• Published 25th Dec 2011
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Equestria's Crazies - Thorax



Life can be hard, life can be funny, life can be shocking. Here, life is just plain crazy.

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Episode 15: Followed me Home

Silence, under normal circumstances it is a sign of peace. However there was no such thing as normal circumstances within Canterlot Castle. Silence was a sign of impending disaster, and possibly imminent death. These were not the thoughts of a paranoid mad mare, but Princess Celestia, who had long since learned to never trust silence.

Celestia still wasn't sure how Luna had managed to sneak an entire cult into the Castle that fateful night a thousand years ago. You would think an entire cult of two hundred and thirty seven ponies would make at least some noise and yet they didn't. They were also surprisingly polite, taking the time to wipe their hooves before breaking in and attempting to overthrow her.

Celestia shook the memory off as she climbed out of her bed. She gave her clock a quick glance

2:23AM, not a single sound, either they're all dead and I can go back to sleep, or they've done something horrible and have gone into hiding. Celestia rubbed the sleep from her eyes and groggily made her way to the door.

"Now what could you possibly be up to?" Celestia muttered as she slowly poked her head out the door. Several times this moment had played out and the Sun goddess was prepared for any possibility. Boulder, death pit, entrance to Tartarus, sharks all things she had been greeted by in the past.

Yet, she was greeted with only silence and darkness, and that was far more terrifying than anything she could have possibly imagined.

"Hello?" Celestia nervously called out

"Yes Princess?" came a response from above

The Sun Goddess let out an audible shriek as she dropped to the ground "Make it quick!"

"Princess...." repeated the voice from above "Princess Celestia, are you okay?"

The quivering Sun Goddess slowly removed her head from between her hooves as she craned neck towards the ceiling.

"Hi" greeted the Batpony as he hung from the ceiling.

Upon seeing the Night Guard just barely containing laughter, she quickly climbed to her hooves and gave and awkward cough.

"Good evening Silver" The Princess said with another cough. "What horrible things have my sister and her other half caused this evening?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary Princess, there have been only minor noises throughout the castle. Lord Discord and Lady Nightmare have not left their chambers."

"What of my sister?"

Silver gave an awkward chuckle "That's the weird thing, our Mistress has been standing outside the entrance to the castle basement for the last three hours, just pacing back and forth."

"Anything else out of the ordinary, fire? explosions? Atomic hell-fire? Anything?!" The Princess let her fears take over as she began going through the worst possible scenarios.

"There appears to be nothing out of the ordinary, our mistress is just pacing back and forth outside of the entrance. Would you like me to escort you to her?"

Celestia paused for the moment as she thought about this decision. As far as she was aware there was nothing wrong within Canterlot Castle, she could head back to bed and plausible deniability in the morning. Deep down inside though, she knew that wasn't going to happen. So with a reluctant sigh, the Sun Princess agreed and they were off to what was surely a horrific death, as was the norm.

Several minutes of paranoid walking later, Celestia and Silver stood in front of the entrance to basement. Princess Luna oblivious to them continued to pace back and forth, whilst muttering to herself.

"Got Muggy, isn't going to get Me." the Lunar Princess muttered to herself

"Luna?" asked the concerned sister

"Followed me back, forgot my guns."

"Luna?" The guard and Princess repeated in unison

"Six will show up eventually and make everything better, he can fix anything."

"LUNA!" Came the booming voice of Celestia

"Oh sweet sun and moon make it quick!" The terrified Princess shouted as she dived to the floor.

Celestia and Silver continued to watch as the Night Goddess quivered in fear on the floor. Both of them not sure whether they should try and help her or continue to watch and see if she has any more of an emotional breakdown. Several minute of silent watching later, Luna let out a shriek before attempting to run away. However she was quickly stopped by an invisible wall.

"And where do you think you're going sister?" Asked the Sun Goddess as she extended a hoof to help her sister up.

"Oh hello sister, I didn't see you there. What can I do for you this fine evening?" Luna answered as she casually brushed some dirt from her coat.

Celestia gave a light chuckle "I think I should be the one asking the questions here. Our Batty friend here has told me you've been standing in front of this door for the last several hours. What could you possibly be doing in front of the basement?"

The Night Goddess responded with her own awkward chuckle "Well that's a funny thing you should ask dear sister. I found myself on a little adventure.... Trying to see new sights and all, you know the usual."

Celestia raised an eyebrow "Yes, I did tell you to see new sights. But from the scent of creation magic, you've been playing with creation magic again. If I'd have to hazard a guess, I'd say you've been to Earth #6792, running around with that "Courier" of yours again.

"Haha" Luna forced a laugh "What makes you think I was visiting Six again? I do have friends in other dimensions, not just one. Unlike you dear sister, or would you prefer, "Meridia, Lady of Infinite Energies?"

"Oh shut up and I can tell where you've been because you're still wearing your Pipboy" groaned Celestia "What followed you back this time?"

"Nothing, nothing at all." answered the Lunar Princess as her gaze shifted to every point but her sister. "You told me not to bring anything back after the "Cazador" incident."

The Sun Goddess flinched at the mention of those horrific insects. The memory of those large horrible, horrible bugs was enough to make an immortal shiver in fear. The day had been as normal as they come within the castle, the only thing off was the sound of buzzing. Celestia had shaken it off as nothing more than a couple of bug making their home in the walls. It wasn't until Celestia had finally decided to investigate that she was swarmed by several living hate machines.

The only thing that had worked out was when Luna had arrived with her friend "Six" He went in there with several high powered weapons and came out with their stingers in a bag.

"Equestria to Celestia, come in Celestia."

Celestia snapped back to reality, with a light cough.

"And you're lucky your friend showed up to deal with our little "bug" problem. That's why you're not allowed to have anything but Equestrian born pets. Now tell, what is in the basement that has you something so worked up."

"Well it wasn't something that I chose to bring home; it more or less followed me home." Answered Luna as she awkwardly shuffled her hooves.

"So you locked it in the basement?!" Hissed the Sun Goddess "This is exactly how the "Cazador" incident began. A few bugs followed you home and I was brutally killed."

"I said I was sorry, I didn't know it was a queen when I brought it back." Luna hissed in response. "I went and got Six and he fixed it!"

"So where is he now?" Retorted Celestia.

"He said he had some things that needed to be done and headed off to towards Goodsprings. I decided I was going to go explore for a bit and when things got rough, that's when my friend in the basement followed me home."

"So what is it?" the Sun Goddess repeated her original question.

"Deathclaw" Luna answered bluntly

Celestia's expression quickly darkened "You let a Deathclaw follow you home?! Are you insane... don't answer that, you've proven that true several times. Okay then, why don't you march back through into that wasteland, and bring your friend back to fix your mess?"

The Night Goddess gave a sigh "I told you he was busy, why don't you just wait until he's finished and we can all go back to normal, whatever that amounts to here."

"Yeah, that isn't going to happen. That's the sort of logic that led to a Cazador nest in my chambers. No, if you're not getting your friend, then we'll deal with it ourselves." Celestia asked as she gave her sister a dagger filled glare.

"How would you suggest we go about that?"

"You have an arsenal don't you?" The Sun Goddess pointed towards her sister’s bag.

"Nope, when a Deathclaw makes you its target, you drop everything and run. I do however have my side arms." With that Luna produced two handguns that had been strapped to her back legs.

"So all together, we've got two small handguns" Celestia began to count aloud "A Spear. Two Goddesses unable to use their own powers because of their own rules and a Night Guard that has fallen asleep on the job." She finished pointing towards the guard who had at some point fallen into a deep sleep beside a statue.

"Well then, let’s not waste any more time. We've got a monster to kill." The Night Goddess said with a grin as she passed the weapon to her sister, who grabbed it with her magic.

The two of them quickly lost their nerve as they approached door and were greeted with a low growl somewhere within the basements depths. The sound of claws sharping on the stone walls echoed up the stairwell and faintly breached the door.

"By all means, you first Luna."

"Thank you sister, I appreciate it." Deadpanned the Lunar Goddess

Slowly the two Goddesses made their way down the large set of steps that led into the darkness below the castle, the beam of lights emitted from their horns their only source of light.

"You know who could help us." whispered Luna

"If you say "Shuggy" I promise you Luna, I will shoot you right here." responded Celestia in a hushed hiss.

"Fine then, we can deal with it ourselves." answered Luna as they reached the bottom of the stairs and killed their light spells.

The two of them sat in absolute silence as they watched the hulking creature skulk around the room. Luckily the creature had not seen or heard them making their way down the stairs. It was Celestia who first began to aim her weapon. Boredom usually lead to dimension hopping, and dimension hopping usually led to picking up skills that normally wouldn't be acceptable for a Princess.

With a deafening bang Celestia took the shot, scoring a direct hit on the unsuspecting creatures head. However, their moment of joy was quickly crushed as they soon learned, that only made it mad.

"Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!" cried the Sun Goddess as she and her sister blindly emptied everything they had on the apparently invincible creature.

"What do you think I'm do-" Luna was cut off as the creature slammed her into a wall. It was at this point Luna decided that whether Six wanted to be bugged or not, he was going to help.

"Oh sweet me, why won't it die." Shriek the Sun Goddess as she ran frantically did her best to avoid the impending death.

With a blinding flash of light Celestia found a new sense of hope. It also served as a great distraction allowing the Deathclaw to easily remove Celestia's head; it wasn't pretty for anyone involved.

"For the love of the Sun and Moon shoot it Six, shoot it with everything!" pleaded the Lunar Princess.

The Courier had been caught off guard by the sudden transition from hunting some Geckos to being locked in a basement with a Deathclaw. However, it was a well-known fact that Courier Six always hunted with a rather large gun.

The sound of three deafening shotgun blasts echoed through part of the castle, waking several members of the castle staff. They all brushed it off as nothing more than Royal shenanigans.

Luna let out a sigh of relief as she climbed from the floor. Courier Six on the other hand was in the process of wiping brain matter from his duster.

"You have no idea how happy I am to see you Six."

Six nodded in response

"Ah, silent and mysterious again. You want to stay for breakfast at least? Better than sleeping in another bar."

"Too fancy" answered the gunman

"Very well" Luna began "are we still on for Hunting Ghouls later? I haven't seen ED-E or Cass in ages."

"Eeeyup" Six answered

And with another flash of light the Courier was sent back to his world. Leaving Luna alone in a large room filled with multiple dead ponies and covered in a fair amount of blood. Something that wasn't that uncommon for her.

She knew it would be several hours before Celestia finally returned to the land of the living, and when she did it would be lecture time. Meaning she had to hide somewhere and fast.

"I wonder what the Doctor is up to?" She asked herself before disappearing in a flash.

Author's Note:

This chapter is shorter than most, I'm writing this in hopes of breaking my writer block. The chapter is mostly built from random ideas I've had over time and no real way of using them.

So I ask that you forgive me for the lack of a quality chapter.

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