The Evolution of Stan

by Flutters Glasses

Chapter Four: Ponyville Part One

Being unprepared really sucks: I was unprepared to be flushed down my toilet, I was unprepared to be in a magical pony-land, I unprepared to BE a pony, and I was definitely unprepared for my fear-induced adrenaline rush to end so abruptly.

Remember what I said earlier about it giving you “strength” and “abilities” you never knew you had? Well, what I personally failed to think about was that at the end of an adrenaline rush it not only takes those things away, but basically gives you an equivalent of a twenty coffee cup caffeine crash.

---

I had escaped the ponies without much trouble after passing into the treeline. For some reason they stopped following me and began to yell useless garbage like: “Everfree!” and “Dangerous!”

There was nothing they could say at the time that would make me to stop and turn back. I had a mission, and that mission was to get as far from those lusty ponies as possible.

Now, I made it a good five more minutes of full-speed galloping before the crash hit me. Which was pretty darn impressive in retrospect, but when that crash hit...Man did it hit me hard.

What the adrenaline rush gave me:

1. Increased speed and endurance

2. The ability to gallop

3. A greater confidence

What the ending “crash” took away:

1. The speed and endurance

2. The ability to gallop and stay steady

3. My dignity

The crash hit me as soon as I began to gallop down a rather steep and rocky hill, normally I wouldn’t have noticed the rockiness of said hill, but life is a d*** like that.

Near the beginning of it, I lost my galloping ability and steadiness, thus ending my run and causing me to trip, fall and begin to roll downhill. Luckily, even though the hill was steep, it was still small, but don’t think that the size of it lessened its crappiness.

The rocks cut me up pretty good, and I swear that I managed to hit EVERY branch within the realm physical possibility, but at least the ending was a bit of a relief from the “trip.” At the base of the hill was a patch of beautiful electric blue flowers, which managed to cushion my landing at least a little bit. Despite the clear lack of “silver lining” in my whole situation, I suddenly had the urge to burst out laughing.

As you can imagine, laughing is quite awkward to do as a horse. It was a little like a hoarse (pun-intended) whinny.

While I continued to laugh for the next minute or so, things started to look a little fuzzy as the crash overtook me. It wasn’t long before I lost consciousness.

I had the strangest dream in which a bright blue pony with a flower in her mane and a familiar looking figure with the head of a goat were whispering to each other, giggling all the while.

---

Once again, I woke up with a splitting headache. Instinctively I put a hoof up against my head, as if to relieve the pain.

“...”

‘Since when can horses bend their legs to put hooves to their heads? Wait...Not again...’

I turned my head to take a look at my body. Somehow, despite my situation with being in a magical pony-land, I still managed to be surprised by what I saw. It wasn’t as surprising that again I was a gunmetal grey pony. What WAS a big surprise was my newly found wings; for some otherworldly reason I was now a pegasus.

I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be excited by these wings, or angry that I wasn’t human again.

My conflicting emotions finally decided to make me indifferent on the matter entirely.

Now, there was something strange I noticed about these wings, they were much larger than those of Fluttershy and the rainbow pony, whose name escapes me; they also seemed to be polka-dotted with spots only a slightly lighter shade of grey than my coat.

I decided that the size difference was likely due to me being a male, for I had yet to see a male pegasus; the polka-dots, however, I couldn’t really explain. Melanoma perhaps? Wouldn’t be surprising considering the “magic” in this place; odds are that it’s mostly gamma rays, and radiation can pull off some crazy s***.

I picked myself up and out of the blue flowers I was just sleeping in and began to trot up the hill I had only recently fell down. I’m not sure why it was so much easier to walk as a pony compared to walking as a horse but questioning pony-land never seemed to get me anywhere, so I shrugged it off.

---

It took me a good 30 minutes to get out of the forest and another good five minutes to get to the edge of Ponyville from the treeline. I blame being directionally challenged and way too freaking fast as a horse.

On my way there I had plenty of time to think about my situation and my future in this place. Was I going to be stuck here forever? What was I going to do to make money? Will I ever have bacon again?

I shuddered at the last thought.

‘I need to find something to do in order to stay sane in this place…Wait…Perfect…’

A grin grew on my face as a plan was formed in my head on how I could finally get some much needed entertainment: Troll the ponies.

It was all coming together. Firstly, I had to create an alias so they didn’t recognize me as “Stan.” I deduced that a pony’s name has something to do with their buttoo, like “Twilight” and her star and “AppleBottom” and the apples on her bottom. Looking at my silhouette of a man walking, I came up with two names: Shadow Walker and JayWalker.

I had a very important decision to make: Be bada** or be ironic.

…

Irony always wins, hands-down.

Soon I was walking into the town with a brand new name and a brand new face. As long as I avoided Fluttershy, as she had seen my pony form before, I could easily get away with this.

I casually strolled into the market and spotted my first victim: The pink pony hopping nonchalantly through the market.

‘Wasn’t she the crazy, hyperactive one?’

She caught me looking at her and hopped over to me.

“Hi there! are you new he-”

“HI-MY-NAME-IS-JAYWALKER-OR-JAY-FOR-SHORT. I’M-NEW-HERE-AND-LOVE-TO-PARTY-DO-I-GET-A-PARTY-HUH-HUH-HUH-HUH?!?”

The pony fell back onto her haunches about half-way through my obnoxious outburst and gave me a gaze of wonder. When I finished there was a barely visible blush painted on her pink-coated muzzle.

‘MISSION TOO SUCCESSFUL, ABORT ABORT ABORT!’

“SORRY-GOTTA-GO-BYE!”

I sprinted away from the pink pony, leaving her sitting there staring at where I was just standing.

Seeing a carousel shaped building in front of me with an open door, I quickly jumped inside to get out of sight of the pink pony.

“Welcome to the Carousel Boutique, do you wish to place an order?”

Target number two spotted: Rarity, the “fancy” one. I decided to try out my best English accent, just to mix things up.

“Good day. Madame Rarity I presume?” She gave me a small nod. “I am simply here to browse your inventory, I’ve heard much about your skills in the crafting of fine clothing.”

She closed her eyes with a small smile on her face.

“Well. I don’t mean to boast, but my designs are indeed renown across cities like Manehattan and Canterlot. Is that where you’ve heard of me? I’m afraid I don’t recognize your accent, although it is quite elegant.”

Crap.

“Well...I...Indeed, it was a friend in Manehattan that informed me of you. I simply had to have the opportunity to observe your wares.”
Smooth as a cucumber...

Again her eyes were closed, that same smile on her face.

“Excuse me...Miss?”

Her eyes flew open.

“I-I apologize. I umm...just had a sudden inspiration.”

She seemed more than a little flustered; it took quite a bit out of me not to call her out on her fib.

“Well, may I please have a look at your articles Miss Rarity?”

She regained her composure in a snap.

“Why of course darling! Anything for a customer!”

She turned around to lead me to her clothing, giving me a perfect view of her...

*POMF*

‘The hell?’

Her ears perked up and she suddenly froze mid-stride.

“You didn’t...” Her tone was cold and menacing.

For some reason my large, spotted wings were standing at attention on my back, making it slightly difficult to stay balanced considering their large mass.

“I d-didn’t what?”

At this point my accent had degraded to the point of being almost the same as my regular speech.

All of a sudden she turned around. Noticing my wings, she turned red with rage. Her horn was suddenly coated in that familiar, sky blue aura.

“GET OUT!”

Glowing horn equals bad stuff for Stan.

She didn’t need to tell me twice. I made a bee-line for the doorway, but my freaking wings caught the top of it, knocking me on my a**.

Promptly, I was lifted into the air by her billowing, blue aura and thrown away from her boutique.

Right after the aura picked me up I closed my eyes, so I had no idea or control on where I was going to land. Not the smartest idea I’ve ever had, but I was strangely lucky enough to land on what I thought to be pillow of some sort. If I wasn’t a little shaken up at the time, I might have questioned the probability of the situation, alas...

“Thank god for pillows...”

“Are ya calling me fat!?!”
My “pillow” responded.

‘Is that...’

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry AppleBottom!”

“WHAT DID YA JUST CALL ME!?!”

“...”

‘S***.’

I was suddenly flung into the air as she abruptly stood up. My wings were still straight out, not offering any sort of way to slow down my ascent nor my descent.

*K-CRACK*

Never before had I felt such a blow to my dignity; or for that matter, my a**. She had bucked me in mid-air right on my flank, sending me even further into the air and over the boutique entirely, yet I continued to rise. Dang that chick was strong.

Now I was having some bittersweet luck with landings today: On one hand, I was landing softly, once on the flowers and the other on Apple...something, on the other hand, my second landing was far from favorable in the events that followed.

My third landing that day didn’t even have a descent, but at least it was soft, oh so very soft...

I suddenly flew through a rather solid yet yielding cloud, which managed to slow me down quite a bit. To my surprise, after flying through one side of the cloud, instead of falling through the other side and towards the ground, I was now laying on said cloud. I was more than a little disoriented at the time and my vision was fuzzy; all I saw was that I was in some sort of enclosed space with a bluish blob in front of me.

“WHAT IN THE HAY ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!?!”

These ponies really need to stop shouting at me.

“Ugh...House?”

Slowly, the rainbow pony from yesterday came into focus; she had a very deep blush on her face and her coat was glistening with sweat. What was she just doing?

“I asked you a question: WHAT IN THE HAY ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOU-”

Suddenly her anger disappeared and she froze while staring at me, more specifically at my wings. She had a glazed look in her eyes.

“So...Big...”

I took a look around the cloud room to find what the heck she was talking about.

‘What?...My wings?’

Taking a look back at her, I noticed that her wings were slowly unfurling as she stared at my own. What in the heck did that mean anyway? Seems like whenever IT happens S*** happens.

When they stood straight out, her eyes changed from looking glazed over to having a very familiar “hungry” look. She took a small step on the cloud towards me, that stare of hers was terrifying.

“H-hello? I-I’m really s-sorry for l-landing in y-your h-house.”

She took another step towards me, a smile on her face.

“I-I’ll just be going now...”

I stood up in the cushy cloud room and turned around to face the hole I had made. Looking down through it, I saw that we were a good 300 feet in the air; there was no safe way to get down.

I glanced over my back and saw the blue pegasus in a pouncing position, still giving me that same look with the creepy smile.
I had a decision to make: Fall or...

‘Oh F*** that!’

Well, I had to learn to fly sometime.

“FFFFF-” I leapt through the hole. “UUUUU-”

Author's Note:

Split into two parts to make my life easier.

Leave thoughts and comments below.

Comments

[Flutters Glasses]

Got lazy/busy, so I decided to split this chapter into two parts...Don't really have anything else to say so... *Awkward*

[funkyferret]

Trolling ponies: mission failed.

[Radon18]

Lols fail troll is fail.
Great story!

[gordobraveheart]

SO MANY LOLZ

[Poducken]

I think I'm starting to see a pattern here.

I don't suppose that when he becomes the little bird, Philomena will start hounding him?

[Flutters Glasses]

1435463 You sir are a genius. The bird is actually the only chapter where I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what I'm doing, I may use your idea. I am neither going to confirm or deny there being a pattern

[Ivellios]

Here is the start of the second half...CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Poducken]

1435498

I'm glad I could help.

I have such a difficult time putting my thoughts down that I'll probably never be able to offer a story of my own to this site, but I want to give back any way that I can. If I can offer some ideas and feedback that help improve the stories of others, I feel like I've done my duty to this community.

[kragor]

fail troll is fail

[norsefire]

Started out slow, what with the lists and stuff. Then quickly got better.

[Flutters Glasses]

Made an INCREDIBLY stupid mistake that removed a lot of the revisions that I've made thus far. If you find any errors please let me know, I'm doing my best to find them as we speak.

[no longer on]

1458852
I hate it when I make a stupid mistake while writing. I was done with my first chapter, and accidentally Ctrl+W'd.

[Buckshot2825]

author =25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0dpm5lITw1rqfhi2o1_400.gif

Stan =

[Majk]

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry AppleBottom!”

This chapter was glorious! The supposedly Troll got trolled.

[Warrior Kitten]

troll.me/images/jackie-chan-whut/the-fuck-did-i-just-read.jpg
Ever since I discovered I can import videos and images. I've been having fun XD

[cullexoh]

Huh, automatic biological reaction i take it? I'm guessing Rarity didn't approve being oggled.

[Aroughs]

considering Stan's fantastic... err lets go with "luck" I believe that the following music is the only appropriate accompaniment to this chapter.