Chapter 26: Talking and Ice Cream
Canterlot Royal Gardens; home to some of the rarest and most exotic creatures scattered across the globe. Open to the public only one day of the year and Celestia's secret relaxations area for when the daily duties of a ruler become too much. Luckily for her, today it would most likely hold more relaxation for her than normal.
"Chrysalis what are you doing?" Celestia asked as she stared at the Changeling Queen crouched in the bush.
"I'm teaching Nibble's how to hunt" She answered flatly, keeping her gaze focused on some unseen object.
"Nibbles is here?" she asked as she scanned the area for any sign of that horrifying creature that everyone had somehow grown to love. "Wait, wait you're teaching him how to hunt?"
"Yes, and you're making it rather hard to keep track of his progress, so either take a seat or keep on moving."
The sun goddess thought about the two options for a second before her curiosity got the better of her and she too found herself crouched in a bush.
"So what's he hunting" she asked nervously
"Originally I was going to throw him at a Manticore and see how long it took him, but apparently Nightmare has booked all of them. So I decided we'd go with the basics and let him hunt something slower, less intelligent and easily beaten." She answered a slight grin forming.
"Discord?"
"Discord."
"Poor fool" Celestia feigned a bit of sadness "He just can't seem to catch a break, any particular reason you picked Discord?"
"As you know, I left the Ponyville hive in the care of honorary Changeling Princess Carrot Top and Princess Ditzy Do. According to their latest letter, the insane lizard has been secretly starting a cult in his name."
"How bad is it?" Celestia asked with some genuine concern
"He's got my Changelings wearing clothes, how are we supposed to be taken seriously when he's got us wearing pants!"
Celestia let her head tilt slightly as she tried to picture Changelings in clothing. Several seconds later she was still lost in thought as she stared into the sky a slight smile on her face.
"Equestria to Celestia!" Came the voice of Chrysalis as the Sun Goddess was shaken from her thoughts.
"You'd look great in some tight pants" she blurted out.
"What was that?"
"Nothing, so where is the victim of the hour?"
"My spies say he should be here any minute now." answered the Changeling Queen.
"That's goo- wait, you have spies?" Celestia asked with a raised brow
"Obviously, how am I supposed to overthrow you without proper information on your defenses?"
"Fair enoug- Oh look who's here" Celestia stated with slightly giddy smile as she waited to see how events unfolded
The Goddess of the Sun and The Changeling Queen remained silent in their hiding spot as they eagerly watched the oblivious Draconequus make his way into the central portion of the garden. They weren't sure what he was there for, but judging by the box of what appeared to be some freshly baked food, he was on the run from his favorite chef.
"By the way, where is nibbl-" Celestia was cut off by Chrysalis's hoof on her mouth as the Changeling Queen carefully pointed towards one of the many statues in the garden. The white Alicorn stared in slight confusion for a few seconds before a small figure emerged from within on of the smaller shadows.
With a wicked grin Chrysalis began her whispered countdown "3....2.....1"
"GAAAH!" hissed Nibbles as he made his move, latching onto the unsuspecting Draconequus's face
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF CHAOS" Cried the God of Chaos as he flailed around sending his box of "Found" baked goods flying into the air and he came crashing to the ground.
"Why is this happening?!" he cried in terror as he continued to pry the angry hybrid off his face.
After several seconds of silently watching in rather great joy, Celestia and Chrysalis finally decided it was time to step in, even if Discord's eternal suffering was what they truly wanted. They knew that if they let his play out too long, it would be as much fun the next time he was mauled.
The Changeling Queen gave a sharp whistle as she stepped out of the bush.
"That enough kid!" shouted Chrysalis
Without hesitation Nibbles quickly released his bite on Discord and quickly made his way back to his "Mother" taking his place at her side, not before getting in a quick salute.
Celestia raised a brow "That's a rather strange way to treat your own kid."
"Soldier first, child second" Chrysalis answered flatly as she stared at the still groaning Draconequus on the ground.
"Ice cream?" The small hybrid asked, gaining the attention of the Changeling Queen, who had almost forgotten her end of the deal.
"Very well" she answered doing her best to hide her grin. "We can get Ice cream"
Nibbles let out a squeal of delight as he clambered up onto Chrysalis's back.
"Soldier first, child second?" Celestia repeated with grin.
"Shut up" retorted the Queen of Changelings as she proudly stomped off, making sure she was well out of Celestia's sight before breaking into an excited gallop, Nibbles enjoying every moment as he barely clung to her tail. "We're going to feast on the finest Ice Cream" she shouted in joy.
"Feast!" hissed Nibbles in response.
37 Minutes Later
"This was a terrible idea" groaned the nauseous Queen as she rolled to her side.
"Blarg" groaned the hybrid as he lay curled up to Chrysalis slowly drifting in and out of an Ice Cream induced coma.
"We tell nobody about this" Chrysalis winced as she slowly began to drift into Ice Cream induced deep sleep.
"Nobody" answered Nibbles as he finally passed out.
Back in the Garden
"Hey Discord" Celestia asked as she prodded the semi-conscious Draconequus with her hoof. "You okay there buddy"
"Why?" groaned the God of Chaos as he rubbed the fresh bite marks on his muzzle "I haven't done anything horrible in weeks, why do you hate me so much?"
"We don't hate you" the Sun Goddess answered as she reached a hoof out towards Discord. "In fact, we do it because we love you."
"Really?"
Celestia gave a shrug "About fifty-fifty" she answered as she helped Discord to his feet. "We do love you, but that's not the reason we do it. In fact, we've only been getting pay back for the last 50,000 or so years of torment you gave us." Celestia paused for a few seconds as she tried to mentally picture where she had left her list and in a flash of light she had summoned a rather large scroll. "See, we even made a list" she stated with a grin as she let the scroll unroll.
"Wow" muttered the Draconequus as he watched the scroll continue to unroll and eventually turn a corner, presumably to continue its lengthy journey. "Wait, is that my li-"
"Yes, yes it is" answered the Sun Goddess with a wicked grin "That's your old list; we're torturing you with your own list. Except Chrysalis and Nightmare, they just torture you with whatever comes to mind at the time."
Discord couldn't help but give a small smile "I'm proud of you Celestia, I didn't think you and Lulu had it in you, but maybe next universe we do, you can be the villains."
"Really!?" Celestia gave a cough "I mean, really?"
"Sure, you'll need to get a new color scheme though, whites really not that intimating, maybe you could try being a Dragon, or a goat demon."
"I have to ask, what is with your Grogar obsession?" she asked as the two of them started casually walking through the garden.
"I don't have a Grogar obsession; he was just the only one who understood me."
"Understood you? Discord, I know you're still partially insane, but in the span 4 days, he managed to kill you thirty seven times. He lit you on fire and shoved you in the back of carriage and sent you rolling into a hydra den. He killed you, used your corpse for black magic and then killed you again with your own reanimated corpse."
"I know, he really was the only one who got me."
The sun goddess face-hoofed as she slowly shook her head.
"Hey Celly?"
"Yeah Discord?"
"That's the exact list I used on you and Lulu correct?"
"Correct,"
"Can you guys skip the "Spider box", that wasn't funny for anyone." His expression for once, was one of absolute seriousness. "Seriously, that was a terrible day. There were so many spiders."
"Yeah" Celestia nodded her look of horror slowly fading "We scratched off anything that had the words. Spiders, Undead, Mahogany or and this was a weird one, but we wanted to be safe "The blood of a dead god." I'm assuming that meant one of us, but I can never be sure with you."
"Good call" Discord retorted with a smile "You'd be amazed what you can find just wondering around other universes." the Draconequus paused as he took in his surroundings "Where are we going anyways."
"I thought you would enjoy some Ice Cream as a sign of a peace."
"Ice Cream and peace? You have my attention."
"Well Luna and I have been talking, and we thought a peace treaty with you would be nice for everyone. We also know how much you like Ice Cream, so we're giving you a bit of both."
"Really?" Discord asked in genuine surprise "Or should I expect something horrible to happen in the next ten minutes? To be honest, I'm really hoping something horrible happened."
"Cross my heart and hope to fly stick a cupcake in my eye." The Sun Goddess promised.
Both Discord and Celestia found themselves nervously scanning the surrounding garden, both well aware of what making such a promise meant and after several seconds they found the pink pony glaring at them from a distance and look of absolute seriousness plastered on her face as she gestured at them, in a manner both Discord and Celestia could only assume was some form of threat.
"How does she do that?" Discord asked in complete confusion
"I have no idea." answered the Sun Goddess as she watched the Element of Laughter descended back into the bush. "Also that peace treaty only covers Lulu and myself, no idea what Nightmare or Chrysalis will do to you."
"Fair enough" laughed Discord "We don't want to make it too easy for me. I've got another question Celly"
"Yeah?"
"Why doesn't Luna ever do anything to crazy anymore?"
"You know, that's a good question, how about we go ask her after the Ice Cream?"
"That sounds nice." answered Discord a genuine smile on his face.
Elsewhere in the castle
"Moony, why don't we do anything interesting?" Luna asked, doing her best to force some sadness into her tone.
"Really?" answered Nightmare anger quite apparent in her voice "We're stuck to the ceiling, thanks to a demonic abomination you helped create and you're asking why we don't do interesting things?"
"Oh yeah" Luna stated in surprise as she remember where they were, and turned her gaze back to the floor far below.
"You've gotta admit, for a foal Nibbles can really do some damage."
"Seriously, why didn't we just make our own super soldiers to over throw Celestia with?"
"I know right?! Moony, he took you down in a little over ten seconds, it was amazing."
"I'll admit, seeing that foal take me down and proceed to beat you with an entire platoon of your own guards, was quite amazing. If I ever want a demon spawn of my own, I think I'll let you work your deranged magic on it." Nightmare finished with a grin as she thought about all the destruction she could bring about with her own unholy child to rain fire upon her unsuspecting enemies.
"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to m-" Luna was cut off as a flash of light filled the room, leaving what appeared to be a small black Draconequus mere inches from Nightmare
"No time to explain!" shouted the Draconequus "Mom, laser vision!"
"What?" blurted the confused Alicorn
"Laser vision, when you and aunt Luna make me, give me laser visio-" this time the young Draconequus was cut off as another flash of light filled the room, this time leaving what appeared to be a second Nightmare. "Uh oh" muttered the Draconequus.
"Found you" the new Nightmare stated sternly "What did I tell you about time trave-" the new Nightmare paused as she finally took in her surroundings, finally noticing that she was surrounded by not only Luna, but her younger self.
New Nightmare gave a forced chuckle "Lucid, what did I tell you about trying to change history?"
"But mom, I wanted laser vision." whined Lucid
"Don't but mom m- wait what?" asked New Nightmare her look of angry swiftly changing to one of confusion. "How is coming back in time going to give you laser vision?"
"Can someone tell us what's going on?" asked Nightmare as she continued to watch herself argue with her apparent "Daughter"
"Shut up me" stated New Nightmare "Trust yourself, you don't want to know."
"You and Discord fall in love and have a kid and that's it!" Luna blurted out as she nodded toward Lucid.
"Why would you do that?" New Nightmare asked
"Mostly because I wanted to see if the entire universe would explode, but also because of that one time you came back in time and stole my sandwich. I mean sure you told me about the future, but that doesn't make me any less hungry. Besides, you can't do anything to me for about two hundred years." Luna finished with a smug grin.
"Really?" New Nightmare asked with a raised brow "How about this?" with a flare of her horn New Nightmare let out a bolt of magic that quickly vaporized the hardened goo holding Luna to the roof. Quickly sending the poor Alicorn plummeting to the hard floor below.
"Any more questions?!" New Nightmare yelled at her past self
Nightmare didn't speak, only rapidly shook her head.
"Good, now Lucid, why in the wide, wide world of Equestria would you travel back in time for laser vision."
"I thought if I came back to before you and aunt Luna made me, I could convince you to add laser vision."
New Nightmare facehoofed "Lucid, for the thirty eighth and final time, you're not a science experiment."
"Bu- but Dad sai-"
"Your fathers a moron, who probably doesn't know where foals come from, now go to bed."
"Fiiine" groaned the filly as she disappeared in a flash of light.
New Nightmare was about to return to her own time period, but after a moment of thought, she realized this was probably the only chance she'd get at revenge.
"Oh and me." New Nightmare stated with a wicked grin
"Yes?" her past self asked nervously
"This is for marrying that moron of a lizard." with that New Nightmare let out another blast of magic, sending her past self plummeting to the ground below.
"I probably deserved that." groaned Nightmare as she fell unconscious.
20 minutes later
Discord and Celestia had just finished their Ice Cream and were on their way to ask Luna a simple question, when they stumbled onto a rather usual sight. Luna dead on the floor, next to a now conscious Nightmare who had managed to help to pull herself over to a wall which she now remained slumped up against.
"What happened this time?" Celestia asked flatly
"Apparently I married a moron" Nightmare answered as she shifted her gaze toward Discord.
"Is it someone I know?" The oblivious lizard asked.
"Yes, in fact you're really close with each other."
A look of absolute joy covered Discord's face "Is it Grogar, did you marry Grogar?!"
"How does it feel?" Celestia whispered into Nightmare's ear "How does it feel knowing, you married this foal?"
"Does everyone know about this but me?" Nightmare hissed back, making sure Discord (who may or may not have been fantasizing about all the good times he'd have with Grogar once he returned) didn't hear anything she said.
"Actually, Luna, and Twilight are the only others who know, and Twilight's already begun planning your wedding."
"Any chance you can just kill me here?" Nightmare asked almost pleading
"No can do Moony." Celestia stated happily as she patted the mare on the head.
"Yeah I didn't think so." Nightmare groaned as she slumped back down, resigned to her fate. "At least I get to have a cool kid, a cool kid who when I finally come back in time and relive this entire event will find herself grounded so hard."
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Nibbles is a ninja.
See at first "OH FOR THE LOVE OF CHAOS" was my favorite part but then this happened:
And I dieded but then
and then I undead-ed from laughter and then
and I smiled so much it hurt
So seeing as they do fall in love and get married, will we ever see Discord and Nightmare actually enjoying each others company?
Doesn't Chrysalis know too?
3339156
Probably, they both have a fondness for tormenting Twilight, I'm sure that can be a bonding experience
needs and extra e bra :P i hate the English language sometimes. its so stupid how different spelling make a word different but sound the god damn same. -_-
Awesome chapter, oh and please tell me Grogar will come back to chill with his old pal Discord?
Yay! You finally updated! But now i want to see Grogar come into the "Crazies" world...
I like this chapter- poor Discord always gets hurt, doesn't he..?
3339521
I'm sorry, but I was bullshitting from the get go.
You'll have to redo the entire interrogation from the beginning
"You okay there buddy" needs a question mark. And to be nominated as the best line in the story. Maybe not, but I read it in a super patronizing tone so it was hilarious.
Also, "Any chance you can kill me her" I imagine it's supposed to be here.
a Nibbly Ninja, ice cream, and even more future Moony shenanigans... seems like your average chapter here to me
cant wait for the next
...HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?!
lucid, you so crazy
Mahogany, wat?
3342288
Mahogany.
3352247
Thank you, I was going for "This is horrible, why is this in a "Funny" story" and then when the reveal was that this happens more often than not. Hopefully it would become funny.
Having Celestia accidentally vaporize the entire planet in a single instance.
I also had to make sure it was instantaneous or it would lose any comedic value if anybody actually had a chance to realize what was happening.
I think there is "Any chance you can just let me kill her?" or me and her.
3376233
I've had a joke planned for a while where Discord brings out his wheel of chaos and one of the results is genderswap and Personality swap
lol it was a fun chapter a few errors here and there but fun none the less! XD
oh! and i can picture the doctor just screaming: STOP DOING THAT!" XD
3381673
I was rolling with the fact that after he found out Cadance was actually Chrysalis the first time, he still took Cadance back to the same place.
So in Cadance's eyes even though he was unaware it was Chrysalis, to her it feels like Shining is taking her on a date he took someone else on (Which technically he did)
3376233 I was thinking he would create a giant shock wave that passes through equestria changing their gender for a week, but your works too.
LMAO!!! Oh gosh it just keeps getting better and I'm running out of pages to read! Though I'm going to read the other story to so its gonna be FUN!
yay dey getting along :P
You do realise that every time you apologise I re-read the chapter and think, why did you do that.
Nibbles superior, everyone else inferior.