• Published 9th Oct 2012
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The Doctor and Derpy Play Minecraft - ConfusedBrony



Derpy causes the TARDIS to crash land in the universe of Minecraft. They are left stranded there with nothing but each other and a broken TARDIS.

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Chapter 3: Caves and Near Death Experiences

Chapter 3: Caves and Near Death Experiences


The Doctor and Derpy stared in silence at the phone with dropped jaws. Hearing Pinkie’s voice was surreal in an already surreal universe. Thoughts and speculations flooded the Doctor’s head on how the Pinkie Pie could possibly be communicating with them. How did she even get a telephone in here? How did she even get the phone to connect to Equestria?

“What?!” the Doctor exclaimed.

“Hmm? Something wrong?” Pinkie asked.

“Well, let me think. Aside from the fact that my TARDIS is missing and I stranded Derpy in a parallel universe that’s not really parallel. Yes, I’m completely fine,” he said sarcastically.

“Hmph, well, you didn’t have to be so rude about it, Mr.Grumpypants.”

The Doctor sighed, “I’m sorry. I just had a long day, that’s all.”

Pinkie giggled, “No problem! I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now. I saw everything on my computer screen.”

“A what screen?” Derpy questioned.

“Human technology. You won’t get it,” the Doctor answered.

The vague answer raised more questions for the confused Derpy. “But, I thought humans went extinct a long time ago... That’s what you told me.”

“Technically, they evolved into equines but—” Pinkie shushed the Doctor through the phone.

“Whoops. Didn’t mean to tell you that. Pretend like you didn’t hear what I said.” The Doctor patted Derpy’s head. “Let’s get back on subject, Pinkie, you said that you could see us on your computer?”

“Yep! I can see everything that is going on in your world. It’s kind of creepy but there’s no need to worry because anything that happens will be kept a secret. Pinkie Promise!” The traveling duo could almost sense her wink at them.

“Oh, no. Pinkie, we’re just friends.” Derpy nodded in agreement.

“Whatever you say.” Pinkie giggled. “Anyway, I don’t know much about how you made it into my computer but now that you're in there, I can’t really help you. The most I can do is this.” The sound of the clattering of keys was emitted from the phone.

“Aaaaannndd.... heeere... weeee... GO!” Pinkie hit one final key on her keyboard and a brown chest instantly appeared to the right of the phone.

The duo stared at the chest; not knowing what to do with it. “Do I, do I kick it?” Derpy asked.

“No silly! You open it!”

Derpy got closer to the chest and examined it closer. “...by kicking it?” The Doctor facehoofed.

Derpy searched for a place to grip on it’s flat plane. Failing to find what she needed, Derpy pushed her hoof on the smooth surface and tried lifting the lid of the chest using the friction between her hoof and the chest. Her hoof slipped off immediately.

Derpy sighed. “I’m just gonna kick it.”

“What?! No! Don’t kick it.” Protested the Doctor.

“Well, I don’t see any other choice.”

“No other choice? How about this,” the Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver and pointed at the chest. His prized tool spurted a few sparks and the blue glow at the tip of the screwdriver faded away. “Aww, My screwdriver is broken. I liked my sonic screwdriver!” The Doctor threw it over his shoulder. “Just kick the damn box.”

“Will do!” Derpy bucked the lid of the chest at an upward angle as hard as she could. It flung open violently and broke off at the hinge. Derpy shrunk in embarrassment. “Oops... hehe.”

The duo peered down into the chest. Inside was two futuristic devices with small monitors on them. The word “Pipboy 3000” was scribbled out with a sharpie and written under it were the letters “E.F.M.”

Derpy took one of them out of the box and examined it. The Doctor grabbed one as well. Derpy slid the device onto her wrist and it automatically powered up. The screen displayed a single picture of a block; a tree block to be exact.

“Pinkie, what does this thingy do?” Derpy brandished the device at the hanging phone.

“It puts stuff on things. Just point and think.”

"How does it work?" asked the Doctor, obviously admiring the device.

"Well... I'm just going to be completely honest here. I was just putting together a bunch of wires then suddenly I invented the E.F.M!"

"That makes sense. I've done that enough times myself actually." The Doctor and Pinkie laughed.

Derpy just looked at the two of them talking like as if they were old friends. She stopped staring and pointed her hoof at the ground in front of her, concentrating hard. The Doctor and Pinkie stopped squabbling with one another and diverted their attention to Derpy.

"Come on... work!" Derpy said to herself. Her face scrunched up and she stuck her tongue out the side. A bead of sweat even rolled down her temple.

Pinkie broke her concentration. “Hey Derpy, I should proooobably tell you that you can’t make what you don’t have.”

“...Meaning?” asked Derpy.

“The only thing you can make is piece of a tree.”

Derpy’s ears flattened against her head, she dropped her hoof back down. “Oh. I wanted a muffin,” she said sadly.

Pinkie gasped. “I’m afraid I have some bad news for you. Derpy...”

She looked over at the phone. “Yes?”

“There are no muffins.”

The words echoed in Derpy’s head. At first, it didn't seem like it affected her, but after the reality of the situation sunk in, she began to look more and more distressed. Tears welled up in Derpy’s eyes and her legs began to tremble. If she was informed that her daughter was hit by a carriage, this is how she would look.She was getting close to bursting out in tears, but suddenly, she stomped her hoof down hard. Derpy began to growl then she screamed loud enough to make the Doctor duck instinctively.

"Sweet... celestial... cupcake," Pinkie whispered from the phone.

Derpy's breathing became more erratic. “Oh dear.” The Doctor said quietly before backing away from his companion.

“No... muffins?!” she said while baring her teeth. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO MUFFINS?! How can there possibly be no muffins?! I’ve traveled across the whole of space and time, and everywhere I went had muffins! Sure, one of those places served me a meat flavored muffin but it was still a muffin!” Derpy screamed at the top of her lungs again and then collapsed to the floor, exhausted.

The Doctor peeked out from the tree and walked over to Derpy. He picked her up and put a foreleg over her shoulder. “Uhm, Derpy, are you gonna be alright?”

“Yeah... I guess I can survive a week or two without muffins,” she said gloomily.

“Aww, it’s going to be alright Derpy.” Pinkie sympathized. “They still have cake.”

“Anywho, what are we supposed to do now?” asked the Doctor while examining his device.

“I’ll try and work out a way to get you two out of here, shouldn’t take too long, but for now, you two have an entire world to explore!” Pinkie gasped suddenly. “Ohmygosh! I’m running out of time, I have to find a Celestial Elephant and FAST! Bye guys!”

The phone clicked and the line was terminated before the duo could say their goodbyes.

“Hey Doctor, the E.F.M came with an instruction manual. There’s about fifty pages worth of warnings here. I think this one says explosion warning, this one says radiation, ooooh, and this one is written in REALLY big words.”

“Derpy... I’m over 900 years old, and I have never stopped to read instruction manuals,” he said with pride. “And look at me, I’m still standing!” He struck a triumphant pose.

Derpy rolled her eyes. “That’s because of the regenerations,” she muttered.

“What was that?” The Doctor snapped back into his normal posture.

“Oh, nothing.” Derpy chuckled and tossed the booklet back into the chest.


The duo had been wandering aimlessly long enough for the darkness to overtake the landscape. They had traversed through a rough but small mountain range, waded through frigid waters, and ran from even more skeletons. There was even a zombie at one point. They trotted through the flat, grassy plain guided only by the light of the square moon.

Neither one of them wanted to admit it, but they were horribly lost. They no longer remembered where the woods were, where Pinkie’s phone was, or the direction they had headed for in the first place.

They had also figured out how to use the E.F.M more competently, and because of this, they realized how screwed they were. After analyzing the various screens, they noticed that they had no resources except for a single block of wood.

“Doctor...” piped Derpy.

“Hmm?”

“We’re lost.”

The Doctor put on a fake smile. “No we aren’t! We just need to head... over... overrrr...” He continued stretching the “err” as he tried to find a direction to point his hoof. He dropped his fake smile and blatantly said, “Yeah, we’re lost.”

Derpy sighed and began pounding at the dirt underneath her. She broke the blocks and they were absorbed into the E.F.M instead of her body. It caught her attention for a moment, but she shrugged it off and continued digging. The Doctor watched in silence. It wasn’t long until Derpy had a hole 4 blocks deep and two blocks wide.

She wiped the sweat off her forehead. “Phew. All done!”

The Doctor peered down into the hole. “This is certainly... interesting.”

“I know, it’s great!” Derpy sat down and smiled at the Doctor with misaligned eyes.

“Uh huh... Is this a shelter of some sort?”

Derpy popped her head out of the hole and beckoned the Doctor. “Come down, it’s kind of cozy.” She pressed herself against the wall, giving her companion a space to land.

The Doctor was hesitant. “You know, Derpy, shelters need a rooftop.” An arrow flew right over him. “On second thought that hole doesn’t look so bad!” He jumped into the hole.

Derpy pointed the E.F.M at the roof and four blocks appeared in sequence. The blocks cut off the moonlight and sealed the duo off from the rest of the world. Derpy tried shifting into a more comfortable position in the cramped space.

“Ow! That was my face!” the Doctor grunted.

“Sorry, let me just-” Derpy threw a kick with her hind leg and hit something fleshy.
The Doctor wheezed and Derpy gasped. “Oh my Celestia. Doctor! Are you okay? Did I hurt you?!” Derpy frantically tried backing away to give the Doctor space. She stopped shifting and all was quiet in the dark hole.

“Derp-” He coughed. “Derpy, get off... get off of me.”

Derpy broke the dirt blocks and backed up into the extra space.

“Ahh, much better,” said the Doctor. “You pack one hell of a kick, that hurt!”

“Sorry ‘bout that.” Derpy noticed a dimly lit scrape on the Doctor’s foreleg. “Ouch... doesn’t that hurt?”

The Doctor didn’t respond. He was fixated on a spot behind Derpy. “Doctor?” asked his companion slowly.

“It was pitch black a second ago. How can you see this scrape?” he inquired. Derpy thought briefly before the Doctor pointed his hoof behind her.

Derpy turned around and stared at the dim light. “That’s interesting. It’s kind of warm. isn’t it.”

The Doctor nodded his head. “Keep on digging. Let’s see what it is.”

“Will do!” Derpy destroyed a single block. It plopped into a pool of orange, sizzled, then disappeared in a poof of smoke. “It’s lava.” She took a step back from the cube of lava.

“That’s odd... usually lava flows but this one holds it’s shape like a solid object. Maybe there’s some kind of force field-” The lava began obeying the laws of physics and advanced towards them. “NEVERMIND. RUN!”

They took four steps before running into the other wall. “There’s nowhere to run!” Derpy crammed up against the Doctor. The lava was getting alarmingly close. “Dig Doctor! Dig like you’ve never dug before!”

The Doctor clawed at the dirt desperately. The lava was closing the distance between the two ponies. The Doctor was barely making enough progress to keep away from the lava. Suddenly, the Doctor screamed and Derpy could no longer feel him being pressed on her rear. She was too panicked to worry about that however. Derpy continued to back away until a falling sensation took over her body.

Her wings extended instinctually and she stopped falling. Derpy looked down at the ground. She couldn’t tell how far down the cavern floor was. The hole was pitch black. For all she knew, the floor could’ve been ten feet away or one hundred feet.

Derpy looked up; the lava was only a foot from her head. She quickly darted to the side and out of the way of the lava. The lava began defying physics once again. It fell at an unusually slow rate.

“Doctor!” she yelled to herself upon realizing her friend had fallen all the way. Derpy wanted to fly down to the bottom immediately, but she knew that diving head first into a pitch black hole is suicide.

The falling lava illuminated the walls of the cavern, but the light didn’t penetrate the darkness in the hole. Derpy followed the falling lava but progress was slow. The longer she waited for the lava to illuminate the entire hole, the more anxious she felt. “Come on Doctor...” she said quietly.

A minute had passed and the lava had only fallen about hundred feet or so. “How long is this hole?!” she screamed in frustration. “Fall faster damn it!” commanded Derpy.

She couldn’t wait any longer. The anticipation was becoming unbearable. She stared down into the hole, took a deep breath, and dove down into the abyss. Adrenaline pumped through her veins making the four second dive seem like a forty second one.

Splash. Derpy landed in deep water. She was disoriented and blind in the darkness. She continued to sink until her hooves touched the floor. In an instant Derpy regained her bearings. She kicked off the floor and swam up. Upon breaching the surface, Derpy gasped for air.

“Doctor!” she hollered. “Doctor where are you?!” There was still no response.

Derpy slapped the water and screamed with frustration. Tears welled up in her eyes but she held them back. “I’m not giving up.”

The falling lava had finally reached the water. The water crackled and sizzled as dark, shiny blocks formed. The chamber was lit up finally and it was then when Derpy noticed that she was actually drifting with the water. She also started hearing the roar of rapids. Before she could react, she was pulled into the violent and powerful currents.

She screamed in pain when she was bashed against rock after rock. Derpy struggled to stay above water. It was complete chaos and her senses were overwhelmed. Pain coursed through her body, the roar of the rapids was deafening, and she could see absolutely nothing.

Derpy felt exhausted from fighting the currents. The water pulled her under with ease, and this time she didn't have the energy to re-surface. She could see a light, the light at the end of the tunnel. Her mind went blank. The light was getting closer. She felt like she was falling.

The whiteness engulfed her entire field of vision now, but she could start making out some shapes. That was a tree, those are bushes, and that’s... that’s, the Doctor!

“Derpy!” he shouted.

“Doctor!” she shouted back ecstatically.

Derpy looked down and all there was to break her fall was a shallow lake. Her wings were too wet to do anything. “Doctor!” she shouted again, but this time in a terrified voice. Splash, darkness.


“Come on Derpy... that’s right.” Derpy slowly opened her eyes. “Come on, you’re going to be all right.”

The pony coughed and stared up at the Doctor. “Wha- what happened?”

“Well. You dove head first into an underground reservoir, got caught in some rapids, almost died, fell off a waterfall, then almost died again, and now you’re here.”

Derpy stared at the Doctor with wide mismatched eyes. “So the light at the end of the tunnel-”

“Was literally the light at the end of the tunnel.”

Derpy continued to stare at the Doctor in shock and disbelief. She wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’m so glad you’re alive.”

The Doctor hugged back, “You too Derpy. You too.”

They released each other from their hooves. “Listen up Derpy, this universe is massive. I know for a fact that you want to explore it. But we've been doing it wrong. I’m not going to deny it anymore, this place is dangerous. Death is lurking around every corner. I almost lost you once today and I don’t plan on doing it again! From now on, we’re playing this game by it’s rules. You got it?”

“Mmhmm.” Derpy nodded with a serious face.

The duo ventured off into the wilderness once again, but this time, they were going to do it right.

Author's Note:

And Chapter 3 is finally up after Celestia knows how long. Sorry to keep you guys all waiting for so long. Hopefully you enjoyed it or for those who read author notes before reading, I hope you enjoy it! Any feedback is welcome and yada yada you get point. I hope I didn't mess up my grammar, spelling, or formatting.