Chapter 7
Honeydew stared back at Sweet Sauce, her expression so utterly flabbergasted that he almost started laughing all over again. She braced herself against the couch with one hoof, and used the delay to take a few long, slow breaths. Finally she glanced down at her pad, and began scribbling with her mouth.
She didn't reply, and he would've thought she hadn't even heard him, except for how vigorously she looked down at her writing, then back at him.
Good. She better get that all written down, so my demands can be clearly delivered to whatever pony is sheriff of this insignificant town.
Finally she finished, and settled the pad neatly on the couch beside her. "How long have your been practicing that, Sweet Sauce?"
He shrugged ambivalently. Maybe he did have the right to be a little proud of what he'd done. He resisted the instinct. "It's the truth. I'm ready to face the consequences of my actions. Just deliver the message to the princesses for me, and we'll escalate this."
She chuckled, rising from her seat. "Would you like some snacks? I've got that apple soft drink all the other fillies and colts love. I bet you'd like some too."
She made her way to the desk, opening a tiny box that had been sitting beside it. A little fridge—he hadn't really expected to see its like here in Equestria. The interior wasn't nearly as big as a similar device would've been in the realm of his banishment, but there was enough room for a single shelf. She removed a can from inside, very alike in basic shape to the ones in his memory.
But instead of a complex tab requiring unicorn magic, this one had a place to settle a hoof, then twisted to open along the top, folding up to give ponies something to hold in their mouths if they had to. She settled it down on the table between them, nudging it closer. "Go on."
The smell was nice, probably real apple. Nothing like the sludge that humans fed to their children. Yet he resisted, on the principle if for no other reason. "I just told you that I'm admitting to capital crimes. I'm ready to be punished with whatever Equestrian justice demands. Why are you giving me snacks?"
"Because they make me feel better when I'm stressed," she answered. "And it sounds like you're stressed."
She's not taking me seriously. If only he still had a horn, he could answer this level of indignity with the swiftest possible response. There wouldn't be blood, but at least a proper scare, letting this mare know where they stood. She would have no more reason to doubt when he showed exactly what his magic could do.
I could do something with runes. Prove what I can do. Yet that sounded like an awful lot of work, and for what? Maybe it was an indignity for these ponies to forget him. But it was also incredibly convenient.
If they refuse to realize who I am, they can't stop me. It was time for Sweet Sauce to realize an opportunity when he saw one.
"Oh yes, I'm terribly anxious." He took the bottle, then took several long sips. It was appropriately bubbly and sweet, though not as smooth as something made in his prison. But he'd take a few bits of apple in his teeth to know that this had actually come from a tree. For all he knew, maybe the farm right here in town. "I get anxious all the time. And when I do, I say things."
She nodded, but didn't press. Waiting for him to continue, and confirm a few more of her biases? Sweet could do that.
"It's because I'm afraid," he continued. "Of my family finding me again. They're so mean... they call me names. They eat all the cake before I get any. And they hit me. It's awful."
So began a few hours of pointlessly circuitous nonsense. Sweet Sauce had learned a few things from his banishment—in a world where almost everypony suffered from some flavor of mental illness, he absorbed enough of their symptoms and armchair psychology by proxy that he could belch the whole thing out in disconnected fragments. But that would only make him feel more authentic, right? A child wouldn't know what his feelings meant, or how they connected. Sweet couldn't possibly be expected to either.
And best of all, that stupid councilor looked smugly self-satisfied the whole time. Sometimes she wrote a little of what he said, sometimes she wrote a lot. But the more of his lies she put onto that pad, the further she would be from actually understanding him.
And the better Sweet's chance of actual escape.
But he didn't flee that night. When they were done, there were still no soldiers waiting for him, only a modest meal and a place in one of the little bedrooms on the second floor. There was space for several foals here, but there were no other occupants. Just him and his thoughts.
Still, whoever built the place wasn't completely stupid. The windows were huge, giving a great view of the town outside—but they didn't actually open.
Likewise, there were plenty of generic toys, but nothing he could easily fashion into a weapon. Or, unfortunately, anything sharp enough to carve runes into the tile floor. But it wasn't like he wanted to escape on his first night.
If there's one advantage to getting the incorrect body on this side, it's having plenty of extra time. Even if he needed an extra decade, that would make little difference. He probably had a century to plan for his next body. He could waste a few years here to facilitate escape.
But he didn't have to waste years, as it turned out. Honeydew was there the next day for another interview, and he gave more of the same nonsense-answers to her absurd questions.
But this time their conversation was brief, barely even an hour.
When it was finished, she didn't react to the myriad of mental conditions he apparently had, and the three-ring-circus that she probably thought was taking place inside his cerebrum. Instead, she began with a completely separate topic.
"I know it might be scary, but I have some news for you, Sweet. Do you want another snack before I tell you?"
He rolled his eyes in response. The novelty of unique Equestrian snacks might be fun, but that didn't mean he would let himself get easily distracted. He shook his head vigorously in response.
"Just tell me. I promise there's nothing you can tell me that's half as frightening as the nightmares I've experienced. Talk to Discord next time you see him, and see how scary anything in your daily life feels."
It didn't have half the impact he'd been expecting. Honeydew smiled politely. "I didn't think you had been in Ponyville long enough to meet Discord. He can be a strange sort, that's for sure. Just don't tell him anything you don't mean, that's the best advice I can give."
She shuffled about with the pad in front of her, before finally holding it out. "There's no easy way to tell you this. I just want you to know that no matter how scary it seems, I'm here for you. Lots of other ponies will be too. You won't be alone."
He shrugged. "I doubt you would be if you actually knew me."
"We mentioned yesterday we couldn't find your parents. Since then, I've forwarded your name and description by telegram from one end of Equestria to the other. There is not a single missing pony report that matches you. No ponies are looking for you."
She rushed ahead, not giving him even a second to consider the comedic obviousness of the statement. "I know it might feel like you've done something wrong, if your parents aren't looking for you. But there are lots of reasons that they're not able to care properly for a foal. As painful as it is, you should try to see this as an expression of love.
"They know they can't give you the love and attention you need, so they're hoping you'll find it with somepony else. It's my job to make sure you will."
He stared back, expression utterly flat. But if she expected him to be crying, maybe to fling himself at her like a child, she would be disappointed. "They're dead," he said. It went against several of the lies he'd been repeating for the last two days. But none of those were even terribly consistent. "Of course they didn't make a missing pony request. They're buried."
Okay, maybe he couldn't be completely emotionless about it. But he wasn't going to cry for Honeydew. She didn't deserve to see it.
"There are ponies who volunteer to help when something like this happens, we call them foster parents. Usually we like to find a foster family as close to where we found you as possible. It happens there's one family right here in Ponyville. After a conversation earlier today, I confirmed that they're willing and able to take you in."
Finally the weight of that statement struck him. A foster family was ready... now? It hadn't even been two days. He could count on ponies to do it better than the world he'd left behind.
"A foster family," he said. "You're afraid I'll be... disappointed? I'm not. You seem like you mean well, but I'd rather be in prison than stuck upstairs in that bedroom. At least jail gives people time in the yard. Or I could make ten cents an hour stamping license plates."
She ignored most of what he said, as usual. "They'll be visiting later this afternoon to meet with you. If you get along well, you'll be done in my office before dark. And if not... that's fine too. It's far better to find a family where you all get along, even if the relationship might not be permanent.
She dropped down onto one knee, looking him directly in the eye. "This doesn't mean we've given up finding your family. We will try to track them down. You aren't being adopted after just two days. It will be months before I can decide if your new family is right for you."
Before I can decide. Every word she spoke was another reminder of just how little she thought of him. But aside from all the indignity, it also meant she wasn't going to be watching him.
I just have to play nice for a few days. Make them think I'm just another foal, then I can get a train ticket and be gone before they even miss me.
A few days was nothing for such an important mission. "Can you tell me anything about them? I'd like to know who's coming before they get here. In case they're... scary." Or too careful to trick.
She sat up, returning to the clipboard. The folder wedged inside was far thicker than it had been the day before, when there was barely more than his name on a single sheet of paper.
"It's a local couple, been married a few years now. A pair of lovely mares named Vinyl Scratch and Octavia Melody."
She turned the folder over, revealing a pair of photographs. From the look of the wallpaper, they'd been taken in this exact room. In addition to their photos, there were also images of their cutie marks, and various lines of pedantic text about how eager they were to start their own family and how they hoped to give a little pony a loving home.
Honeydew obviously didn't intend for him to read any of that, because she flipped the board back around a few seconds later. "I considered several local foster families before selecting that one. I think you'll get along well."
"Me too," Sweet said, without hesitation. Those smiling faces, and generic nothing-words about how much they wanted a family.
They would be perfect marks.
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lovely!
So what is Sauce's goal? meeting with his sisters, yes?
Sweet Sauce is going with Vinyl and Octavia. Interesting. What is this they say about music calming the savage beast? He does miss his music from (wherever he was), and now he's going to be fostered by two of the zaniest musicians in Equestria. Poor fellow... what WILL he do now?
11252616
They same thing he did last time, Aldy. Try to take over the world.
Well this is a first
11252625
He's saucy and he's sweet
He's saucy and he's sweet
Kind of a jerk to
The ponies that he meets
He tried to be good and turnaround, but if the world won't let him; it is good to be bad.
You'd think a Ponyvillian would be more willing to accept the seemingly absurd.
Or, compared to what else she's seen, this is barely a 4 on Honeydew's 1-to-10 scale of utter madness.
Ah. That's why Vinyl's tagged. Sweet's certainly in for a good time if he lets himself enjoy his foster family. And the stark disparity between tribe and sophistication—from his perspective, at least—will help shake loose those poorly aged stereotypes. Yes, I think this could do a lot of good for Sweet... but "could" isn't "will."
Very odd they are causally dismissing his comments on his parents being dead.
Took him a while but he got there
The funny thing is, he's already told you where to find them... you just don't believe a word he says
11252708
It's likely that they just don't believe him.
I mean from their perspective he's a young colt telling tall tales...
11252708
Yeah that part felt a bit weird. Almost like she wasn't hearing things that were inconvenient.
Real talk, Honeydew's attitude still rubs me the wrong way. Even allowing for "foals telling tales" and neurodivergence, you'd think that she'd at LEAST ask Sweet if he can PROVE his absurd claims. And as 11252693 noted, this IS Ponyville we're talking about here; stranger things have happened on days that AREN'T Tuesday.
I wonder if this frankly uncomfortable cognitive dissonance the ponies are experiencing around Sweet is because there's something else going on that we haven't figured out/seen yet.
11252708
To be fair, he also said he was afraid of his family finding him (even it it's not his parents specifically). And Sweet Sauce himself admitted that claiming his parents were died contradicted previous lies he told. Clearly they won't take his sudden statement at face value.
Everyone here is dismissing the obvious -- this is Ponyville. Honeydew is as crazy as every other pony in town
Plausible deniability: dead sounds similar dad, so she is a bit insane and interpreting that as having two dads, or something
Personally, I am anticipating the weekly cataclysm which erases the hard work of doing profane rune magic
Okay so he was trapped in that other human word as banishment, I wonder what he did there back then
I wonder if Vinyl is going to be able to speak or not. Both are acceptable to my head canon... although if she does speak she still sounds like Nowack.
Either way I'm looking forward to it, there isn't enough Vinyl Scratch these days.
Yeah this is getting a bit absurd. Depending on when Sweet showed up in canon he wouldn't even be the first temporal anomaly to show up in Ponyville, and certainly isn't the first one Twilight has met in that same castle as of her very first adventure. Nobody's asked any questions about the explosion either? Dinky never bothered to mention getting puppeted by weird runic magic to save the kids' lives?
Twi may be quietly looking into this offscreen, but even among the secondary cast this is a lot of convenient silence among the absolute most likely town in Equestria to get suspicious. If things have to be stretched that far to string out drama, the drama that needs that to happen is probably too stupid to be worth having. Smart characters who have agency and take things reasonably seriously can have drama too, and it's usually a lot more satisfying.
Hell, Honeydew is being the kind of needless stupid that doesn't even serve the plot. Casually writing off the idea of dead parents for no reason, or giving the "abandoning you was an expression of love" tripe after Sweet said they were physically abusive, or generally just a child services worker who presumably spends her life working with kids acting like she has no idea when a kid is lying up easy things to satisfy her or the difference between how kids and adults talk - none of that helps advance anything, it just undermines the agency of the characters for no reason. Absolutely nothing about the plot outline would have changed if she had her head on straight and started thinking it was gonna be a Ponyville Tuesday, it just wouldn't have drawn even more attention to how far it's bending over backward to try and satisfy the contrivance.
11252693
Considering the number of creatures/ponies that have reappeared after ~1000 years, It's not impossible that he could be telling the truth: Luna, Discord, Sombra, Tirek, Pony of shadow, Crystal Empire, Pillars.
11253645
I mean, about dinky and pipsqueak, i dont think they could really tell what really happened there. Dinky plummeted just after doing the spell, so she may not recall it for that. And about pipsqueak, well he's just a workhorse. In his view, all that happened was that Dinky just shot a projectile out of her horn and then fell unconcious. I can kinda agree on Honeydew with you. But i think its just more that Sweet keeps telling her different versions of his parents' story so she doesn't takes what he brings up seriously, unless she can confirm it herself.
Yeet, i need more tavi in my life
It's a little odd that he's been dropping Cassandra truths left and right, admonishing everypony for not taking him seriously...and yet he completely missed this inportant piece of information in plain sight.
11252873
Growing up as a gifted smart spectrumy child, I can attest to this feeling very very real. 99+% of adults don't seem to actually parse the words a young child says, no matter how real, or serious, or adult. From the flip side of it, now as an adult, I do the exact same thing. When a young child speaks, my brain just skims past what they are trying to say. It is maddening.