• Member Since 23rd Aug, 2022
  • offline last seen Aug 23rd, 2022

Fenris42


Comments ( 1 )

I'm going to assume that this is your first story, and if so, congratulations. That being said, this does feel like a first story. This felt very fast-paced, not helped by the large number of short sentences you used. I really think you should have slowed this down, added more detail, and spent some more time proofreading on this. If you had done that, I think this could have been pretty good.

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