a horse is a horse, of course of course
An evil underground corporation is working on a project that includes them stealing pony hearts from only the purest of ponies and making an army of pony robots to take over Equestria. They want to rule over Celestia and Luna by taking Celestia's heart and destroying Luna's. Will Twilight be able to stop them?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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interesting concept.
the writing feels a bit rushed to me. also: "they are become more powerful"? unless you are referencing something I dont know of i think become should be the word becoming instead
definitely a good concept so far, but the flow feels off. the paragraphs seem like a solid wall of text(try double spacing and start a new paragraph at the start of each new speakers dialogue) and it still feels rushed. try adding more details in your descriptions and be careful with that flashback scene. i had to reread that a few times because it confused me as to the difference in time. if you fix these main issues then the story could actually be quite good. right now...im having a hard time connecting to the situations and characters. i hate to leave so much criticism with so little praise, but perhaps the criticism would help more in this case.
1895931 It was my first fan fiction so I get why it could be improved. Thank you for telling me how I can improve.
thank god im not into horses anymore jfc