Speaking Up

by ImperfectLuna

Confronting Emotions

Fluttershy gazed out the window, butterflies in her stomach. She was going to try to do it, she was going to confess her feelings to a special somepony today. As she finished eating her breakfast she walk outside and took a deep breath in, Come on Fluttershy you can do this. She thought to herself.

She walked down the road to Ponyville but, she couldn't help but admire the scenery, it was a beautiful distraction. In fact it distracted her from most things. She stopped for a moment to just take it all in. She didn't know how Rainbow would react to this gesture so she had to take in all the peace she could.

As she continued walking down the trail to Ponyville she felt more and more stressed, several times she wanted to turn around run back to her cottage and never come out, but for just this one time Fluttershy kept her composure.

When she entered Ponyville she looked around, it was a pretty busy day. She could not have chosen a worse day to have done this. While she walked down the streets she hummed a song to herself, it was most likely a way to control her feelings, truthfully she didn't know why she did herself. As she reached the center of Ponyville she flew up to get a better view. There was really no way to find Dash which discouraged her but she continued her search.

Suddenly something flew straight past Fluttershy, the speed was incredible! She knew just what, no who, that was. She started to go after her but stopped, should she really tell Rainbow how she felt.

"Hey Fluttershy!" The blue pegasus called out while flying back. Fluttershy froze, she hadn't expected Rainbow Dash to had even seen her much less fly back after passing her.

"u-Um hi rainbow." the words barely escaped her lips. She never did well under pressure and right now, at least in her eyes this was the most pressure she had ever been under. As she awkwardly stared at her Rainbow got visibly uncomfortable.

She would lift an eye brow and ask, "Are you okay Fluttershy? You seem a bit more yknow...you then usual." Fluttershy took a second to process this question.

She rebuilt her composure and sighed, "Um yeah I'm fine, you just..scared me." Fluttershy could practically see how awkward she was being. Conversations never really came natural to her.

Rainbow was somewhat...blushing? She soon noticed and seemingly forced her face to go back to it's normal colors, "Do you wanna grab somethin' to eat? I'm starving and it would be good to spend some time with you." Fluttershy would glance at her cottage.

She would think for a moment, it was never to late to go back and lock herself up. She would abruptly respond, "mhm." Rainbow had trouble hearing her but by the look on Fluttershy's face she knew what the pony was saying.

"So where to?" Rainbow asked her as they landed on the ground. Fluttershy would look around. There wasn't that many places open at that time in the morning and most the places that were had to many ponies.

Fluttershy would look around before eventually pointing to a small cafe. "How about Ponyville Cafe?" The sudden change in tone suprised even Fluttershy herself. Only moments ago she was trying to find her words but for some reason, she felt like things would be okay.

Dash would smile, "Alright then let's head over there."

After a good 5 minute walk they reached the cafe. Fluttershy wasn't able to tell Rainbow yet but maybe over breakfast? But there was something else that caught Fluttershy's attention. Rainbow over the course of the couple of minutes since they first talked today had gradually became more on edge. Like she was on the edge of her seat waiting to see what happens in a horror movie. It confused her but she just kept quiet about it.

They walked up an ordered, Fluttershy just got some warm tea and Dash got some pancakes. While they sat down Dash seemed distracted by something. Fluttershy was put off by this, it seemed Rainbow Dash was completely uninterested in her, and just like that the little hope she had was lost.

"So, uh Fluttershy what have you been up to?" Rainbow Dash would suddenly ask. She would just look at Rainbow Dash pondering how she should answer. She looked down for a moment.

Finally she looked back up at Rainbow Dash and said, "Good, how have you been Dash?" Rainbow looked off to the left a little bit seemingly ignoring Fluttershy's question. Fluttershy slightly frowned at this. She was hoping she would be able to tell Dash how she felt but she didn't see it happening.

Fluttershy didn't know why but she just stood up and left. She felt like she would never get this off of her chest. "she wont ever feel the same way." She muttered to herself.

---

After a few hours of being home Fluttershy was sitting on her couch eating ice cream and looking outside. She sighed, and shoved her face full of more ice cream. It sucked being as shy as she was. She wished somehow she could toughen up and tell Rainbow how she really felt.

As she looked down at her hooves she felt a single tear form in her eyes. "Why can't I do this!?" She shouted. It startled even herself. She looked at a mirror and and groaned. She just sat down and continued staring. "Rainbow Dash wouldn't like a pony like me anyway." Fluttershy said with a somber tone in her voice.

Even if Fluttershy was able to confess her feelings would Rainbow even care? She was the most amazing pony Fluttershy knew and her childhood best friend, but Fluttershy didn't think she was enough for her. Fluttershy didn't think she was cool, she looked at herself in the mirror and for the first time ever felt disgusted with herself. Sure she had low confidence but this was a new low even for her.

As she walked back over to her couch there was a knock at the door. She looked over and pondered on whether she should open in it or not. Finally her curiosity got the better of her and she went to open it. It was Rainbow Dash she nearly assumed Fluttershy wasn't home because it took so long to answer.

"O-oh hi Dash." Fluttershy said, surprised to see her. Rainbow looked at her, she looked like she too had something on her chest but Fluttershy couldn't tell what it was.

"C-can I come in?" Rainbow Dash asked in a more flustered tone. Fluttershy was...confused to say the least with how she had been acting today but she welcomed her inside. Fluttershy quickly made her a cup of tea and sat down at a table with her.

"S-so what brings you here?" Fluttershy asked her. Rainbow Dash looked uncomfortable with the question so Fluttershy decided to follow it up with her own. Her cheeks were bright red, she however paid no mind to this. She took a deep breath in, "Dash can I tell you something."

Rainbow Dashes eyes lit up at the question, "Uh yeah of course we're friends after all." Fluttershy looked down at her hooves and fidgeted with them for a second

"I have..." The pegasus' mouth clamped shut before she could continue. She looked at the mirror again and back at Dash before letting it all out,

"Rainbow Dash for a while now I've had feelings for you, it's been killing me knowing I was to shy to say anything to you, to be good enough for you. If you want to leave you can, if you want to stop being friends I understand, but..." Fluttershy paused for a moment wondering if she should finish her sentence.

"but I had to tell you that I love you."

Dash looked dumbfounded. That emotion was soon wiped by a smile as she tackled Fluttershy into a hug. "I love you too! I didn't know how to say it but I feel the exact same way," Dash would get off of Fluttershy knowing the hug was excessive, "I have and haven't stopped for years now. That's what I came here to tell you. But unlike me," She would hug Fluttershy like a normal pony this time, "You're brave Fluttershy."

One by one tears rolled down Fluttershy's eyes. She didn't know how to feel. She fully expected Rainbow to be grossed out or just leave without saying anything.

When they broke out of the hug they both sat down and just pondered into each other's eyes. After a moment they both confronted their emotions and leaned in for a kiss.

Author's Note:

Hello everypony thank you to those who read all the way through.

This is my first full fan fic I've ever wrote so I'm hoping you guys can give me some criticism. Sorry if they act a bit out of character as well I'm still getting used to writing Fluttershy and especially Dash.

Anyway thank you again for reading and I hope you enjoyed.

Comments

[Natedogg2006]

OK, so creative criticism. First off, I already appreciate it when peeps are open to creative criticism. So I'll endeavor to help you out.
Second let's get into the actual critique. It's not bad for a first attempt, but it does need work.
There's a whole section in the middle where you you use "would" to describe what the characters are doing. I feel like you are trying to either break up the writing or establish some kind of narrative style or tone. It just comes off like you forgot what tense you're writing in. Better to use the characters emotions to break up the scene.
The character motivation isn't carried across well. It seems you're trying to tell a story where Fluttershy ends up being the "brave" one in the situation. If that is the case it needs to be established more. More emphasis that she is trying to overcome her long held fears. As it's written it feels like she just woke up today and decided to do this. And to drive this fact home, I don't think she should be the one who runs. I liked the subtle hints that Rainbow Dash is just as, if not more nervous than Fluttershy. I think that should be the focus. Something leads to Rainbow being the one who runs, or attempts to run. Fluttershy confronts and that leads to the confession.

I can elaborate more on these points if you'd like. Just a few things to consider if you feel like working on it more. Good luck on future stories.

[Wr1tingN3rd]

Alright, after a few quick minutes of reading, I do have some criticism for this story. Keep in mind that while I do write stories, I'm not the best at it.
HOWEVER, I do regularly read many many stories on here, so here's some things that I noticed.

1. There are a few grammar errors. Not that many so that it's overpowering and extremely noticeable, but just enough that if I was looking for it, I'd see it.

2. The pacing is a bit off. The story seems to progress wayyyyy too quick. At least for my tastes. Maybe you could make the first scene a bit longer? Emphasize the points you are trying to make about how Fluttershy is feeling in the situation. There's not enough emphasis for me to actually really feel the tone of the story. To get what she is feeling, ya know?

3. I don't know if it's just me, but the characterization seems a bit off. Don't get me wrong, you can definitely change personalities and all that when writing a story, but they seem very robotic. For example, if I were to ask someone out I would say:

"Hey! I've had a crush on you for quite a while now. Do you want to go out?"

And I would get:

"Oh my gosh! I've had a crush on you too! I would definitely like to go out with you later today."

See what I mean? It doesn't even seem like actual people (or in this case, ponies)

4. There's a lot of times where some things could be worded better. For example:

"She walked down the road to Ponyville but, she couldn't help but admire the scenery, it was a beautiful distraction. In fact it distracted her from most things. She stopped for a moment to just take it all in. She didn't know how Rainbow would react to this gesture so she had to take in all the peace she could."

Yeah, this could be written differently. It sounds, like I said before, quite robotic. It sounds like you're reading off of a script for a movie. Try and add more detail. For example, I would write it as something like:

"As she walked down the road to Ponyville, she couldn't help but admire the scenery. Flowers were blooming, birds were singing - it helped distract her from the thoughts that ran through her head. What if Rainbow said no? What if she didn't want to be her friend anymore? She shook her head and focused on the image before her once more, trying not to think about what might happen."

While this has a huge different tone, I didn't know exactly how you wanted this paragraph to feel, so I wrote it in a way that I thought you were going for. In an attempt to explain what I did different, I think I emphasized the fear Fluttershy was feeling and how important it is to her, instead of it being short and simple with not much meaning.

This isn't the only instance of this happening, so you could improve on that.

5. There are a few times where you write something that, in my opinion, is completely useless (not in a rude way or anything). It doesn't move along the story and is immediately dismissed. For example, you wrote:

"There was really no way to find Dash which discouraged her but she continued her search."

And then you wrote, around three seconds of reading later, that Rainbow had arrived. It was literally in the next paragraph. The story would've had the same feel without that sentence in there. It felt off and unneeded for me.

6. What's with the 'would's? It's changing the perspective of the story each time you write it. Like, you would write:

She would say something like, "Oh, hi, how are you today?"

"Oh, I'm doing good." she answered.

Whenever you use 'would', it sounds like someone reflecting on the past. Like a first person story, but they're thinking about what their lost relative would do. Like:

"I miss her. The times that she would fly around in the air. Too fast for the eye to see. Then she would land near me, give me a nice smile, and crack a joke (Yeah, I don't know what I'm writing either, but this is kinda how you would use 'would').

7. You don't need to use small fonts so much... It's kinda pointless, in my opinion. You could just write down 'she said softly' or any other term to say that she spoke in a soft tone. And you did, but you still used the font, which I guess gives a more visual feeling to it or something, but in my personal tastes, I don't like it.

8. Sorry, kinda going back to my second point, but the pacing is really weird. Like, right after confessing their feelings, they went in for that kiss in ten seconds flat . (I'm not sorry)

Other than those few, but extremely important errors, the story was pretty okay. I wouldn't read it again, but it wasn't unbearable or anything. Good work! Keep writing, you'll improve over time!

Sorry if I sounded rude or anything, I don't mean it or anything like that, it's just how I sound. Really, the story isn't that bad or anything. Keep on trying!