Immediately following the events of the Season 2 finale, Queen Chrysalis and her Changelings disappear off into the sunset, becoming nothing more than a twinkle in the sky to any observing eye. However, they weren't just gone from Equestria. They were gone from the entire world! Somehow, they had been transported to our Earth. Queen Chrysalis, specifically, lands outside the door of a human - James - in Indianapolis, Indiana.
How will our government react to Changelings? How will James react?
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Please note that I will try to write a chapter each day, and will Livestream my writing it, then post it the following day while I work on the next one.
So I could post it to FiMFiction, I combined Chapters 1 and 2 together.
a wall of txt is not much fun to read but i am interested so keep it up but please not the wall of txt i found it difficult to concentrate on the whole thing. But other then that good job.
well i'm liking what you've done so far, hope to see more of this
Very interesting. You have a like and favorite from me. Keep up the good work.
I would like to suggest that you separate your paragraphs in the future. It really cuts down on the "wall-o-text" problems.
The plot train beith running at the speed of light, please slow it down.
And break up those paragraphs more! You start a new paragraph each time a new set of dialogue is spoken by a character.
Also, please do another grammar check, I've caught multile instances of where you didn't capitalize where neccessary. Ok, one, but I skimmed it, and I honestly think there's more errors like that.
Plot Problems Pending... Probably.
How did Chrysalis know Humans can't cast magic? James never said anything related to that, and Chrysalis has no reason to not believe that. If there is a reason, please include it somewhere.
Also, I do not trust those "Law enforcement" guys, why would they be so insistant on interrogating that specific guy? I don't see any good reason.
And how would Chrysalis know what a gun looks like? Or even what a gun is, let alone it's specific 9mm design?
And why in holy hell would James help her? Prehaps you can go on the insanity plee, which would also explain why he practically fell in love with her instantly, judging by the more creepy like "Sleep well... my queen."
Speaking of which, when did he put those bandages on Chrysalis? Yeah, probably after that creeper line, but you really should've made some beforehand mention to that.
And more specific reading tells me that James thought having Chrysalis take his form and go to the door to answer questions for him would be the best course of action, instead of... oh I don't know, hiding Chrysalis and answering that stuff himself,
Damnit man, I can see the pure writing talent oozing through the pores of this mediocre presentation! I just know your better than this, I can tell by the honest mistakes that are only wrought about from petty things, such as just trying to get content out the door, instead of taking what time required to perfect such a tale, that would truly be worthy of the masses, should it reach it's peak!
If Changlings came to earth I'd make it my goal to marry one. That way I could sleep with whoever the hell I please each night haha < evil/perverted laugh.
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THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE. If I could push this comment to the TOP of my comment list, I soooo would! These are the kinds of comments I NEED for this story.
I'll answer your questions as best as I can.
Which I believe is best done with this: This is a speed-write. I'm writing whatever comes into my head, as it comes into my head. I want to get the ideas out there first, see how the community likes this spin on things. And from your comment alone, I can tell it will be received in a positive manner. I'll get to work on re-writing the first chapter immediately! There WERE some things I was wanting to include but didn't. XD
You. Send me a private message. We need to talk. MUCH MORE.
And to everyone? I WILL be Livestreaming this every time I write it. This weekend I plan to do an insane six hour writing streak. So drop by if you can! The channel name is Writings Of Kami (Figure that one out. :P)
I'm... Sort of conflicted.
The story premise is nice and the grammar isn't too bad, but the whole thing seems rushed. Elaborate more! The human takes it all too well in stride (if a changeling was lying at my front door my eyes would probably burst out of their eyeholes), and Chrysalis seems... Too relaxed with everything. She should probably freak out at the sight of tall, hairless primates twice as tall as her.
Space dialogue more too. Skipping a line when starting paragraphs maks it easier to read.
Also:
Um... No. Please not one of those fics. The misanthropy in the MLP fanbase is ridiculous at times.
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Yes, the whole thing WAS rushed so I could get something posted, see how people liked it, and then go back and completely rewrite it. I'm not a forum kind of guy. I'll crank out content to start, then I'll go back and re-write it later.
Waiting to get a LITTLE more interest, then I'll start Livestreaming the rewrite of Chapter 1. Probably going to be this weekend.
I like your story.And while I do believe the lack of details made it seem rushed,I think It's a great plot line and is worthy of being read.:) good luck.
When is chapter 3 comin out
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I am in the process of re-writing Chapters 1 and 2 to be less "Creeper" and make things flow a bit better. If you'd like, you can Note/Message me for information on when and where I will be Livestreaming if you wish to add pointers in for where I'm at in the story.
Not bad
ok
UPDATE:
I've hit a bit of a stall in my writing. The kind where I lost my muse. I'm looking for it, so have no fear! I'm well into writing Chapter 1, and I'm actually COMBINING chapters one and two together.
I like this story so far.
UPDATE:
I will be livestreaming my story on a schedule. If you would like to watch me write it and offer comments in the process, message me and I will give you the link and times that I'll be livestreaming.
how is the story coming along?
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Life has taken a hectic turn for me and I've stalled writing for it. Hopefully life calms down soon.
Good news, everypony! I've FOUND MY MUSE! Well, at least for a good chunk of Chapter 1. In the re-write, I'm up to where James is deciding whether to help her, or leave her to the fate of the government.
Hopefully I can finish this soon!
ah good :) I have been keeping tabs on this story, hoping it will continue.
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Well! I'm done with chapter one, I just need to post it. I can try to get it done tonight!
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ABANDON FIC!
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Unliked, marked as unread, and removed from browsing history.
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Based on the popular vote, I may do a *second* rewrite of that opening part...Thank you for your comment.
Looking good so far :) It might be a good idea to move this rewrite to a new story thread, so you can get fresh feedback/likes/dislikes. Maybe leave behind a redirect so people know it moved.
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Per the rules, rewrites are to be put under the original story, if I read it correctly.
Good to know this story isn't dead.
I thought these were dead...
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Nope. Not dead. I'm just slow to update my stories. Mainly because I get in a writing mood, and then after I fall asleep mid-write my PC decides, "Hey, update time!" and reboots my computer...without saving the work I did. x.x
Continue plz
Interesting...Methinks I'll follow this.
This is Cynchronium from FA, by the way.