Episode 5: High Voltage Clue (Celestia/Luna)
It was a normal day in Canterlot Castle. Morning court had come and gone and Celestia had finished meeting with some of the local farmers. Apparently a dragon had decided to take a nap at the head of one of the main streams that feed water to their farms. Celestia sent some of her best trained guards to deal with the situation, but other than that a completely normal day in Canterlot Castle and this made Celestia suspicious
Celestia knew something was up, she hadn't had peace like this in almost one and a half months now. But maybe things were starting to get back to normal she thought. She shook that thought off as she walked through the gardens, there was no such thing as normal when Discord was involved let alone Moony.
Celestia giggled "Moony, what a ridiculous name." she said to herself.
Moony was the name they had given Nightmare Moon after she had moved in with them. Celestia still wasn't clear on what had happened that day, all she could remember was some evil cackling and some flaming books. She flinched at that memory it had taken them two weeks to rebuild that section of the library and another one to talk the librarians back into the room.
But maybe, just maybe things were starting to get back to normal.
Those hopes were quickly shattered when an ear splitting scream echoed through the halls of the Castle and out an open window, as if the universe itself wanted Celestia to hear it.
She sighed "Well there goes that tiny bit of hope." She said as she entered the castle through the garden doors.
As Celestia made her way through the castle the shrieks of what Celestia assumed as a maid or other member of the Castle staff continued. However at this point she was accustomed to it and did not hasten her pace, instead she made her way to the Kitchen.
Flambé was surprised when the Princess had entered his humble kitchen. Usually when she was hungry one of her guards would report what she wanted directly to him. However today she had wondered into his kitchen and began to raid his supplies.
"Princess, wouldn't it be better if I made the meal so you could go see what all the ruckus is about?" Flambé asked as the Princess stuck her head into the fridge.
From inside the fridge came the sound of glass jars clattering as the Sun god rummaged through his supplies. He crossed his hooves and prayed that she wouldn't find the cake he had baked for this evenings feast.
Celestia's head finally emerged from the fridge in her mouth she held a single bun in her mouth but above her head she held two more aloft with her magic.
"Dwont wory fwamble" Celestia paused to finish chewing what she had in her mouth. "I was just heading down there to deal with Discord myself, but first I thought I would grab a snack."
Flambé was relieved had the Princess found the cake he would have had to bake another one. However one thing still concerned him.
"What has that Lizard done this time?" Flambé asked "Earlier this morning that damned lizard broke into my Kitchen again, he locked himself in the pantry for about an hour before he finally opened the door and walked out."
Celestia finished eating the final bun "You're overreacting Flambé tell me what he took and I'll give the funding's to restock."
Flambé shook his head "That's the problem, I don't know what he took. I've counted all the stock five times but everything seems to be there."
"Don't worry Flambé." Celestia said reassuringly "When I find him I'll ask him what he did in there." She closed the door behind her as she left the kitchen.
Ah that feels better Celestia thought to herself. Another thing Celestia had learned over the past month and a half was you couldn't deal with Discords Shenanigans on an empty stomach. Just as Celestia was about reach the source of the screaming Brass Beast came running down the hall, apparently in search of her. In his haste he had apparently not noticed Celestia and instead kept going down the hall. Celestia teleported Brass back to her position.
"What is all the commotion about?" She asked the disoriented pony.
Brass was doing his best to regain his breath "Princess, you need to come quick."
"What's the matter now?" Celestia asked
"It's Discord Princess, He's dead." Brass answered trying to maintain his composure.
Celestia laughed "Discords not dead, if he could die I probably would have killed myself a few Milena's ago. Well if his dead might as well take me to his body." She finished with a cheerful smile still on her face.
"Okay then Princess, Follow me" Brass didn't know how to take her response. She was treating it like some kind of joke; maybe she's in denial he thought to himself.
Eventually they reached the source of the screaming a single mare standing above the body of Discord. She would look at it then scream in horror and turn her head, after a few moments she would look back at it and scream again. She continued this cycle even after Celestia had arrived.
"Would somebody get her out of here?" shouted Brass Beast. That mare had been standing there screaming for the past twenty minutes.
Both the Princess and Brass moved closer to the body of Discord as some of the bravery staff members joined them, this included the closest nurse mare the guards could find.
The mare looked up at the Princess with great sadness in her eyes "I'm so sorry for your lose Princess."
Celestia giggled once again "Why is everypony assuming he's dead, I've told you all this several times we can't die. Why do you think I freely let you attack him when he pulls his stunts?"
One of the guards spoke up "I thought you let us attack him to help him understand right and wrong better."
"Really? because I thought it was because you enjoyed his suffering."
Celestia shrugged "Meh, It's a little of both but more of the first."
The nurse mare kept her eyes on Celestia "I don't think you understand Princess, Discord is quite dead he has no pulse nor is he breathing."
Celestia laughed "Discord doesn't have a heart nor does he have lungs, In fact I think the only thing he has is a stomach. He's probably just passed out after a sugar binge or something along those lines."
"Okay Princess if he isn't dead, then I think someone at least tried to kill him." Spoke Brass Beast.
Celestia raised an Eyebrow at this strange assumption "Why would you think that?"
Brass motioned over to the group of guards waiting behind him.
One of the younger unicorn guards stepped out of his formation and moved towards the Princess. Above his head he carried a small black object, one that Celestia had seen before. She recognized it as Luna's Device or Taser as she had called it.
Brass beast spoke once again "When we found him he had the two tiny spears attached to this contraption lodged in his chest."
Everything was starting to make sense now. Luna must have tried testing her toy on Discord again. Celestia remembered the last time Luna tried to get him to help he had ran, so many she just snuck up on him. The only thing that didn't make sense is if Luna did this why didn't she invite her?
With a flash Luna appeared in front of the ponies that had gathered around Discord.
"NOBODY TOUCH ANYTHING!" She shouted "It looks like we have a murder on our hoofs." Luna said as she looked down at Discords body. "Well.... attempted murder at least or assault with a slightly deadly weapon."
Luna began examining the crime scene she circled the body of the Draconequus looking for any clues.
"Luna what are you doing?" Asked Celestia still surprised by her sisters sudden appearance and outburst.
Luna stared at her sister "Didn't you read the above line? I'm looking for clues?"
Celestia was confused "Why are you looking for clues? It's quite obvious that you used your little toy on him."
Luna put on her best sad expression and hit Celestia full force with it
"I'm hurt that you would even think I would do something like this... again."
Celestia was not wholly convinced that Luna was telling the truth, but she had learned to trust her sister again. Even if Luna was a little bit insane.
Celestia stared at her sister for a moment, and then turned her head back to the unconscious Draconequus.
"Fine then, if you didn't do this, then who did?"
Luna was in the process of pulling a magnifying glass from her bag
"That's what I'm her to find out big sister, but before I can tell you who did it I'm going to need find some evidence."
Celestia was even more confused "But Luna, why don't we just wait for him to wake up then ask him what happened?"
Luna stood back up and placed the magnifying glass in the strap around her hat, which she had apparently obtained from thin air when Celestia wasn't looking. She then stepped carefully over the unconscious Discord and moved over to her sister.
"That's a simple one Celly, Asking him would be cheating and this is a rare opportunity for me to find out if my special talent is being a detective." With that she returned to her search for clues.
Now Celestia was sure her sister was insane "Luna you are aware your special talent is raising the moon correct? You can't have two special talents that's not how a cutie mark works."
Luna glared at her sister "I can have two special talents if I want; you have two special talents why can't I?"
"I don't have two special talents." responded Celestia
"Sure you do, your first talent is raising the Sun, correct?" Celestia nodded "Your second talent is nagging me, correct?"
Celestia nodded again, then paused, then realized what she had just agreed to.
"Son of a-" Before Celestia could finish her swear Luna placed a hoof over her mouth "Now that's not very Princess like at all."
Celestia batted her sister’s hoof away "Oh shut up and tell me what you've found"
"Well my dear Celestia" Luna said as she rubbed her hoofs together "So far that I've determined who ever shot our victim here had to have been able to get quite close, as it appears he was shot point blank. Secondly judging by the height and angle of the entry points the attacker would have to be no taller than you, but no shorter than me. I've also learned hooves leave no prints."
Celestia was truly surprised, Luna had actually been studying the scene and made some reasonable deductions.
"So from what I understand the attacker would have to be You, Me or Moony"
Luna moved back over to her sister and stared her down with an unblinking glare
"So Celestia where were you this morning?"
Celestia was stunned was her sister really accusing her of this?
"You're kidding right? Luna tell me you’re kidding."
However Luna maintained her soul crushing glare "You know; avoiding the question isn't helping your case sister."
Celestia sighed Luna was really going to make her go through her entire morning
"Fine than, don't get too comfortable I'll make this brief."
Celestia opened the door to Discords room and grabbed one of the many pillows that covered his bed. She pulled it over to where she stood and sat down. Many of the other ponies followed her soon after sitting down on the cold marble floor.
"So starting this morning I woke up, set the sun in motion. After a quick run around the castle I had some breakfast. Finally I had the regular morning court." Celestia paused for a moment then returned her sister’s glare. "Come to think of it, I don't remember seeing you at all this morning and you missed the morning court. Maybe I shouldn't be the one being interrogated."
Luna began to shift in her seat she knew what was coming next and was now looking for anyway to escape. For a moment she thought about jumping out the window, but then she realized at this point everypony would be expecting that. Instead Luna braced herself.
Celestia's smile was so big it had begun to get creepy. "So Luna, where were you this morning?"
Luna smiled nervously "I thought we already went over this sister I didn't do this."
Celestia kept grinning "You know, avoiding the question isn't helping your case sister."
"Fine" Luna sighed "If you really must know, I was at a meeting."
"What kind of meeting?" Asked Celestia
"It might have been a cult meeting, well actually it wasn't really a cult meeting it's more or less a fan club." Luna paused for a second "Yeah a really enthusiastic fan club."
Celestia's grin weakened "Is this that Cult that had been sending all the mail to castle, they weren't really a subtle bunch. Anyways I thought you said they were a bunch of crazies."
"Sure they're crazy" Luna said with another nervous laugh "But they give me free stuff and it's nice to have somebody tell me night is better than day every now and again."
Celestia sighed she knew her sister was most likely telling the truth, even if that meant she was hanging out with a bunch of lunatics plotting to overthrow her.
"So Luna, if you didn't do this and I didn't do this. Then the only remaining suspect is Nightmare moon."
Luna tilted her head upwards "Did you do this Moony?"
"Nope" answered the voice of Nightmare Mare from several feet above the ponies.
Celestia's head shot up in surprise. There on the ceiling stood Nightmare Moon she stared back down at the group of ponies through her sun glasses. How long had she been there thought Celestia. The other thought that went through Celestia's mind was "Where did she get sun glasses that fit?"
Celestia was fired back into reality by the voice of Luna
"So Moony, you say you didn't do this, then were you this morning?"
Nightmare jumped down from the ceiling and laughed
"Oh that's easy, I made a trip to Ponyville to visit my favorite sun loving pony, Twilight Sparkle."
"Well that explains Twilight's letter requesting assistance from the royal guard, she said you had gone on an evil rampage"
Celestia said as she passed the scroll she had received earlier that morning.
"Nothing that occurred in Ponyville was my fault. First of all, you all told me to try and make friends like a normal pony. So I decided to go have breakfast with the only normal pony I know, Twilight Sparkle."
Luna looked up from the scroll "She says here that you broke in and struck her with lightning."
Nightmare Moon pulled the scroll over so she could read it. Sure enough Sparkle had over reacted
"I didn't break in, the door was unlocked and secondly I didn't hit her with lighting, I woke her up with thunder and accidentally scorched a pillow. If you keep reading though she says that not including her near death experience the breakfast turned out perfectly."
Celestia pulled the scroll back over to herself and quickly read through it for a second time.
"Sorry Luna, her story checks out. Which means she didn't attack Discord either."
Luna took her hat off a look of defeat on her face. She was out of suspects and still hadn't found the culprit. She had no other options. She picked up the Taser with her magic and rearmed it by placing the prongs back into position.
"What are you doing Luna?" Asked Celestia
"I'm waking Discord up so we can ask him what happened" Luna answered as she aimed the Taser towards Discords chest and with a silent trigger pull Discord was hit with 1.21 gigawatts of electrical power. Discord shot up now fully awake and pulled the prongs from his chest.
"What was that for?" Shouted Discord
"Well you see we found you unconscious on the floors because somebody shot you with my Taser" Luna said as she happily showed off her device to the newly awoken Discord "Then using my awesome powers of Deduction I tried to find out whether Celestia, Moony or I had been the one to shoot you, but I couldn't figure out who did it so I gave up. Then I used the Taser to wake you up, and that sums up what that was for." She finished obviously pleased with how well her invention had worked.
"So" Discord said as he rubbed his head "You've all been here for the past hour trying to figure out what happened to me? I didn't know you cared so much." he finished pretending to rub a tear from his eye.
"Actually, I think the only reason Luna put us all through this was so she could get a second cutie mark. But in the end she couldn't solve this mystery." Celestia said as she stared smugly at her younger sister. "However I would like to know what happened to you?"
Discord began to tap his foot on the floor and would no longer make eye contact in the with anybody in the room. He obviously didn't want to answer the question. However Celestia had already sat through all of this, she wasn't leaving without an answer.
"So Discord what did happen to you?" Celestia asked with a grin, she always did enjoy watching Discord squirm.
"Fine, I'll tell you, but you have to promise not to laugh"
Luna and Celestia tried to put on their best serious face "We promise" they said in unison
Discord then turned to Nightmare moon
"I promise nothing" she said flatly.
Discord shrugged, close enough he thought.
"Okay then listen closely because I'm only going through this once."
Earlier that morning
Discord had woken up quite early that morning in a cold sweat. He apparently had a terrible dream in which both Luna and Celestia were hunting him through the castle with a terrible device, one created to cause him pain. After going over the dream several times in his head he eventually realized it was in fact not a dream but instead a memory.
When Discord thought about that strange black device he knew he had seen it somewhere else after some further thought he eventually recalled seeing it in Luna laboratory;.
"Why are you telling us this in third person?" Asked Luna interrupting Discords story
"Hey, I don't judge how you do flash backs you don't Judge me. Now can I finish my story?"
Luna nodded and went quiet
After coming up with a brilliant plan for revenge Discord broke into Luna's laboratory using her secret entrance hidden in the Kitchen pantry.
This time Celestia was the one to interrupt "Ha, so that explains what you were doing in there for so long, Flambé was worried you were eating his supplies again."
Discord was growing annoyed "Can I finish my story, we can talk about my eating habits later."
So after retrieving Luna's device of torture Discord snuck back to his chambers, where he finished adding the final touches to his plan for revenge. After a couple of healthy evil laughs Discord was ready. As he made his way out the door he must have slipped and as he fell, he must have pulled the trigger.
"And that's what happened" Discord finished "See it was a complete accident, could have happened to anybody."
Luna and Celestia did their best to contain their laughter in an attempt to spare the poor Draconequus's feelings.
However Nightmare Moon didn't share this feeling of pity and instead laughed at him.
"I can't believe you shot yourself, you idiot. You manage to find the only firearm on the planet and you shoot yourself." Moony said as she tried to catch her breath.
Discord turned to Luna who was now holding the Taser up to him
"Go for it." She said handing him the device
"Don't mind if I do" Discord said as he took aim at Moony she was too busy laughing to notice Discord taking aim. After a few more seconds of aiming, Discord took the shot pegging Nightmare moon in the chest. She dropped to the ground with a thud.
Luna laughed as she walked over to the unconscious Alicorn "See doesn't that feel good?"
Now Discord laughed "Your right, it does feel good" Discord answered as he reloaded the Taser.
A few seconds later both Luna and Celestia were unconscious. Discord walked away with the taker holstered at his side as he whistled a western tune, leaving a group of stunned on lookers and three unconscious Alicorns.
What had really happened that morning
Discord had everything he needed for his revenge all he needed now was the victims.
That's when he got an Idea, a terrible Idea, a terribly brilliant idea. Instead of looking for his targets they would come to him. Discord aimed the Taser towards his chest, he knew the pain that was about to come but it was necessary,
One hour later his plan had worked perfectly Luna and Celestia had both showed up and as a bonus he even got Nightmare. Now all he had to do was wait for them to lower their guard, then he'd strike.
As Discord walked down the hall, Taser on his belt and hat on his head. All he could think was
"Damn, it's good to be the king"
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the screaming mare sounds familiar
Great chapter, made me laugh
, Discord gets a little revenge, but now he's Tazed Nightmare. Oh how I imagine the revenge she will take 
1.21gigawatts! I think i'm seeing a reference there
These are great, and I never expected you to add NMM to the cast when you started this so its even better.
Discord is a fucking mastermind. Period.
Not only he did it, he did it like a boss
P.S. Your punctuation has improved and the humour is always top-class.
P.P.S. We need a Discord emoticon.
110725 Thank you
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I LOVE THIS STORY SO BUCKING MUCH
I enjoyed many chuckles. More
Whistle "Walker, Texas Ranger".
and write more please
OMG GENIUS
OHHHHH!!! DISCORD YOU WONDERFULL BASTARD!
I'm prety sure that mustaches will be drawn on them when they wake up.
pockettacoradio.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/Hail-to-the-king-Baby.png
Discord, you Magnificent Bastard! Pure buckin' genius!
fantastic
111043
Are you sure the mustaches won't be real?
LULZ
images.wikia.com/bttf/images/7/73/Docgasp.jpg
Do you think Discord will take on an apprentice? I would love that.
obamiconme.pastemagazine.com/entries/images/5c/b6/850063/original_image.png?1235162100
I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself.
110465 you thought that too
What happened next? Well in Canterlot they say Discords ego grew the sizes that day.
Or was the Grinch reference I see a happy coincidence?
Discord is such a badass in this! XD
This story makes so little sense and is yet so brilliant!
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Brass beast. my least favourite minigun.
A few seconds later both Luna and Celestia were unconscious. Discord walked away with the taker holstered at his side as he whistled a western tune, leaving a group of stunned on lookers and three unconscious Alicorns.
I swear your going to kill me
That smooth bastard
Wow. I'm really liking this so far. I love great comedies like this
You only find a good one every once in a while.
I only have one problem with it, though.... The grammar! OH GOD THE GRAMMAR!!
2191296 I believe you mean the lack-thereof. X3
1.21 GIGAWATTS! GREAT SCOTT!!!!!
At some parti just imagine discord changing everyponys gender, race or species as a cruel joke. Lol
Most brilliant plan ever.
Ah, famous last words.
"Damn, it's good to be the king"
Someone's a fan of Mel Brooks.
DISCORD RULES BITCHES
Discord is a genius!!!
2596902
Dude, ultimate prank. Put an invisible barrier on the doorways that switches gender as you walk through. Bonus trolling: Have it delayed so they're through before it takes effect.
Male enters, becomes female. The same exits, returns to male.
*Yoda voice*
The Win is strong in this one. Powerful, it be. All the upvotes, his story shall have.
yes!!!!
oh i am enjoying this!!!
3413717 I must agree.
I don't know if im the only one but discord seems bad ass in this one near the end
The story is amusing up until this point, but the constant errors in grammar do grate a bit. The dialogue is frequently lacking necessary punctuation; for a good guide on that, see here. Additionally, there's a number of various spelling or capitalization errors scattered throughout. For example:
The second judge should not be capitalized. Additionally, there should be a semicolon after "flashbacks" (which should be one word anyway), because the two complete sentences need a form of separation. Getting a proofreader of some kind could really help out this story.
Lunatic Ha Ha Ha funny
I wonder if rasing yourself counts as a point for or against you.