Chapter Five: Ponyville Part Two
Pinkie Pie was having a terrific day: she had already made her rounds saying “Hi!” everypony in town and had even met a new stallion that loved to party; seemingly as much as she did herself.
Under the impression that they were ‘soul-mates,’ she was having more than a few daydreams about this mysterious ‘JayWalker’ she had only met for a moment.
Suddenly her tail began to twitch uncontrollably.
“Oh no! Something is gonna fall!”
She began to scan the skies when her ears began to flop simultaneously as her tail moved to and fro.
“Twitchy tail...Ear-flop...*Gasp* It’s not someTHING falling from the sky, it’s somePONY!”
She continued her scanning with much more gusto and noticed a grey blob in the distance quickly accelerating towards the ground.
Suddenly she disappeared, leaving a pony-shaped cloud of dust and a trail leading in the general direction of the plummeting pony.
There was a royal guard pony stationed in Ponyville merely a day prior as a ‘just-in-case’ procedure after the recent changeling attack in Canterlot. For the sake of not continuing to say ‘royal guard pony,’ let’s just call him Steve.
Steve was having a terrible day; he was stuck in boring ol’ Ponyville, he didn’t know anypony else in the wretched town and now a lanky stallion with a pointed cap was insisting that the town hall had purchased a giant trampoline.
“For the last time: We did not order a giant trampoline.”
The skinny stallion looked a little miffed.
“You know pal, you could’ve told me that before I set it up.”
Steve facehoofed and let out a sigh.
“Oh how I hate this town...”
Suddenly a pink blur shot between the two and the trampoline disappeared, a small pile of bits left in its place.
“-UUUUUDDDDGGGGEEEE”
You never know when there might be innocent ears around, or if these ponies even knew what cursing was. Odds are I’m much better off keeping my language at least fairly clean when in public, don’t want to incur a unicorns wrath, or for that matter Apple*Insert name here*’s, my flank can attest to that.
Oh, I guess you’re wondering what happened after I pulled a ‘Stan’ and in essence committed a form of suicide by jumping through a hole in a cloud 300 feet up in the air to avoid having sexual relations with a pony.
Here goes:
*Ahem*
“-UUUUUDDDDGGGGEEEE”
My wings were still stuck straight up as I quickly plummeted towards the unforgiving ground, failing to offer any sort of resistance to slow my descent. Unfortunately they weren’t responding to any of my attempts to move them either, not that I even knew how to do so; probably should have taken the time to figure out how to use them in retrospect...
About ten feet from the ground I closed my eyes and braced for the inevitable impact.
*BOING*
‘DaF***?’
My eyes quickly shot open as I felt a soft impact and myself actually being propelled upwards in the air. I looked down and saw a random trampoline standing where I was just about to land. About ten feet up I began to plummet again, I quickly scanned the area for anyone that could have placed the trampoline under me before I impacted again.
“OOF!”
‘Now where in the hell did that freaking trampoline go?’
I found myself, once again, on the top of another pony; though this time it was that crazy pink one, Pinkie I think.
She looked up at me with a blush and a small smile.
“My My JayJay, you really...Ugh...Know how to knock a mare off her hooves.”
The events from my earlier attempts at ‘trolling’ her quickly came into the forefront of my mind.
‘Crap...Out of the frying pan and into the fire.’
At least she wasn’t attempting to hold me down like Fluttershy, nor did she have the intent of pouncing on me like the rainbow pony; I guess I was the one on top of her ironically enough.
“Uhh...Hi Pinkie, where did that trampoline go?”
“What trampoline?”
She looked around everywhere, yet avoided eye contact with me. Suddenly a confused look crossed her face and she finally looked me in the eye.
“How do you know my name?”
‘Well s***.’
“You...Uhh...Told me, don’t you remember?”
She looked unconvinced.
“Pinkie Promise?”
‘Now how in the hell does she expect me to be able to do that?’
“Sorry but...What?”
She slid out from under me and went through a ridiculous looking set of motions while saying: “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”
I attempted to replicate her actions.
“*grumble* Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my-”
Suddenly the foreleg not reaching for my eye grabbed the other one, stopping it mid-motion.
I had no control over the limb, no matter how hard I tried.
Pinkie’s face all of the sudden took on a very menacing glare. Considering the fact that she was the most ‘happy go lucky’ pony I had met as of yet, the look was freaking terrifying.
My trolling was a complete failure, my a** was sore and I was now dealing with convincing a pink pony of a very transparent lie. I decided it was for the best that I simply drop my ruse entirely.
“*sigh* Pinkie, just round up your friends and meet me at Twilight’s please.”
“But wh-”
I interjected,
“Just do it. Please?”
She gave me a suspicious look, but nodded as her bright expression returned.
“Okie Dokie Lokie!”
She began to hop away when I remembered something,
“Wait Pinkie! Which direction is Twilight’s place again?”
She turned to give be a disbelieving look, but still pointed down the road behind me. Upon retrospect, telling a pony to meet you somewhere and then asking that pony where that somewhere is might seem a bit strange...
Screw it, she’s the weird one, not me.
Anyways, I began to make my way down the street and recognized market that I went through earlier to get to Twilight’s tree. As I made my way down it, looking left and right at what ponies consider merchandise, I noticed the red stallion from earlier behind an apple stand. I instantly froze as he caught me looking in his general direction.
Suddenly his eyes widened in recognition, then returned to their half-lidded state as he threw a wink in my direction with a small smile. Needless to say, I did the first thing that came to mind: I sprinted the hell out of there just as quickly as my untrained hooves would allow. I soon found myself drenched in sweat in front of Twilight’s house, chest heaving as my heart tried slow itself down.
‘How *huff* in the heck *huff* did that *huff* freaking stallion *huff* recognize me?’
I knocked on her door weakly and soon heard shuffling hooves that signaled her approach. The door opened with the mare in question standing there.
“Welcome to the Ponyville library, how can I-”
She paused when she noticed my fatigued condition.
“Oh my gosh! Are you alright sir?”
“I’m *huff* just fine.” I glanced through the doorway. “I’m meeting *huff* you and your friends *huff* here *huff* Pinkie is rounding them up *huff* as we speak.”
A confused look crossed her face as she just stood there.
“Are you *huff* going to invite me in?”
She seemed a little surprised at the question as she jumped a little bit. She smiled sheepishly in embarrassment before motioning for me to come in. I entered her home for the second time that day and quickly made my way towards her couch so I could get some rest from my recent marathon sprint.
Soon after sitting down, she gave me a strange look and trotted towards me.
“I have a couple of questions for you if you don’t mind.”
I shrugged.
“Okay, Shoot.”
“Alright, firstly why are you meeting me and my friends here?”
“You’ll learn that when they all get here, next question.”
She seemed annoyed at my response, but didn’t push it.
“Fine. Secondly, why are you sitting like that? The only other pony I’ve seen sit like that is Lyra and she’s a bit...Eccentric.”
It never really occurred to me that ponies might not sit like humans do and the fact that another pony sat like it seemed a little...Off.
“Well, it’s comfortable and...Actually you’re once again better off waiting for your friends to get here.”
She wrinkled her nose at me, but nodded and sat, or rather laid down next to me like a dog would.
“You know, your voice sounds really familiar...”
“Twilight, just shut up and wait for your friends. Alright?”
She wrinkled her nose again, but managed to stay quiet for the next few minutes as I caught my breath.
Soon the door knocked again and she got up to answer it; five more ponies entered the room, all with VERY different reactions when they saw me sitting there on the couch.
Pinkie just smiled and waved at me.
Rarity and Applejack gave me harsh glares.
Rainbow Dash gave me a wink and a small smirk.
Fluttershy gasped in recognition, but quieted down after I stuck a hoof up to my mouth to shush her, she just continued to gaze at me without a word.
Twilight seemed thoroughly confused at all of her friends’ reactions and soon joined them in staring at me.
I cleared my throat before beginning my explanation:
“I’m sure you’re all wondering why you were invited here-”
“Yer darn tootin’ we’re wonderin’ why!”
“Look, I’m sorry for landing on top of you but I would prefer it if you would just be quiet for a moment to let me explain.”
I wasn’t surprised by the interruption, but her open hostility still made me a bit angry.
She stayed quiet, but kept giving me the death glare
“As I was saying, I’m not exactly who you all think me to be.”
Fluttershy opened her mouth to speak.
“Excluding you of course Fluttershy.”
Her friends all looked at her with confusion as she shrank back a little.
“Anyways, I’m not Jaywalker,” I glanced at Pinkie. “I’m not really from Manehattan as I don’t have an accent as you can clearly tell” I glanced at Rarity. “and...I’m not a pony, it’s me Stan.”
“WHAT?!?”
Excluding Fluttershy, they all yelled in unison, though Twilight seemed the most surprised by this news.
“SHUSH! Let me explain: Firstly, I woke up this morning as a horse-”
“What’s a horse?”
The Rainbow pony interrupted.
“It was- or rather I was the thing you all VICIOUSLY pursued this morning!”
All of their eyes opened wide at this realization, with the exception of Rarity, who had not partaken in the chase, and Fluttershy who had become incapacitated upon her first sight of me.
“After you all chased me into the freaking forest, I fell down a hill and knocked myself out, after I came to, I was a pony.”
Unsurprisingly, Pinkie was the first one to shake off the shock and speak.
“*GASP* Now I can throw you that welcome to Ponyville party! And you love parties, it’ll be perfect!”
She suddenly flew out the door.
I turned to look at Twilight.
“Should I be worried about this? I was only joking when I told her about how much I love parties.”
She shook her head.
“It’s just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie, just let it happen.”
‘Heh, “just let it happen” sounds dirty....Wait...NO!’
*Pomf*
‘Why does mind insist that I picture these stupid ponies in dirty ways!?!’
*Pomf*
*Pomf*
The wings of the other two pegasi in the room soon joined my own in standing straight up; their eyes were glazed over while staring at me. The other mares in the room were also staring at me, but with blushes on their cheeks and shock showing in their expressions.
“Okay, what in the hell does this wing thing mean and why does it keep happening to me and those two over there.”
I gestured towards the other two pegasi.
“It’s..Umm...called a...erm- wing boner and it-.”
Twilight spoke with ever decreasing volume.
“WHAT!?!”
I could easily figure out what it meant judging by the name.
“You have GOT to be kidding me right now! Is this some kind of cruel joke?”
“I’m afraid not darling, though I guess an apology is in order for how I treated you earlier...”
Rarity looked a little remorseful.
I waved a hoof dismissively at her.
“Don’t worry about it, apparently with this pony body I have some new...‘preferences’ as it were, and I WAS looking at your goods.”
I was making a small attempt at humor, but her blush simply grew bigger at my words as she looked down to paw at the floor. My wings finally decided to lower again as I spoke:
“Well...What happens now?”
Flutters and little miss rainbow were still staring at me with blank expressions, completely lost to the world, Apple*insert name here* was giving me cross expression and Rarity was beyond embarrassed, resorting to stare at the floor. Twilight was the only pony that was capable/willing to speak to me.
“Well, you have a party to attend later, but right now I want to know how and why you are apparently capable of changing forms.”
“I can’t really answer that question as I’m not really sure myself.” I paused for a moment, putting a hoof my chin in thought. “Though I guess I can tell you all that’s happened after I got here...”
Twilight nodded. And I began my story from the beginning, with some parts left out of course; I decided it wasn’t worth mentioning Mr. Goat Head just yet.
“That was...Quite a story.”
Twilight and I were walking together towards the place known as Sugarcube Corner, apparently this was where Pinkie was employed and held most of her parties.
Twilight had managed to shoo her friends out the door before I told my story with the excuse of helping Pinkie with the party, unfortunately the pegasi had yet to come around, so they were unceremoniously dragged out the door by the other two.
“Yeah...By the way, thanks for sending a letter to your princess to try and help me get back to my world, I really appreciate it.”
She blushed and looked away from me.
“D-don’t mention it, anypony would have done it.”
‘Anypony...Maybe I should start using that from now on.’
I was pulled out of my thoughts by Twilight.
“Well here we are, Sugarcube Corner.”
I was standing in front of a building seemingly straight out of the story “Hansel and Gretel,” it seemed to be made completely out of edible substances. The bite marks on the ‘frosting’ proved that more than a few ponies had been fooled by its candy-like appearance. The lights were off in the building; leading me to believe that this was a sort of ‘surprise party’ despite the fact that Pinkie had said she was throwing me a party basically straight to my face.
We walked towards the door, opened it and entered into the dark building.
“SURPRISE!”
The lights turned on, revealing a plethora of multi-colored ponies, only a few of which I recognized from around town. I was shocked by the sheer turnout, figuring that it would just be the girls and myself.
Suddenly a pie was heading toward me at an extremely high velocity.
*OOF!*
The ‘pie’ tackled me to the ground with a huge grin on its face.
Oh you thought it was a real pie? Unfortunately that wasn’t the case...
“WELCOME TO PONYVILLE! WERE YOU SURPRISED HUHUHUHUH!?!”
I stared in disbelief at the pony standing on my chest.
“No...You told me about it earlier, don’t you remember?”
She continued to smile, though in a more sly than happy manner.
“Oh silly me, I must have forgot, guess I didn’t need to tackle you after all!”
She quickly got off of me a bounced away towards the punch bowl. Twilight helped me up and joined me in watching the pink nut job bounce off.
“What just happened?”
Twilight looked just as surprised as I was.
“I’m...Not sure...”
Suddenly Apple*insert name here* was standing on top of a table with the red stallion from earlier behind her, a big barrel balanced on his back.
“Alright everypony, ah brought some of my hard cider, ya’ll know it ain’t a party without it.”
The crowd was suddenly huddled around the table waiting for their chance to get some booze. I was curious as to how strong pony alcohol could be and quickly left Twilight’s side to join the crowd waiting for cider.
After around five minutes of waiting, Apple*insert name here* grudgingly handed/hoofed me a cup. After taking a look at the tan substance, I decided to finally take a sip…
‘Ugh...My head...I am such a lightweight.’
The night became a blur after that one sip, all I remember is the six mares I had met earlier getting into a heated argument over some stallion and a terrifying pair of large teal eyes.
Apparently I hadn’t learned my lesson about drinking on earth; I could NEVER hold my booze.
I ran a hand through my messy hair...
‘Well, at least it looks like I’m human again...’
Suddenly I felt something on my head that DEFINITELY wasn’t hair.
‘Wait…what in the hell is this?’
I pulled the object in question out of my hair and held it in front of my face; it was...A yellow feather? Suddenly there was a sigh of contentment coming from my right side as I felt myself being embraced. My head shot over to look at the source of the noise to reveal Fluttershy with a ruffled mane clinging to my side.
My eyes widened and I tried not to freak out as I turned my head to look at the ceiling again.
‘What happened last night?’
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Decisions decisions...Did anything happen or is it simply a misunderstanding? Even I don't know yet!
On an unrelated note, I made an extremely obvious reference in this chapter. I didn't want to put it in, but couldn't get the idea out of my head.
Lastly, as always, inform me of any errors that I've made so I can fix them ASAP.
OH god stan what have you done?
Not sure if i should feel bad, jeleaous, or laugh at Stan....
Great chapter though
Dat ending...
1469723 Apparently, he chose best pony
1469802>>1469723 Actually I was shooting for: "Stan is on the ground drooling, barely conscious and the mares are all fighting over who gets this 'hunk' of a drooling stallion, Flutters gives them all the stare, takes him home and..." Haven't decided what the ... is yet
1469857 damn your cliffhangers, damn them all!
Wingboners are contagious? What if all of the pegasi spontaneously got wingboners while trying to make the tornado from Hurricane Fluttershy?
Also, there wouldn't happen to be a chapter where Stan becomes a Llama, would there?
1469754 You know, you ARE allowed to do all three.
1469857
She licks his face like a cat...
wait what?
I have to admit, I was pretty reserved about what to expect from this story but it was surprisingly humorous. I did feel a little disappointed that his attempt to troll the ponies failed so quickly though. Anywho, I'll be looking forward to more from this form disabled protagonist. (constantly changing bodies; what a unique concept)
1470227 Thanks for the compliment.
There are a lot of things I wish I did differently, the trolling part being one of them. Honestly, I didn't really intend for his trolling to fail at all, it wasn't until Applejack bucked him that I noticed: "Hey, he isn't trolling at all, he's failing completely." By that point I just decided to stop his attempts at trolling and just roll with it to see what happened. Rest assured there WILL be trolling that actually succeeds in his favor...Eventually.
1470482
You're welcome! You more than earned it.
I'm glad to hear he will be up to some mischief at some point. I felt like with his shift in personality towards messing around gave the Discord plot hook more credence. Along the lines of Discord saw Stan's potential for pranking under the human's mediocre self, if only he was put in the right circumstances to unleash the inner Imp as it were. The scene with him getting flung about by the two mares was still good though, and first attempts do normally fail so it was to be expected really.
1470573 His trolling wasn't the intended source of chaos...The real chaos he'll wreak hasn't even begun.
1469857 masturbates near him?
1470869 That comment WOULD be comment #69
EDIT: Was
Brilliant! Loving this story!
1469857 How about, he's human again, and she's sucking on his fingers
1471132 I'll be honest, I'm not sure what pun-ishment I dished out,
but making my readers wince is my mission, so I succeeded.
But in all honesty I'm all up for editing my older chapters, so if you think it needs it, let me know.
1469802 Apparently he chose Best Pony indeed. And Best Pony chose him too.
1469857 ...makes/they make...Ze MAGICS!
?
1470018 or maybe a centaur.
1471167
This.
Congratulations! Good for you. Here's a Fluttershy:dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Fluttershy.png
Still a great story by the way.
Why do you keep censoring the name "Jack"? It's not an offensive name.
1470907 OH YEAH!
1472626 He doesn't remember her name; he thought it was Apple Bottom, but when he got bucked he figured that it obviously wasn't. Nobody has said applejack yet, so he still doesn't know.
wow xD this story and all its glory its quite hilarious xP I'm enjoying this story :D so I can't wait for an update thumb up and tracked/faved
1287154>>1301005>>1332365>>1360931>>1469754>>1471940>>1474064>>1470936>>1361195>>1362352>>1437990>>1434884>>1425509>>1360930
So here, have a super mega ultra fantastic 'thank you' as a reply to all of your kind words.
The Guilt of not saying thanks to you all for the positive comments is eating me alive.
*Ahem*
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!
YOU'RE ALL AWESOME!
1476386YOU ARE VERY MUCH WELCOME!!!
1476386
WHY ARE WE TALKING THIS LOUD?! xD
1476386 YOU'RE WELCOME!
I thought the title said "Evolution of Satan", so I clicked the story, hrm, "Evolution of Stan"
Close enough, I will proceed to read this.
1476386
GOOD STORY!
ARLEBARGEN!
1477757 It was a toss-up between Stan or Dan (obviously a twist on the name and picture "The Evolution of Man"), didn't really consider satanic confusion.
Dan just didn't sound right and was too reminiscent of my own name.
Wait, how did he hold that cider if he doesn't know how to use his hooves?
Sorry I'm late, authorman. I saw this in featured and decided to give it a go.
You might have killed right here.
The hang over: Equestria Edition
"I decided it wasn’t worth mentioning Mr. Goat Head just yet."
yea, not at all worth mentioning.
2285859 And now I am stuck seeing the main character of this tail as Zack, not Stan
shirtoid.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/whose-baby.jpg
1477757
It seems we meet once again, Sir. I'm not sure how Satan evolves. All he did was fall from heaven. Actually, that kinda gives me a theory about falling on your butt. Must prepare this for philosophy with TLSpark.
what happened last night?
son you became a MAYUHN!
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTsh8632xCHkYii3vdAn4IJWk5IURnbt_Zp_tgmEqXiWmwSZxvYbQ
Well i hope you are able to get more FEED to give BACK to her.
I personally like the idea.
The little hints about that maybe every mane six wants him sexually is interesting
Uh... What about the poison joke? AND WHY ARE HIS WINGS SO FKING HUGE!
Hmmm … yep, with the constant attempts to get him into bed, I suppose it had to happen eventually. They've definitely take the ‘if at first you don't succeed, try, try, again’ thing, to heart. I just hope he's grateful that Fluttershy seemed to have won the argument, instead-of Big Mac…
4285288
XD I was just about to comment that
Wing boner? Really? Lol
I won’t mention Mr. Goat Head yet he said
Fuck off I said....just fuck off
I like this story but that part.....
No