Sweet Sauce listened quietly from the side-corridor, remaining as still as he could.
His elder sister was no bat pony, with hearing that could pierce walls and stone alike. But she was still an Alicorn, one who had survived countless assassination attempts, fought in ages long passed, and had a body coursing with incredible amounts of magic. If she discovered him lurking here before the time was right, she could treat him like an assassin.
If that happened, his adoptive parents might be implicated in the scheme. He was willing to risk his own future, no matter how dire his eventual fate. But inflict that pain on somepony else? Never.
When they started eating, he dared to whisper to Vinyl and Octavia. "Stay in here when I come out," he said, mouthing each word so quietly it was barely audible over his own breathing.
He tensed, fearing an argument—but none came. Octavia just mouthed the word "when?"
He scratched his chin, thoughtful. "I dunno. I'll... probably ask for witnesses at some point there. My sister doesn't really trust anything unless multiple ponies are involved. Luna will help, but more voices is good. You'll see."
He could hear only parts of the meal. None of it was particularly interesting, since those rules were the entire reason this conversation was happening in the first place. It was a time for the royal sisters to spend together without worrying about Equestria's future, if only for a few minutes.
Then they got to the dessert, and his heart began to beat rapidly in his chest, loud enough that he thought it might give him away with its aggressive pounding alone.
"This is some of the most excellent Genoise I've had in months," Celestia proclaimed, a few minutes later. Of course she hadn't paced herself with the desert. Princess Celestia never did. "I'm struggling to remember anything with this precise mixture of moisture and complex secondary flavors. It's... right out of history."
"You could say so, older sister," Luna said. "You could say this Genoise is an extract of history, along with its creator."
Silverware clattered to the table on the other side of the room. Sweet stood up by the door, but didn't move quite yet. Once this started, he was stepping into a future that might be far worse than hiding. But it was much too late to change anything now.
"What do you mean, Luna?" Celestia asked. Her tone was almost the same as before—but Sweet could detect the subtle difference. That edge was hardened to knife-steel. "The one who created this recipe is gone forever, as he should be. He took the recipe with him to his deserved grave."
He could barely hear through the door—Luna was not speaking so loudly anymore. But with his ear pressed up against the wood, he could make it out.
"It would be simpler if that were the case," she said. "I know how much you wish to forget the painful details of our past. But I must insist for your sake, mine, and all Equestria. The simpler lie does no greater kindness than the truth."
A chair squeaked on wood. "Don't do this," Celestia whispered. "What you're doing here is a favor to nopony. Sometimes the past should remain buried. This is the best future some ponies can hope for—and the best they deserve."
At least she isn't trying to hide it, Sweet thought. If that was her way of acting like she didn't know who he was, it was even less effective than what she had used in front of her royal guests.
But there was nopony to impress tonight—this was a family affair.
"Many would have said the same about me," Luna countered. "I suspect a far larger group, in their day. I managed to unravel a nation, to provoke lasting animosity at an entire tribe of ponies. Tellus never did anything nearly as damaging."
"Worse," Celestia muttered. "So much worse. Imagine what our noble parents could've made of Equestria, with more time. Imagine the devastation wrought by threats like Discord—Cosmos could have stopped him in his tracks. We would never have needed the Elements of Harmony. Lives lost would be spared."
"Threats like Nightmare Moon, whose armies rampaged across Equestria? I'm sorry, sister. I know you do not want this to be true—but it is.
"Our younger brother has returned from his banishment. After many years in that nearly magicless wasteland, he gathered just enough power to bridge his way across."
"No!" Something shattered in the other room, splattering wetly to the ground. Sweet winced as he heard it—so much for getting a slice of Genoise. "Nothing comes back! That's why we banished magical threats to that universe. There's no power, no way to come back. He lived out his life long ago, then died naturally when his years were up. It's the kindest fate I could give him."
"Not quite zero magic." He stepped through the door, emerging into the little dining hall. He found it much as he expected—Luna at her seat, Celestia standing over it, horrified. His cake on the floor in a ruined pile.
His old self probably would've lectured about the hours that went into crafting something so perfect without unicorn magic to manage multiple tools at once. Did she want to try scalding milk by turning all the dials with her mouth?
"There's no natural sources of magic on the planet opposite Equus. But there's still background radiation—and there's blood. I only used my own, if you're wondering. No massacres, just patience."
Celestia glared down at him. "This... colt? This is the one you bring? This child is so determined to make himself a nuisance. Why would you take his side? How did he manipulate you?"
"Please." Luna rolled her eyes. "Sister, I understand the act for our subjects. Admitting any other Alicorns would add significant complexity to the lie you've constructed of Equestria’s history. But there's nobody here to hear it."
He advanced on the table, dodging the fallen cake. Even his earth pony body could sense her incredible magical might. In their last conflict, it was only the two of them working together that had overcome his power. This time, she could squish him like a fly if she wanted.
An execution might be exactly how this ended. He could only hope Octavia and Vinyl would stay in that little closet, hiding until her rage subsided. They shouldn't have to see a pony die.
"Fine!" Celestia yelled. Really yelled too, not just that angry talking she usually did when ponies made her unhappy. Together, they had finally pinched a nerve. "I looked aside, despite his insistence. It was the greatest mercy I could render. But if you two insist on this, then tell me. What do you want, Tellus? Tell me swiftly, and be done with it. You crossed worlds to be here, it must matter to you."
He reached the table. It was higher than most pony furniture, constructed for the two regal Alicorns who used it. It might as well be a fort for the size of his body.
He didn't look away from Celestia now. One way or another, his future turned on this moment.
"I have returned to Equestria from my banishment," he said. There was a speech in his head, but just like before, he couldn't remember it. Something simple would have to do.
"I want to return home. I don't care if I don't see the castle again, or if nopony in Equestria remembers me. I just want to be allowed to stay. But if not, then I would rather die than go back. I don't want to live in a world without magic. So if I can't stay here, then I can't live anywhere."
He trailed off awkwardly, panting from the overwhelming emotions. In his head that had all seemed so much clearer. But when he said it like that, it came out like the ravings of a mad pony. Too late to change it now.
Celestia gestured with her horn, and the huge table slid out of the way, pressing itself against the wall. She didn't seem to care that the fine china shattered to the floor, and the ruins of their meal tumbled into an increasingly degenerate mess.
"Why?" she demanded, advancing on him. "Why would I allow you to return to Equestria? Do you deny your guilt?"
"No," he said flatly. "I am guilty. Cosmos and Gaia are dead because I convinced them to help with my experiment. It's all my fault."
"Against all Father's warnings!" Celestia continued. Her voice boomed through the chamber, rattling the paintings on the walls, and the fine chandelier overhead. Sweet could only imagine what the servants must be feeling at that moment. If he were them, he'd be finding somewhere to take cover.
The last time they fought, they had nearly brought death to an entire country.
"Against my objections! Against all wisdom and common sense! They died because you flew directly into the sun, but didn't have the decency to die with them!"
Even expecting this moment, her words cut deep. His eyes welled with tears. He sniffed, fighting back the emotions. He would not let the age imposed by this body dictate his behavior. It was a losing battle—Celestia towered over him, barely inches away. Even looking at her hurt his eyes, impossibly bright.
It was hard to believe this was even the same mare. The one who had been so quick to forgive and rehabilitate Luna looked like she might tear him apart physically, if given the chance.
"Yes," he said again. "I did. I admit that I was wrong, that their deaths were my fault. I was wrong to blame anypony else, or to resist your sentence the first time."
His words stole a little of the wind from her. Celestia glared down at him, as though she'd been expecting an argument. Hungering for it, but he refused to oblige.
If he thought otherwise, he would not have returned to the palace. Better to return in secret, and never face her.
"You're a self-absorbed, conceited mule," Celestia finally said. "Your pride always threatened Equestria in ways that we should've seen sooner. Every day you ruled with us was another I spent dreading what disaster you would cause next. Why should I let you stay here? Why shouldn't you be punished?"
He didn't get a chance to answer. The side door banged open, and two mares practically tripped over each other in their eagerness to get to him.
Few common ponies would have the courage to move in such defiance of Princess Celestia herself. He admired their courage, even if their timing left a lot to be desired.
"He's not like that!" Vinyl said. "Err—Princess. Princess Celestia. Please. I don't know what kind of pony you remember, but Sweet Sauce isn't that."
"Not in the least," Octavia agreed. They stood over him, facing directly into the sun. "Well, perhaps a tad inconsiderate in his speech. But you should hear all the good he's done at school. Befriended a lonely little unicorn filly, taught her magic. Half the class would probably call him friends. In the months we've known him, this pony has never been a... danger to the ponies around him. If he was like that long ago, then he's left that pony in the past."
Celestia stumbled backward from the two mares. Her expression became an unreadable mask as they spoke. "Is that so?" she asked. "What is your connection to him, little ponies? Why has my sister brought you here?"
"We adopted him," Vinyl explained. "He didn't manipulate us either. We knew what we were getting into. We're his caretakers now—if anypony can say that he's changed, it's us."
Bold claim to make to Celestia, Sweet thought. But it was hard not to admire so much courage. If he had ever doubted the love of these adoptive mothers, he didn't anymore.
"I... accept that assessment," Celestia said. "His guardians would be the best suited to render judgment." Her horn flashed, and something appeared in the air before them—a large glass vial, with gold filigree on its neck.
Oh buck, Sweet thought.
"To judge whether he should be forgiven, you need to see what crime he committed first. I will let you render judgment. After you see what he did, then he can return to live with you, in your household. Either that, or I judge. Do you agree?"
He mumbled something, but far too quietly for them to hear.
"Yes," Octavia said. "We agree, Princess."
"Sounds entirely fair to me," Luna agreed. "And the best chance you can hope for, younger brother."
He had no choice but to accept.
interesting
"Rude."
—Sunset Shimmer
"You were perfectly willing to do so while you were still in denial a few minutes ago."
Not inaccurate.
Citation needed.
Strictly accurate. They didn't know him when he lead Pip and Dinky to the old castle.
Now then. We know the nature of Sweet's crime, but not the particulars. I doubt the details will change his guardians' opinion, but they should still be enlightening.
"What !!! "she kept a recording of his crime? Haha haha haha ,ahh this is going be soo good.
I guess now we find out whether his crime was actually atrocious enough to justify this story existing in the first place, or whether it's a nothingburger misunderstanding or trivial error of judgement so we can pat ourselves on the back and blame everything on Celestia.
with the way things are going im gonna give it a wild guess and say that he was a unicorn in a family of alicorns and he made a experment to be able to fit in and accidently caused his parents death. Even if that is not the case we have not been told that who we can assume to be their parents were completly against his experement so while sweet sause might have some blame his parents likely would have had to be willing to do the experement.
11349292
It's long overdue. This reunion is unfortunately robbed of any dramatic weight because we know next to nothing of his crimes, and what we do know of him in the present isn't all that interesting.
I'm getting the impression that the aim is to have a dramatic reveal of his crimes so that we can finally have some tasty drama, but even that isn't going to have much impact if we don't like him all that much in the first place. Despite the supposedly high stakes for Sweet Sauce, my emotional investment in his plight is depressingly low.
11349299
That wouldn't justify his banishment. It wouldn't justify his guilt. It wouldn't justify this entire story existing in the first place.
The logical/plausible explanation here is that he commited some sort of magical genocide against the non-unicorn races. We know he thinks of earth ponies as lesser creatures. We know he does blood magic. That point has been made very consistently throughout the story. And Octavia is an earth pony. It would completely fit for him to have gone on a crusade of genocide, tossing entire earth pony villages alive into a magical crucible to fuel some magical experiment he was doing. For them to be crying and screaming and gnashing their teeth while he dismisses them as inferior creatures. For earth ponies to beg for release or even a merificul death, and for him to kick them in the face to knock them back into the being-metled-alive vat while calling them maggots. Thousands dead, entire villages consumed alive in agony with the casual dismissal that they're barely worthy to be fuel and that they should be grateful to be part of something conceived of by their superiors.
That would justify his banishment, his guilt, his insistence that he deserves death...it would justify the entire story.
And then, for Octavia to be the one to cast judgment on him, by proxy as an earth pony being a suitable representative of the victims...do you see how fitting that would be?
But I don't think that's what's going to happen. Because so far as I can tell, the goal of this story appears to be to get into the mind of someone endlessly self-flagellating and whining about how bad they are while being showered in praise.
"I'm a bad pony!" --> "No, you're a good pony!" --> "I'm a bad pony!" --> "No, you're a good pony!"
So if that's the goal, then his "crime" has to be something that a reader immediately forgives him for. So I imagine his crime is going to be some stupid little thing that's obviously not his fault. Like, he flew into the sun, and these other ponies thought he was in danger and flew in after him to rescue him, and they died but he didn't.
Nobody would seriously try to claim those deaths would be his fault. Nobody would seriously try to claim his banishment would be justified. Everybody will look at that and say "oh, no! You're totally justified, it's not your fault, somebody else is bad! You're amazing!" Which leaves us asking why this story exists in the first place. Why did he spend 20 chapters whining about what a horrible awful pony he is who deserves death and has to pay for his crimes?
My prediction is that it's going to be not his fault! that ponies Celestia cared about died. So Sweet Sauce gets to spend 20 chapters chanting "I'm a bad pony!" and all the readers will reply back with "No, you're a good pony! It's Celestia who's bad for punshing you!"
@Starscribe: I'd be happy to be wrong here. But this is what it looks like the story is leading up to to me.
This?
This is his dastardly deed?
We really will have to see that recollection now and get the full story to have any chance of getting into Celesta's headspace. Or Sweet's, for that matter.
firstly, these are positive qualities.
secondly, it is racism towards mules
11349318
death ? Seriously ? By killing him, you will do much worse than committing genocide of several villages. His knowledge and skills can provide life for whole generations. to kill him is to kill these generations.
The truth will soon be revealed but will it set Sweet Sauce free or condemn him to death,
11349318
As someone a bit more familiar with Starscribe's other work, I'm pretty confident this story won't go the way you're predicting, if that's a vote of confidence you care about. Starscribe has a lot more experience than most authors here who are just trying their hand at writing for the first time, so I expect something more well-thought out than your standard-issue fanfic.
Though I have to agree with @Raugos's criticism - Sweet Sauce is not a likeable character and I'm not particularly invested in his fate.
11349303
While your criticism is kindof fair, I think you're missing what makes the character worth writing. His depression.
His entire motivation is: get home, say sorry to his remaining family, and take whatever future comes.
It's undermining the general premise to make a character that the reader can get emotionally invested it - they could care less about themselves.
The story is different, and worthwhile as an experiment if nothing else. I found Sweet's character to be relatable, and that's enough for me.
He could have had a cake party and didn't invite Celestia.
Sounds like he was a part of a group like the CMC. He came up with a dumb plan, they all jumped at it, but only he lived.
With the hate Celestia has for him living, I guess one of the other two was her coltfriend.
A trope of stories would mean she has something that makes her partly blame herself (maybe her coltfriend asked for her to help with the sun, she said she would, but forgot/fell asleep), but pushes the blame onto him.
Something about the way she talks makes it sound like she is more upset about how he is her "annoying little brother", then him being evil.
EDIT:
11349424
In her mind; that is worse then genocide.
11349290
or time magic like in mlp s4 ep 1 with the potion
11349402
I'm afraid I cannot agree with this assertion on multiple levels. A reader's emotional investment in a character and a character's depression are not mutually exclusive. And there are more ways to make readers emotionally invested in a character other than writing them as fun, charismatic or whatever traits you consider to be incompatible with depression.
Besides, the story's tags and synopsis don't seem to support this claim that it's about depression. And even if his depression is supposed to be the central theme, then the story's not focused on the best aspects to sell it. So many words are wasted focusing (very repetitively) on the mechanics of his predicament rather than what it means for him as a person.
What was he like when he was at the height of his power? What was his relationship with his siblings and his subjects? What were his crimes? How much has he changed after his punishment, if at all? We aren't actually shown any of these, and we've only been drip-fed scant details in dry exposition from an unreliable narrator. So much more time could be spent building up his relationship with his foster parents and new friends, so that they can be contrasted with how he used to treat others in the past. The story seems to keep trying to tell us that he's changed, but it hasn't really shown us enough to make our own judgment on that, both past and present.
And if you're not able to sell a story based on the strength of its characters, then you could at least make the conflict itself interesting from the get-go. Is it a war? A conspiracy? A tragic accident? Political intrigue? All of those are still on the table, because the story's been playing coy with what's actually going on even after forty-thousand words. All we know is that he did a big bad in the past and Celestia still hates him for it, but Luna apparently does not. Right now, it's still a bare-boned premise, not a conflict to be invested in.
If that is enough for you, then okay, sure, more power to you. But I feel like there's so much more that can be done with Sweet Sauce than what we have over here. If I wanted to feel sad for an unfortunate person I don't know, I'd just watch the news.
Call it speed reading, I just read this in like 3 hours, can't wait to find out about SWEET SAUCES crimes
11349318
holy dam you have some dark imagination