Chapter 1
The adventures of Bumbaclot IV - Butt Mark Bumbaclots by Feefle
KERRSPLAT! It was three o'clock in the morning at Her's place and Bumbaclot was having a hard time falling asleep. The sound outside that was spelled out at the beginning of this story was preventing him from voluntarily rendering himself unconscious. Since Her's house was also a library, he thought it would always be quiet and easy to fall asleep in. But this was not the case.
Her slept like a stone due to yesterday's chicken nugget TV marathon that knocked her out silly from the alarmingly high amount of salt, fat, and poor television programming she had consumed in such a short period of time.
"What in blue heck is that noise?" Bumbaclot asked himself. KERRSPLAT! He opened the window and looked around. He noticed Derpy was sitting on her giant pickle jar in the distance, staring directly at him. Then all of a sudden, Bumbaclot got tackled by what felt like a big slab of fat. He and the unidentified fat object slammed into Her which cause the entire house to shake.
Bumbaclot opened his eyes and all he could see were three tiny poners standing on top of Her's chunky body. It was the butt mark bumbaclots, Appleploom, Scooterloo, and Sweetie Beller. Her was still asleep because the chicken nuggets struggling to be digested were keeping her from waking up.
"What in the name of all that is blue and esoteric are you doing making so much noise in the middle of the night?" asked Bumbaclot. The tiny poners just stared at him with their enormous dilated pupils. Bumbaclot got up and noticed Derpy appeared right next to him. "Oh no not again..." muttered Bumbaclot. Derpy opened her mouth and engulfed Bumbaclot with it. She then spat him out with only his underwear.
"That was totally awesome" exclaimed Scooterloo. She then threw herself out the window and smacked the side of Derpy's giant pickle jar with her head. She then bounced into the giant pickle jar which was full of fresh brine.
Appleploom smiled and said "Ah wanna play dentist! Derpy will be our patient and Bumbaclot and Sweetie Beller can be my assistants." "BUT I DON'T WANNA BE THE ASSISTANT" yelled Sweetie Beller as she ran into a wall knocking down all of Her's books on top of Beller, forcing her to explode.
"I don't want to play any games with you girls, I want to be doing what Her is doing right now." Appleploom looked at Her, Her started twitching and shouting "PEEP!" every few seconds. "Okay then, I guess I don't want to be doing that." corrected Bumbaclot. Scooterloo threw herself back inside through the window, she drank one heck load of pickle brine.
"I am butternut squash" proclaimed Scooterloo as she fell into Her's cushion-like backside and fell asleep. This gave Bumbaclot an idea, but before he could do anything else, Appeploom grabbed him and threw him into Derpy's mouth.
"We're gonna play dentist now." she demanded. Appleploom grabbed Sweetie Beller and rocketed into Derpy's gaping maw. "This is going to be a long night." Bumbaclot whispered to himself.
It was very dark and rancid inside. Bumbaclot could never get used to her mouth which smelled like garbage and cinnamon. He could see some caveman drawings on the roof of her mouth, one was of a tiny poner swimming in a pool of ketchup and the other was a tree growing out of a watermelon.
Appleploom spotted probably the nicest looking tooth. "See this ugly looking thing? That is a tooth with a cavity. Bumbaclot, hand me those industrial grade pliers specifically for tearing steel to pieces." said Appleploom. "What pliers? We didn't bring any tools." replied Bumbaclot. Appleploom stared at Bumbaclot like was a stubborn moron who had never gone to school or wiped his own butt. "You're supposed to pretend." she answered.
Bumbaclot proceeded to make car revving and tire screeching noises as he pretended to hand over the industrial pliers to Appleploom. "Sweetie Beller, I need you to pretend to hand me something important so you don't look useless." asked Appleploom. Sweetie Beller got up, then slipped on a taste bud and fell on her face.
"Close enough" smiled Appleploom trying not to burst out in uncontrollable laughter which would cause Derpy great distress. Imagine someone laughing in your mouth.
Appleploom grabbed Derpy's tooth and started pulling it out with all her might. Derpy made faces no man had ever seen, too bad everyone was either inside of her or asleep.
With one final pull, Appleploom ripped out Derpy's perfectly healthy tooth. Derpy's face looked like the aftermath of a long horrible war. "We got the nasty tooth out, now onto the next!" screamed Appleploom as she threw the healthy tooth into Derpy's throat. Appleploom asked Sweetie Beller to help her pick out a tooth, at this moment Bumbaclot quickly snuck out of the mouth and approached the nose.
Bumbaclot got stuck in her nose halfway through. "Oh no, I'm stuck. Derpy, could you sneeze or something?" Derpy looked around trying to find something that would make her blow her boogerload. She looked at Scooterloo who was a pegasus that possessed wings. "I will fleurbunpalembang" said Derpy as she ripped off hundreds of feathers from Scooterloo's wing.
Derpy proceeded to stick the feathers into her eyes. She then sneezed which caused Appleploom, Sweetie Beller, and Bumbaclot to go flying out the window into the giant pickle jar. "Mmmmmmmmboogers." whispered Derpy. Bumbaclot drank a big load of brine just before he threw himself back into the house. "Oh wow I feel like I'm going to--" Bumbaclot dropped next to Scooterloo and fell asleep.
Appleploom and Sweetie Beller drank the rest of the brine and fell asleep in the empty pickle jar. Derpy sat there for about an hour, and then finally looked out the window. She got very angry because now she had to go get more brine for the pickle jar. "MmmmMMMMMMMpeanuts" she snorted.
The End
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i.imgur.com/m4HHR.jpg
Feefle, why are you still here?
I'd recommend using chapters. Some beautiful day the mods will disapprove of posting every single chapter as a completely new story and that's when the Banhammer will get swinging...
Your anger only fuels me my dear friends :)
1331548 I would recommend stopping "writing"
1331567 It is not anger, it is pity.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl_Scratch.png
1331585
Nah it's anger. If it's pity I pity those who take it so seriously lol
1331585
Well, as soon as the Banhammer speaks...
And oh, I decided to read this.
i.imgur.com/nxHxx.jpg i.imgur.com/hOHoc.jpg?2
1331606
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4156-1332630431109.png
1331593 It's not even pity. It's just disgust. Why would you post this? WHY?
1331661
Being disgusted is also taking it too seriously
1331670 I don't think you understand the meaning of the word. I don't think that's a surprise.
I see a pile of sh*t on the road. I'm disgusted by it. I'm just going to go around it and try to forget it, so I can enjoy my lunch.
To anybody who's reading this comment and about to post their own: don't. Just back away. Don't put your foot in this mess. I expect Feefle will end up sitting in it soon enough, and then our troubles will be over.
1331701
You're taking a little story like it's a big deal, how pitiful
If you're trying to avoid it, you shouldn't be commenting here at all amirite?
1331719 I'm doing this for a laugh, actually. I don't take myself very seriously.
But I'm going to actually help you out, because even trollfics require skill, and I think you're struggling with this.
1. No good trollficcer would ever reveal he's a trollficcer. That you did indicates some insecurity about this--you're worried people won't realize how soundly they've been 'outwitted', so you immediately let it slip so you can be smug about it.
Let me give an example of a good trollfic: Spike Fights The Angle Bunny. This is a great trollfic--you can tell just by the title. The best part? I'm still not sure it's a trollfic. The author sounds very much serious. And that makes it hilarious.
But you just immediately give the game up. It morphs this from "hahaha this fic is so bad" to "wow this 'writer' is kind of a jerk".
2. You seem to think being able to annoy people requires cunning. It doesn't. You can annoy people by spamming them, or sending them viruses, or yelling in their ear all day. No, what you should be trying to do is annoy them in an original fashion. Spamming chapters with a cheesy stick figure cover? Intentionally bad stuff is dead simple, but what you have here isn't originally bad, and that's what makes people just sigh and shake their heads.
3. In closing, you have a lot to learn about trollfics. Your wish to feel clever is overcoming your wish to actually troll, and that means that you aren't annoying people in a clever fashion at all. You're basically annoying them by banging pans together--complete with the childish implication of such an act.
You can mock them for 'taking it seriously', but they really aren't. They see a bad fic, they comment on it. People do that for a lot of bad fics. People are taking you seriously, because you're seriously being a jackass.
Oh, and by the way--I never read the fic. I just read your posts. Those are what I'm critiquing here.
Also, quit posting the chapters individually. Yes, your story is bad, we get it. Seeing the funny cheesy title and bad grammar isn't really funny more than once.
1331783
Now THIS is proof you're taking it wayyyy too seriously
Good show!
Good show?
Good show?
I say, chaps and chappettes, this silly scallywag seems to think he knows how to well troll! Bloody hell, gov'nor, the bally cad! Jolly good, if that silly ragamuffin thinks I'm the one dealing with a troublesome cur, I do believe he's not quite certain what's jolly well going on in this most spiffing thread! Good show, old sport!
I can't bloody believe you just jolly well thought to engage me in a most spiffing battle of british!
1331822
Takes a story seriously, then thinks I am trolling. I am sad for the human race
I say, you bally cad, what jolly well joking! Do you truly seem to believe you can pass my most excellent inspection? Trolling is a simple matter, old bean, and I am a simple chap!
Now, be a good sir and, as they say, chilL tHe MOthErBUCk Out.
This is just jolly well spiffing! Thinking to challenge my britishness, you silly scoundrel! And then you bloody think to change the bally subject? Ha! Fortunately for you, I do have to depart from this quaint quacking, for there is little sense in filling a trollfic's tricky trap with this thick and thorough thrashing! Pardon me, gov'nor, but I must see myself away!
Good show, chap!
I SAY!
1331872
Oh dear, for the one who wrote a fanfic on the comments page about a short story, you're asking somebody else to chill?
It's true what they say about bronies it seems. You exploded into complete autism when I wrote "Good show!"
I say! A fanfic on the comments page, good sir? Pip pip, cheerio!
I had meant to depart, but you have piqued my jolly interest!
Also like dude talking about autism like that is like hella offensive and shizzle.
I say, you say that fanfics are not something to take seriously, then you instruct a good sir to chill after writing a fanfic!
Most disorienting!
I SAY! I think we'd better hurry off to the fire department! I seem to have set a village ablaze with these most un-spiffing diseased blazes! G'day, mate!
1331907
Hey you're the one who keeps posting here after stating to everyone they should ignore me. I never asked you to chill, you did after going full
my dear friend :)
Why do all bronies resort to autism when they've been proven wrong? Why do bronies think this is trolling anyway? Well, if it was trolling they're all taking the bait lol
Oh man, this trollfic is the worst kind of bad.
Its not only a piece of garbage, but also boring and unfunny.
If your going to write bad trollfics, you should at least make them so bad that they becomes hilarious.
1331951
>Trollfic
>but it's also boring
>you're
1331951 You managed to boil down my big review to one post. Cheers, mate!
Masterpiece what a masterpiece, you see all off you, trollfic's are a another type of art, another type of story, and they are awsome.
Bravo Feefle Bravo
1332551 I fully agree. Trollfics are, in their own way, art. But that means it is possible to create a bad trollfic, just as it is possible to create a bad song or drawing.
This is a bad trollfic. It's clumsy and transparent. This story is to trollfics as this story would be to actual fics: dreadful.
1349562
>Still thinks it's a trollfic
The first one was the best, I think you need to return to your roots
The title was funny though