• Published 25th Dec 2011
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Equestria's Crazies - Thorax



Life can be hard, life can be funny, life can be shocking. Here, life is just plain crazy.

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Episode 13: The Episode Where I Give Side Characters Screen Time

Brass found himself more concerned about his job each and everyday. Sure working the day shift as a member of the Royal Guard had its dangers. Attacks on Canterlot, threats to the staff members and the odd assassination attempt. Though the last point was no longer part of his concerns, seeing as Princess Celestia made assassination attempt on both herself and her sister completely legal. She says it helps to keep her on her hooves.

It wasn't the threats to the ones he was supposed to be guarding that worried him the most. It was the threats caused by the ones he was supposed to be guarding, that truly struck fear in him. The last year and a half had been possibly the strangest of his fifteen years of service. Starting with the return of Princess Celestia's sister, Princess Luna. Which quickly spiraled into a strange downfall, that eventually saw the return of both Discord and Nightmare Moon, and now finally with the arrival of their latest "guest" Queen of the Changelings, Chrysalis.

"Yep, my job officially sucks." the large Pegasus muttered to himself.

"What was that?" asked Hammer the smaller Pegasus and most resent partner to the veteran guard.

Brass jumped a little at the sudden reminder of his partners existence. One of the most common traits among the Royal Guard was their ability to loose themselves in thought. Usually it was one of the only ways to keep themselves from going mad with boredom on the slower days.

"Nothing kid" responded Brass as he awkwardly shuffled back into his statuesque like stance. Sneaking a glance in Hammers direction he could see the kid doing the same. Hammer was a good kid, at first glance you wouldn't know he was a member of the Royal Guard, in fact you'd probably laugh if someone had told you. But the kid was a hardworking and slowly but surely he was growing into his position.

Brass gave the small wooden clock a quick glance, it read 2:29.

Any minute now The stallion began to mentally count 3....2.....1

"And here we go." The two guards said in unison.

"Discord!" Boomed the voice of Princess Luna, as usual the walls shook. The Royal Canterlot voice was a common sound to hear around the castle and as such, the walls had finally been reinforced.

"Dammit." muttered Hammer

"Pay up kid." the larger stallion stated smugly.

"How did you know?" Grumbled the loser as he pulled a small pouch of bits and passed them to his superior

"Simple kid, if you had been paying attention to anything the last month you'd be aware Discord has a thing for Nightmare. Why go for Celestia, when he can earn some bonus points by going for Luna?"

Hammer nodded I guess it makes sense he told himself

Several minutes earlier the two of them had witnessed Discord frantically moving back and forth down the halls. However, everything had gone quiet after he passed by the fifth time. Happily whistling to himself as he carried several buckets of paints towards the throne room.

A small explosion once again shook Brass from his thoughts.

"So kid, you want to make another bet?"

Hammer shook his head, sure he was the rookie but he knew when to quit.

Brass let out a sigh "Fine, your los-" his last word cut off as the fast approaching screams echoed down the halls towards them. Dammit Discord, why do you always have to lead them here?

The two guard ponies continued to ignore the scream as it eventually entered the hall. Casting a slight glace towards the sources direction Brass was met with an unusual sight. The source was not Discord as he had assumed or even Princess Luna. Instead, he could see what appeared to be a pony slightly taller than hammer and his coat completely black.

It was only after the pony had completely passed by them that he realized what it actually was.

"Damn Changelings" he growled

"Awww, is someone still mad that the Changelings ruined their day off?" Hammer said mockingly

"That was my first day off in weeks." growled the larger Stallion "One day off and it's spent dealing with an Invasion."

Hammer just laughed, He hadn't actually seen what happened to Brass that day. However, word traveled around the castle that Brass had be captured in the court yard and tied to a flag poll with another guard. Hammers day had gone surprisingly better. Once the Changelings had broken through the barrier, they quickly swarmed most of the guards they then sent everyone to the barrack where they were kept under watch by a small army. Luckily for Hammer though, he had been on break and was already in the barracks, taking a nap.

Brass gave a forced cough as he shuffled in his armor "Besides, didn't they trap you and the other guards in the barracks."

The smaller guard gave a nod "Yeah, but Forge "accidentally" set one of them on fire. So I'm considering us even." he finished with a chuckle "Little guy just doesn't like being picked up."

Before Brass could give a response another small explosion cut him off and the Changelings screams returned. Both Hammer and Brass stood in silence as they waited for the Changelings return. After several more small explosions shook the castle walls and the screams continued, the Changeling slide into few.

After a few more seconds of galloping it came to a sliding stop in front of the two guards. Spinning on its hooves it stared intently down the hallway it had entered from, never taking its solid blue eyes off the Hallway.

"Hello?" Hammer asked nervously

"Shhhh" it hissed in response

The two Guards and Changeling stood in silence for what seemed like an eternity as they waited for something. After a minute or so their waiting was answered another small but much closer explosion shook the castle walls.

Before Brass was sure it had been Luna and Discord, however now he wasn't so certain and the growing look of fear on the Changelings face wasn't making him feel any better.

Without saying a word a green ring of flames engulfed the Changeling. When the flames cleared the Changeling was no longer there and in its place stood another guard Pegasus.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Brass shouted

"Shhhhh" the disguised Changeling hissed again as he took position beside the smaller Guard.

"Play along" the Changeling finally spoke.

The three "Guards" stood in their usual statuesque. Silently they waited, only one of them knew what was heading their way and he did his best to hide his fear.

With one final blast the wall at the end of the hallway was destroyed, leaving one extremely angry Changeling Queen at the other end.

"Thorax!" Chrysalis shouted "There's no use running, you're only making your punishment worse!" She growled as she slowly began her march down the large marble hall, eventually coming to a stop in front of the "Three" guards. Slowly she lowered her head so that she was eye level with Brass.

"Did any of you three see a Changeling run by?" Chrysalis asked the tone in her voice shifting from anger to a more neutral tone "Scrawny, about yay high. He probably had a look of mortal fear on him."

Brass shifted his gaze from Hammer back to the Changeling apparently named Thorax.

"I expect an answer!" Shouted the Queen

Brass continued to shift his gaze between the two other guards noting the expression on Thorax. The Changeling in disguise was slowly shaking his head a look of pleading fear clearly displayed across his face.

"Yes, we've seen a Changeling pass by."

Thorax felt his heart skip a beat, which wasn't entirely new strange for a Changeling, they did have two hearts and sometimes one felt the need to take a break.

"We saw him heading towards the dining hall." Brass answered pointing down the hall.

"Thank you" Chrysalis answered with a nod "By the way, you might want to get another guard. Having one on one side and two on the other doesn't seem that professional." With that the Changeling Queen was off, in search of her target. Unbeknownst to her had been right in front of her.

For several seconds the three of them waited in silence, sparing each other a glance every now and again. After roughly a minute they were almost sure the Changeling Queen would not be returning.

Thorax gave a sigh of relief "Thank you for the assistance"

"Now wait a minute." spoke Hammer "What in Tartarus just happened?!" asked the confused guard

Thorax paused for a moment Crap, I was almost home free

"Well, I'd love to stick around and talk with you, but I've got a lot of things to do." the Changeling said awkwardly

"Oh Chrysalis." called out Hammer in a sing-song voice.

Thorax quickly through a hoof over the guards mouth "Silence" he hissed "I'll tell you, just keep your mouth shut."

"I might have mentioned her weight" muttered the Changeling

"What was that?" asked Brass

"I said I might have mentioned her weight" her repeated once again almost going mute at the end.

"Really, you're going to have to speak up."

"I said I might have mentioned her weight." Thorax blurted out

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that." Hammer said sadly as he patted the Changeling on the back "When's the funeral?"

Thorax gave a forced laugh "Oh she'll calm down eventually, and then I'm sure we can talk about it and she'll forgive me."

With that he turned to leave. However, he was once again stopped by the voice of the guard, this time though it was by the larger of the two.

"Where do you plan on hiding? You just can't wander the halls looking like a guard, if she sees you'll she'll catch you for sure."

Thorax paused to think He's right, my Queen will find me easily if I drop the disguise and if I start wandering I'll look suspicious

"Well then, it looks like I'm a new member of the Solar Guard"

Several minutes passed and nothing changed

"So are we going to do something?" asked the bored Changeling

"Nope" answered Brass flatly "We're here for the next five hours."

The look of terror returned to Thorax's face Oh for the hate of Grogar, kill me now he silently muttered to himself then silently muttered a prayer to Nightmare Moon.

Five Hours Later

The two guards and Disguised Changeling had made their way to the barracks. Each Guard had their own "Room" a small room sectioned off from each other. Each one containing a basic bedroom items, a Chest, a Shelf and a Bed. Though it couldn't fully simulate the feeling of home, it did a good enough job when guards were off their shift.

The group split up, Hammer entering his room and Thorax followed Brass into his room. After a few minutes the two had exited their room. Brass having removed his armor, and Thorax Changing his disguise to match the now armor-less white Pegasus that roamed the halls.

"What is taking that kid so long?" muttered Brass as he pounded a hoof on the door.

After couple more minutes of waiting and the door to Hammers room finally opened revealing the no longer armor clad Pegasus.

"Well then Blass, let us go get some food from the mess hall."

"You mean Brass?" asked Thorax

"Yes, that's what I said." snorted Hammer as he exited the room.

Brass continued to stare at the younger guard as he exited the room.

"If the kid keeps the attitude up, I'm going to buck him into next Thursday."

Thorax shrugged in response and followed the old guard to the mess hall.

The rest of the evening past by quite uneventfully after arriving in the dining hall they had received their meals. Which apparently help to change Hammers mood. Though Thorax couldn't say much for the actual food. Hay and salad wasn't really any good for a Changeling. Though lack of nourishment for a Changeling was nothing, when you're welcome in Canterlot Castle. The Love of the Sun alone gave off enough excess energy to feed a small army.

The only thing truly worth noting occurred as the last of the Guards had begun to return to their rooms. Apparently Luna had finally caught up to the Discord giving brass a chance to finally see Discords handy work.

The normally blue coated Alicorn Princess was no mix and match patter of colors. The main color of her coat consisted of a horrid shade of green. Her once beautiful ethereal mane was now a spiked mo-hawk. Splotches of other colors coated her.

Discord had fazed through the wall, whereas Luna had just blasted her way in. The remaining guards had stayed to watch. For a while it appeared Discord had the upper hoof. Every spell Luna threw at him, he'd just bat away with another one of his and sometimes going so far as to actually use a bat.

Several minutes later and one destroyed dining hall later, Discord was once again a statue. The remaining on lookers cheered as Discords spells faded from Luna and the magnificent ruler of the night had been restored to original form.

Thorax laughed as they walked down the hall "Did you see the look on his face? Priceless!"

"How could I have missed it? Until someone turns him back, it's going to be the only look on his face." answered Brass

"What was your favorite part?" asked Brass as he patted Hammer on the back

Hammer paused for a minute and stroked his chin with a hoof

"I think my favorite part was when, the Dark One took the Crazy Ones bat and used it to beat him with."

"You mean Princess Luna and Discord?" asked the confused older guard

"Yes, yes that's what I meant. If you'll excuse me, I've got some matters to attend to." answered the Hammer as he trotted off.

"What his problem?" asked the confused Changeling

Brass shrugged "Don't know, don't really care. The Kids a strange one, now come along; you can stay in the one of the extra guard rooms tonight."

As the two of them walked through the hall, they found it deathly silent. Though that was the normal during the Night Guards shift, they were a strange bunch, blessed by Princess Luna with a gift from the night.

Brass Beast was the first to break the silence "So what are the Changeling Guards like? I mean when you attacked you and the rest of the Changelings managed to pin down the entire royal guard in a matter of minutes."

"Hive connection" Thorax answered flatly "Didn't you notice? Throughout the entire attack not a single vocal order was given. If we choose we can share our each and every thought with the hive."

Brass paused as he thought about the Changelings answer

"Couldn't your Queen use that to find you?"

Thorax shook his head as they continued to walk "No, I can listen in, but as it is I've blocked my thoughts off from the Hive. Though out the day, I've been listening in and she's been extremely quiet, which either means one of two things. She doesn't care anymore or she's calmed down."

Brass gave a sigh of relief "Well that's good to hear, I'd rather not be caught by her after helping you out. You did call her fat and all."

"I didn't say she looked fat!" hissed the Changeling "I said if she ate anymore she wouldn't be able to fly."

"So you said she was going to get fat? Great idea" Hammer retorted

"It's not my fault; she's addicted those blasted baked treats you ponies make, those sweet ones with the hole in the middle. She's also has a love for that foul black brew, Coffee I believe is its name"

Brass couldn't help but laugh, He had just found out that the Queen of the Changelings not only had an addiction to coffee, but to Donuts as well.

"Well then, why don’t you tell me more about your Queen than? Maybe we can come up with a peace offering."

"Yeah, a peace offering isn't going to work with her, but if you want to know more, I don't think it'll hurt to tell you." Thorax answered as he paused and took a seat on one of the benches, his hooves were sore from the constant walking.

"I know it might sound hard to believe, but Queen Chrysalis is much like your Princesses. She'll do anything to keep the Hive safe and unless she's the one causing it, I don't believe she'd let any of us get hurt. Though she would never admit I think she's happier knowing we're at peace."

"Why do you say that?" interrupted Brass

"We've never gone to war before, Heck we didn't actually have a plan when we attacked this city. Most of us spent the entire attack banging our heads on the shield till it fell."

Brass gave another laugh "Well it's good to know, its far better having you Changelings as an Ally instead of an enemy. Though, it was good to get some first hoof information on you and your species. I won't lie, the only reason I've even considered letting Changelings in the Castle are due to Princess Celestia's orders.

"Well it's good to know I've got a friend here, only a hoof full of us came here with the Queen and most of the Ponies here won't even spare us a glance, let alone talk with us." Thorax finished with a yawn

"You're getting tired too, eh?"

"Spending the day hiding from a Queen can really drain you." answered the tired Changeling as he stood up

"Well then, let's head back to the barracks. Either way, I have to be at my post in the morning."

With a silent nod Brass and Thorax continued on their way to the Guard barracks stopping every now and again in the hopes that Hammer would eventually return.

Upon arrival at the barracks, got a simple idea a way to cheer the kid up once he returned.

"Brass, what are we doing here?" asked Thorax, he had been confused when they had gone into Hammers room; he had been even more confused when Brass had retrieved a small bag of bits from his own room.

"The kid lost a bet earlier and lost a good amount of bits, I'm going to leave him a little surprise." Brass said with a grin as he picked the pouch up in his mouth and began to open the chest where Hammers armor was stored.

What he found in the chest stunned him, the bag of bits fell from his mouth and scattered across the floor. Inside the chest was none other than Hammer still fully armored, bound and gagged.


"Ah, you ruined my little surprise." came a voice from behind." Brass and Thorax quickly spun around to see the source and were once again stunned. Hammer stood behind them, a large devious grin plastered across his face.

"No matter though, I told you I would find you. Now, I think we're going to have so much fun this evening," With a flash of green fire, the second Hammer was no more.

"Well at least I'm going to have fun."

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