DanDen
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Oh, impressive. If it weren't for the author's note, I'd think you actually had the cognitive dissonance that casual mind control with amended long term consequences was a good thing — you did a great job capturing that sense of sociopathic delusion that it often feels like authors can only do by accident.
But yeah, this was hot. I enjoyed the loose storytelling style very descriptive of the moods and events more than getting bogged down by extremely specific imagery, I think that works really well for smut. Twilight pushing her boundaries and Fluttershy being adorable both just reallt worked for me, even if I kept hoping Twilight would legitimately break her own fake sense of self-discipline and go ham.
Three words that are among the darkest in all nine seasons: "Works every time! "
11479806
Thanks! I like some imagery but as you said, it bogs down. Going on intrincate detail about sizes and the like makes me groan and if it's more than a few words I start skipping unconsciously. It's better as precision strikes than spraying and praying, really.
Ha, talk about weird unexpected praise.
But yeah, I find the tension between her characterizations very interesting. As I wrote in something related to this,
These are all Twilight. Which one is Twilight? That question is at the core of any story written by more than a person, moreso one written over years. Fannon only adds layers to itFunny, isn't it? Keeping that hanging above one's head makes it much more exciting.
Dat cover pic kek.
>Modified Want It Need It
Nice. Having seen a modified Fiducia Compelus before, I'm glad I've seen this now too.
>Actually well conceptualized perception play
Awesome. Don't see this much outside FIMC so I really love this.
>The Stare
Shockingly underrated, and used pretty well too!
Really enjoyed this fic, pressed a lot of buttons for me. It reminded me a lot of like a reverse Fluttershy's Brew, if you've seen that one, just from how blasé Twilight's messed up intentions were made to sound plus the mind control aspect ofc. Might need some additional minor proofreading (and I'd be happy to help out if necessary) but overall pretty good and grats on the first fic!
11483832
Thanks! Much appreciated, I’ll hit you up if I write anything else like it.
Want It Need It + SEP field? Neat. That weird tension between Twi somewhat caring about her friend and the whole mindrape thing gives the story an unreal air that's quite fun.