Sin

by MemoryLane

Ch. 9: Foregone

It took way longer than I had hoped, but Rainbow Dash and I finally managed to convince Ennui into coming along with us. Well, not really convince. More like forced, truthfully; I ended up hogtying the mare, wrapping her forehooves and hind legs together, lying her on her own living room floor.

“Now what? Jeez, you just gonna drag me everywhere? I’ll just sleep through it, you know.” Ennui chuckled softly to herself, before her eyelids drooped again. I thought then that the mare must have had rocks for brains, because she didn’t even grunt as her head hit the ground with a fair solid thud.

Rocks for brains or not, ‘Now what?’ was a good question. I could carry her, but she sure weighed a lot for a little thing. Even if me and Rainbow shared the duty, Rainbow would not be able to last as long as me. Awesome as she liked to think herself, no way could she ever be as strong as me, no matter how athletic and toned she got. Simple biology. Earth pony stock; we got the biggest muscles and the strongest bones.

“I ain’t gonna drag ya, Ennui,” I said over my shoulder as I flicked my mane over the other side of my face. “I don’t like makin’ more work for myself, but you’ve given me no choice. Rainbow, help me get her on my back.”

Ennui sighed as she found herself draped across my back, her legs dangling off my left side.

“Uh, Applejack, we can't just go out in public with her all tied up like that.” Rainbow hovered over me, frowning. “I think we’ve already drawn enough attention to ourselves, and this sorta looks like some kind of foalnapping.”

“Don’tcha mean, you’ve already drawn enough attention to us?” I said, to which she started whistling with her eyes skyward and her eyebrow vanishing into her mane. “Ya got a point, though. I don’t expect such a layabout to try escapin’.”

Ennui just yawned again. “Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. You’re actually quite comfy.” She wiggled on my back, almost tickling me. “These ropes are chafing my ankles though. You should just untie me. S’all good.”

When Rainbow had finished, Ennui rested her head on the right side of my body. “Much better.” She let out a long breath. “Now, let's get this over with. I have things to do.”

“Uh huh, sure ya do,” I muttered as I started forward. Rainbow opened the front door, shutting it after the three of us walked outside. A sheepish grin appeared on Ennui's face as she saw a few of her neighbors look up from their gardening and watch us with perplexed expressions, some still gripping watering cans or trowels in their teeth.

“’Sup, guys? Just going for a walk. Nothing to worry about.”

At that, the neighbors just shook their heads and returned to work; we might as well have been invisible.

I snorted as Ennui began to snore. Fluttershy told me once about these creatures called sloths, now I think about it, I thought, unsure whether to laugh or cry out with frustration. I’d wager Ennui’d sleep for twenty-three hours a day if she could. Heck, she probably does normally.

I shook my head, and then turned it. “Rainbow, ya still got that Medallion? I need a good ol’ distraction right now. ’Sides, we’ve gotta find the next pony, pronto.”

A few seconds passed, in which a whole lot of nothing happened.

“Uh, Equestria to Rainbow?” I turned over my shoulder. “We need—oh, are you kiddin’ me?” This time I didn’t need to think which emotion I wanted; I cried out in exasperation as Rainbow drifted just above the ground, her hooves dragging and her wings on autopilot as she snored too. I stopped walking until she drifted past the side of my head, her own bowed and eyes shut.

“Rainbow Dash!”

“Whoa!” Rainbow shot three feet into the air, wings a-blur. “What the hell, A.J.? Why… uhhh, did I just pass out?” She slapped herself in the face and quickly shook her head. “Hey, did you want something?”

Somethin’ screwy’s goin’ on here. Rainbow ain’t normally this tired. I wonder...

“Yeah,” I said as I pulled my train of thought into the nearest station. “We gotta find the next pony and get back to Ponyville on the double. I need that Medallion off ya. Reckon ya can manage that without fallin’ asleep again?”

“Gee, I dunno. That seems—” Rainbow lifted a hoof to her mouth and yawned loudly “—like an awful lot of work…” She lifted an eyelid and dropped her hoof. “Heh, just kidding. Lemme grab it.”

She swung her pack off her back and rifled around in it for a couple seconds. Finally, she pulled it out and draped it around my neck. I held it up and peered at the unsettling colour: a deep blood-red, darker than any sunset I’d ever seen. It pulsed slowly, though not anywhere near so slow as it had for Rainbow back in Ponyville.

“’Bout time,” I said. I held up the Medallion and slowly spun on the spot. I didn't get a solid signal until I faced northeast.

“Northeast, huh? What does that mean?” Rainbow shot up into the air above the neighborhood and looked ahead. “Is there even anything further north than Van Hoover?”

“Yeah. There is.” I groaned. “Looks like we’re headin’ over to... the Crystal Mountains. Hoo boy.”

Ma and Pa had told me stories about the Frozen North when I was just a filly, way back before Apple Bloom was even born. One time, their delivery route had taken them to some old, abandoned military training outpost, where a team of researchers were looking for some ancient relics, or city or something. They said there was an everlasting blizzard there, and the ranges were mighty slippery and hard to cross.

No way in Equestria am I carryin’ this slacker the whole way.

“Are you kidding me?” Rainbow asked, throwing her hooves up over her head.

“Good thing I’ve got a ride, then.”

I turned to snarl at the weight on my back; Ennui had a great smirk across her face. From the corner of my eye, I saw Rainbow with her cheeks puffed out, small sounds escaping from her lips as she fought to keep her composure.

“Real funny, ain’t it, Rainbow? How ’bout you carry her up the ranges instead?” I shifted my narrowed eyes back to Ennui. “Don't push ya luck, missy. I ain’t one for takin’ snark.”

“Can we at least get something to eat?” she whined. “You foalnapped me from my house before I had time to eat my second lunch.”

Rainbow's ears perked up at ‘lunch.’ “I'm totally down for that, Ennui! Let's go!” Rainbow zoomed around to my side, grabbed Ennui by the cheeks, and rattled her head back and forth. “You know any good places to get some grub?”

Ennui didn’t even bat an eye. “Sure. Tons. I'll show you my favorite. Never been inside, though—I always get delivery.”

“’Course ya do,” I deadpanned. “All right, but ya actually gotta get off’a my back and show us, then.”

“What if I don’t wanna?” She drooped her head and closed her eyes. “You say you need me so much, so why don’t you carry me?”

“Okay, here’s the deal, sugar cube—” I jumped a few times on the spot, making Ennui flail her legs trying to stay on my back “—you’re the one who wants the food. I can go all day and all night without a bite if I wanna. Now I can, and I will, carry ya all the way to the Crystal Mountains without nary a morsel if ya don’t start cooperatin’ with us. What say ya to that?”

There was a long silence while I tried to ignore my own rumbling stomach. Then...

“Fine.”

Ennui yawned and slid off my back onto the ground. I stretched out a bit while she slowly picked herself up. Swaying a little on the spot, she shook her head and opened her eyes. “This way,” she said as she set off.

As we got moving, I kept finding myself steps in front of Ennui and having to wait until she passed again. The third time this happened, I whistled upward and waved a hoof. “Hey, Rainbow, get down here a sec, will ya?”

“What?” She landed lightly next to me.

I lowered my voice to a whisper. “I can’t believe how slow she is. It’ll take us all day just to get to the place at this rate. Why, my old Granny Smith with her saggy old hip could walk faster’n her.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Rainbow whispered back. “In a race between her and Tank, I’d put all my savings on my little guy, even without his little flying doohickey that Twilight whipped up.”

“You ain’t got no savin’s.”

“Shhh. That’s beside the point.”

We looked ahead again to see that Ennui had taken a grand total of five steps in the past ten seconds. I facehooved.

“Oh, by all Celestia’s light touches... have it your way then,” I said as I paced up to Ennui and ducked under her belly. With a jerk upward, I flung her over my shoulders and onto my back again.

“Change your mind?” She snuggled into my mane.

Breathe, Applejack. Breathe. Ya can’t kill her. Not yet.

“Just point us where to go then,” I growled.

With the sun a little further across the sky, we followed the streets of Van Hoover—and Ennui’s directions, as hard as it was for her to lift a hoof every now and then—to a little diner, the Giddy-up Galley. To be honest, I was not expecting what I saw when I stepped inside of the diner. Everything was so… retro, like the fancy old diners I’d seen in Manehattan all those years ago. The floor and the walls were evenly tiled blue and red, and the booths all had red-cushioned, circular seats. I could hear one of my favorite old songs playing on a jukebox: “Pub With No Cider,” by Slim Musty. Loads of pics of old famous pony stars lined the walls: Georgie Thoroughbred and the Devastators, The Falcons, The Rolling Boulders, and a whole bunch of others. A heap of old wagon licence plates filled the gaps between portraits.

“Whoa, Nelly,” I muttered while Ennui dropped off my back again. “We’ve got a Hay Burger’s back in Ponyville, and it’s kinda the same on the outside, but it’s way more modern than this joint. None o’ this olden-day stuff. Feels like time just got lazy and kinda stopped movin’ forward in here.” I glared at Ennui, who had already taken a seat at the booth nearest the door. “No wonder it’s ya favorite spot.”

“Come on, let’s get the food already. I'm hungry,” she muttered. Rainbow Dash took a seat next to her as I sat by myself on my own side of the booth, tapping my hoof in tune with the chorus. There were already menus at the table, but I already knew what I wanted; soon as I realised where we were headed, I'd been hankering for it.

While Ennui and Rainbow gazed at their menus, I cleared my throat. “So... Ennui.”

She glanced up at me from over her menu, eyes still drooping. “What?”

“Tell us about yourself.”

She just shrugged and lowered her eyes. “Not much to say.”

“Ya gotta do somethin’ for a livin’, right? Ya have that house—it ain’t like you’re out on the streets.”

Ennui sighed and let her menu fall down on the table. “Fine… I'm a beta-tester for a video gaming company,” she replied, drawing her words out again.

I furrowed my brow. “Uh, beta-what-now?”

“What?” For the first time, I saw Ennui’s eyes widen. “You really don't know what that is?”

“I don't know much at all about these new ‘vidya games,’ to be honest.” I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly. “I heard my friend’s little sister beggin’ for one, though. They’re pretty darn expensive.”

“Okay. Here goes.” Ennui took a deep breath. “A beta-tester plays through video games before they get released, looking for bugs and various glitches that the game developers might have missed. It’s my job to record any issues I find, and at what point in the software code the issues happen. That’s part of the reason these games can cost hundreds of bits. Lots of long hours go into making them. They pay me pretty well.”

I blinked. Wow, so she does have a talkative side. “Er, all right, then. I s’pose it’s like when I go out on the farm and separate the bad apples from the good, so my customers only get the best, highest quality Sweet Apple Acres stock.”

“Sure.”

And just like that, back to her usual bored self.

Fifteen minutes later, after ordering our meals—Ennui and I shared a giant apple pie, while Rainbow Dash chowed through three sunflower sandwiches—we sat there in that little booth, our tummies finally full. Rainbow let out a large belch before groaning.

“So…” Ennui mumbled, before smirking mischievously. “Who's paying?”

***

“Fluttershy, where did Cashmere go?” Rarity asked.

“I… um… I think we may have left him in the forest… Oh, I’m sorry!” I felt my eyes begin to burn while I dashed back along the path. “I should have been listening out for him, watching him, keeping him in sight and earshot… what if he’s lost? What if something happened to him? What if—”

“Fluttershy, you need to calm down.” Rarity joined me at my side and pulled me tight against herself. “It’s not your fault he’s a royal pain of a gallivant. Besides, I should have been paying attention too. Now, how long do you think he’s been missing?”

“Um, a few minutes maybe?” I suggested as I swept water from the corners of my eyes. “We went over a bridge, and then I got distracted by all the lovely nature around. Next thing I knew, he was gone.”

“So we retrace our steps, darling,” Rarity said, breaking off the hug. “We go back to the bridge. If he’s not there, I can always use my gem-finding spell.” She lit up her horn. “Remember how I gave him that pouch of diamonds? If he’s still wearing it around his neck, I should be able to track him—not that he knows that, of course.” She winked, and despite myself, I giggled. “Come on, let's find him together.”

“Okay, Rarity. Thank you.”

“But of course. What are friends for?” She narrowed her eyes back down the path. “The longer Mister Cashmere keeps me away from Manehattan and my inevitably lovely spa treatment, the harder I’m going to make his life,” she said as we set off. “I’ll have him kissing these dirty, cracked hooves within minutes—you’ll see.”

The Sun continued across the afternoon sky as we returned to the bridge. The first thing I noticed was a flock of small birds in a nearby willow tree on the riverbank. They seemed to be staring at something…

“Hello, little friends!” I called up. “Have any of you seen my not-so-little friend around?”

A Blue Jay male flew down and landed on my shoulder, chirping into my ear.

“You have seen him? Is he okay?”

Blue nodded and flew over the river. He hovered awkwardly in the air as he alternated between flapping both wings and pointing with his right. With a glance at Rarity, I rose into the air and followed Blue’s gestures.

“Oh, my.”

We spotted him in the river—dripping wet—standing on an isolated rock down further from the bridge. The flow was definitely faster than I remembered.

“Fluttershy! H-Help!”

Come to think of it, I had heard a splash as we made our way across the bridge the first time, but I had simply shrugged it off as a fish.

“P-please! Get me out of here!” Cashmere shouted. His mane was drenched and lying lazily over the left side of his face.

“Good heavens!” Rarity gasped. “However did you end up in there, Cashmere?”

“That’s not important! Just get me out—please, I can’t swim!”

Rarity and I exchanged glances and sighed together. “What are we going to do?” I asked. “I’m not strong enough to lift him by myself. I’d get us both dragged into the current.”

“And I can’t lift that much weight with my magic either,” Rarity said, scrutinising Cashmere’s figure. “A few rolls of fabric is one thing, but a full-grown stallion—”

“I’m not that fat, you know.”

“Shush!” we both said, mimicking each other’s motions. We chuckled for a second before falling quiet again.

“What can we do?”

“I’m thinking, dear. Hold on.” Rarity tapped her chin. “Hmmm… Fluttershy, if there are any beavers around, could you ask one of them to gnaw down a tree? Cashmere could climb onto it and cross back to land.”

I shook my head. “Oh, no. I couldn’t do that. It would take the poor dear all afternoon to chew down an entire willow. Besides, I’d feel terrible. I wouldn’t like to be that tree.”

“Then just a branch? We could hold it out to him and pull him out to shore.”

I looked around for anything that we could use to get Cashmere back on dry land. “How about that, Rarity?” I pointed out a long-ish branch from among the willows. I fluttered over to the other bank and grabbed it. “It seems long enough,” I called over the river noise as Cashmere watched on. Every now and then he would shift his footing as the water lapped at his hooves.

“Okay, Cashmere,” Rarity said as I landed back on the bank next to her. “We’re going to hold this out for you to grab onto, okay? Fluttershy will hold you steady against the flow, and I’ll pull the branch back onto shore. Do you understand?”

Cashmere looked at the branch held in Rarity’s aura, and gulped. “Y-you want me to get back in the w-water?”

“Just for a little while,” Rarity said. “We’ll have you out and drying in no time. Fluttershy, you grab beneath his pits and hold tight.”

I looked at the water and swallowed too. It looked even faster up this close… “Okay, Rarity.” I lowered myself down until I could wrap both my forelegs around his barrel. The branch glowed a clear blue as it floated in the water, just in front of us.

“Now, just keep calm, Cashmere, and we’ll get you back on land safely,” I said gently. “Count of three, okay?”

I can’t show him how scared I am. Have to be strong.

“One—”

“But I’m not ready. Don’t make me yet—”

“Two—”

“Please, no, I mean it, seri—”

“Three!”

Cashmere stumbled forward. He screamed and flailed his limbs around, but managed to grab onto the hollowed-out branch. I flapped my wings hard while Rarity strained to pull our combined weight to shore.

“Cashmere, kick your hind legs... against the current!” I yelled, straining with his weight and the river’s force. “Rarity… needs us both to… help her!” I looked him in the eye… and saw nothing but fear. He had completely frozen up. The river pushed harder; Rarity’s grip faltered; my wings began to ache.

“Rarity! I can’t… I’m not strong enough… eeeek!”

The river broke my strength. Still holding onto Cashmere as he and Rarity both lost their grip on the branch, I tumbled through the current. The water flooded over my body, all through my feathers, down my throat—

I felt something grab me and lift my head back above water. Choking and spluttering, I looked around. “Rarity!”

“Just hold onto me, darling! Take a deep breath—I’m going to try something.”

I fought to bring my coughing fit under control. Seconds later, I was being squeezed tighter than even being in one of Harry the Bear’s hugs. All was black, tingling, crushing darkness… and then it was over. Instead of the roaring, tumbling waters, I felt cool, soft mud. Blades of grass tickled my coat. A chill wind blew, rustling my coat and making me shiver.

Panting heavily between coughs, I looked around. My vision was a little blurry, but I could make out a purple and a white shape… or was it green and yellow?

I closed my eyes and held them there until my head stopped spinning. When I opened, Cashmere was standing over Rarity, a hoof on her chest and horn, his ear also close to her horn.

“What are you doing?” I asked as I got to my hooves.

“I’m a doctor, remember? I’m checking her for magical fatigue,” he said simply. “When you rub a unicorn’s horn, sparks should shoot out of it, and it should also hum quietly. They’re the signs of good health. If that doesn’t happen, it means the unicorn might be in danger of falling into a magical coma. That was a powerful teleportation charm she wove to get us all out of that mess. Even fueled by adrenaline, it must have cost her all of her power reserves… and then some. I can’t imagine it being the sort of spell she’d cast on a daily basis.”

He bowed his head. “I’m so sorry. If it weren’t for my selfishness, this would never have happened.”

“W-what do you mean, Cash—I mean, Doctor Cashmere?”

He lifted the hoof off her chest and waved it at me. “Just ‘Cashmere’ is fine. But… you know, I’ve always struggled with my greed. I just can’t help it! I’m so used to getting everything I want, having it all done for me that… well, when you and Miss Rarity came along and actually forced me into this situation, it was a whole new experience for me. I’ve never been challenged before, or pushed to do something against my will. So…”

He looked up at me then. “My greed and selfishness compelled me to jump into the river. I intended to catch it downstream back toward Canterlot. I guessed you would both be too distracted by the nature of this place to notice, at least until I was long gone. But the river was a lot deeper than I thought, and… well, since I never learned to swim, I panicked. Now look at us: drenched, shaking, and possibly in danger. We’re hours from the nearest city. What a stupid plan that was.”

“The most… stupid plan I’ve… ever heard.”

I gasped. “Rarity!” Within a heartbeat I was by her side. “Are you okay? Are you alive? I mean of course you’re alive, but well, guess it doesn’t hurt to make absolutely sure, right?”

“Yes, Fluttershy, I’m alive.” Rarity groaned and sat up, holding a hoof to the base of her horn. She shot Cashmere a poisonous look. “But you… you’re lucky to be. Why, if I could cast any spell right now without splitting my head open, I’d… I’d… I mean, I look absolutely horrid!”

“You… you’re worried about your appearance of all things?” Cashmere’s eyes bulged. “Do you realise that you could have died just now?”

“Oh, never mind that, Doctor,” Rarity snapped. “If I ever was in danger, it was entirely your fault! I’ll be indignified about anything I wish, as is a lady’s right!” She turned her nose away from him; as she clutched at her horn, a short shower of sparks shot out of the tip.

“Um, guys?” I tried to interrupt, but they didn’t hear me over their own raised voices.

“Why didn't you yell or something after you fell in and realised you wanted out of your ridiculous situation?”

“Oh, right, I should have ‘yelled.’ Because it’s so easy to gain attention when trying to shout with buckets of water in my lungs!”

“Rarity? Cashmere?”

“Even still!”

“I don't even have to be here! I could be at home with my things right now!”

“Stop it, both of you!”

Both ponies snapped their attention to me. “Can we please sort this out later when we get moving again? We should still be trying to get to Manehattan by nightfall. Let's just get going, right?”

Both ponies harrumphed before turning away from each other.

“Greedy imbecile.”

“Stupid fashionista.”

***

Pinkie and I crossed through a short dark passageway, with doors in the walls leading Celestia-knew-where. The guard stood behind us in the shadows, once more at his post.

Here we go. Into the depths of Las Pegasus’ underground. No turning back now.

“Well, off we—”

Pinkie whooped and bounced ahead.

“—Go,” I finished. “Be careful in here, Pinkie! And keep an eye out for You-Know-Who!”

“You got it, Twilight!” she called back. “But don’t forget to have fu-un!” She bounced around a corner out of sight, past a couple of ponies standing near a wall.

Ignoring their risque behaviour, I walked past as the sound of music with a pulsing, constant beat filled my ears. As I entered the corner, a stallion wearing dark glasses held up a hoof, and looked me up and down. Evidently satisfied, he nodded and stepped back. Not knowing what else to do, I nodded back and swept into the room, the music growing louder by the second.

There were places like this in Canterlot, but I had never been. Besides, I had no prior interest in such establishments, and it was easy to see why. I squinted against some bright, light-blue strobe lights flashing rapidly, illuminating the white-and-blue dance floor. The music flooded out of ceiling-high speakers; I swore I could see the walls shaking. Ponies of all colors covered the darkened dance floor, bordered by occupied chairs and tables in front of a large bar.

I looked instead to the stage. With a groan and a roll of my eyes, I brought a hoof to my face.

Of course Pinkie would get up on the stage. Still, it is a higher vantage point. Better than trying to sift through this wild herd. I watched as she bounced back behind the sound equipment and sidled up to a white mare wearing glasses, behind a table covered in tabs and switches. Her blue mane rocked and danced to the beat of the music, like a metronome in perfect time to the beat.

Vinyl Scratch? She works here? That mare sure gets around a lot.

I watched Vinyl continue to play, oblivious to Pinkie’s presence until a pair of hooves found their way around her stomach. Vinyl was startled from the touch at first, but peered over her shoulder, lifted her glasses, and promptly threw her own hooves over Pinkie’s shoulders. I didn't really know Vinyl that well, but of course Pinkie would be her friend. She’s everypony’s friend.

I searched the dance floor first for the elusive pink-and-blonde mare. A quick scan over the area revealed nothing, however. Nor did she seem to be sitting at any of the tables. I figured that the only other place where she could be was at the bar, so I trotted over—my ears still ringing—and took a seat, continuing to search over ponies’ heads.

After a few minutes, it was official: no sign of her.

“Great!” I shouted over the music in frustration. Though it left me sitting in a weird position, I leaned forward and held up my head, elbows on the bar, eyes covered. “Why? I finally thought we were onto something, but the trail’s cold yet again!” Fuming into my hooves, I kicked the side of the bar a few times. “darn, darn, darn it all!”

“You after something, miss?”

I looked up at the barkeep as his voice carried over the music. I exhaled slowly and shook my head. “No, sorry. I’m not much of a drinker. Thank you anyway.”

“You sure? You look like you need one.”

I hesitated. “At this time of day? It’s barely afternoon,” I noted. “Isn’t that a little… early?”

Barkeep raised an eyebrow. “You think so? None of them seem to mind.” He pointed past me back to the dance floor.

I bit my lip, then sighed. “Oh, what the heck.” Four bits floated out of my saddlebag and landed on the bartop. “I'll just take a small appletini for now. See how I go.”

Barkeep just shrugged and walked away to grab my drink as I sat there and continued to stew. I had no idea what else to do. I mean, what else could I do? Everything pointed to this spot—this bar right here—but there were no leads! Nothing! How was I supposed to find her in a dance club virtually packed to the rafters? The Medallion had already stopped flashing, like it thought I had already located its target. It couldn’t be any more use to us.

While I pondered my situation, Barkeep came back with a shallow glass, complete with a straw and umbrella. I thanked him and eagerly took a sip. Much to my delight, it was actually rather delicious; it even had frozen cubes of diced apple floating in it instead of ice.

“Appletini, hmmm? Seems rather light. I’d guess you prefer to take things... slow.”

I froze. Could that...?

I turned my head and almost dropped my glass as my breath caught in my throat. There she was, in all her pink and blonde glory, staring at me through darkened eyelashes even longer than Rarity’s. She clutched the handle of a Bloody Marey in one hoof as she leaned her head on the other, fluttering her eyelids slowly at me.

“It’s y-you!”

She smiled, her perfect teeth flashing blue with the strobe lights. Her gorgeous cyan eyes lazed gently over me, holding me in thrall. My chest tightened, and I became aware that I was holding my breath. Her entire body seemed to glow from within. My cheeks burned as my mind began to wander, just like my eyes—

“Yes, it's me.”

Her voice drew my attention right back to her flawless face. “But I'm not here for me—” she leaned over and whispered in my ear “—I'm here for you.”

A giant lump formed in my throat. “U-uh… yeah…” I cleared my throat. “Ahem. I mean, you are?” Gaining stride, I kept up my voice before it could falter again. “Well, why did you keep running away from me?”

She tilted her head and fluttered her eyes at me again. She lifted her glass to her lips, taking a long drink. A sassy smile spread across her face while she drank slowly and deliberately, never breaking eye contact. “Oh, what’s wrong with playing a little ‘hard-to-get’?” she asked after finally setting the glass down, empty. “It was ever so exhilarating, having my own cute little stalker everywhere. Makes a mare feel empowered. And you are quite a cutie…”

Stop it, please… I’m so confused...

“Getting a little flustered, are we?” She purred, and I raised an eyebrow. “You must be new in town—I would have seen a sweetie like you a long time ago if you were local.”

“What makes you say that?”

She chuckled, a hoof over her mouth and her eyes dancing with the strobe lights. “I saw your little stunt at the motel. A lot of ponies were upset about what you did to your poor marefriend back there.” She turned from me—finally, a break from that hypnotic gaze!—and looked over the stage, where Pinkie and Vinyl were both working the decks. “Well, I can only guess that you kissed and made up.”

“Pinkie Pie?” My eyes bulged, and I waved my hooves in front of me; I almost fell off my seat. “No, nonono, we’re not partners! We’re just friends.”

“Is that right…?” The mare once again looked at me, her eyes filled with that unsettling twinkle. “Cutie Pie and Princess Purple are both… free. Intriguing.”

Oh, please, tell me she’s not—

“You know, if either of you need a place to stay in this city…”

She is. Wow. She really is.

The music finally started to quiet down as Vinyl decided to take a break. All the dancers broke into applause and whistles as Vinyl and Pinkie leapt from behind the sound equipment and bowed together. Their gig over, house music began to play again, at a mercifully lower volume.

“I mean it, doll.”

She leaned in very close to me, almost muzzle-to-muzzle, and stared into my eyes; I felt my cheeks burning again. I tried to look anywhere else but her eyes, but they kept pulling me back in. She ran a hoof through my mane, and I whimpered in spite of myself, bringing my forehooves close to my chest like a filly.

“If you ever need a place to stay... talk to me.”

She licked her lips, that same seductive smile back on her face, before she began to walk away. I sat there, dumbfounded. I had no words. The thought never occurred to me to chase her as I stared after her waving hips, her bouncing and swishing curls...

There was no doubt at all now—I had found the embodiment of the Sin of Lust. And Pinkie had brought us to her! Just thinking about that fact made me wonder: who in Tartarus would the Medallion lead me to? What sort of Sin-fixated pony would I find? Would they be dangerous? Lazy? Annoying?

Wait, what am I doing? She’s getting away again!

“Stop!” I called over the music. I pushed through the crowd and caught up to her just as she was about to leave the room. I managed to grab her shoulder, but she grabbed my hoof while turning around, pulling me into her unexpected embrace.

“Hey, what?” This mare has no personal bubble, does she? “Let me go!”

“Oooh! Feisty, are we?” she murmured into my ear, causing me to shiver before breaking the hug. “I like that in a pony. Maybe I was wrong about you taking things slow—”

“No! Look, I need you.”

“I know.”

“You do?” I cocked my head.

“Yes. Come back to my place, and bring your friend, too. I can show you both just how much I need you.”

I groaned. I should have caught that coming.

“Tell me your name…” The tip of her tongue played along her lips, those eyes weaving their spell again.

This time I managed to look away before they could take hold of my senses again. I still began to sweat, though. “My name is Twilight… Twilight Sparkle. And I—”

My eyes crossed as she put a hoof to my lips. “Well, Twilight Sparkle,” she breathed in her sultry, silky tone. “I like you. A lot.”

“But you just met me!”

“A minor detail. But I want to get to know you better, for what that’s worth...”

As her hoof reached for my cheek, I brushed it aside. “Well, if you’ll behave yourself, and tell me your name—” I poked her chest “—maybe we can talk some more later.” I lowered my hoof as she made to grab it. “We—that is to say, my friend and I—are looking for some very special ponies, and… don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re one of them.”

She giggled then, biting her bottom lip. “I’ll be your very special pony if you like.” Before I could reprimand her, she took a step back and flicked her mane, allowing one side of it to fall across her face. “My name is Aphrodite,” she said, a single eye peering at me from the side of the blonde curtain. “But you can call me whatever you'd like, Twilight.”

“Ooookay, great. Glad we got that sorted out. Now, will you please listen? It’s really, super, ultra important. Pinkie and I—” I pointed to Pinkie, still chatting animatedly with Vinyl “—along with some others, are on this mission…”

We sat down at a table away from the dance floor. I explained everything about the mission, the Changelings’ attack, the Medallion, and the Princess’ top-secret order.

“Hmph. Sounds dangerous…” Aphrodite replied after I finished filling her in.

“I know. It really does, but you have to understand that we really need you.” I took a deep breath. “So, will you please come with us?”

“If you two are down for that, then yes!” she replied, those pearly whites on display for the whole club to see.

“Great!” I started to clap… until it clicked. “Wait, I don’t mean—”

“You are easy, Twilight Sparkle,” Aphrodite said. “At least, when it comes to tongue-tying you. Perhaps I could show you how to use that unruly muscle of yours properly sometime…”

I bolted upright from my seat. “I'll meet you outside in ten minutes.”

Aphrodite sighed and walked past me, pausing at my side. She brushed a lock of hair from out of my eyes. “Oh, you certainly will, sweet-cheeks. There's something I need to do first, though…”

She glanced at Vinyl Scratch, who was fiddling with her equipment. Strangely enough, Pinkie wasn't over there anymore.

I nodded and Aphrodite trotted off, her lithe gait more pronounced than before. It was then that I finally noticed her cutie mark: a large, cracked heart, a snake coiled around it, the larger heart surrounded by many smaller hearts.

“Who was that?” a high voice next to me asked.

I just shook my head again as I rubbed my temples. “That, Pinkie, is somepony we're going to be stuck with for the rest of the week.” I sighed. “May the Princesses have mercy on my soul...”

Comments

[Maxes Altho]

this is going on my 'read later, but don't forget you idiot' list, because I haven't seen a Seven Deadly Sins story here yet. Will read later.

[PlumBuckeredOut]

*looks at cover art, sighs*

why do i always see everyone make Gluttony fat?
why do i always see everyone make Lust a just-turned-legal beauty queen.

It's such a pigeonhole for imagination.

Envy not being a green pony *clap*

Take all that I've said with a grain of sand,since this is merely thoughts at a first glance.

[Skeeter The Lurker]

5689447

...Because making gluttony fat and lust attractive makes, oh I don't know, complete sense?

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Marshal Twilight]

5689534

i.imgur.com/fPaswjE.gif

[Cerulean Voice]

5689447
Well, whatever you might think, everyone has different ideas. Your thinking is valid though, as I've discussed with a few others. Maybe Gluttony could have an unnaturally quick metabolism that stopped them from ever gaining weight, or getting full? Maybe Lust could be an ugly fucker who chases tails constantly in the vain hope that they'll one day get laid?

The important thing about this story you need to know though is that Cyneryk saw the cover and wrote the story (originally over 100k words) based entirely on this pic. He geared his characters to match the artwork, not the other way around.

I hope you enjoy the writing if you decide to give it a chance.

[Magello]

5689534 Actually a far better interpretation is to make Lust ugly and Gluttony starving and thin. Continuously striving to satisfy the urge without ever being able to fulfill it is a better way to get them to embody the sin and show the destructive nature of it.

Making Lust able to satisfy its whims at an urge because of its beauty? Lazy.

[Skeeter The Lurker]

5689599

True enough. And it'd be a nifty way of doing things.

More like people normally go for the usual ideas of what gluttony and lust mean is all I was saying.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[superpony55]

Of course she's Aphrodite.

Anyway, I just found this today, and I'm enjoying it! I hope you edit the next chapter quickly!

[Brony4726]

Half of my brain: "Ahh sir we have a problem in the section labeled 'Dawwww'"
The rest of my brain: "Another ship?"
"Yes sir, two of them"
"Add 'em to the pile"
"Yes sir" *throws them into the freakin massive pile of ships i have.
Side note: Great story! Though I would've expected twilight to be less on the uptake there but ehh no biggie.

[PlumBuckeredOut]

5689575 You seems to be going for workarounds for the Sins.

Gluttony has worked its way to being synonymous with food, but early on it would be used as a synonym to greed. Hoarding money, valuable items, even hoarding knowledge. The same could be said for knowledge. Why is lust only linked for sexual promiscuity? Lust for knowledge seems valid. One of my first fanfiction brain storms had the mane six and spike as the seven sins. Twi had a lust for knowledge,Spike was greed, Rainbow was pride,fluttershy was sloth,rarity envy and A.J wrath.

I want to assure you that I have given the story "a chance" I was by no means trying to claim the story unworthy to read,or that I wouldn't read it. Sin seems like the type of story I like to write, so of course I'd read it.

[saiavinn]

5693187 Regardless of what the words have come to mean, the sins are distinguished from eachother as the Seven Deadly Sins. While all are acts of selfishness, they are each unique in their presentation. While greed can be interpreted as any form of desire, Greed is foregoing spiritual gain for the sake of material gain- money, trophies, possessions, fame, etc.- and the basis for material gain is the item that can acquire any other in the world: money. Gluttony is specifically linked to food due to the nature of gluttony- that being consumption. Glutton's do not hoard, but consume, always more than necessary and always for the pleasure over spiritual purity. Gluttony is associated with food because it is one of very few things that makes us simply feel better by eating- the point being for a glutton it's never enough (I consider druggies to be glutton's of a sort, even if it's a bit different). Lust is also for pleasure, but different from gluttony in that gluttony is taking a need to excess, whereas lust is taking a natural desire to excess. Sex is not consumption, but it comes with certain... social expections (not going into detail; here to explain the sins, not marriage standards from 2000 years ago) that the lustful ignore. There is no partnership- only the pleasure- each individual is just another soft body, as notable as stones. "Lust for knowledge" is nothing for than an expression that relates one desire to the desire of lust in terms of intensity (which is always a poor comparison, IMO, since lust is a desire on a level of its own). There's my take.

[Key Ring]

Alright normally I reserve a review for when the story is complete, but seeing as I've read all of the published chapters I think it's safe to saw I can do the review now- I was honestly going to do it after reading Chapter 6 but decided to just read the remaining three chapters.

So, without further to do, let's review "Sins"!!!

Plot:
So the story is that a Changling invasion is coming within a matter of weeks or less and that because they plan on having a multi-city attack the previous ways of defeating them isn't going to cut it. So instead we are told that by gathering "the seven ponies of sin" they will somehow manage to "summon forth a great power" and defeat or reflect the Changling invasion.

From there we have the mane six split up into groups of two to track down the Seven Deadly Sins.

Is the plot really that interesting? Well, enough to catch someone's attention, but I realized the problem with this story is that it's poorly executed. For instance when Fluttershy and Rarity are in Canterlot they for some unknown reason stop to talk to about a party with two other ponies that just happen to mention one. Was there anything the ponies said that made it seem like it might be the location of their target? Of course fucking not! That'd actually make sense, something this story is sorely lacking. Instead each group is reduced to following a medallion until plot convenience shambles along and bashes them in the head before pointing them in the right fucking direction because fuck it all we need to keep this story moving! Why have the characters make logical choices when the author can just skip all of that nonsense!?

I don't really mean to be harsh but when the story changes a location from one to another, Tall Tale to Van Hoover, for the mere sake of just fucking making a group closer or stopping the train for no apparent reason, I have to wonder how and why I should give a damn in the first place.

Not to mention since Princess Celestia *obviously* know about the incoming Changling Invasion you'd think she has some god damn pre-thought up plan to deal with this. Oh that's right that makes sense. Nevermind.

Grammar/Setting:
Since this is set in first person for Twlight Sparkle, Fluttershy, and Applejack we're chiefly given the story through their eyes. Well I say chiefly because honestly this story has such a bare minimum of details that sometimes I completely forget who might be talking at the moment. There is literally a transition where you have to wait over four full paragraphs before figuring out that it's Fluttershy who is talking instead of Rarity- an impressive feat considering most I's should be only Fluttershy!

Now granted at first I was going to be harsher on this because it was in first person and thus made it more difficult to read. Until I realized that the problem isn't with it being in first person, I've read plenty of other stories where it was in first person and I didn't give a damn about it then, so why do I know? It's the fact that again this story has the bare minimum of details when it comes to the environment around our characters. You learn Twilight and Pinkie Pie are in an alley. Nothing else. It won't kill you to add a tad more detail to the story author, trust me on this . . .

Beyond that the first person actually does one good thing. Unfortunately it's the one good thing all first person stories do- gives you a look into how a character thinks. Again, in this particular instance that is Twilight, Fluttershy, and Applejack- the most interesting by far being Fluttershy.

Characters:
While for the most part each character that isn't an OC tends to stick to the general outlines of their characterization, save for Spike who completely breaks character, they do tend to break character just enough for it to be noticeable. Since each character, again save for Spike in the first chapter, hasn't completely broken character this can be fixed by just going back through and doing a few more edits. Until then it's merely annoying but not something as bad as the lack of detail in the story.

Now is there a silver-lining to this entire story since I seem to be only harking on the bad portions of this story?

The answer is Yes! Yes for the love of God this story does have a selling point!
That selling point being the Seven Deadly Sins themselves~!
Or at least the three we've had the, being honest here, absolute pleasure of meeting so far- Cashmere, Ennui, and Aphrodite.
(I'll say I do enjoy the names for Greed and Sloth, both fitting for their sins, but Lust is just too straightforward and needs something more . . . imaginative.)

So, what is it about these three ponies that makes this story still worth reading? The way they interact with their respective groups. Each one elicits a certain response out of their group wither it be confusion, annoyance, or anger. The comedy, unintentional or not, that comes out of this is decent enough and through a story such as this one so far proves to be the light at the end of the tunnel. If each other sin is just as eccentric as the first three then the story might still be worth while even if it remains in it's current state. If the author goes back, adds details, and makes everything flow properly then this story might be one of the best.

But for now, it gets a grade of:
D+

[PlumBuckeredOut]

5702822 *reads the first couple of sentences* You good now? get that all out of your system? Why don't you take a step off your high horse.

You're talking to me as if I don't know what anything this. I know what the 7 sins are. I know how they are used in present day. But the fun of writing isn't pasting plot a to climax b like a formula, It's making people think,and think differently about what are/is considered normal. I didn't think, (and that seems to be my whole problem on this story's comments,) that people would really heckle me. I merely stated I wished he thought of other ways to use the sins. After learning he's based his story off a drawing my argument already fell flat.

So yes the Sins now; Gluttony is always someone who is fat and Lust with always be some variation of a nymphomaniac or temptress. Yep I got it. We all set here?

[saiavinn]

5704860 Did it feel like I was ranting? I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come off that way. I only noted your view on how the sins can be interpreted and disagreed with it. Previous comments had not been my concern in writing and I admit that my objective take likely felt like I was trying to cram scripture down your throat, although heckling was far from my intent. Creativity in writing was not what I was focused on, and I understand that a fresh take on an old idea does bring about an entirely new light. Most takes on the sins are notably stale, however, I do feel it's necessary to mention just how often bronies do this- taking an idea and adding ponies. It's not all that creative, to be honest, but it's just something we do; we'll ponify anything.

[saiavinn]

5704860 :D I've always loved the idea of Wrath using ice magic in opposition of the predictable fire (cold anger) and their personality being more just cruel and quiet than explosive and outspoken. Greed is also so easy to mold, since possessions take up such a variety. Have you ever read he Seven Deadly Sins manga by Nakaba Suzuki? I rather like that interpretation of greed, with immortality being the ultimate of desires.

[PlumBuckeredOut]

5706689 I have not read that Manga, It sounds quite interesting though. I also want to apologize if I sounded patronized. I sadly just spat out because I felt more attacked,than listened and heard. One of the few flaws of typing, without the invention of emoji.

[saiavinn]

5717591 No, no- I'm just as guilty. What you said about me being on my high-horse is pretty accurate; I have a bad habit of assuming I'm right even when things boil down to taste. Saying "you're wrong and I'm right" with a smiley face at the end would have hardly changed that. Although the internet is just rife with misunderstandings like that isn't it? Too easy to assume the worst when tone and context aren't a given...

[PlumBuckeredOut]

5718138 *credibility increased*

[Plough and Stars Pony]

I like the concept behind the story, and meeting the personifications of the Sins. I see the limitations of this story, but I will not go in to further detail. I hope the next chapter is a good one. I am shipping Aphrodite and Twilight.

[Stuff]

Ummm... How soon can this update?

[Toonwriter]

Now Twilight and Pinkie found Lust, yet she will be a pain to Twiley.