Queen Chrysalis is a Total Idiot
Now, one thing that I must bring up is that Mesud told me that there was a short way to the Crystal Empire through the plains, and a long way to the Crystal Empire through the dangerous, rarely-traveled mountains.
So, imagine my immense displeasure when after a few weeks of traveling, sustaining myself with non-perishable goods that Mesud had provided, I found myself looking at a large mountain range with a distinct lack of terrain resembling plains.
Well, given that I was running out of food, but still had just enough to get to the Empire if I needed to go through the mountains, I figured that the only way to get to them was to go through them. Mesud had told me that the mountains used to be a trading route with some small villages on the other sides, so there were supply trails that would lead me out.
Well, I knew that the only way to the Crystal Empire was to go right through them, so after another day or two of traveling, I reached the base. The starting terrain looked pretty safe, but I knew that once I got further into the range I would have a little more trouble.
At first there were trees about, which meant water and animals that Oswald could catch for us, so we didn't have to worry about food. In fact, I had been rooting through my backpack to find some beef jerky when I found an uneaten bag of fish jerky. I would have thrown it out, but I figured that I might need it. I hoped that I didn't.
Well, it was pretty much everything that I was used to when it came to non-train-based travel. When I was tired, I slept. When I was hungry, I ate. Nothing much of anything happened, until...
Until...
I think it was the second week of me traveling in the mountains when it happened. I was walking through the path when I saw something in the distance. Something big. It didn't look like another mountain. It was something else. A big part of me wanted to avoid it, but the way the mountain road was set up made it impossible unless I had brought climbing gear which, silly me, I left in my other bottomless backpack. Every day of travel brought it that much closer to me, and, once again, I'd have turned around and gone back to Saddle Arabia if I could, and wasn't a man.
Er... men on my world don't stop and ask for directions. Ever. Oh, your world too? Huh. Interesting.
Anyway, it was three week’s worth of travel into the mountains when I finally found out what it was. It was positioned in a large flat area between the mountains. If I had seen it in my world, I would have called it the largest fortress ever built by insects. Even there, though, that didn't seem to really describe what I was looking at. It was a giant insectoid structure with a hard, black carapace around it. Large holes dotted the structure, presumably for whatever lived there so that they could get in and out. There seemed to be a few places with what looked like doorways and windows were too. Well, based on the stories you guys have told and the research I had done, I knew that there was really only one species that could have made this: the changelings.
I gulped and looked to Oswald, who had perched on my shoulder. "Uh... maybe we should go back and..." I grimaced, "ask for directions. I'm sure Mesud would be happy to see me, and Kathyrine and I seemed to be hitting it off at the end there."
Oswald cocked his head and chirruped at me. I took that as a vote for that plan. The last thing that I wanted to do was get involved with another race that was definitely hostile. The Purgle and the diamond dogs had been bad enough, thank you very much.
Well, the funny thing about walking right next to a fortress of a hostile race full of insectoid creatures is that it's hard to just walk away without being spotted. The worst part was that it really only takes one for things to go very wrong. I had turned around to get out of there when I saw a changeling standing right behind me. Fancy that.
He, or she, it's hard to tell, but we'll call him 'he,' had a large grin on his face, revealing glistening fangs that I really didn't want to be on the wrong end of. His wings were spread, and I began to wonder if he was going to take off and warn the others. Needless to say, I couldn't let that happen. I don't like being the instigator of conflicts, but I figured that it was him or me, especially since he flew into the air straight at me, hissing like a pissed off snake. I readied Reginald and swung as hard as I could once he was within range. The resounding crack echoed throughout the mountains, which made me quite uneasy. Everything within a few miles had heard that, I'll wager.
Well, the changeling was on the ground; completely out for the count. I knew that I needed to run if I was going to get out of my situation alive. I didn't have a lot of room for error here, and the less time I was around the hive, the less chance that I had of getting caught.
Well, we all know how much fate loves throwing me a bone every once in a while.
No sooner had I taken about a dozen steps when I heard the sound of what must have been hundreds of pairs of wings buzzing behind me. I made the mistake of glancing back and seeing the black wall of changelings coming towards me, all with that same evil smile and doubtless malicious intent. I wasn't going to outrun them, and I wasn't going to be able to fight all of them off. To make matters worse, there wasn't a dense forest close by for me to lose them in. When I first started walking, there were places that I could have gone to avoid them. Here, though, it was decently barren.
Well, like with Purgle, if I was going to go down, I was going to go down fighting. I waited until the last moment, when I was sure that they were closest behind me, and turned around and swung Reginald as hard as I could. Like before, it connected with a changeling skull and sent a resounding crack through the air. With my speed, I was able to take a few more of them out before they overwhelmed me with sheer numbers. I began to get hit with bolts of magic from all sides. Each hit was like a blow from a rock, and I soon found myself on the ground while they pounded away at me. I didn't have the strength to fight them off, and I didn't know where Oswald was. Pretty much all I could do at that point was just cover my head and hope that I was either knocked out soon so that I didn't have to go through this anymore, or that they'd just stop before they killed me.
The former was the case.
* * * *
When I woke up some undetermined time later, I slowly opened my eyes. Given that wherever I was was dark enough, my head didn't hurt when I opened them. Having said that, the rest of my body sure did. Pretty typical when you get pounded on by an army of changelings, I'd imagine. However, the biggest problem that I found myself facing was that I couldn't move. I opened my eyes further and groaned when I found myself covered in a hard green substance, attaching me to the wall. Of course, I was not alone there. I raised my head and saw none other than Queen Chrysalis herself grinning evilly at me. She was surrounded by her brood, all of whom had the same smile on their faces.
I groaned and followed it up with a scoff. "If you wanted to invite me over to your house, an invitation in the mail would have been better."
Chrysalis cackled and took a step towards me. "Brave words, strange one. I sense that your humor covers up your fear, does it not?"
I rolled my eyes. "Look, I've been trapped by a hostile race so many times that the novelty has pretty much worn off. What, are you going to start up a monologue about how I'm an insect next to you, and that you have me in your clutches and I won't be getting away?"
To my delight, Chrysalis' smile faded ever so slightly. I think I hit the nail on the head in terms of her chosen words. "You have quite the sharp tongue, strange being. I wonder if you actually put it to good use."
I gave a single laugh and smirked at her. "That's what she said."
Her glare turned into a confused frown, and she cocked her head at me. "That's what who said?"
I shook my head, my grin never fading. "Don't worry about it. You wouldn't understand."
Her expression turned suspicious, but I don't think she wanted to linger on it. "Very well. May I ask what you are?"
"No."
Chrysalis' eyes widened indignantly, but I smirked at her. "Nah, I'm just messing with you. I'm a human. I was brought here by Celestia from another dimension, and I'm trying to get back home to my own world."
Chrysalis gasped softly, her grin having returned. She regarded me with an expression not unlike a lawyer sizing up a gullible client. She licked her fangs and took another step in my direction. "You are familiar with Celestia?"
"I think one can surmise that, yes."
Chrysalis cackled again, and ran her hoof down the side of my head. "This does change things indeed, human. I was unsure of what to do with you when you first came into my possession, but it seems that you have hoofed me a good job for you." She pushed the side of my head, and turned back to her changelings, walking in front of them almost seductively. "I have been looking for a way to get next to Celestia. My defeat at the hooves of her captain and his bride showed me that she is not as weak as I suspected." Chrysalis's face hardened into a snarl, and she stomped her hoof on the ground. "I will not fall to her a second time, human! This time I will get close to her, and when the time is right, I will spring my trap. My army will invade Canterlot, being sure to take out Shining Armor and that precious princess first. Then, as Celestia is watching the destruction of her paradise, I will come up behind her and have my way. It is when I'm standing over her that she'll know that she has been defeated."
I snorted again, my grin widening. "That sounds rather raunchy, Chrysalis."
She turned her attention back to me, her expression confused again. "I do not understand what you mean. I will have my way with Celestia while her entire kingdom watches." Her smile returned and she licked her fangs. "It will be glorious."
I tried to hold back more laughter, and I took a deep breath to center myself. "So when you say 'have your way with Celestia,' what do you mean by that?"
"I will defeat her in a magic duel and cocoon her." Chrysalis frowned and cocked her head. "Was that not clear?"
I remember a line from Pinkie Pie's cutie mark story, and I think it applied. I had never felt joy like that before. The closest thing the planet has to a succubus is spouting off innuendos and has no idea. It was quite magical almost.
“All we wanted was a little love.” Chrysalis stomped her hoof on the ground. “Do you have any idea what it is like to be starving?!”
“I know what it’s like to live off of nothing but fish jerky if that counts.”
Chrysalis rolled her eyes but otherwise ignored me. “I have an entire brood to feed, and Shining Armor gave me love.” Chrysalis deeply inhaled and smiled as she remembered it. “Have you ever experienced what it is like to be full after starving for a long time?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you know what it is like to be humiliated by Celestia just when things were going well for you?!”
“Yeah.”
“Do you...” Chrysalis stopped and raised an eyebrow at me. “Wait... do you really?”
I nodded. “Like I said: Celestia brought me here by accident. I was rather fond of my world, thank you very much. That’s why I’m trying to go back.”
“Did you have constant contact with Celestia before you came to me?”
“Uh-huh, but we weren’t on the best of terms.”
Chrysalis' smile returned again, and she walked up to me. "It seems that fate has given you to me, human. You will factor heavily into my plans. If you are familiar with Celestia, you can infiltrate her inner circle." Chrysalis idly began examining her hoof. "You will return to Canterlot and grovel at her hooves, begging forgiveness for leaving. Or you could maybe just be more subtle about it and re-integrate yourself back into pony society."
I raised an eyebrow and cocked my head. "Oh yeah? What makes you think I'd actually do something like that?"
Chrysalis giggled and patted me on the head. "Do you think changelings are all bred?" She scoffed. "No. Some are converted. I will put you in a cocoon, where you will be converted into a changeling yourself. You will be connected to the hive mind, and you will follow all of my orders. I will completely dominate you, and you will be made to like it."
Okay, that one was too much. I burst out laughing, trying my best to control myself lest I make her angry. Still, it was just too funny that she was saying all of this and had no idea.
Yeah, I didn't calm down before she got mad. She slammed her hoof right next to my head, and glared daggers at me. "You insolent foal! How dare you laugh at your new mistress?!" Chrysalis narrowed her eyes at me. "It will be better for you if you do not anger me before your transformation. It will make what is to pass go much easier for you. Otherwise I can give you a foul job, the likes of which you cannot imagine yourself doing before you are sent off on your mission! You had better think about how you can improve my mood, human. Think about it long and hard."
Okay, I know that Chrysalis was about to turn me into a changeling responsible for scrubbing floors around here if I kept up my laughter, but good grief, she could at least try to not to give me material.
~~~
I smile at my listeners. "You guys get it, right?"
Nobody responds, but given that Celestia is facehoofing and Rarity and Applejack are glaring at me with their hooves over their sister's ears, I can imagine that they understood Chrysalis' innuendos a little better than she did.
I chuckle to myself and take a drink out of my goblet before continuing on. I make sure that Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are able to listen before I do, though.
* * * *
Well, suffice to say that Chrysalis wasn't pleased with the fact that I was laughing at her like I was. It wasn't more than a few minutes before I found myself hanging upside-down from the ceiling in a green cocoon. Yep. I was being turned into a changeling. I sighed, my grin still plastered on my face.
"Totally worth it."
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Hmm. I have to wonder if Chrysalis secretly calls her cocoons "pickles". If she does, he's really in a pickle.
Meh. That joke is bad. I feel bad now.
Hahaha best character monolog for the win
So basically, the changelings in this fanfiction are like the Borg in Star Trek?
I'm okay with this.
Also, I loved all the innuendos.
Itroducing *drum roll* TD THE CHANGLING!!!
>MFW Muh sides are in the orbit
scuse me officer i didn't saw how fast my sides were going.
finish reading previous chapter, read chapter from other story. Oh sweet, wanderings has updated. lols ensue
damn it! why must this be so damn short!
i demand more innuendos!!
Good god TD you delightful son of a bitch
Oh Chrissy, don't ever change.
Hehehe, those were some good innuendos. I approve
Well he is not a changeling so either Oswald brought chaos or humans can't be turn into changelings, I hope its the latest. And other thing, come on The CMC have already had the talk, why keeping them on the blue?
I imagine what TD said before being hang up upside down
So he gets turned into a changeling!?!?!?
I know that he'll get out somehow but that would actually be really cool...
Do you think that it'll ever happen?
Maybe even a little?
How about writing a spin-off about it like you did with him turning into a princess?
Please???
3208952
i dont know, its hard to come up with innuendos in the spur of the moment
Awesome
3208945
Welcome to the bad pun army! At least I'm not the only one...
3208881 is relevant now. Yay self promotion!
This Chrysalis is the most retarded knock-off of Osmund Saddler I've ever seen in a FIMfic. And it made me giggle. A lot.
3208952
Trust me. I'm quite content with this.
3208994 ummmm...... damn it I've got nothing to answer that with
3209022
Chrysalis: Best knock-off imitator. It's kind of her job to be a knock-off anyways.
3208985 OR IS HE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?‽‽‽‽
Defiant and trolling until his very last breath. That´s why TD is still one of my favorite human protagonists in fimfictions.
3208994
Welp, sucks for TD because he's going to have a hard time getting out of that sticky situation. Hope he doesn't creamed on the way out.
generatormeme.com/media/created/23jlyj.jpg
Good
3209041
He is not…at least I hope not, he had come a LONG way for just turn into a changeling, besides he has spirit, and incredible sense of will he will not go stay down like a dog, he would have go fighting. And with enough strong will I bet he can beat the great hive, or become the great hive mind in his place I know he can
3208994
It's not that hard; you just have to be ready to get down and dirty, and after that it's nothing that a little handiwork can't take care of.
...SEX!
[TD is escaping]
Guards, stop him! I have not reached my climax! I'm currently unsatisfied! His performance left me asking for more! This angers me so much I will have him whipped for being so naughty! I will have him served with whipped cream on my dinner table where I will suck him dry! I will tie him up and show him my toys in my dungeon!
[In the distance, TDs sides explode violently]
Mr. Sulu, the hel- er... the comment.
3208909 music durm roll or rolling the durm like a whell?
3209071
so close, good try!
3209040 True that. Good catch.
Oh my god this is an M NIGHT SHYAMALAN ENDING.
Hmm, I can't help but picture TD's voice in this chapter as Gilbert Gottfried's
.... you know, Iago the parrot?
Good chapter anyhow, was wondering when the changelings would come up.
x'D
My sides.
Have mercy on my sides.
3209250 I know who Gilbert Gottfried is.
Jesus H. Christ...
TD's mouth, at some point, is going to get him into trouble he's not going to be able to get himself out of. Then again, considering that he's lasted this long, that probably won't happen until long after his death.
Well... as he is telling the story, I think it's safe to assume that either humans cannot be changed into changelings, or (more likely) there are a few less changelings in that hive. Oh, and I think TD will find this appropriate here...
3208904 A mix of born ones and borg ones by the sounds of it.
I do!
3209311 hand over your man card at the nearest exit. Please do have a nice day and enjoy your free beer.
3208909 sounds like a title for a good tv show..
3209372 driveaccord.net/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=44044&d=1347769852
3209311 Your not a man!
3209395 that image is perfect
3208993
I endlessly promote this idea.
Me upon reading:
Might tell you why, if you ask.
TD is a true man, laughing at and pointing out innuendos till he's in trouble like a real man does, I'm so proud right now
3209453
I'm glad that someone agrees that this is a great idea! >:D
Maybe when he's integrated into the hive mind all the Changelings start acting like him! XD
Oh, Chryssy, always assuming you're right. Silly bug, conversions are for bureaus.
She really has no idea what she's dealing with, and it's hard to feel sorry for someone who's deluded themselves into thinking they can win ... just because.
Do your worst, TD. Brain-dead bug is brain-dead.
Twist ending inbound! Next chapter he lunges out of his chair and begins the attack on Celestia and the Mane 6! It's the Breaking all over again!
~Have a good one.