31. Wine, innuendo, advice and revenge
Matthias suspected that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna thought that he was going to party with his friends. However, while he still had that in his plans, the middle of the dance floor wasn't his first destination.
First, he went to drink some alcohol.
Not that he planned to get himself drunk. Matt just wanted to boost his courage before he would talk again with Twilight.
"I hope she didn't see that I left during her song." he thought, shrugging at the thought about how she would react to that after everything.
He trotted over to one of the tables with food and drinks, and found what he's been looking for. Well, something close to it, anyway. He hoped to find some ale, or at least, something along those lines, but instead found wine.
"I forgot that this is a royal wedding." he commented in his thoughts, not really feeling bad about it.
He was pouring himself some wine into one of the glasses, when he heard somepony call him.
"Hey, Matt!" said Spike as he came closer to him. "Where did you disappear to?"
"I needed to talk to the Princesses about something, so Princess Celestia teleported us to her private chambers for a few minutes." explained Matthias, taking a sip of the wine. "Eee... did anypony else notice that I disappeared?"
"I don't know, maybe. Why?"
"Nevermind." answered Matt, looking around.
Twilight and the others got off the dance floor and were talking with Cadance on the other side of the courtyard. Matt looked at them, admiring once again the beauty of both the dresses and the mares, while wondering where was the groom, until he noticed that said stallion was coming his way.
"So, how does it feel like to be married?" Matthias asked Shining as he joined him and Spike near the table.
"As if I was the luckiest stallion in Equestria." replied the captain with a smile.
"I had a friend that would jokingly object to that." Matt chuckled.
"What do you mean?"
"Never mind, it would take a while to explain the dwarfs’ sense of humor." he replied, shaking his head.
He noticed that Spike turned around.
"Catch you guys later." he said to Matt and Shining as he went over to where Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were dancing.
"Did he just ditch us?" asked amused groom.
"Well, I guess it's a good thing that he hangs out with ponies his age." Matthias replied, also amused, wondering if Shining knew about Spike's crush on Rarity.
He finished his drink and poured himself a new one, as well as one for Shining Armor.
"Anyway, congratulations for entering a new chapter of your life." he said, giving him the drink.
"Thanks." the groom replied, tapping his glass with Matt's.
They both took a sip of the wine, but after that Shining stared into his glass for a moment. Finally he said:
"Can we talk a moment? Alone?"
"Sure." answered surprised Matthias, moving away from the crowd of ponies and into the garden, still keeping the glass of wine in one hoof.
Shining Armor followed suit and soon they were out of anypony earshot.
"What's going on?" he asked, worried that something bad happened.
The captain was looking weirdly uncomfortable.
"Eee... you see..." he stammered. "Twilight's friends mentioned to me earlier that you had a girlfriend once..."
"Yeah, I had." said Matthias, wondering where he was going with this...
And then his eyes went wide as a suspicion arose in his mind.
"Oh, Light, please tell me this isn't going where I think it is..."
"So, umh, did you and your girlfriend ever, you know... been intimate with each other?"
"... Yes..."
"So..." said the Captain of the Royal Guard, looking even more uncomfortably. "... Could you give me any advice?"
Matthias facehoofed himself, and this time, he actually heard Bolvar and Ner'zhul laugh in the back of his soul.
"Don't you think you had enough for now, sugarcube?" asked her a slightly worried Applejack.
"It's only the third one." muttered Twilight as she emptied her glass.
She couldn't believe that Matt had the gall to just leave after she started singing. She was beginning to think of him as her best friend after she saw him at the hall confronting not only the fake Cadance, but also Princess Celestia, because he was the only pony who took her fears seriously and figured everything out in time. Sure, she was a little angry at him after she heard that he kissed the Changeling Queen, healed her, and said she wasn't a monster after everything she put her and Cadance through, but she was willing to put that behind her, especially after she heard from her friends how Matt had yelled at everypony and how he tried to look for her, but now...
Now he was going to pay.
"I need to get back at him somehow!"
She thought back to the 'treatment' she gave him after he embarrassed her on purpose. This time, however, she couldn't count on him getting himself so injured, as he could simply heal his wounds now. Maybe if he was knocked unconscious...
Twilight shook her head as she realised that she was wishing Matt to get severely injured and to lose consciousness because of a song!
"Okay, maybe I did drink a little too much." she thought, putting the glass away.
"I think I had enough for now." Twilight said as she noticed her friends glancing at her.
"Good." replied Cadance, grinning. "This day had enough disasters without the Best Mare getting herself drunk."
Everypony laughed, causing Twilight to blush.
"I didn't drink that much!" she protested.
"But enough for the rest of us to worry, dear." said Rarity.
"Ya wouldn't wanna cause any worries to the groom that would trouble him enough to make him unable to... fulfill his duties, right?" added Applejack, winking at Princess Cadance.
Cadance chuckled at that, blushing a bit, and the others followed suit. Except for Twilight.
"Gee, thanks, that's what I needed: a mental image of my brother and my old foalsitter..." she shivered out of embarrassment.
Everypony laughed at her comment as well.
"Sorry, Twi." apologised Applejack. "But seriously, why does it bother ya? Ah mean, they must have already..."
"Stop it." told her Twilight.
"Actually..." said Cadance, still blushing. "Shining Armor and I haven't yet..."
"Really?" asked surprised Twilight, forgetting about her embarrassment.
"Yeah, since I'm a princess, it is expected of me to keep my virginity until the wedding night." Cadance explained, half annoyed, half embarrassed. "Although, it was your brother who insisted on respecting that, I wouldn't have minded..."
Everypony chuckled at her discomfort.
"Well, Ah suppose we can't really laugh at ya for that." said Applejack after a while. "Seein' as we haven't got much experience with stallions... unless one of'ya was keepin' secrets?" she added, looking at the others.
Twilight was a bit relieved as she saw that all of her friends shook their heads, blushing. She was afraid that she was the only one who hadn't got any 'experience with stallions', as Applejack had put it.
"How much wine did they drink?" she thought, wondering about how they started talking about those things.
Suddenly, she noticed Spike and the Cutie Mark Crusaders passing by.
"Shhhh!" she quickly said to others. She turned to the young ones. "How are you enjoying the reception?"
"It's great!"
"Yeah, it's so fun!"
"I'm glad to hear it." said Cadance. "Did you happen to see where Shining Armor went?"
"Last I saw him, he was talking with Matt." answered Spike.
"Oh, Matthias' back, isn't he?" Twilight asked, barely stopping herself from voicing her anger. "Did he happen to tell you where he went?"
"Oh yeah, he said that he was with both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna in Celestia's private chambers."
Everypony, aside from the young fillies, looked at him with wide eyes, all thinking the same thing.
"Wh... wha... what?! Celestia... and him... and Luna too..." thought Twilight, feeling dizzy.
"Now, wait a second." said Rarity in a few heartbeats. "Did Matt tell you why he and the Princesses where there?"
"He said that he had to talk to them about something." Spike replied with a shrug.
"Oh, thank goodness." said everypony besides Twilight.
"Right. Talk." she muttered instead.
"Eh... would the four of you mind leaving us for a moment?" Rarity asked the baby dragon and the fillies, noticing what she said.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders and Spike exchanged surprised glances, but didn't object.
"Twilight, you can't seriously think that Matt and the Princesses... I mean, they weren't even gone that long!" told her Rarity as soon as they were out of earshot.
"Can we please stop talking about it?" asked Princess Cadance, pressing her head with her hoof. "The last thing I need right now is the mental image of my aunts and Matthias..." she trailed off and shook.
Twilight twitched her tail in annoyance. She knew that Rarity was right, but still, she was pretty mad at Matthias. What could have been so important that couldn't wait until tomorrow?! Twilight once again started thinking about how she could get back at Matt.
"If only I could find some way for him to make an idiot of himself..." she thought, and grinned as an idea hit her.
"Hey, Cadance..."
"How come you've never been intimate with Cadance? You knew each other since foalhood, for Light sake!" asked Matthias, irritated.
"She's a princess!" replied Shining Armor, offended.
"And I was a crown prince, and Jaina was the daughter, if not of royalty, of nobility and of a ruler." thought Matt, emptying his glass.
"I apologize for my reaction." he said, forcing himself calm. "But I wasn't expecting to be asked for any advice about the wedding night. Honestly, if somepony would have told me five months ago about this, I would have died out of laughter."
"Sorry." apologized Shining Armor, still embarrassed. "I just... after everything that happened, I just want it to be something Cadance will never forget." he explained, raising his glass.
Matt sighed.
"Advice number one: don't drink too much." he said, taking the glass from him and drinking it himself.
"So... you'll help me?"
"I suppose I can give you a few pointers, but do both of us a favor and don't mention it to anypony." Matt said, and thought for few moments about what he could tell him.
"Concentrate on her." he said finally. "Try to keep the foreplay as long as possible, but not too long, or you will be too tired for anything else. You do know what foreplay is, right?"
"Of course! I mean, we did play with each other a bit..."
"Well, good." Matt replied, still not believing they had this conversation. "You know what both of you like, then. Anyway, when you move on to the intercourse, try to keep yourself from finishing until she finishes first, or maybe even after. If you have a problem, try thinking about something disgusting, like..."
"Okay, no need to explain further." Shining Armor interrupted him. "Anything else?"
"Nothing that comes to my mind. I wasn't always a pony, mind you: I can't give you any ideas about positions and such, seeing as I didn't have any 'intimate moments' with mares."
He glanced at the captain and noticed the strange look he was giving him.
"What?"
"Nothing, just... having second thoughts about you living with my sister."
Matthias chuckled, and soon Shining joined in.
"Seeing how she was angry at me, I doubt you have to worry about anything. And besides," he added, growing serious, "she was the first one to befriend me out of them all. I didn't have a real friend in a very long time. Our friendship is too important for me to risk it. You have my word on that."
Shining Armor looked at him and saw on his face that he spoke truly. He nodded.
"But honestly, thank you, I..." he started to say, but stopped as he looked behind Matthias.
Matt followed his gaze and saw the bride coming towards them.
"Princess Cadance." he greeted her, bowing. "Please, accept my congratulations as well as my wishes of good health in the new chapter of your life."
"Thank you." she replied, surprised but pleased. "For that, as well as for everything that happened today."
"Think nothing of it, Your Highness."
"You don't need to call me that."
"Beg your forgiveness, Princess, force of habit." Matt replied, shrugging. "I hope you don't mind that I took Shining Armor away for a while? I was curious about what kind of training the royal guards go through."
He figured it would be better if he came up with the excuse for the groom.
"Not at all." she said, and then sighed, looking both annoyed and amused. "Twilight happened to point out that you haven't given us a wedding gift."
"I would beg to differ." Matt thought, but didn't want to argue.
"He doesn't need to..." started Shining Armor.
"Oh, come now, Captain, don't start arguing with your wife over something like this." Matt interrupted him. "Remind me to thank Twilight for pointing this out, it had completely slipped my mind. However, I can't think of anything that I could give you, but, knowing how smart Twilight is, she has probably suggested something already, am I right?"
"She mentioned you have a beautiful singing voice."
Matthias eyes went wide, and his jaw dropped.
"She said that it would be a great idea to have some songs from your world heard here, at the reception." finished Cadance, looking at him sympathetically.
"Did she mention that the only songs she heard me sing was a lullaby and a song so sad that it made them all cry?" asked Matt, getting a hold of himself.
"Why were you singing a lullaby?" asked the confused groom.
"Now?! Seriously?" replied Matthias, then turned to Cadance. "You seem to not be bothered by the fact that she uses your wedding party as a way to get back at me."
"Well, she did save me, and revealed the Changeling's Queen..."
"So did I..."
"... and I actually want to hear you sing. But, if you don't want to, I understand." she finished, frowning sadly.
Matthias sighed.
"Either I cause the bride a displeasure, or make a fool out of myself. Your sister can be cruel." he told Shining. "Why is she so angry at me?"
"Well, she seemed to be over those things things with the queen, but then you disappeared during her song..."
Matthias cursed in his thoughts.
"... and then Spike came and said that you were with my aunts in Celestia's private chambers."
Both Matt and Shining Armor stared at her, although after a moment the Captain of the Royal Guard was staring at the Knight of the Silver Hand.
"You... and the Princesses..."
"No! For Light's sake, we weren't even gone that long!" Matthias replied, facehoofing himself. "Remind me to have a talk with Spike later; I think this is the third time he did something like this."
"Of course, he added that you were just talking about something with them." she reassured him Cadance. "Although, at first we thought..."
"For Light's sake! That's just ridiculous!" Matt said, shaking his head. "I've been called the most eligible bachelor in Lordaeron, but this-"
"Lordaeron?"
"A kingdom on my world that I lived in." he replied, sighing. "I will go talk with the musicians."
"So you will do it?" asked both bride and groom.
"Sure, why not. I know of a few songs that you and everypony might like - but just to be safe, you're not going to blame me for anything?"
"No." they promised him.
Matthias nodded to them and turned toward the musicians, who were currently having a short break.
"This is going to be a long night."
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Do you think that Arthas singing at the wedding is ridiculous? If so, I would just like to point out that the fact that the former Lich King is in Equestria is already ridisulous.
Seeing as there was only one wedding in World of Warcraft (the one in Twilight Highlands, for Alliance; two if you count the one in 'Stormrage'), if you have any suggestions for songs that Arthas could sing in the next chapter, feel free to send me messages, don't post them in comments. I already planned few, but I might change my mind if you give me an interesing ideas.
About the season 3... I'm considering sending Hasbro a letter to thank them for making a villain without a character. I can exploid the hell out of it! And yes, I still plan on having Arthas and Sombra duke it off, I don't care that it's Spike that turns out to be a hero and is painted on those... windows, I already considered to have Arthas repel the changelings with Light instead of Shining Armor and Cadance, but 1: the animation and music of that scene were simply beautiful; 2: it was their wedding, I would feel bad if I did that to them.
Update quick! I want to see him sing!
How about some sad song? Or a bloody song from his homeland?
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/20470595.jpg Lets see the singing!!!
he should sing fuck her gently just to piss everyone off.
but seriously like daniboyi said.
keep writing
1594319
There have to be relevant songs, especially from more medieval times, that are essentially love stories, where the wife waves fondly to her husband, who is riding to war. That sentence was horrible, but I can't be bothered to make it more coherent. Instead, I'll just say that "Sunrise, Sunset" and "L'chayim" (spelling?) from Fiddler on the Roof might work for source material, if using English wouldn't work - the first is about children growing up, getting married, life moving on, etc., and the second is about rolling with life's punches, and finding happiness in the small things, although since it's from a Jewish musical setting, you may need to adjust a few references to god to the gods, and whatnot.
I can't think of any other wedding songs except "no life without wife" from a Bollywood twist on some classic. I dunno.
Cant wait for the next chapter
The problem is that there are to my knowledge no songs in the entire warcraft canon that have lyrics and are not about war, loss, betrayel or something like that. But i could see Arthas sing Lament of the Highborne and not telling everyone that its a song about the near extinction of an entire race just to get out of this.
1594282
Why not, Batman can sing, he can give quite the blues if not at the cost of his ego. So why not add Arthas to the list of badass who can sign but thinks it'll hurt their ego.
Finally! Someone that sees the potential of King Sombra, I thought I was the only one thinking about that since you can exploit it so much without worry of the fandom/cannon. Be interesting to see how Sombra and Arthas dukes out as Sombra can materialize matter and can regenerate his limbs (as how his chipped horn can grow back). Funny dialogue overall, can't imagine what he'll sing...maybe it'll be something from the dwarves from the Twilight Highland to throw off the crowd. But it'll make him a jerk and be the funniest stallion in Equestria, I'm sure. Either way, nice work dude and can't wait to see what else you'll do from here
Oh no, Arthas you silly fool! Shining Armor is going to be on your back to protect her poor little sister!
Ugh, no even a face-palm will do justice for Matt, how embarrassing and very funny
Who is gonna be Matt's Marefriend? i think it's gonna be the Queen
Okay, seriously- Arthas (I refuse to refer to him as Matthias or, Light forbid, 'Matt', simply because I think Arthas is a much better name anyway) has got to punch Spike one of these days for causing him so much grief, no matter how unintentional it is. I know it won't happen, but I hold out hope for it happening anyway in the rest of the chapters that are already written at this point.
If Arthas sings a drinking song I will laugh and simultaneously track you down so I can give you all of the money
Borsuq, maybe you are foreign or something, but you have the absolute worst grammar in any fic i have ever read...
"I just... after everything that happened, I just want it to be something Cadance never forgets."
"I had a friend that would jokingly objected[b/] to that." Matt chuckled.
"Hey, Matt!" said Spike as he came closer to him. "Where did you disappeared[b/] to?"
"Did he just ditched[b/] us?" asked amused groom.
did you lose your proofreader or something? i mean the previous chapters were way better about this sort of thing...
2471907
I believe his description mentions that English is not his native language.
Drunk.
See.
For a few minutes.
Where.
His reply also amused Matthias.
Knew.
And.
For entering a new chapter.
From the crowd of ponies and into the garden.
Advice.
Enough.
Enough.
Until.
Drink.
Royalty.
Advice.
I can give you a few pointers.
Too.
Any.
Too.
Away for a while.
A.
Oh come now captain, (the comma is supposed to be after Captain and not before that)
It had completely.
Be.
Right, how many more chapters? Oh, about 60 more. I've lasted this long on the hunt, I shouldn't give up now! If only to please myself. Wait, that sounded wrong...
Singing at a bachelor party? Madness.
3316483 It's hardly madness at all; for this is the wedding reception, not the bachelor party.
2230604 Shut up rookie and go get in your drop pod.
evreone b liek
memeorama.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/If-You-Know-What-I-Mean-Mr-Bean-Blank.png
an
2.bp.blogspot.com/-obDZZ5zqnwM/TwoDYojn1eI/AAAAAAAAB8A/Ryx3avGcASY/s1600/lol+meme.gif
4029209
4/5 stars on that one.
Oh Luna let the laughter stop! I saw your picture and just about shat myself laughing.
I'll offer you a soldiers prayer Matt...
Er, um, uh, but not eee. Eee is a squee, of shock, surprise, and usually happiness. Er, um, and uh denote a hesitation, though um and uh usually mean that they're thinking before the speak along with a hesitation.