to the castle?” Roger said smiling.
“How?” Rino asked as he pointed a hoof at Celestia who was not looking so good.
“Hmmm.... Maybe like this.” Roger said as she turned the mega phone on and turned to the castle. “LUNA SUCKS AS A PRANKSTER!!!”
Before anyone could say anything, Luna appeared behind them looking very, very, VERY pissed off. She stomped over to Roger, who was just snickering slightly, and glared at her.
“Did thou say that we ‘Suck as a prankster’?” She said with venom in her voice.
“Maybe. Can you take us back to the castle?” Roger asked. Luna just snorted with anger and got into Roger’s face.
“Why would we do that after what thou said!?” She yelled. Roger just tapped her chin and thought. She smiled as she got her answer and said.
“Because you just got pranked.” Roger said plainly. Luna looked as if she was about to kill someone until her angry demeanor began to slowly slip away. Her face of pure rage began to twitch before she just burst into laughter.
“Alright, alright. we know when we have been taken for a loop. Very good job. Now gather around and we will.... “Then Luna saw Celestia. “Why is my sister on the ground twitching and drooling?”
“Uh... Well... She.... Did something.” Rino said looking at her.
“Oh... Well alright! Gather up your friends and we shall be off!” Luna said smiling.
“Tuuucker! Tuuuuuckeeeer! I’ve come back to- Wait.... Shit wrong person. Sorry.” Church said as he appared next to them.
“Church.... What are you doing?” Roger deadpanned.
“I’m here to look at your ass... No I’m here to annoy Tucker.” Church deadpanned back.
“I believe both of those excuses.” Roger said with a smile. “Even as a pony I still get the looks.”
“What the hell is up with that guy?” Church said as he pointed at Wash.
“Something that required boozes and meds to get rid off.” Roger said looking to Wash.
“Well... You’re going back to the Castle right?” Church said with a sigh
“Yeees. Why?” Roger asked.
“God damn it...” Church muttered before starting to fade out “I’m going to get Tucker and the others back here. I’ll see you in a few.”
“Kay... Bye!” Roger gave him a mock wave before sighing. “He... Is annoying sometimes.”
“I HEARD THAT!” Church yelled from some where.
“LICK MY FLANK!” Roger yelled back.
“Asswipe.” Church muttered before completely vanishing.
“Lifeless heap.” Roger said slightly growling. “Hey is Grif asleep? Or is he awake and confused like normal?”
“He’s..... Asleep. On the grass over there...” Rino said as he pointed to Grif who was laying on the grass sleeping.
“Well drag him over here and throw him on top of Wash I guess.” Roger said sighing.
“Drag who?” Rino said holding a hoof against his chin looking confused.
Roger just rubbed her real hoof against her temple and pointed to Grif. “Him. Drag him over and put him on top of Wash.” She said sounding tired.
“Oh sorry...” Rino said before walking over and grabbing Grif and procceding to drag him towards Roger.
“Just put him on top of Wash.” Roger said bracing herself for the extra weight.
“Okay... That sounded wrong.” Rino said a little bit disgusted.
“Your dirty mind bro.” Roger said smirking. “Oh damn it... Where did I put my helmet?”
“It’s ov-” Rino muttered before he flung Grif over his shoulder and on top of Wash “- over there.” He pointed his hoof in a direction and sure enough the helmet was on a table. Roger just grunted at the sudden heaviness, but simply shrugged a bit.
“Wou-.... Why is there a table out here?” Roger said looking over to it.
“Tuuuucker.... What the hell is a table doing there?” Church asked Tucker who was walking with him.
“How the hell should I know? I’m not a table god or something.” He responded with a scowl.
“Oh stop bickering or I swear I will crush Tucker with Grif.” Roger said glaring at both of them.
“That would be awesome, can you do it now?” Church asked hoping that she would.
“Hmmm. Get me my helmet and put it on me then sure, why not?” Roger said shrugging. Tucker of course just looked up from his magazine before looking at Rogers helmet. “Tucker.... Don’t you dare.”
Tucker quickly ran over and put down his magazine on the table before grabbing the helmet.
“What are you going to do now?” Church asked him with a amused tone.
“I don’t know? Throw it?” Tucker asked himself.
“Tucker you throw my helmet, I will make you lick the royal guards’ asses clean.” Roger said taking a step towards Tucker.
“Watch the sick guys.” Church said before slowly starting to vanish again. “Oh yeah I need to get Rari- something, Flutterbitch, Twi-smartass, Rapebow dash and overly obsessed with apples-jack.... Not to mention, some what of a sugar addicted pink blur... Pinkie pie.”
“You go do that... Wait. Church? Can you posses Tucker to make him give me my helmet? I will hurt him if you do~!” Roger said the last part with a sing-song voice.
“Not sure if I want to enter Tucker’s mind.... I have literary no idea what I will find in there...”
“He has been looking at a porn magazine for the past thirty minutes.... What do you think you will find?” Roger deadpanned.
Church took a deep breath before rushing towards Tucker, it almost looked like he impacted with Tucker. Except that Church vanished. After a few short seconds Tucker spasmed and walked towards Roger with her helmet in his hands. He gave it to Roger before spasming again and falling down unconscious, After a few seconds Church reappeared above Tucker’s body
“I’m never... Ever going back in there again.” Church muttered.
“So much porn?” Roger asked as she used one hoof to put her helmet back on.
“I had to delete at least 50 gigabytes of it just to fit in.” Church stated.
“I thought you were a ghost. What do you mean delete?” Roger asked adjusting her helmet.
“The mind can be measured in both memories and megabytes.... I prefer megabytes, it’s more logical.” Church said.
“Since when did you start using logic? Considering how many times you mess up it would seem you almost never follow logic.” Roger said.
“Since you weren’t a bitch.” Church said as a bad comeback.
“So you never used logic?” Roger said smirking behind her visor.
“You was born a bitch?” Church said with genuine surprise. “Damn, that reminds me of another girl I know.”
“Yes. Yes I was. When I was born I broke the doctor’s neck.” Roger said sounding almost... Happy about that.
“Oh I want to see that.” Church said as he walked toward Roger.
“Oh no. Unless you want to see a lot of dicks and gore you will stay away from me.” Roger said backing up a little
“Have anything to hide?” Church said amused as he took a few more steps. “Seems to me that you have a lot of things to hide.”
“Yes I do. And they are private. So stay away jack off.” Roger said letting Grif and Wash fall off her back as she took a few more steps back. What she did not expect was that Church just vanished. “Oh... God damn it.”
“Boo motherfucker.” Church whispered from her right side. Before vanishing again.
“Oh you want to play that game? You’re not the only one who can turn invisible.” Roger said as she slowly began to fade away as well. “Bye!”
Right before she turned completely invisible she felt like something entered her mind.
‘Shit, You got lots of junk in here.’ a voice said.
“Hey get out of my head!!” Roger yelled to no one in particular.
‘No need to yell christ, I’m right here.’ The voice again said. ‘You were not joking about the gore... But apparently about the dicks.’
“You try finding some help on a all girl team.” Roger said.
‘Tucker would love this place...’
“You get out now or I will conjure up all the gore and painfull memories I have.” Roger threatened.
‘The hell is this? Your childhood memory segment is like barricaded off.’
“Yeah... Some things are best left untouched. Get the hint?” Roger said growling a bit.
‘No, I never do. I tried at least one hundred times to change the future, except that i fucked up at lest two hundred times.’ the voice said before some shuffling was heard from inside her head. ‘I never got any hint at all.’
“If you go into those memories.... I am going to rig your robot body trap you in it and throw it in the ocean.” Roger threatened again.
‘I’m pretty sure that thing has a bomb in it any ways, Or something like that.... I’m not sure.’ the voice said over some more shuffling before something that snapped.
‘I’m pretty sure that was like that when I found it. Otherwise Tucker did it.’
“JUST GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” Roger bellowed.
“You okay there?” Rino asked a bit concerned. Roger just forced herself not to yell again and gently said.
“Fine... Thank you.”
‘Expert liar, I like it.’ The voice said as something again snapped. ‘The heck was that?’
“You know what... Stay away from my childhood, and you can look anywhere you want.” Roger said. “And yes. I am a good liar. Helps when you get captured.”
‘.... Is that what I think it is?’ There was something metal that hit the floor. ‘What the fuck? You were close to getting raped once?’
“.....”
‘Well... I’m never entering your mind again..... After getting another peak at your memories.’
“Told you not to look in the childhood folder.” Roger joked with a choked up voice.
‘Sorry, I never really think about the thing I before I actually do them...’
“I am gonna replace all your body’s fingers with dildos now. Hope you’re happy.” Roger said walking back over to Wash and Grif.
‘Well... Guess I deser-’ The voice stopped ‘Gold... Seriously? You found gold once?’
Roger just let out a small sniff. “Yep. How do you think I got my arm?”
‘Oh that explains it.... Not bad though.’
“Can you leave now? I’d like to be alone.” Roger said.
‘But your head seems cozy, I might take a nap here.’ The voice said before she felt like something exiting her head. "I mean seriously, that place was real cozy...”
“Your still a dick.” Roger said with venom in her voice.
“Saw the memories you have of Rino.” Church whispered. “You should cherish them while you still have the chance.”
Roger just snorted and attempted to punch him, but failed. You know... Whole ghost thing. “Oh shut up. I know that already. Now please just leave me alone.” Roger said pulling Wash back onto her back.
“Alright, I will be back in five minutes or so.... Going to fetch Twi-Smartass first.” Church said before walking of in the distance.
“Why? We are going home.” Roger said as she positoned Wash on her back do he wouldn’t fall off.
“Back to that hell hole of a canyon? Not yet we aren’t.” Church said almost smirking behind his ghostly helmet.
“I meant the castle ghost boy.” Roger said as she walked over to Grif.
“Yes, but those weird six ponies actually can be some good company sometimes... Compared to Tucker.... Who is still unconscious.”
“What about me?” Roger said pouting behind her mask. Church just let out a loud laugh before completely vanishing. “Wow... Invades my mind and leaves without giving me a answer... How rude.”
Roger sighed as she tried to pick up Grif, but only got him halfway up before he fall off again. “God damn it... Rino I need your help over here!” Roger said sounding a bit cold.
Rino of course had been having fun poking at Tucker over and over. He was quietly snickering to himself whilst poking Tucker.
“RINO!” Roger bellowed sounding a bit angry. Rino jumped a bit before folding back his ears and walking over looking at the ground.
“Yes?” he said quietly.
“Please help me here , so we can go home and I can forget about this whole thing...” Roger said sounding a bit harsh.
“Okay...” He replied quietly before picking up Grif and puting him on Rogers back on top of Wash. He picked up Tucker and put him next to Celestia, who was sleeping. He then sat down.
“Okay Luna. Get us out of here.” Roger said sounding monotone now.
“HAAAAAANG ON!” Church came running with six mares after him... One who seem to have a ghost buster pack on it’s back. God damn Pinkie Pie... Where did she get that?
“I have managed to piss of every one of them!” Church yelled happily before adding “Feel free to teleport every one as I get close.”
“Go on Luna.” Roger said. Luna simply nodded and her horn glowed before a bright flash and the sound of a thousand firecrackers going off at once was heard. They appeared in the throne room where Roger promptly dumped the cargo on her back and began to walk towards the guest rooms. The mane six skidded in to a wall and all got slammed into it... And Church was nowhere to be seen.
“Hey Church? You want a safe haven? Just use my head.” Roger said while walking out. “Didn’t seem to mind before.”
No response came.
“Church?” Roger asked looking back. Church of course was standing In Ponyville still. Looking around for Roger and the others. He then realized a very important thing he forgot to tell everyone.
“Ghost’s can’t teleport....” Church said to himself before roaring “SON OF A BIIIIIIIITCH!”
Back at Canterlot there was a faint sound of someone roaring some thing.
“Did some one just scream ‘Son of a bitch’?” Rino asked looking around. Roger just shrugged and walked out sighing.
Church of course ran with all of his powers towards Canterlot... He soon discovered that he in fact moves ten times quicker if hes vanished than when he appears as a transparent spartan.
“HOLY SHIT THIS GOES FAST!” He yelled as he could not stop before slamming into the base of the mountain. He then proceeded to run up the path that was close by and less than a minute later he was at Canterlot castle gates. He quickly ran into the Castle and was now calming down to a walk, that’s when he saw Roger looking a bit sad and walking alone in the corridor.
He shook his head and walked up next to her before becoming transparent. “You are such a loner, you know that?”
“Say the ghost that was attacked by six angry girls.” Roger said glumly. Church chuckled at that.
“I had to do something.” He said shrugging a bit. “Instead of explaining I just did what I could to piss them off.”
“Sounds like how you went through sniper training.” Roger retorted. “Just piss people off and not do anything productive.”
“I take it you were in the same class as me?” Church said with a snicker.
“Naw, I just saw the records and security footage. They used it as a ‘What NOT to do’ video.” Roger said thinking back.
“That’s really nice of command, I must be famous all over boot camp by now.” Church said whistling a bit.
“Your the meme ‘Look at this.. BOOM. GOD DAMN IT!’ on the internet” Roger stated.
“Oh yay.” Church muttered. “Well, if that is all I guess I can leave you alone unless you want me in your head again.”
“I am just going to go sleep. Go ahead and ‘get cozy’ if you want.” Roger said as she opened up the guest room before walking in and opening another door to her room.
“Well in this form I can’t sleep unless I invade someones head... So um, excuse me.” Church said before putting a hand on Roger’s head and somehow vanishing straight in to her.
‘I never really get used to invading peoples minds...’ Church muttered from inside Rogers head.
“The feeling is mutual.” Roger said taking her helmet off and walking over to the bed.
‘Just so you know... The instant you close your eyes, you are going to enter your own little world... Which.... Well... It works both ways let’s just leave it at that.’
Roger just shook her head and flopped onto the bed before covering up and sighing. “Whatever... I just want to forget this stupid morning already.” Roger said as she closed her eyes. She opened them again and saw she was on a tropical beach. You could hear the wave of water slowly going up against the sand, the gentle wind sweeping in from the ocean and some seagulls here and there.
“This.... This place is my mind?” Roger said looking around.
“Your sub-conscious.” Church said from her left, he was sitting down in the sand leaning his back against a tree. “Pretty nice if you ask me.”
“To be honest I was expecting something more..... Gorey.” Roger said trotting over and sitting next to Church. All of a sudden a limb fell from the sky and landed in front of Roger.
“Does that help?” Church asked a bit surprised that something would appear.
“To be honest... Not really. I like the each being normal so...” Roger just brushed a pile of sand over the limb and sighed. “Church... Be honest how much did you see?”
“Well...” Church said before starting to think. “Not a whole lot... One or two memories tops I would guess.”
“I meant the memories of me as a kid.” Roger said glaring at Church. “Not the Rino memories.”
“I was talking about your normal memories, but they were a bit to odd for my tastes.”
“Yeah... Rape isn’t exactly a great topic.” Roger muttered.
“No, it is not... How old were you?” Church asked.
“Fourteen.” Roger stated. Church cringed. “Don’t worry though.... That was also the day I learned of my affinity of fire and explosions.”
Church sighed and asked. “Want to talk about it?”
“Do I really have a choice?” Roger asked.
“Well you could eject me from your sub-conscious and stick me some where else I can’t escape till you wake up.” Church said looking at her. “But I take it you want to talk.”
Roger just sighed. “Okay I am not going to go into detail, but here is what happened... Mostly. I was walking with my mother through the mall like we would every Saturday looking for something that might be fun to do with dad when he came home, Dad was a marine and he was coming home that day, anyhow. We stopped at this one store with a whole bunch of ‘Welcome home’ stuff.”
Roger let in a shaky breath before continuing. “Mom said to go look around, so I did. I looked for about twenty minuted before I found this one great little thing that I knew my dad would love. It was a simple golden combat knife with the etchings ‘I love you!’ in it. Surprisingly it wasn’t that much so... I picked it up and went to find my mom.” She stopped for a moment.
“Come here.” Church said holding out his arms. Roger just scooted closer to him and hugged him while a few tears fell from her eyes.
“Anyway... I went to find her and... I saw this man being mean to her... So I ran to help, but... there was this other guy with him... He grabbed me and well.... You can probably guess what he wanted.” Roger said slightly burying her face into Church’s armor.
“Yeah, but it’s okay now... Don’t you worry about it. You’re just fine.” Church said with a hushed voice.
Roger just nodded before continuing. “Anyway... As he was about to... You know. I saw a bottle of cleaner that a janitor must have left laying around. You know one of those aerosol cans. I sprayed him in the eyes and while he was blinded.... I took out this small lighter my dad gave me before he left... It um, looked like this.”
A small golden lighter with a red heart was shown in her hoof as she held it out. “Anyway.... As he got back up from the disinfectant spray to the eyes... I held out the lighter and lite it. And well.... I set that fucker on fire... I can still remember everything about that....” Roger said as the image of a man screaming and running around on fire was seen before it suddenly stopped. “Did the same to the other guy.... But... He… He.” Roger just stopped and sobbed.
“Schh. It’s okay, let it all out.” Church cooed. In the one of a million chance that he actually could be nice, this was the time.
“He fucking killed her!” She suddenly yelled. Church just hugged tighter, but not so tight that she could not breathe.
“We’ve all suffered loss. But it hasn’t stopped us from moving on.” Church said with a little shaky voice.
“I joined the army four years later... And well that is the end.” Roger finished with a choked up sob. “Now... N-now you know why I am a bitch.”
“I don’t blame you, not everyone in life gets a great start to life.” Church said with a gentle voice. “Not even me.” he quietly added.
“He heh...” Roger just chuckled and sighed. “Want to know how I got my arm?” She said smiling.
“Sure.” he said with a smile behind his helmet, you could practically see it.
“Well.... I got it a few months before I came here....” She began so tell, during that Church snapped his fingers and started up some music. It was Everything will be alright. - Joshua Radin.
'For what its worth... I'm sorry.' Church thought for himself before smiling.
If you actually want to listen to the song, here it is. in a link for you.
Everything is going to be alright.
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"Red vs. Blue", you say?
With Ponies?
Insta-fave.
BONERS FOR DAYZ
1999123 Read "My little Caboose: Blue is Magic"
MOAR!
excellent character development
Half the time I can't even understand this anymore, but I still read it. Why? Cuz it's funny.
This chapter was good.
I didn't expect such a funny back and forth with roger and wash.
Damn, was anyone else half lost during the entirety of the chapter?
Love the therewith Church and Roger.
I am on a tab that word that says therewith is suppose to say scene with.
I did not expect to get feels from this chapter
Good job with the chapter man.
i got lost about halfway through this
but only cuz my brain would not process any more information
so i took a 20 min. break
Haven't seen a single Bow-chicka in this chapter. So I'm adding one Via comments.
Oh I love Biology. It was one of my favorite classes in High School. Tough but fun.
Oh come on tucker is just lonely shit. Well it's not the author would listen anyway but someday tucker will be happy.
ALL MY FEELS GO TO RODGER.
I like this story but I wish it was based after Tucker became a badass. It's be cool to have like an epic battle where tucker finally gets to show his stuff and gain at least one grain of respect from Roger and Rino.
2012798 I will take this idea and put it in a folder called "Top Secret" , because everyone knows this is the best way to store secrets.
i half expected the situation to be church moving so fast he phases into the throne room where everyone is at from one wall and phasing out of the opposite to fall out of the castle because he was moving so fast
2017467 Yeah, but Pinkies Imagination have been sick lately, so I had to make due with well... No one.
Unless you want to pre-read. Then you are welcome too.
2003850
BOW CHICKA BOW WOW
TUCKER
Rape bow dash :'D
Every one watch your butts rapebow dash is cumming to town
so funny
Oh, i remenber that. He deleted Tucker's "home videos". Feels out to Roger.
This gonna be good.
Ooooof roger lost her sanity.https://youtu.be/Nb8fg-Wyts8