• Published 6th Jan 2013
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Wanderings of a Non-Brony - BronyWriter



TD's journey around the lands outside of Equestria

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Hansit

Half an hour later, I was standing in front of Zenya’s town hall, ready to see the mayor. I knew even then that the chance was slim, but I had to take it. I had no other choice. I took a deep breath and nervously cracked my neck. Between themselves, Soundspeed and Tycho exchanged an amused smirk.

Tycho beckoned me onwards inside the building. They now doubt knew that the effort was futile, but they respected my need to try. Still... "You know you're probably not going to get what you're after," Tycho said as he walked beside me. "And I'm not just talking about Hansit."

"Thanks, Tycho, I could use some good encouragement," I deadpanned at him.

He raised a hoof defensively. "Hey now, I'm not trying to be a spoil sport here. I'm just asking for you to have realistic expectations here. If Celestia couldn't do it – and I don’t know anything living that could match her magical abilities –, then how could anyone else pull it off?"

I cast him a sideways glare and a grimace. "So what, you think I should just give up and go back to Ponyville to live under their thumb like some hungry dog that ran away from home and came back because of food?"

Tycho shook his head. "Whoa, whoa, of course not!” He sighed. “It's just that I like you, TD, and I don't like the idea of you going places and places, demanding the impossible and being disappointed every time. It's just not wise or healthy."

I stopped in my tracks and wheeled around to face Tycho. I could feel it when Soundspeed and Oswald exchanged nervous glances behind me. "You think I don't know that?!" I snapped. "You think I don't frackin’ know that I'm going on what’s likely a fool's errand, something that is probably gonna end in death-level failure?!” I exhaled deeply. “I know ponies are the only truly magical race around, at least in that way, but I gotta try. If there's even a point zero zero zero zero one percent chance of success, I’m willing to roll the dice. And you’re not convincing me of the contrary, Tycho."

Tycho studied me, as if unsure of how to respond. If I knew him, he already knew I could be very stubborn when I wanted to be. I don't doubt that he felt I was taking foolish hopes too far, but he still cracked a smirk and snickered. "You're a gigantic fool, TD, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. You would never have lasted this long if you weren't." He gave me a good-natured punch to the side. "I don't think Hansit can help you with that, but like you said, it’s a chance, and you lose nothing by taking it after all this time in Zenya."

A smirk of my own replaced my irritated scowl, and I clonked him lightly on the head with Reginald’s tip. "I gotta do my best, even if the purpose is dumb. You know me."

Tycho snorted. "I trained you to fight, I can attest to that being your motto." His eyes flickered to the front, and he saw that we were reaching the door where the mysterious Hansit waited. "This is it."

I nodded, a hint of nervousness creeping up in my stance. "Yeah…"

The four of us stopped in front of the door, where two new guards were positioned. It was highly likely that Hansit had found out just how those two clowns had been part of the cheating thing, and as such, he got replacements ASAP.

No word on whether he had gotten a replacement wife, though.

The two guards targeted me with their gaze for a moment, before the one on my right nodded and moved aside. He pushed the door open and allowed us to step into the mayor’s office.

The place itself was pretty simple, something that I must admit, surprised me. Maybe it was just my preconceptions of zebras based on Zecora, but whatever. The office reminded me a lot of Mayor Mare's, back in Ponyville: a simple blue carpet spread across the floor, a few comfy looking plush chairs, and a large oak desk, with Hansit himself behind it. He was scrawnier than most other Zeyans, though I attribute that to him not being as much of a trained fighter as Tycho was.

When the four of us entered, Hansit flashed me a smile that, while warm, looked rather weary. Clearly the divorce had taken its toll on him, but he was still committed to his job. "Come in, dear guests, and do take a seat. I'll try to make this meeting short and sweet."

I frowned and cocked my head. "Short and sweet? Do you only have ten minutes for me or something?"

Hansit chuckled nervously and shook his head. "No, that is not the case at all, dear human. Make yourself comfortable and..." Hansit's smile flickered, and I could literally see the cogs working in his head as he tried to think of a rhyme for a word he must not have heard very often. "...enthrall me with your acumen." To his credit, he did finish the rhyme, as much as it sucked.

I snorted loudly, hearing Oswald snicker behind me. "Is that really the best you can do?" I chortled myself.

Hansit chuckled nervously again, while beside me, Tycho facehoofed. "N-No, that isn't it at all, I'm... uh..." He closed his eyes and sighed in resignation. "Dang it all, I was never as good at this stuff as Cousin Zee was," he muttered. "'It's all in the soft palate', she would always say."

"You know, you don't have to rhyme if you don't want to," I assured him. "It really doesn't make a difference to me."

Hansit grumbled something to himself before answering, "I figured that, but it just sounds more professional, you know."

"I suppose," I said matter-of-factly, "but it would be faster just to talk normally." I raised my right hand and put my left over my heart. "I promise I won't tell a soul."

"I guess you're right," Hansit agreed. He mumbled something else to himself, then he turned his attention back to me. "So, what is it you would like to speak to me about, exactly? I've heard word that you've waited quite a while to see me. I…” he looked down for half a second, “apologize for that."

"No need, it's fine," I waved it off. “Things happen.”

With that, Hansit coughed quietly into his hoof. "Regardless, what is it you wish to speak to me about?"

I opened my mouth to reply, to finally say what I had waited for months to ask this zebra, but to my surprise, the words died in my throat. I suppose that was a combination of nerves and Tycho’s words. My silence confused Hansit, who leaned forward expectantly and motioned for me to go on.

I sighed and decided to bite the bullet, mentally preparing myself for a crash and burn. "As I'm sure you can imagine, I'm not exactly from around here. I hail from a completely different universe from this one.

"About a year ago, Princess Celestia of Equestria was messing around with portal magic and pulled me into this world by mistake. Despite her best efforts, she wasn't able to send me back to Earth, the place I come from. So, I've been traveling around the lands outside of Equestria to see if there was somebody who..."

I paused for a full second.

"… who maybe could do what she failed in."

To my utter lack of surprise, Hansit looked at me like I was completely high. It took him a solid minute before he could even blink again, something that made me uneasy. He did finally manage to take a few breaths and reply, "Let me get this straight, human: you waited for seven months here in Zenya to come see me so you could ask me to do something that even the pony who raises the sun in the sky is incapable of doing, knowing full well that zebras don’t have the magic of even a single unicorn?"

I bit my lip nervously and cleared my throat. "Well... not exactly. If you could have, that would be great, but if you knew somebody who could give me a lead on that..."

Hansit scoffed. "Now, take no offense to this, boy, but you're a bit daft, aren't you?"

My unease turned into anger. I tightened my grip on Reginald with a glare his way. "Offense fully taken, Mister Hansit," I growled menacingly. "What you call daft, I call ‘not a defeatist wuss’. Don’t you go telling me that you would resign your chance to go back to your home, the place you want to be in, if you were stuck in an alien planet, or dimension, or whatever."

"Yes, yes, I perfectly understand that much,” Hansit conceded as he stood up from his desk and began pacing in front of it, “but I'd think about it first, you see, observe the logic of the situation! If one of, if not the most, powerful beings ever can't do something in their field of expertise, then I don't see what you could expect any of the non-magical races to do! If I said no, then who did you plan on asking next? The minotaurs? The griffins?" He scoffed. "You'd have better luck with the changelings."

"If I have to do resort to them,” I replied evenly, “then I will."

Hansit stopped in his tracks and rolled his eyes in my direction. "Yeah, and nobody sees you again after that. Trust me, you're better off going back to the ponies. If it were me, I'd pick the most peaceful society in the world and just settle down there."

"Good thing I’m not you, then," I growled. "At the end of the day, I won’t lie down thinking of taking it like a wimp."

"There's trying, and there's being delusional,” Hansit said flatly, “and you are definitely hoofing the line."

My jaw tightened and my glare hardened ever so slightly, but still noticeably. Hansit definitely caught on to that, from the sad way he shook his head. "I don't mean to be a spoil sport about this," he assured me more calmly. "I know it must have hurt getting the same news from Celestia."

"I slugged her in the jaw for that, and in turn, Luna snapped a few of my cervicals.”

The mayor sighed. "Yes, that's definitely understa..." then, his eyes widened and his jaw hung open as he registered my words. "… come again?"

"I punched Celestia – for the second time I might add – so Luna tossed me against a chair in a way that my spine snapped.”

"You attacked the goddess of the sun, and the goddess of the moon broke your back. You're crazier than I thought." He shook his head in wonder. "How are you alive right now?"

I shrugged. "Celestia values all life, so she didn't let Luna finish the job. That, or she thought her sister publicly murdering someone during one of Equestria’s biggest events would be bad for the family’s image. You know, Nightmare Moon and all."

Hansit snorted, shaking his head. "She would do that, wouldn't she?" He ran a tired hoof through his mane, clicking his tongue as he did it. "All that to say, I'm not really all that sure what it is you want me to do. Obviously we've established that I'm not the being for the job when it comes to getting you back to your universe."

"You don't know anybody who might, or at least may know something?" I asked. Hansit shook his head sadly and I nodded in response. "Then, I guess all I can ask of you is for you to point out the direction of the minotaur lands."

The zebra noticeably flinched at those words. "Are you sure about that? They're not exactly the most welcoming of species, those muscleheads."

"Well, if nothing else, I have to get through their lands to get to Griffonia, right?"

"Indeed," Hansit mumbled. "Just be careful, okay? It’d be unfortunate if you came all this way and got killed by one of the less welcoming tribes."

"Can't argue there," I agreed, "but at any rate, it's where I have to go next." I rotated my left shoulder in its socket, which also adjusted my backpack on it. "In fact, I'd better be headed out sooner rather than later."

"Wait, hang on a minute," Hansit said, putting a hoof on my wrist. "It's nearly dark now, not the best time to start traveling. Running off right this second just to have to camp not three hours later will only drain your rations.” He smiled warmly at me again. “Stay the night. It's Friday night, which means we're having a potluck and a no-talent show of sorts. The minotaur lands will still be there after a good night of food, fun, and restful sleep."

I mulled over his words for a few seconds. He was right. I nodded. "Okay, that does sound like fun."

* * * *

Twenty minutes later, Soundspeed, Oswald, Tycho and I were in town square, which was currently packed. I'd seen a lot of zebras around the city, especially when I was doing the Orbit, but that was the outskirts; they were never gathered in large numbers. Here, though... I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much black and white before that night, or after, for that matter.

I set my backpack down next to Soundspeed, who was chatting animatedly with Tycho, and sat down next to them. A bunch of zebras were walking around, passing around bowls of what looked like a meatless chili of some sort. It smelled delicious, and I dug in when I received my own bowl. It was as good as it seemed, let me tell you.

A large stage of sorts had been set up in the middle of the square, and I saw a few zebras toying with the lights and other sets. I leaned in next to Soundspeed." So, have you even been to one of these before? They any good?"

"Oh you'd better believe it," he answered. "Some of these zebras can be really entertaining when they put their minds to it… and they sure do."

Tycho smirked. "I'll take that as a compliment. And I wasn't aware that you had specific feelings on this event – it's usually just 'it was fun'."

Soundspeed snorted and gave him a friendly knock on the shoulder. "Well then, what else should I say about it?"

Tycho chuckled and took a mouthful of his own chili. On the stage, Hansit was standing with a smile on his face in front of a microphone. He ‘ahem’-ed, and the low chattering that had punctuated the event so far died down, leaving him free to speak. "Good evening, fellow zebras. It is with great pleasure that I welcome you all to tonight's potluck dinner and no-talent show!"

The zebras all erupted into a cheer, something that made me smile. I definitely didn't regret staying. If all indications were correct, tonight was going to be more fun than most I'd had in almost a year.

Eventually Hansit raised a hoof and the crowd piped down. "Now, I know you've all gotten some food in you, so let's move on to the no-talent portion. Our first act is a group of foals performing a song they wrote during school."

The zebras started applauding, and I did too. I sat back and watched the zebra foals sing some song about their country. Not gonna lie, it wasn't very good, but... eh, they were having a lot of fun with it, so who am I to judge? Tycho seemed to notice my opinion of it, so once they were done, he leaned in next to me with a smirk. "Come on, they weren't that bad."

As we watched the next act come on, I shook my head with a chuckle. "They weren't," I admitted. "They seemed to be having a lot of fun."

I leaned back against a bench we were situated next to and picked up my food, which had been replenished while I was up, and smiled to myself.

* * * *

The next morning I woke up at the crack of dawn, as usual by then, slipped out of bed and got dressed. Oswald squawked indignantly when I pushed him off of the pack, but he didn't press the issue beyond a light clipping of my head with his wing.

I took a deep breath as I threw my backpack over my shoulders and adjusted Reginald in my hand. This was it. I was leaving Zenya and the zebras, to go out somewhere else to see... Well, in hindsight, I don't really know what I was waiting for. I was frankly expecting what Tycho and Hansit both told me, but... well, I'm stubborn like that sometimes, I presume.

I exited the tent I had been given, and to my surprise, found both Tycho and Soundspeed sitting outside, shooting the breeze. They both smiled when they saw me exit. "You didn't just expect to run off without us noticing, did you?" Tycho teased.

I gave the zebra a small smile of my own. “The idea was to get an early start."

"As I knew you would," he said with a proud nod. "The two of us wanted to see you off, though."

"I should have guessed," I grinned. I turned to Soundspeed. "You heading off, too?"

He nodded. "Yep. I gotta find a new home now. I trust the zebras, but you, TD… I can't risk you ratting me out, even by accident."

Tycho scoffed. "You know you could stay here, Soundspeed; you're family for all intents and purposes."

I tuned them out, checking the straps on my rucksack for the second time. I suspected this was a conversation that the two had had quite a few times before. I tuned back in as they finished their little tiff. "So, which way am I headed?" I asked Tycho.

He grinned. "Oh don't think you're getting away that easy! We’ll take you to the city limits, and then point you in the right direction."

After a ‘thank you’, we were off, passing by a few zebras that were also starting their own day. Aside from a few goodbyes from them, the walk was mostly pretty silent. It wasn't until we had almost reached the city’s urban limits that someone took it upon himself to speak again, and that was Tycho. "Are you sure that this is what you want? You, too, are more than welcome to stay here. Ottesen and Brahe will be sad to see you go."

I remembered the Orbits I did while carrying those two every day for a month, and the chorus of giggles from those two echoed through my head. No, not fond memories. I would not miss them as much as they would miss me, it seemed. That aside, I still had to answer his question. "Yeah, it's what I want. If I knew an easier way, then believe me, I'd take it… but I don't. The road less traveled is not the most wise one to take, but it seems to be the only one."

"For your objective," Tycho pointed out sagely. "If you just stay somewhere peaceful…" A sad smile crossed his face. "You'd be okay."

"I know, don't think I haven't thought about it. I did have an okay life in Ponyville, all things considered. It's just tough, you know, being the only one of your species on the entire planet. It makes you feel the loneliest you could ever get."

"I can understand that. Just be careful, okay?"

I chuckled. "When am I not?"

"When you fought the Diamond Dogs," Soundspeed began listing, "when you punched the highest authority figure in Equestria, when you faced off three dragons, when you–"

I was quick to cut him off, lest we be there all day. "Okay, I get your point! I'll just work harder at it, is all."

"Be sure you do," said Tycho. "If you're still around, stop by Zenya again. I know we would all love to have you around for a visit, if not more."

"And I'd love to be back sometime. It was..." A grin crossed my face. "Well, last night was pretty awesome." I mentally added that the grueling training, aside from the results, wasn't so awesome.

The four of us fell silent after that, none of us sure what to say during the actual parting. I had to be the one to break it off. "Well, I'd best be off if I'm going to make any good headway through the country. You guys take care of yourselves, too, and maybe... maybe I'll see you again."

With one final round of goodbyes, I turned around and began my trek out of zebra land.

Author's Note:

So my plan going forward is for the chapters to be pretty long. Hopefully in the 6000+ range. We'll see, though.

Also be sure to be on the lookout for my newest one-shot 'Celestia Gets Mugged'!