Based off of the song September by TheLivingTombstone.
This is my first attempt at a Horror story.
Pinkie was alone. Everypony in Ponyville was dead. She couldn't remember what happened. Blood was absolutly everywhere, and she couldn't remember why. So she tried looking for her friends, but only found horrifing memories.
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This story reminds me of how many times I get pissed off of them mocking my height-
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Now atleast he won't bother me for a very long time.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
I was listening to the song that this fic is based off of and I gotta say very good
1679707
Thank you for the support!
I think you could turn this story into something, but as it stands now, it is pretty average. If you don't mind, I'm going to give you a few tips. First is kinda an unwritten rule of writing, but never NEVER head things in a story. That is one of the quickest ways to pull your readers from it. Instead, put the flashbacks into italics.
Second, I felt nothing for this story. There was nothing to pull me in and make me feel, you know. The best way to fix this is by showing, not telling. You say there is blood everywhere, you say how Pinkie feels, but it would be so much more effective if you showed it...did pinkie cry? Did her stomach turn at the carnage? Things like that will help you make a really remembered story.
1679773
Thank you for your critism (if thats how you spell it). I don't exactly know how to do italics, but I know I could have done better with showing. This is my first attept at horror with first-person point of view written in past tense, and I'm still trying to get a hold of the ropes. Although you didn't really feel any emotion, that's enirely up to how you deal with these stories. Sort of like my crazy sister, because for some reason she doesn't get scared from the story Cupcakes or cries from My Little Dashie. But thank you for telling me how you feel about this story and I'll improve it once I get into High School or something (hey, I'm only 13!).
1679785 Italics are easy. :) It's all part of the BBC coding the site currently uses (though if you've read the news you'll see there is talk of changing to HTML). But this should help yo with that. Plus, there are buttons at the top you can push if you'd like to do various things.
And, eh,I found MLD and Cupcakes very boring. MLD had nothing to make me like the MC and Cupcakes wasn't scary so much as just gross. So yeah...but there are plenty of stories on here that feel me with all sorts of, well, feels, so don't look at those stories and think those are where you need to be. Their writing skill is mediocre at best. (Here, I should note, I'm not amazing myself. Not by a long shot.)
Really, though, the last part of you reply sorta bothered me.
. I just want to say, I said that at your age. I was like, ah, I have lots of time, I can do it later...and then it kept getting pushed off and off until I finally decided that hey, I want to write, and I want to be good. (See note above, I'm still working on this at 21). The thing is, you start now and when you make it to my age, you'll be awesome! Famous, even. Now, I don't expect this specific story to be improved, but I am hoping you'll at least take what I said into consideration and use it on future stories.
1681083
Once again, thank you for contacting me about this. I'll try to use the link you gave me to help with things like italics. But for the age thing, I'm impatient. I know my writing isn't good now, but I think it'll improve once I get older and more experienced. I'll probably finish quite a few stories by the middle of 2013 and I'll get better along the way. Thanks for helping me out and giving critism. I'm sure I'll use your help.
hello, i have made a group for fanfics based off of livingtombstone's "September", and your fanfic has been added to this group
it is a relatively new group, thus little to no members as of yet.
well anyways, here is a link to the group:
September by Living Tombstone Based Fanfics
new members are welcome and encouraged to join.