Chapter Fifteen: Skittle Seduction
*Thwack*
Another tree bucked and cleared of its spoils courtesy of a very tired and conflicted orange earth pony. She had bags under her eyes for lack of sleep though it really wasn’t her nightmares that kept waking her up at night, it was her dreams.
She trotted around the tree to where one of her bushels lay and lowered her head to pick it up. Unfortunately for the pony, her exhausted body read this as a small moment of respite and was quick to take advantage for some much needed shut eye. As soon as her mouth closed around the handle, her eyelids drooped and she began to doze off.
“Applejack, you naughty mare.”
Her bloodshot eyes shot open as she scanned everywhere within her immediate view of the orchard for the disembodied voice. Again, even the fifteenth time of hearing it and scanning around, she found herself completely and totally alone. Gritting her teeth, she mentally scolded herself as she picked up the bushel and balanced it on her back.
“Oh Applejack, you aren’t helping yourself here; it’s the spineless ones that I go for. If you really want me then you need to stop working out that back of yours.”
Applejack merely narrowed her eyes and continued to trudge along the path. She recognized the voice and what would happen if she listened to it; the last thing she wanted to do was drop her bushel in favor of having a dirty-
"Consarnit!"
Her mind flooded with suggestive mental images; her only protection being her slight power over the appearance of the characters within them. Needless to say, she found her head filled with several images of her in intimate positions with a giant dirty-mouthed apple.
She involuntarily shuddered, unbeknownst to her causing the bushel to tip slightly on her back. The further jostling from her tired, hoof-dragging walk was more than enough to completely dislodge the container. By the time she noticed this development happening behind her, it was too late. She turned her neck suddenly in a desperate attempt to catch the bushel as it fell, but this only ended in her joining the apples as she knocked her forehooves into each other, effectively tripping herself.
She hit the ground hard, losing her hat in the process, too tired to make any attempt to catch it or herself. She just lay there with half lidded eyes as the apples, now likely bruised, rolled around her. One particularly shiny apple rolled in front of her muzzle, catching a slight bit of sunlight on its waxy coating to give Applejack's reflection an almost angelic glow. She stared at the image of herself as a small smile found its way onto her muzzle.
"Now that is a mighty good lookin' apple."
"But not as good looking as the mare it's reflecting."
Applejack's eyes widened as her image morphed and distorted on the apple's skin until it resembled the face of somepony- or rather someone she hoped not to see that day. She subconsciously ran a hoof down her mane to straighten it for no one in particular as she glared at the smiling image of the human in the apple.
"Don't talk fancy to me, I hate you and everything you've done to me and my friendship with Fluttershy."
She growled at the apple.
"Do you hate me? Swear it on the deed to your precious orchard and I promise that I'll leave you alone."
A bead of sweat ran horizontally down the pony’s forehead and dripped onto the dirt path.
"D-Don't think that I won't!"
"I don't think that you won't," Applejack relaxed a bit. "I know that you won't."
Applejack stood up clumsily and stared down the apple in front of her and the image upon it. She dangled a hoof above it as the face continued to smile at her. Suddenly her hoof dropped and the apple flattened with a sickening squelch, spraying her foreleg with the sticky juices.
She let out an exhausted sigh and turned her head to the right to take a look down the path. Framed by the freshly emptied trees around the worn walkway was a trail of crushed apples and wet hoofprints leading to her current position.
Her gaze was brought down to her dirty and sticky forehooves as she let out another sigh.
It had been like this ever since yesterday when Stan tricked her into streaking through Ponyville. She didn't know how or why, but the image of the infuriating human wouldn't leave her head.
She was always a leader; a voice of reason within her friendship circle, but Stan just stripped it all away with his presence. Ponies always thought of her as the tomcolt of the apple family, especially with that brother of hers. Stan and his constant degradation made her feel less like a stallion and more like a dependent mare.
And she craved that about him.
She shook her head to clear the thought away and picked up her hat. She knew what she needed to do; the only way to rid her head of an idea was to buck it forwards backwards and sideways, just like her Granny Smith used to tell her.
Although Granny Smith meant something else entirely with that advice, Applejack saw it the way she wanted to see it: As an opportunity.
With renewed vigor, Applejack began to pick up the bruised apples around her. One of these days she had to make a plan to get Stan alone and away from that pegasus friend of hers.
“Stan! Could you come into the kitchen please? I mean, If you don’t mind that is.”
I rolled my eyes and stood up from the couch, handing my wooden remote to the bunny sitting next to me. I don’t know why he started partaking in this stupid pleasure of mine, but I wasn’t going to complain; the company was nice and he seemed to be enjoying himself.
I’ll admit that I freaked out a little bit when he laughed at the same imaginary bits that I did, but again; Pony-Land and all that gamma ray/magic garbage.
I walked into the kitchen and saw the butter-yellow pegasus going about her business tidying the kitchen. She was zippy and precise as she flew about the room moving dishes in the cupboard and whatnot, but despite just calling me, she was completely oblivious to my presence.
Leaning against the door frame, I watched her go with a smile. Honestly, I was starting to grow fond of the girl and her mannerisms.
You know what? I totally phrased that wrong; I was beginning to like her.
...
Okay, wrong again. You know, I was starting to enjoy her presence as a per- pony.
Okay, screw you, you knew what I meant the first time around. I didn't like like her, but I did in fact like her.
Screw you and explanations.
I cleared my throat to get her attention, making her wings suddenly freeze as she fell to floor with a *meep!*. She sat on the floor with her head lowered and an eyeball peeking out at me from behind her mane.
"You needed me for something?"
I broke the awkward silence.
"Oh!" She lifted her head up. "Umm... I was just wondering if you'd mind going out to pick a few things up for me."
"So you need me to go grocery shopping?"
"I'm so sorry! I never should've asked, forget I said anythi-"
"Sure, I'd love to get some fresh air. Watching too much TV is bad for you anyhow."
"Umm what's TV-"
"So what do you need me to get?"
She blushed and flew up and over to the counter. I followed and peeked over her to see her writing a list with a pen in her mouth. I don't know how that's possible, but it was gross and sure as hell limited what I could use to write; there was no way in hell I was using any of their slobber-soaked writing utensils.
'Okay, carrots, lettuce, rose petals- wait why?' I shook my head to lose the thought. 'flour, chicken feed- oh great, those will be fun to lift back here. Gauze, aloe leaves...'
"Is that it?"
She jumped in surprise at my voice and turned around suddenly, sending the saliva-coated pen straight at my forehead. Unfortunately I wasn't part cat, therefore my reaction rivaled that of a two toed sloth. I furrowed my brow as the pen made impact and felt the saliva streaking down my face.
"Oh I'm so sorry!"
She looked left and right for a towel or napkin of some sort, but for some strange freaking reason there was none in sight. She obviously needed to learn something about keeping stock.
You may recall me calling this mare intuitive, taken from context: 'quite intuitive when she allows herself to be.' She's intuitive alright, but also awkward as hell. Clearly with the idea of 'an eye for an eye' in her head, she flew up to eye-level with me and cleaned the spit off my face by nuzzling her face against my forehead.
That's all fine and dandy; awkward and weird but effective. There was only the problem of her not stopping.
"Mmmm..."
"Uh, Fluttershy?"
I took a step back but she kept her head pressed against mine.
"*ahem* FLUTTERSHY!"
"Hmm? Oh!" She suddenly pulled away. "I’m sorry!"
'Someone's awfully affectionate.'
"Yeah yeah, it's fine whatever." Better not to dwell on it, I can only blame myself for encouraging her with that date anyhow. "So the list?"
She gave me a sheepish smile before flying over to the counter where the list lay to pick it up. She flew it back over and deposited it in my hand.
"So uhh... Where exactly do I find all this crap?"
"Oh! Umm... Let me write that down."
She lowered her head to pick up the now dirty pe-
"DON’T!" I called out, stopping her an inch from the pen. "Pick. That. Up."
I gently pushed her away and bent over to pick up the pen. Sure, pinching it with two fingers ended up looking a bit more dainty than I would have liked, but there was no way that I was going to let her use her mouth to pick the dirty thing up. What if one of these days she decides to kiss-
...
Nothing, I didn't say a freaking thing.
“I’ll just ask around the market, don’t worry about it.”
“O-Okay Stan...Umm, if you see Roseluck I think she'd be willing would help you out.”
“And she looks like...”
‘Something to do with roses probably.’
“Well, her cutie mark is a ro-”
“A rose, got it.” I looked disgustedly at the pen I was holding. “How about I pick you a new pen too.”
“No no no. You don’t have to do tha-”
“Please." I walked over to her garbage can and dropped the pen inside. "I insist.”
I looked at her expectantly, but she just blushed and broke eye-contact.
"Uh, Fluttershy? Bits?"
She jumped a bit and turned to open the drawer behind her. She grabbed a small bag in her mouth and walked it over to me. I reached out and grabbed it from her.
"This should be more than enough. I'm not very good at haggling so I always bring extra..."
"Alrighty then. I guess that I'll be back soon."
I made my way out of the kitchen and towards the front door, but was stopped by a sudden gasp and someone calling out "Wait!".
I turned around to see Fluttershy in the kitchen doorway.
"Please be careful, I don't want you to get hurt."
I absentmindedly put a hand up to my still slightly blackened eye.
'Ouch, no confidence in me whatsoever.'
"I think I can handle myself."
If I hadn't have left so abruptly, I might have seen Fluttershy giving me a worried look.
Life is a b****. I really can’t think of better way to put this. Sure, the whole ‘flushed down a toilet to live in Pony-Land’ thing was impossible for anyone other than me, but honestly, everything else that has, and will likely continue to happen to me... It was like pouring salt in my wounds, and for the record, my wounds were freaking big ones.
The only reason I'm bothering to say that is because of what happened when I made my way into Ponyville.
It just so happened that history decided to repeat itself and drop another heaping scoop of salt in my gaping wound of pride.
I'm sure that I've mentioned my pride before; the lack of it was really starting to get on my nerves.
Not one step into the market, all eyes were on me. Now, this was something I had grown used to in the time I've spent in the quaint little town. I was a bit odd to them after all, plus most of the stares weren't hostile.
Keyword here: Most.
Anyways, it wasn't the stares that bothered me at first. My first and foremost concern at the time was directed towards the trail in front of me, more specifically how rocky and jagged this trail was. You see, after taking a single step into the town, I found myself to be suddenly bowled over by an unknown figure from behind.
Apparently I've grown to be a bit of a cynical bastard while living in this place considering that the only thing I did while falling forwards to my inevitable fate of face planting on the ground was roll my eyes. You'd be surprised at how few things surprised me nowadays, me walking on a path was just tempting fate to screw me over.
"*OOF*"
'Ground-to-face contact in 3...2...1' I impacted, albeit softer that I would've thought. 'Aaaaand I love living...'
I grumbled into the dirt as I felt the stares and heard the snickering of the ponies around me. Suddenly something wrapped around my chest and waist and tried to pull me up, naturally it didn't work.
"Ugh... Stan, you need to lose some weight. I tried to catch ya."
'Is that...'
"Spitty?"
I asked.
I put my hands on the ground to help prop me up as the force behind me increased. After a fair amount of effort, I made my way back into standing position. I looked down at myself and saw two pairs of blue legs detach themselves from my torso. Oh, and my shirt and pants were largely undamaged, but that's not really important. I needed Rarity to make me another pair anyhow, I couldn't wear this same set of dirty clothes every day.
There was a disgusted snort behind me as the pegasus flew around to my front and turned while floating to me.
"Do you have to call me Spitty?"
She was, for some strange reason, wearing a blue jumpsuit of sorts that really accentuated-
'Woah! Uh... She looks different.'
I was broken from my reverie by a hoof waving in front of my face.
"Equestria to Stan! I asked you a question you know."
She smirked slyly at me.
"Buh-Deh-uh..." I shook my head. "Sorry, that flank- FALL, I SAID FALL!" She raised an eyebrow at me. "Brain's a bit jumbled up right now, sorry."
I chuckled awkwardly.
She gave me a scrutinizing gaze before smiling and hitting me playfully on the arm.
"S'all right. So how you been?"
"Uhh...Good? Yes good!"
I chuckled awkwardly again and tore my eyes from the pegasus now giving me a quizzical look.
I peeked a look over her shoulder and noticed that the ponies had shifted their gazes away from me entirely; Spitfire was now the center of attention.
"Spitty?" I gestured towards the crowd gathering at a slight distance behind her. "You're getting an audience."
"Surprise surprise..."
She grumbled.
Her face suddenly lit up in realization.
"Oh! Right!"
She reached a hoof into her mane and pulled out two silver tickets.
'That's a weird way to carry things.'
"I know that I told you I'd be back here to hang out, buuuut... Life's gotten a little busy on me lately."
She smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of her head with her hoof.
"No worries, but" I gestured towards the slips she was holding. "What are those?"
She grinned at me.
"These babies" She waved the tickets in front of my face. "are platform tickets to the next Wonderbolts show in Canterlot."
"Your silly circus group?"
I smirked slyly.
"Ha ha, very funny. Anyways, I wanted to give you a couple so you can see what our 'silly circus group' is all about."
"Why a couple?"
"Well, in case you have a marefriend of course."
I raised an eyebrow at her and gestured towards my body.
"What? You have clothes now?"
I looked disbelievingly at her.
"Kidding!" She raised her hooves up in mock-surrender. "You can never be too careful."
She smirked again and prodded me with her hoof.
"Maybe now's the time to ask somepony out killer."
I crossed my arms and gave her an unamused look.
"Yeah, not doing that."
She rolled her eyes with the smirk still plastered to her muzzle.
"Whatever, just bring a friend then. It's in about a month so you've got some time."
The crowd of ponies had encircled us and were slowly inching closer.
Spitfire floated towards me and put her muzzle to my ear.
"I'm gonna get outta here." She whispered. "I'd rather not spend the day writing autographs."
I shivered involuntarily at the warm breath on my ear and, admittedly, blushed slightly.
She hoofed me the tickets and shot into the air above me.
"See ya Stan!"
She began to fly away before my brain started functioning again.
"Buh-deh *ahem* See ya Spits!"
I yelled.
She froze suddenly in the air about two hundred feet away from me and turned around. I could almost feel her glare glare from where I stood. She turned back around and shot away.
I scratched the back of my head as I watched her go.
'That was odd.'
I brought my gaze back in front of me and saw the crowd looking at me expectantly.
"What are you all looking at?"
Their gazes shifted to the tickets I was holding.
“Wishful thinking.” I stuffed the tickets into my pocket, but they still stuck out slightly. “I don’t even know half of your names.”
“Oh! I’m Carrot Top!”
“Colgate.”
“Berry Punch!”
The voices around me became deafening as the ponies all tried to introduce themselves at the same times.
I ran a frustrated hand through my hair before finally reaching my breaking point.
“Shut the HELL UP!” They all silenced and stared at me. “Look, no offense to you guys, but I’m not taking any of you.”
I closed my eyes and cleared my throat.
“But-”
I opened my eyes back up and they were all gone.
My shoulders slumped slightly.
“Maybe if I got to know you all better...”
“Rainbow Dash! She was right over here!”
A young voice off to the right caught my attention.
“Where? I don’t see her.”
An orange pegasus filly soon came streaking into the market with Little Miss Rainbow right on her tail.
‘Oh. Well this is just going to be fantabulous.’
It’s not that I didn’t like the mare or anything, she was just a bit...
Okay, I wasn’t a big fan of her, but can you blame me? Beyond her attempting to attack me, sending my face into a bowl of salad and having some very boring conversations in town with me about her ‘latest tricks’ we haven’t really had many interactions.
Well, interesting, non-painful ones that is.
The two ignored me completely as they scanned around the town.
"She was with that weird two-legged thing earlier."
The orange filly stated.
"Who? Stan?"
'And that's my cue to leave.'
I turned around to make my way towards the market, but was almost instantly stopped by Rainbow as she flew in front of me. She was grinning like a madmare, the sickening excitement almost bubbling out of her.
"Did you see Spitfire anywhere around here!?!"
"No."
I deadpanned.
Her expression fell as she landed on the ground before me and lowered her head. She started to raise it back up to look at me but froze at my midsection. A look of wonder overtook her features as the smile returned full force.
She suddenly shot into the air in front of me and pressed her snout against my nose.
"You have tickets to see the Wonderbolts!?!"
'Her breath smells like skittles.... What the hell is that all about?'
She suddenly dropped back to the ground, grabbed the tickets and flew into the air out of my reach.
"What the- Rainbow Dash, get the hell back down here!"
She completely ignored me as she kept staring at the tickets.
“And they’re to the Wonderbolts’ platform!?!” She held the tickets against her chest and spun around in the air. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!”
“RAINBOW DASH!”
I yelled.
She looked over her shoulder at me before spinning around to face me.
“What?”
She asked.
“You realize that those tickets are mine right?”
She looked conflicted for a moment before something that looked scarily like realization crossed her face.
"And you're taking Fluttershy right?"
She sounded heartbreakingly sad as she landed back on the ground and hoofed the tickets back to me.
I snatched them from her hoof and looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
"Not necessarily, I-"
She shot into the air in front of me and again shoved her snout against my nose.
“Really!?!”
I put a hand against her head and pushed her away.
“-Don’t know if I’m going.”
I continued.
“What? How could you not go to a wonderbolts show if you have tickets!”
A younger voice to the side grabbed my attention.
"And just who are you?"
I asked the orange filly.
"Well I'm Scoot-"
She started.
Rainbow Dash, who had been floating there slack jawed there for a moment, finally spoke up.
"What!?! You have tickets to see the Wonderbolts and you're not even using them!?!"
"Well yeah, it's in Canterlo-"
"I don't give a flying hoof where it is. You're. Going."
She landed and prodded me with her hoof for emphasis on the last two words.
"Look Rainbow, I'd love to-" Her eyes brightened in victory. "-but I don't think that a big city like that would be as... Welcoming as Ponyville has been for me. Until that princess of yours invites me with the ‘all-clear’, don't expect me to just drop everything to head to a city completely oblivious to me."
"Then what are you going to do with the tickets?"
She was obviously eying them, but-
"I'll sell them, I'd never give these puppies away from free, they've gotta be worth a pretty penny right?"
She went slack jawed again as she looked at me, suddenly her face took on a red hue as she looked angrily at me.
"Stan! The Wonderbolts are the greatest performers in Equestria and you've got tickets to their platform! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, if you don't go I'll-I'll... I'll kill you!"
She stomped a hoof against the ground and glared at me.
I raised an eyebrow at her.
"You don't have any money do you."
She visibly deflated.
"No..."
"Ooh ooh! I do, I do!" The orange filly that had been standing there observing the show started jumping up and down. "I have a whole seven bits! You can have those Rainbow!"
"Uh squirt? That's not enough to even pay the train ticket there- not that I need one with wings and all."
She hastily spat out the last part and chuckled awkwardly.
'What is this mare playing at?'
"You want me to take you with me don't you?"
"Pfff-pshh wha?"
She tried playing it off cool, but it wasn't her smoothest performance; I’d know.
"Fine I'll go."
"Like I'd want you to- What!?!"
A grin spread across her muzzle.
"Don't know how I will, but that's future Stan’s problem." I parted the two girls. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some shopping to do."
I started to walk off, but soon found Rainbow Dash floating in front of me.
“Stan! That’s so awesome!” She latched herself to me in a hug. “I can’t wait to go!”
I tapped the mare on the shoulder.
“Uhh Rainbow?”
“Hmm?”
She hummed into my chest.
“I never said that I was taking you.”
“That’s alright Stan-” She started uncharacteristically quiet as she nuzzled her muzzle- hey, that rhymed!- against my chest. “we can-” She paused for a moment. “WHAT!?!”
She detached herself from me and gave me a harsh glare. I returned a bored look in her direction.
“What was all that nonsense about ‘fine I’ll go Rainbow, you make it sound great!’.”
She imitated.
‘I do not even sound like that.’
“Well, you told me it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”
I responded.
“Well duh! It pretty much is!”
“You convinced me to go, simple as that.” I walked past her. “Now if you’ll excuse me.”
I, again, found her right up in my face.
“No! You’re taking me and that’s final!”
She said all too loudly.
I stuck a pinkie finger in my ear and looked unamusedly at her.
“Look sweetheart, you aren’t exactly helping your case right now. I really do need to get some shopping done.”
“Guys wait for me!”
The orange filly, whom I still didn’t know the name of came galloping up to where I was walking with Rainbow floating backwards in front of me.
Rainbow looked over my shoulder at the filly with a conflicted look.
“Uhh, Scootaloo? Don’t you have a CMC meeting today?”
“No Rainbow Dash, you knew tha-”
Rainbow’s look turned desperate.
“I mean umm...Yeah, I better get over to the clubhouse right away!”
The filly turned around and ran off, I looked back to watch her go.
“Now what did you do that for-”
“Stan.” She said huskily. Well, more huskily than normal at least. "About those tickets..."
"Can it wait until after I'm done shopping? Flutters is waiting on me you know."
"Oh it can wait, in fact, why don't I help you out?" She landed and started to trot in front of me in the direction of the market. "Just remember" Her hips started swaying exaggeratedly as she walked. "Hooves off the merchandise."
'I can see where this is going.'
“How about you don’t help me and instead hang out with Squirtaloo.”
She stopped and looked back at me.
“It’s Scootaloo, and you heard her, she has a meeting. It's too bad that we don't have a meeting.”
I rolled my eyes.
“We both know that’s bull.... And what?" She winked at me. "*Sigh* Look, why don’t you just let me go on my merry way and we can talk about this later, okay?”
'Like it'll help her case.'
I walked past her as she stood there looking deep in thought. She suddenly appeared in front of me again, nearly tripping me in the process.
“I actually have some shopping to do too! We can do it together!”
She said excitedly.
“You just told me that you don’t have any cash.”
“Psh, I can get that lickety split.”
She took off and shot in a seemingly random direction. I watched her go and started walking towards the market. I was thinking that maybe just maybe I could get my shopping done before she got back.
“Four bits!”
“For the last time: the price is seven bits firm! I’m not even haggling!”
I watched the two ponies hissy fitting and the like with a smirk on my face. All this because Rainbow Dash insisted that she could get me a better price on the chicken feed. I didn’t believe her for a second; that Mr. Buy Gok was a stubborn one, but it was worth letting her try just to watch the show.
Buy Gok was an interesting pony; while other ponies had characteristics becoming of their name, I just could not make the connection with him. With his white coat, wings and red mane and goatee combo, he looked like a chicken.
Someone please explain to me what the hell ‘Buy Gok’ has to do with chickens.
I'm getting off topic.
Anywho, as I'm sure you figured out by now, I didn't get my shopping done before Rainbow got back; heck, I didn't even get to the market before she was back. She may be a bit of a boaster, but I'll be damned if it ain't for a reason.
I still didn't believe the whole 'shopping' shindig, but at the very least I could use her help with bringing the groceries back to the cottage. She was wearing these weird... Bags that were connected by a strap slung over her back. I'm tempted to call them saddlebags, but I have this feeling that saddles don't exactly exist here with the whole sentience thing. Regardless of their name, I wasn't complaining, she was carrying everything I'd bought so far anyhow.
And yes, chivalry is dead.
"Stan!" Buy Gok brought me out of my reverie. "Could you please tell your marefriend here that my prices are firm?"
Rainbow seemed taken aback at the whole marefriend thing, but was quick to change her blush into an angry glow. Strangely enough, that anger was gone about as quickly as the blush as she turned to me with a smirk.
"That's one of the few things I don't like firm."
'Oh God, here we go again.'
Apparently the girl's way of 'flirting' and 'seduction' involve a helluva lot of innuendos. I can't really guarantee that she was trying to seduce me, but with the way she was parading around the market with me behind her.... Well, let’s just say that I've gotten quite a view; far more than normal.
I rolled my eyes at the pegasus and stepped forward to the stand. I pulled out the bag and started counting out bits.
"So what was it again, six bits?"
"Seven."
He deadpanned.
"Can't blame guy for trying..."
I muttered.
"What was that?"
I set the seven gold bits on the counter.
"Nothing nothing..."
He lowered his head under the stand and brought a medium sized burlap sack up on the counter.
"Now you and your marefriend have a good day."
He said brightly.
'Funny how money can flip a man's mood so easily.'
"She's not my marefriend, but whatever." I grabbed the bag, slung it under my arm and turned my head towards the cyan pegasus beside me. "Come on Rainbow, I believe you have some groceries to pick up as well?"
She looked nervous for a moment but managed to force a smile.
"Uh yeah. Umm... What do you have left to get? Maybe it'll jog my memory."
I sighed and pulled the list from my pocket.
"Okay, we've picked up carrots, lettuce, gauze, aloe-"
"Hey Stan, you see those cabbage heads over there all stacked on top of each other ?" I brought my gaze up and indeed saw the cabbage mountain. "We should try that some time."
My eyes were in danger of separating from the optic nerve from over rolling at this point.
"Look. Rainbow, that was just terrible."
She had found her way in front of me again and was swishing her tail around playfully, not taking a look back at me.
"Alright, so all we have left to pick up are some roses and flour." I looked expectantly at the pegasus, who was still trotting along ignoring me. "Anything coming back yet? You haven't bought anything you know."
She stumbled a bit in front of me.
“Uhh...Flour! Yeah flour, that’s what I need.”
It’s funny how people and ponies will go through with a lie with the utmost confidence despite it’s transparency to those around them.
“Okay, we can get that last then. So...Where are the roses?”
An *ahem* to my left brought my attention to a light-beige mare with a two-toned mane consisting of pink and burgundy. She was behind a stand covered with- you know what? Take a wild guess.
I walked over to her with a sheepish smile.
“Hey there sir! What can I get for you today?”
“Well...Some french fries sound pretty good right now” She looked at me disbelievingly. “But considering that this is a rose stand, I don’t think I’ll find that here. I’ll take...A dozen roses?”
“Getting something nice for a pretty marefriend? Perhaps for Miss Fluttershy?”
“How do you know- she's not my-” I let out a sigh. “Look, I’m just picking up groceries, that’s all.”
The mare started grabbing and bundling the roses together. Normally I would have been intrigued on how an un-unicorn, un-pegasus pony would do so, but I was double checking the list Flutters gave me.
“Oh! Wait!” I called out. She stopped bundling the roses. “It’s rose petals that I need, not roses. Sorry about that.”
The bundle dropped to the ground as she stood there with a blush accompanying her shocked expression.
“Err- are you sure?”
She asked.
Rainbow Dash was parading through the market without a care in the world. She was wondering why Stan had become so quiet all of the sudden, but she chalked it up to him being too focused on the lovely azure flanks in his face.
The thought brought a smirk to her face, she knew that he had a thing for ponies no matter how he protested. He and Fluttershy wouldn’t have...Done the deed otherwise.
‘That Wonderbolt ticket will be mine in no time.’
She caught sight of a gourd and cucumber filled cart in the corner of her eye and her smirk grew all the wider.
“Have you noticed how sooo many vegetables are long and hard?” There was no response behind her, but she continued without a hitch. “Too bad the only thing I want long and hard isn't sold here."
There was still no response behind her.
"Maybe you can help me out with that."
The lack of response this time around really confused her, what stallion in this universe wouldn't respond to a smoking hot mare basically asking for it.
Rainbow Dash totally isn't narcissistic.
She stopped suddenly and looked behind her with confusion on her face.
"Stan?"
The man she had been leading through the market was nowhere in sight; in fact, the only thing in sight was a line of vendors all trying and failing to suppress a bout of chuckles while looking at her.
She blushed furiously in embarrassment.
'That soggy piece of hay! He ditched me!'
"D-did you really mean that?"
A lanky, white earth pony stallion with glasses and a bad case of acne had appeared next to her and was looking at her hopefully.
"Eugh- No! I wasn't talking to you!"
"Well, then who were you talking to?"
He smiled and gestured a hoof around the market; other than the vendors, there was nopony else in the immediate area.
"Well I- I mean me and my-" The stallion was still smiling victoriously. "Just get out of here before I buck you into next week perv!"
She shot her wings out menacingly and glared at the stallion. His confidence vanished and he cowered under her gaze, prompting her to roll her eyes.
"Whatever, I'm outta here."
The pegasus suddenly shot up into the air and flew away, leaving the small stallion cowering there.
'So close...'
He thought.
Oh Fluttershy... At this point, I really don't know what to make of the girl. After that date, I thought I finally had her down. Next thing I know, she pulls a stunt like this.
You see, roses are one thing. A gift for your beloved to show affection or maybe just to serve as a decoration around the house.
Rose petals are something else entirely.
According to the mare in front of me, they serve as an aphrodisiac of sorts. Now the roses themselves obviously have these petals as well, but given their beauty and utility as a decoration, they're less of a taboo to buy.
Buying rose petals is like buying condoms, it's freaking awkward in the checkout line.
“So...How many do you nee-”
“None.”
I deadpanned, my face not leaving the sanctity of my palm.
The mare looked both saddened and relieved. Frankly, I felt a little bad about it.
“Look, just give me the dozen roses I asked for earlier.”
“You’re not going to take the petals off are you-”
“The petals are not leaving the plant if I have anything to say about it.”
She pursed her lips as if disbelieving me, but picked the still bundled flowers from the ground up in her mouth nonetheless. She held her head out for me to grab them.
“That will be twelve bits.”
I set down the feed and reached into my pocket to pull out the money bag but-
“Stan!”
A sudden gust of wind caught me off guard and sent the bag of bits to the ground, spilling its contents just about everywhere.
“Why did you leave me walking through the market all on my own? I was talking to myself for like five minutes there! Not cool. At all.”
I was crouched on the ground picking up coins at this point. Needless to say, I wasn’t happy in the slightest.
“Look, it’s not my fault that you were too focused on shaking that stupid a** of yours to notice that I was gone.” A sudden realization hit me. “Crap Rainbow! The merchandise!”
I gave up on the coins for a moment and rushed over the pegasus to check the bags she was carrying.
“Why in the hell are you flying around like that when you’re carrying another person’s groceries!”
I was rifling through the bags, much to the pony’s displeasure.
“You went missing? How else was I supposed to find you!”
“Oh, I don’t know... Walking perhaps?”
Surprisingly, nothing was ruined or lost from the bags. I stood back up and took a step away from the mare.
“Walking!?! Stan, I’m a pegasus, why in the hay would I walk when I could fly!”
“Fluttershy does it just fine, I don’t understand why you can’t; you have four perfectly good hooves right there. Maybe I should take her to the Wonderbolts show.”
“Umm...guys?”
Roseluck tried to cut-in to little effect.
“Go ahead, see if I care!” Rainbow Dash turned away from me and held her snout up. “I wouldn’t want to go anywhere with you anyways!"
“Oh yeah?”
I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow at her with a smirk.
She flipped around to glare at me.
“Yeah!”
"So you're not going to flirt with me anymore?"
"Yeah, that's right!"
"Or kiss my arse."
Her face scrunched up in disgust; I could only assume that meant she suffered through the curse that is mental imagery.
"You can take whoever the the hay you want, I don't care anymore."
She huffed and turned away from me.
"Fine, you can go."
"Stan, I don't care anymore take whoeve-" She froze, ever so slowly turning back towards me. "What did you just say?"
"I said you could go."
I repeated.
"But- You- Me- Fight-"
She seemed confused and not altogether pleased for some reason.
"Rainbow look, I haven't had a good argument in ages. Every time I try and yell at someo- *ahem* pony, they either don't fight back or I get my a** handed to me. This is refreshing, for once it's not like I'm arguing with a teddy bear or the Hulk, if the Hulk was three feet tall and wore a cowboy hat that is."
Her smile began to appear and grow as I continued on. When I finished, she suddenly shot out at me, the bags slipping off her back and onto the ground from the sudden g-force. I soon found the pegasus wrapped around me in a bone crushing hug.
"Thankyou-Thankyou-Thankyou! This is going to be sick!" She suddenly detached herself from me. "I mean umm... What makes you think that I still want to go with you, you jerkish pile of-"
"Rainbow, there's a time and a place for a good argument. We're done."
I handed her the second ticket as her angry gaze dissipated and she smiled sheepishly.
"Heh, sorry..."
"Could you two please leave? You're scaring the other customers."
Roseluck was finally able to get our attention, but she didn't really need to be such a jerk about it.
"Yeah, uh... Sorry about that. Let's go Rainbow, we're not quite done ye-"
"Psh, I've got the ticket, I don't need to suck up to you anymore."
Rainbow disappeared in a flash, leaving the bags still laying on the ground.
I couldn't help but smirk slightly as I watched her go; that girl kind of reminded me of...
Me.
“Fluttershy, I’m back!”
I slung the door open and stepped into the cottage, double-bag slung over my shoulder, chicken feed under one arm and the roses behind my back. Fluttershy was looking scaredly at me from the top of the steps, all but her eyes obscured behind the wall.
“H-how did it go, d-did you get everything alright.”
She was stuttering, and I knew exactly why.
“Yup!” I responded brightly. “Even got the roses!”
I held the bouquet out in front of me.
She suddenly popped out from the top of the steps.
“Oh! Umm...” She looked downtrodden. “That’s nice...”
I rolled my eyes and walked into the cottage at the end of the steps to meet her.
“Yeah, it is. So do you have a vase or something I can put these things in?”
She flew down the steps and into the kitchen, not giving me a second glance. I followed after and set the groceries down on the table.
“Alrighty so where is the-”
“Didn’t I ask you to get rose petals?”
She interrupted as she flew up to the cupboard.
I feigned a look of confusion and pulled the list out of my pocket to look at it.
“Oh! So you did! Sorry about that, I can go back-”
“*sigh* No no, it’s fine...”
‘You are one sneaky piece of crap.’
She pulled a large glass vase from the cupboard and flew it over to the faucet.
“So...” I awkwardly said as she filled the container with water. “I forgot the pen." She didn't respond. "And I have a date with Rainbow Dash in a month, hope that’s not a big deal-”
There was the sound of glass shattering as the vase hit the floor, sending shards and water everywhere.
“Wh-what?”
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"Wanna f***?"
-Fluttershy
Screw you and expectations. They are long gone.
you missed the horizontal rule; the switch in viewpoint is jarring without some kind of indication
"MISSION TOO SUCCESSFUL, ABORT, ABORT, ABORT!!!". Tough decision when every other part in this story is golden.
2282836 D:
2282839 it's showing up fine in my Google docs and in the chapter itself on my end :/
Site glitch perhaps?
Shy doesn't get that they are not a couple yet, does it? Also, Stan might be a little piss of her act and demand a explanation
I honestly can't decide. There are too many great moments here to count.
I don't know why, but I haven't read the word 'vase' in writing for a very long time, and I spent way too long to figure out that it was 'vase'.
I spent a long time reading this from chapter one in a straight go, and in the beginning I was questioning it. Now I'm constantly laughing my a** off. (Lul censorz)
This chapter is one of my favorites, but I enjoyed the chapter where stan comes back as a pegasus after his entire sexy stallion episode and no one knows who he is. That was funny.
Poor Scoots this chapter though.
"Dont you have a crusader meeting today?" aka, beat it twerp.
Keep up the good work, I look forward to more awkward moments that stan gets stuck in.
AH SHIIIIEEEEEET RUN BROCIVE RUUUUUN!
2283978
lego2112 for prez
Well ehhh-uhhh. Broke the 300 likes barrier...And I'm still stuck in the accursed featured menu.
I'm surprised, flattered but most of all tired. It's freaking 7am.
Thanks y'all!
2283951>>2283361
You lose so much material.
Yeah, the beginning straight up sucks.
I'll fess up to that. It was and is my first creative piece of writing...ever and I've made more than a few missteps; primarily in the beginning. I want to go back and revise it but...revision is friggin' hard
2283314 Do you read it vace or vozz
So, does he evolve into a boss that everyone worships?
2284252 Working on replacing them with alternatives as we speak. I still wish someone would've told me about how distracting they were prior to getting this deep into the story D:
Not all of them will be gone, but hopefully most so I can get the flow back on track. I'll post the edited versions.... Tomorrow? Depends on how busy I am today. I won't make promises.
2282986
That's odd cause it definitely not showing up on mine
2284504 :/
Maybe I should start double lining as a 'just in case'...
2283682 I think I do know what you mean.
2284699 Ah right.
I owe that guy thirty bits.
2285588 Really? Geeze, I didn't think anyone other than me would find that funny :P glad to hear it.
..... Really, this is the cover??? U. Suck.
...I caught up... What the hell do I do now?
"She was behind a stand covered with- you know what? Take a wild guess."
Grenades?
Also, You aren't the only one disappointing with this chapter. It seems almost forced to me. But I shall keep reading, because so far, you haven't steered me wrong.
So far...
2286393
Write a spinnoff while waiting for the next chapter?
Buy Gok...
... oh, now I get it.
I just got hit by slow burn humor.
2286907 It was a terribly stupid joke and I'm stupid for making it :P
I'm just glad that at least one person got it.
2286570 Why do you think it took me so long
It was very very very very forced, I pretty much hate it. Too much time I spent staring at a screen thinking "What in the hell happens now?" and I've never had that happen before. :/ I even resorted to starting to write next chapter while this one was still unfinished... In other news: I already like how the next Chapter's turning out, so look forward to that.
I think. I hope. I'm fairly sure.
2286316 I believe you've called me something along the lines of 'a lazy duck' minus the d plus an f.
I decided to live up to that name; I wasn't going to put plot on the cover, I can only assume you expected that :P
2286393>>2286575 I'd read it
2287366
"Why do you think it took me so long
"
...Grenades...?
I am totally willing to come over there and whip you a few times to get you in the mood...
the moment we found out how much of a troll fluttershy could be
as in when stan woke up from the party
So far this has to be one of the all around greatest fan-fics I've read. Can't wait for the next chapter! (and I mean it. Already started making my TARDIS.)
By the way, are we going to get any form of interaction with Stan and twilight and/or spike in the near future? (next 2-3 chapters)
....rainbow you're about a subtle as a sonic rainboom...
2288845 Next chapter is intended to be the 'Twilight' chapter, so yes.
2291348 But Stan is also a bit of a jerk who saw an opportunity to spite Flutters for the awkward rose fiasco.
Although he was obviously starting to second guess himself there. :P
Is this going to be strictly a Fluttershy story? Or do you plan on making it a harem one? (harem ftw in my opinion :P) And good chapter btw.
Still waiting for him to turn into the bird but do you think you can turn him into the sexy horse again?
That was hilarious...
2293565 The intention isn't for it to be a solely Fluttershy fic, given I've pretty much been writing it that way. Tensions will rise and the others will hopefully become more relevant, but a harem is pushing it.
I'd rather not write that.
2303896 That's what I like to hear
2318696 Not like he could have if he wanted to
Edit: minor spoiler D: sowwy
Favorite part? All of it!
2293565
You men are all the same......
2287366
I made le awesome cover
I sort of like the story but I don't?
It's hard to explain.... ugh. Nasty thing, explaining. You have to... DO stuff! Infront of people!! Insufferable, I say!
anyway, I seriously have clashing feelings about this story. One one hand, it's well written, has a plot and a somewhat live-able protagonist, but on the other hand I just don't really like it... D:<
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE
*storms off*
2336038 I'm confused
Though well written is a new one, that's the thing I worry about the most
2336196 you worry about your grammar?
Dude, compared to some shit I've seen this is heaven
no seriously
tell you what, I'll even give you the name or a link to the story that has so bad grammar it almost becomes good. Somehow
this fic is terrible
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/57690/this-fic-is-terrible
copy paste this.... and see what bad grammar is like :/
2336696 And now my face looks like I just had a bowl of lemon heads from over-cringing... What just happened?
2336742 That, my dear author, is just one of the mysteries of the universe... much like how the f**** I manage to always break headsets, earbuds, headphones, etc.
Seriously, I'm on a roll!
2332687 lol
2339943
The funny thing is that I'm also a man. ( And yes I am most certainly the same)
update?
2342435 Working on it D:
I'd keep people posted, but everyone hates blogs.
Buy Gak?
why.