As married pairs tend to, Shining Armor and Princess Cadence become parents as Mi Amore gives birth to a beautiful unicorn colt. They name him Arma Amoris and because Shining is too much occupied with his guard jobs, he can barely find time to care for his son. Thus, he sends Cadence and her child to Ponyville, where his sister shall care for the child in his stead. Twilight and her former foalsitter see to have the royal offspring grow in love and harmony, surrounded by the Elements of the latter.
This is the first story about Arma and simply describes his foalhood.
Notes: This is the first time I actually write something and submit it, so please be honest with the criticism. Also, I could not come up with a really good name for the son, any help with that will be appreciated.
WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!! A few weeks later?! She was pregnant for 8-9 months, and she found out now?
And don't you think that their word choice is.....very formal? They don't talk like that in the show......
needs to be HAD
Otherwise it looks good!!! Like and fav!!
hit me up if you need a pre-reader or editor
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I am not totally sure how time acts in Equestria, considering how few days RD took to heal a broken wing. I am not sure how long horse pregnancy usually lasts either, and how much the ponies are different from regular horses. Given all those circumstances, I just assumed it would take a few weeks... If it seems all too unbelievable I will change it.
Thanks for pointing that one thing out, fixed.
Thank you for taking the time to comment.
1831251Mare pregnancy lasts from anywhere from 320-380 days........so yeah
And don't worry about the comment, I really enjoyed the story
Hm the wall of text on occassion makes this hard to read and the pacing is a bit akward. Otherwise you're off to a good start.
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Oh.
Ok, if RD took 3 days to heal what would be 6 weeks(=42) time is accelerated to 14 times the usual speed. I will calculate with 320 because maybe ponies take a little less time. 320/14 = 22.857 days. Assuming magic can speed up the process a little we would be fine if we say 3 weeks. Thus my use of 'a few weeks' was not that displaced.
Even if time is only 10x normal speed, we would have roughly 5 weeks, given she might not notice immediately my term would still fit. :D
Don't blame me for midnight calculation errors please.
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I will see to get it split up a bit. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
EDIT: fixed the formal language a bit, split up the text wall, hope its better now.
Nice story, imma look forward to future chapters. However, from what I know of them, some of the characters seem a bit OOC(except for Twilight, that part fits pretty well). For example, Royal Guards would never loosen up on duty if it isn't a direct order.
Then, there are a lot of spelling mistakes. I understand that since this is your first story, and readers always find more mistakes than the writer, but it'll make a better impression if you fix them.
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Actually, Dash didn't quite heal. As you can see during the chasing scene, she still can't fly, so the 2-3 don't match six weeks.
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Spelling mistakes? Grr... OpenOffice.org seems to screw up a little then.
And about the OOC: where? who? how? The royal guards are asked to remember their first day and maybe felt slightly uncomfortable back then themselves. They should make the youngsters comfortable and thus avoid whatever made them uncomfortable. In this way it IS a direct order.
1834748 The spelling mistakes are mostly "to" instead of "too" or "off" instead of "of" and stuff like that.
And about the OOC:
Shining armor always said "Princess Celestia" in the show, and I think it wouldn't fit him to use the name "Tia". In all the fanfics I've read so far, Luna is the only one who ever says that.
It doesn't fit Cadence to talk about Twilight like this, and
she wouldn't say "Twi". Only AJ says that, even Shining always calls his sister "Twilight" or "Twiley".
Twilight probably wouldn't carry the foal with magic. She always carries Spike on her back, so I think she would also do that here.
Also, little plot error:
Princess Celestia is her mentor, soooo...
Then there's this:
I think "she'll research that later" would fit Twilight's character better.
- Nightning