Fallout: Equestria - Lovely New Pegasus

by No one is home

They Shot the Sheriff Pt8

“And so, Starlight Glimmer, AKA ‘Glim Glam the Cutie Mark bandit was cornered and surrounded by the Ministry of Morale at a nearby cliff in this very auto-carriage.” And I gotta say, Tex is great with his dramatic inflection for a ponitron.

“You’ll never take me alive, pinkos!” Sweet-E leans around my head and shakes her hoof.

“And a fierce gun battle ensued!” And I’m ashamed to admit in all my years I have never appreciated just how good Tex tells this story.

“Ratta-tat-tatta and all the pinks scattered.” I can’t see it, but I assume Sweets is making machine gun hooves.

This is nice. In that moment with my little robot dancing on my back and play acting out the tourist museum tour in real time… I’m on holiday. So obviously this would be the ideal time for NCR soldiers to kick down the door. “All civilians place your hooves where we can see them! This is a New Canterlot Republic Police Action! We are here to help!”

“History is coming alive!” Sweet-E cheers.

“I knew it!” And Princess is right up in soldier-pony’s face-space. I swear, I thought she was back at the bar talking to boss-lady. Also the stripes make it really hard to focus on her. I’m not racist, I’m just drunk, and seriously vertical stripes are hard. “Typical NCR! They let loose a bunch of their criminals, and then try to say they’re coming in to clean up the mess they made!”

“Look, I’m dealing with the problem!” I explain to the perfectly reasonable soldier. “I blew up the front of their hideout… I just took a break to grab a bottle of whiskey!”

“That’s your third bottle.” Jackie’s unsolicited words of wisdom ring out across the casino. “And you've been wandering around talking to yourself and giving that little robot pony back rides for going on two hours now!”

“Look! I gonna do the thing, okay?!?!” I exposite in the most reasonable debate point ever. “I’m not… I’m just a little drunk, and I needed a breather, okay? Gawd for re-election, Princess is the one who suggested we should get drunk first!”

“Okay.” This is a very reasonable cream colored earthpony soldier. “I just got back from patrol and was told you ponies had stormed the bridge and had assaulted the Powder Ganger stronghold. I am literally here to help…”

“Our ‘plan’ is to restore power to the midway so you can hijack a roller coaster.” Princess shoves her hoof dangerously close to my handsome face. “Do NOT blame this on me! ‘Get drunk first’ is a rational request! And one things for damn certain, you gonna do ‘the thing’ just for talking me into this or I’ll shoot you in the ass myself!”

“Don’t forget, we also gotta find the deputy.” I nod and laugh as I walk past the honestly vexed MP’s. I explain as I pass. “The deputy is a potential witness to mail interference.”

“I thought they shot the sheriff?” Cream Coffee, that’s his name now, asks.

“Yeah,” I reply with a laugh as I push through the bat wing doors. “They shot the sheriff, but they didn’t shoot the deputy.”

Author's Note:

I would never stoop to a joke so cheap...