Electric Eye

In a world cursed by fate itself, he defends unbreakable tenets.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 2 )

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ShadowblazeCR

ShadowblazeCR #1 · April 19th · · ·

This was nice, I'll say I at least threw this a like. I think the world was set up enough to keep me invested. And I have to say I applaud the consistent use of unique similes that kept in theme with what the story was trying to set up. The characters were interesting for such a short amount of words to work with presenting them. And the fight scenes were not too bad, good action and description to keep my eyes and mind active to say the least.

Though, I would like to leave with some advice too. You do a great job of showing, not telling. Something I think has its own distinction in writing. Most readers will have to connect the information given to them to build the lore and background for the characters, even what happened in the fights and dialogue.

However, I felt it relied too heavily on the showing and not telling. It's still a story, and we're hardwired to "tell" a story and thus listen. By all means, keep the skill developed in showing, its sharpened well here. But fill the in betweens of scenes with some tell to keep the readers "turning the pages". Help the story develop by telling the baseline lore or rules the universe abides by, then showing how those rules or lore affect the characters placed in the story.

All in all, keep it up. Every story you write and read will help you get better.

MoscowNights

MoscowNights #2 · April 20th · · ·

11883065
Thanks for kind words and advice!)

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MoscowNights

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