Too young to be broken

Scootaloo gets herself pregnant by a complete accident, her life begins to crumble around her, but will the gift of birth build her back up and help her to realize what is true and untrue?

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 12 )

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nodamnbrakes

nodamnbrakes #1 · Jan 2nd, 2013 · · ·

meh
good idea
bad execution

ScooterFiction

ScooterFiction #2 · Jan 2nd, 2013 · 1 · ·

not sure why you put words in between slashes, and the whole mention of "rough, painful sex" is an image I could do without, but beyond that, it's interesting.

Slendermuffin

Slendermuffin #3 · Jan 2nd, 2013 · · ·

After reading the description, and this might be unrelated since I haven't read it yet, but I keep asking myself who the father is.

jdb1984

jdb1984 #4 · Jan 2nd, 2013 · · ·

Ok, where do I start...

A plus is that it's based off one of the few "ask ponies" blogs that I follow.

But we have problems. The first is that you didn't split your paragraphs enough. You need an extra line between them.
The second is too little description. I know who Sandy is, but not everyone will.
The third is that there are a few errors that a second go over would have caught. I make a point of doing one last go over before submitting.

I'm not trying to put you down, but give you a few tips in order to get better.

Girl-Brony