Helmi Lehtisaari was one one lucky deer. Born to a family of wealthy fur traders, she was blessed with her own personal corporate fiefdom in the bitter permafrost of the city of Feslott near the Changeling border. She had all the reason in the world to live her life in luxury and peace among her brethren in a city where dawn and dusk melted together.
But underneath it all, she yearned for a blistering noon sun. A place both warmer in heat and hearts than the bone-chilling cold of her home.
Then one day, she ventured forth to fulfil her glimmering dream; fighting both family and her nation, making new friends and maybe escape a continent burning in its own flame.
Her journey would take months, but for Helmi, it all felt like one long day.
Her personal solstice.
This is an entry for the Equestria at War 2023 Writing Contest. Image: https://derpibooru.org/images/3131110?q=deer
Why boob deer?
Looks like 2000s lara croft with furry head, but good story
Feela like a good story, but I'd reconsider the picture. As a Finn, the names also really threw me of.
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My bad. I googled most of them but I also didn't want to make them completely finnish, since Olenia isn't 100 percent finnish.
Nicely done. Characters are interesting and well-written. My only comment is the wordiness and length of some of the paragraphs.
This one was a little rough, but not bad. A lot of the grammar and wording just felt off, though nothing was too terrible. I did really like the characters, and I think coming back to this when you aren't constrained by a 10k word count would make for a really good story.
So, there is a car crash that takes about four paragraphs to describe the scene. The actions moves slowly, ploddingly, without much forward movement to get the reader invested. It's a look at Olenian society, but it's not a compelling look. As it's written, there's no tension in that moment. It's not interesting. Väinö hears the crash, goes to investigate, immediately spots the roaring fire and keeps the pedestrians away, then spots the card in the snow, but it's told to the reader ineffectively.
It takes four paragraphs to know the main character's name. It's a stylistic choice, but the story is slow. Lastly, the cover art is...a bit much. If the story is Anthro, fine, it has a place, but the story doesn't seem to be anthro so it's an odd choice.