Welp, it happened. I wrote some clop. This story was by far the most frustrating thing I have ever written (and I'm including all the junk I had to do in university). I abandoned it twice, but for some reason I couldn't leave it alone.
More chapters are coming soon. I have almost the entire story completed. There are just a few blanks to fill in, and some editing and polishing to be done. Expect the whole thing to be posted by end of Monday.
Comments, corrections, and vitriolic hatred are most welcome.
Aaaaand, it took 45 minutes for this story to get more faves, and twice as many dislikes, as all my other stories put together did in all the weeks they've been up.
I wanted to comment this like 16 hours ago (now it's 11 am at GMT -3:00), but my internet sundenly died for no specific reason so here it goes now: If Shining told Cadance about the incestuous relation and still did it with no guilt feeling or anything like it, than I believe that Cadance not only sees no problem on it bat may even like the idea. And by that I mean that I want: THREESOME ON NEXT CHAPTERS!!!!!
I SHOULD be doing schoolwork. I think I could use my own Twilight Sparkle- I mean, daily planner (and punisher for not carrying it out). I'm throwing my life away, and it's all my internet-addicted fault. On a side note, this could actually be interesting story-wise. Let's see where the-trail-that-we-blaze is going.
Hm. Found the actual sex scene boring and hard to read. I'm not sure why. After a while spent reading the same section over and over again, I just decided to skim for important details. Emotional responses, events of obvious future relevance, the like. I got through it fine once I stopped trying to pay too much attention. Hopefully I didn't miss anything vital.
The psuedoromantic claptrap is well-written so far, and the following line in particular made everything worthwhile:
“She’s my wife,” Shining explained. “I tell her everything.”
For some reason, I found myself listening to Logos Naki World writing this. I don't know what that says about me.
Twilight’s saddlebags, packed with supplies for her week-long stay, slipped easily off her back and were forgotten before they even hit the floor. Those things are pretty hard to take off, especially so casually. They're like those military packs with a shitload of straps that hold on no matter what. Granted, you may have an argument for it due to Winter Wrap-Up, but I figured she'd learn how to dress herself within the year or so she's been away.
“Twiley,” he said, barely above a whisper, “I promise you...” He drew himself closer. “...nothing’s changed between us.” I've only just noticed this about your story. The sex is charming and sweet, but not much is brought to the table about their relationship outside of it. The first chapter show just how much love and devotion Twilight has for her brother, but the scenes, what should be the meat of the story, is a little lacking. Now I am by no means an expert on incest, so i admit it's a difficult to write an incestuous romance. There's the romance and sex, the family bonds, and the lover bonds. That's three rather than the usual two. The second one doesn't come up that much. Where's the brother/sister relationship?
“She’s my wife,” Shining explained. “I tell her everything.” This concerns me a little. He does have a secret, but only half of it. Twilight has the other half. It's not his secret to tell without Twilight's consent. I'm not going to go into the morality of multiple sexual partners or even incest in general; we'll be here all day. Shiny should have known better than to drop the bomb on his wife without at least running it by Twilight.
Suppose Cadance really did take it bad. Shiny's conscious is clear by not leaving secrets out of his wife's reach, but he's destroyed his life and Twilight's in the process. He put his own metal state and security above the welfare of someone close to him. It's a selfish act and really strikes up ire against Shiny. No real reason why Shiny told Cadance s given, so that's my guess as to why he did it. If there's an alternative reason, feel free to tell me. I feel like Shiny deserves a kick in the nuts for his action here.
Those things are pretty hard to take off, especially so casually. They're like those military packs with a shitload of straps that hold on no matter what. Granted, you may have an argument for it due to Winter Wrap-Up, but I figured she'd learn how to dress herself within the year or so she's been away.
It's magic. I ain't gotta explain shit. Okay, how about: Twilight already unhooked all the straps while standing outside the door. Because she plans ahead like that? ... no? ...Magic!
The first chapter show just how much love and devotion Twilight has for her brother, but the scenes, what should be the meat of the story, is a little lacking. Now I am by no means an expert on incest, so i admit it's a difficult to write an incestuous romance. (...) Where's the brother/sister relationship?
This is the first criticism with which I must respectfully disagree. I thought I presented enough of the brother-sister relationship in both "Expectations" (using the interaction between them in the beginning, followed by just blunt Twilight's-POV description of her relationship) and in "Questions" (using the conversation at the end) Maybe that was too "romance" and not enough "siblings" for you? There was also that one paragraph in "Resolutions".
In any case, I didn't think myself obligated to explore that part of their relationship. They are brother and sister, and they are close; this is canon and was presented in the show itself. Could I have written more about it? Yes. Did I want to? Not really. I felt I had a solid enough base to work from, and I chose to focus on the sex/romance aspects. I suppose I could have extended this story into 40K words, but again, it just wasn't something I wanted to do. I accomplished what I set out to do, which was to put the three ponies together into an intimate relationship. There just wasn't any more story to tell from my perspective.
It's not his secret to tell without Twilight's consent.
An interesting point which I don't completely agree with. We could discuss it, if you really do want to be here all day.
For what it's worth, Twilight agrees with you! And the reason Shining didn't "run it by" Twilight was because he knew Twilight would be near-impossible to convince. Easier to ask forgiveness than permission, and all that. And he did have some reservations about proceeding: "If this were just about me, I’d have told you everything already. But… this involves another pony, and I don’t want to break the confidence she and I have."
Now, I want to make one thing absolutely clear before I go on with any further explanations: Shining Armor completely fucked up his confession. There's no getting around that. "He had practiced this conversation earlier in the day but within three sentences he had already managed to fall completely off the script he had prepared for himself." He even messes up his position! "His poor strategy had left him lying on his back instead of in a more defensible sitting position" If you notice, Cadance is in complete control of the entire discussion, with Shining at her mercy the whole time. A very, very poor showing by the illustrious Captain of the Royal Guard.
Suppose Cadance really did take it bad. Shiny's conscious is clear by not leaving secrets out of his wife's reach, but he's destroyed his life and Twilight's in the process. He put his own metal state and security above the welfare of someone close to him. It's a selfish act and really strikes up ire against Shiny.
He was reasonably certain that Twilight would be safe. Cadance might have taken it badly, but the fallout would be on him; he was older and he was the male in the relationship, and if worse came to worst, he was prepared to take all the blame on himself. While Cadance might have been angry, she would not have been angry enough to hurt Twilight. Shining knew this, at least while his head was clearer earlier that day. The bit about "storming out and reporting him directly to Celestia" is a fairly far-fetched worst-case scenario imagined in the heat of the moment.
The only thing in serious danger was Shining's marriage.
No real reason why Shiny told Cadance s given, so that's my guess as to why he did it. If there's an alternative reason, feel free to tell me. I feel like Shiny deserves a kick in the nuts for his action here.
Shining promised not to keep secrets from Cadance. This is briefly mentioned in the story. The exact wording, circumstances, and justification of such a promise I leave to the reader's imagination.
That said, even this was not an absolute. Shining's original strategy, before he FUBAR'd his confession, was to reveal facts to Cadance one at a time and gauge her reaction at each step; discuss ethics/motivation, and move on to the next, ultimately revealing that the incestuous relationship was still on-going. If Cadance did react really badly at any point, he was ready to lie through his teeth to get out of it.
Whew. I hope that answers more questions than it raises. By the way, these kinds of comments really are the best; they allow me to see how readers perceive the stuff I write. That's invaluable to a writer, not to mention fascinating. Thank you! I'd love to see your take on the other chapters, if you have the time for it.
3354825 When I wrote that line, I didn't have the faintest idea that I'd ever be writing any kind of follow-up story. Unintentional foreshadowing, I guess?
Now I've read 2 incest clops, the other one was unintentional and was AJ and Big Mac. This one is on purpose and epic. Imagine many mustaches here because I cant find the face bar
Welp, it happened. I wrote some clop. This story was by far the most frustrating thing I have ever written (and I'm including all the junk I had to do in university). I abandoned it twice, but for some reason I couldn't leave it alone.
More chapters are coming soon. I have almost the entire story completed. There are just a few blanks to fill in, and some editing and polishing to be done. Expect the whole thing to be posted by end of Monday.
Comments, corrections, and vitriolic hatred are most welcome.
INCEST IN WINCEST
Incest!
Instant thumbs up!
Unsure whether to favorite or not... But I really like Shining Armor x Twilight... Hmmm
Intriguing. Have a fave.
1680711
Hey, Kurt is back.
1680764 Back again.
>1 view
>11 thumbs up
>Incest concept that has been done many times
Well at least this incest pairing isn't as overdone as Celestia/Luna.
me gusta
i haven't even read this yet
but wincest
it's so hot in here
imma take off all my clothes
and go expose myself in the streets
Not bad...
1680711 1680729 1680745 1680790 Wincest YEAH!
1680759 1680791 Thanks!
1680781 I think the view counter's broke. Yep, this pairing has been done, but I particularly like it. I never claimed to be original.
1680833 It would seem so since it's showing up as over 80 views now. Anyway, I'll now take my leave. Clop ain't exactly my department
Thumb up & fav.
And yeah, wincest!
Aaaaand, it took 45 minutes for this story to get more faves, and twice as many dislikes, as all my other stories put together did in all the weeks they've been up.
Oh, FIMFiction, don't ever change...
Wait... is this fucking story in the fucking feature fucking box??? This story??? You know I wrote other stuff.
Oh, hey, there's a trope for that.
Those eyes... I seriously got scared when cadence saw them... AWESOME JOB!
INB4 FEAT-- oh... um... yea, go you.
I can see that people are downvoting this just because they don't like the subject.
1680952 Sometimes I think this site is full of pony-obsessed perverts.
The rest of the time I know it.
It's a respectable take on an incestuous relationship. Not perfect, mind you, their relationship needs some work, but it's quite enjoyable.
my arms exploded.
Not sure if disgusting..
Or workable..
Twicest?
I wanted to comment this like 16 hours ago (now it's 11 am at GMT -3:00), but my internet sundenly died for no specific reason so here it goes now:
If Shining told Cadance about the incestuous relation and still did it with no guilt feeling or anything like it, than I believe that Cadance not only sees no problem on it bat may even like the idea.
And by that I mean that I want: THREESOME ON NEXT CHAPTERS!!!!!
1680729
I found that comment both hilarious and disturbing!
I told her.
I lol'd so hard I fell out of bed.
This is for you - XD
i54.tinypic.com/1znlclg.gif
Ha lust in incest!
i3.kym-cdn.com/profiles/icons/big/000/133/417/Fluttershy%20dawww.gif
Oh wait. You actually love her? Okay
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/dragonlaugh_0.gif?1311711246
Just give me a second to laugh harder.
This is brilliant.
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/nph-thumbs-up.gif
Nice.
rlv.zcache.ca/mother_of_god_rage_face_comic_meme_flyer-p244234752787793144b73co_400.jpg
1680711 WTF You again!? You really are everywheredl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_ooh.png
I SHOULD be doing schoolwork.
I think I could use my own Twilight Sparkle- I mean, daily planner (and punisher for not carrying it out). I'm throwing my life away, and it's all my internet-addicted fault.
On a side note, this could actually be interesting story-wise. Let's see where the-trail-that-we-blaze is going.
1707286
Don't worry. I should be applying to college. But, here I am, reading a Shining x Twilight fic
I saw cadance see her and I was like buy then what armor said to twi I just wat.
I feel like there will be consequences.
Hm. Found the actual sex scene boring and hard to read. I'm not sure why. After a while spent reading the same section over and over again, I just decided to skim for important details. Emotional responses, events of obvious future relevance, the like. I got through it fine once I stopped trying to pay too much attention. Hopefully I didn't miss anything vital.
The psuedoromantic claptrap is well-written so far, and the following line in particular made everything worthwhile:
Very nice. One typo:
"It was profoundly satisfying, yet served to increase her desire faster that it sated it."
(Should be "than")
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/447/822/80a.png
Cadence= Kill Joy
For some reason, I found myself listening to Logos Naki World writing this. I don't know what that says about me.
Twilight’s saddlebags, packed with supplies for her week-long stay, slipped easily off her back and were forgotten before they even hit the floor.
Those things are pretty hard to take off, especially so casually. They're like those military packs with a shitload of straps that hold on no matter what. Granted, you may have an argument for it due to Winter Wrap-Up, but I figured she'd learn how to dress herself within the year or so she's been away.
“Twiley,” he said, barely above a whisper, “I promise you...” He drew himself closer. “...nothing’s changed between us.”
I've only just noticed this about your story. The sex is charming and sweet, but not much is brought to the table about their relationship outside of it. The first chapter show just how much love and devotion Twilight has for her brother, but the scenes, what should be the meat of the story, is a little lacking. Now I am by no means an expert on incest, so i admit it's a difficult to write an incestuous romance. There's the romance and sex, the family bonds, and the lover bonds. That's three rather than the usual two. The second one doesn't come up that much. Where's the brother/sister relationship?
“She’s my wife,” Shining explained. “I tell her everything.”
This concerns me a little. He does have a secret, but only half of it. Twilight has the other half. It's not his secret to tell without Twilight's consent. I'm not going to go into the morality of multiple sexual partners or even incest in general; we'll be here all day. Shiny should have known better than to drop the bomb on his wife without at least running it by Twilight.
Suppose Cadance really did take it bad. Shiny's conscious is clear by not leaving secrets out of his wife's reach, but he's destroyed his life and Twilight's in the process. He put his own metal state and security above the welfare of someone close to him. It's a selfish act and really strikes up ire against Shiny. No real reason why Shiny told Cadance s given, so that's my guess as to why he did it. If there's an alternative reason, feel free to tell me. I feel like Shiny deserves a kick in the nuts for his action here.
1888027
It's magic. I ain't gotta explain shit.
Okay, how about: Twilight already unhooked all the straps while standing outside the door. Because she plans ahead like that? ... no?
...Magic!
This is the first criticism with which I must respectfully disagree. I thought I presented enough of the brother-sister relationship in both "Expectations" (using the interaction between them in the beginning, followed by just blunt Twilight's-POV description of her relationship) and in "Questions" (using the conversation at the end) Maybe that was too "romance" and not enough "siblings" for you? There was also that one paragraph in "Resolutions".
In any case, I didn't think myself obligated to explore that part of their relationship. They are brother and sister, and they are close; this is canon and was presented in the show itself. Could I have written more about it? Yes. Did I want to? Not really. I felt I had a solid enough base to work from, and I chose to focus on the sex/romance aspects. I suppose I could have extended this story into 40K words, but again, it just wasn't something I wanted to do. I accomplished what I set out to do, which was to put the three ponies together into an intimate relationship. There just wasn't any more story to tell from my perspective.
An interesting point which I don't completely agree with. We could discuss it, if you really do want to be here all day.
For what it's worth, Twilight agrees with you! And the reason Shining didn't "run it by" Twilight was because he knew Twilight would be near-impossible to convince. Easier to ask forgiveness than permission, and all that. And he did have some reservations about proceeding:
"If this were just about me, I’d have told you everything already. But… this involves another pony, and I don’t want to break the confidence she and I have."
Now, I want to make one thing absolutely clear before I go on with any further explanations:
Shining Armor completely fucked up his confession. There's no getting around that.
"He had practiced this conversation earlier in the day but within three sentences he had already managed to fall completely off the script he had prepared for himself."
He even messes up his position!
"His poor strategy had left him lying on his back instead of in a more defensible sitting position"
If you notice, Cadance is in complete control of the entire discussion, with Shining at her mercy the whole time. A very, very poor showing by the illustrious Captain of the Royal Guard.
He was reasonably certain that Twilight would be safe. Cadance might have taken it badly, but the fallout would be on him; he was older and he was the male in the relationship, and if worse came to worst, he was prepared to take all the blame on himself. While Cadance might have been angry, she would not have been angry enough to hurt Twilight. Shining knew this, at least while his head was clearer earlier that day. The bit about "storming out and reporting him directly to Celestia" is a fairly far-fetched worst-case scenario imagined in the heat of the moment.
The only thing in serious danger was Shining's marriage.
Shining promised not to keep secrets from Cadance. This is briefly mentioned in the story. The exact wording, circumstances, and justification of such a promise I leave to the reader's imagination.
That said, even this was not an absolute. Shining's original strategy, before he FUBAR'd his confession, was to reveal facts to Cadance one at a time and gauge her reaction at each step; discuss ethics/motivation, and move on to the next, ultimately revealing that the incestuous relationship was still on-going. If Cadance did react really badly at any point, he was ready to lie through his teeth to get out of it.
Whew. I hope that answers more questions than it raises. By the way, these kinds of comments really are the best; they allow me to see how readers perceive the stuff I write. That's invaluable to a writer, not to mention fascinating. Thank you! I'd love to see your take on the other chapters, if you have the time for it.
Wow... That part where Twilight sees Cadance in the mirror was just fantastic. Well done!
I am so glad I started this fic!!!
I can't wait to read more of it tonight!
I'm both thinking "what the fuck shining armor?!" and "why are we so messed up in the head that we write and read these?"
mostly the first one...
this chapter gave me an ooh whaaa moment
Yeah, i had fun.
Sooo many chapters!... I'm ready!
Is that subtle foreshadowing, I see?
3354825 When I wrote that line, I didn't have the faintest idea that I'd ever be writing any kind of follow-up story. Unintentional foreshadowing, I guess?
2089534 HOMAIGAWD! If she's readin it. I'M Readin it. Trust me. This mare knows her clop.
Now I've read 2 incest clops, the other one was unintentional and was AJ and Big Mac. This one is on purpose and epic. Imagine many mustaches here because I cant find the face bar