Tall Tale of Sweet Sauce

by Starscribe

Chapter 5

Night was an unsettling experience for Sweet Sauce at the best of times. Stripped of the discipline and protection of his conscious perception, sleep was as often torment as rest. But here in Equestria, dreams might be his first chance to reach a tendril of contact towards the Alicorns. Maybe Luna would sense him, or at least feel his pain. She wouldn’t abandon him to his fate.

But if the night princess had noticed his return to Equestria, she made no sign he could feel. He had never shared any of her unique magic, so he couldn’t call and demand she arrive. He could only wait.

At the same time, the castle of his childhood offered none of the comforts he remembered. Instead of rest, he spent most of the night tossing and turning on the stone floor, conscious of the many strange sounds of the ruin as it settled and shifted. If another attack came, he was entirely bereft of easily accessible magic. He’d only have the darker stuff within reach… certainly not a way to make a healthy return.

There were no windows in the little servants’ quarters, so he didn’t wake to the sun. But some noise did cut through the frightening background chatter and creak of the castle—shouting.

He wasn’t the first to rise—in fact, Sweet covered his head with one leg, wishing very much that the discourteous interloper would go somewhere else for a few more hours. All they needed was one of those godforsaken automatic lawnmower machines to rumble loudly beside his window. Then a neighbor’s dog would start barking at the gardener, and his entire morning’s sleep would be ruined.

That didn’t happen. But Dinky thumped sideways out of bed, moaning groggily. “Where are… what happened?”

Pipsqueak wasn’t far away—apparently they’d fallen asleep close by. He stirred, sitting up. “Voices? Isn’t that the weatherpony?”

“I think so. She trains my mom sometimes…” Something nudged against Sweet’s shoulder—a hoof. “Wake up, Sweet. Sounds like rescue’s almost here.”

He had only an instant to consider what he would do next. He’d led these ponies here—not from one safe city to another, but down a dangerous trail to a castle of ruin and despair. It wouldn’t matter that the route was supposed to be safe. He’d be blamed, as usual.

He sat up suddenly. Sauce hadn’t slept much, so it didn’t take long to shake off the delirium. “For you, yes.” He rose, taking a few steps towards the doorway. “Seek out your rescuers. Return to your lives of thankless drudgery. I can only offer a sincere apology that you were inadvertently drawn into this doomed scheme. My quest to find the princesses will require effort elsewhere.”

He broke into a brisk trot, back down the hallway where he’d come. “Remember to practice, Dinky! You were fortunate enough to be randomly incarnated as a superior tribe. Use what you were given.”

“Where are you going?” Pipsqueak called. He followed a few steps, but stopped in the doorway. “Don’t you want to be rescued?”

“I would love to be rescued,” he said. “But for me, it would not be a rescue.” He was wasting time explaining this. “Internment in a thankless prison would not serve my ends, workhorse. Farewell.”

He reached the central hallway. Out here, he could hear the rescuer’s voice clearly. A pegasus mare, shouting from not far away. “Dinky Hooves! Pipsqueak! Where are you?”

He dodged to one side, seeking the shadowy gloom of another nearby passage. The castle might be ruins, but his memory was keen. He could still see the castle as it should’ve been, with rich carpets and many servants and walls that hadn’t fallen in.

He hurried down a passage that would’ve led to the kitchens, once. They’d been built close to the throne room, so Celestia would never be far away from whatever she craved. The stone was black now, and the wooden sections of ceiling had gone. A fire had probably claimed the entire wing, when hostile invaders had taken the castle.

Sweet Sauce should’ve continued that way, getting far away from any potential rescue. He waited in the shadows just around the corner anyway, falling as still and quiet as he could. Once he knew the foals had been successfully rescued, he could resume his daring escape with a clear conscience.

There was a little more shouting, then finally the others answered. “Here! Down here!” Dinky called. She still sounded disoriented, drained. The effects of her magical attack would take more than a night to be completely overcome. But it was loud enough to be heard.

Heavy hoofsteps sounded on the stone, then the adult voice again. “You are here! Twilight’s just behind me, hold on. We don’t want to make too much noise, or we might attract the monster.”

“Monster?” Pipsqueak asked, fearfully. “Maybe you should… stop yelling?”

“There was a monster here?” Dinky whispered, suddenly panicked.

“Duh! Didn’t you see the magic outside? There was this flash last night, cut right through the trees all the way back to Ponyville. Everypony saw it.” The mare didn’t sound afraid, despite her words. “Even Twilight wasn’t sure what did it. Monster.”

It was time for him to get moving. While Pipsqueak replied, Sweet turned back towards the half-collapsed passage, hurrying deeper into the castle. Their rescuers obviously wouldn’t know about the ruin—nopony seemed to remember that there had once been a castle here.

Just a little further and Sauce found what he was looking for. Sure enough, the kitchen had been entirely consumed, and only a single stone wall remained. There was no ceiling overhead, nothing but a narrow chimney rising high among the ruins. He kept to the shadow here, in case the search party mare flew this way.

Sweet Sauce closed his eyes a moment, and the old building came to life around him. Tables overflowed with treats, fire roared in the huge oven, and servants and kitchen staff thronged around him. No one dared stop him, but he could see the fear in those faces—fear that he’d do something wrong, and Celestia would be angry. But he never did.

Why wasn’t it still here? This was the Equestria he missed most, the life that had been taken from him. If only there was some spell to make the world back into what it should be.

Sweet Sauce was so lost in thought that he failed to notice the pony landing behind him—not until she spoke.

It wasn’t the same creature who had come for the foals. This speaker was more confident, decisive. “You seem lost. What are you looking for?”

The walls vanished from around him, the spectral servants faded, the smell of pastries and baking bread vanished. Sweet winced, spinning slowly around.

An Alicorn loomed over him, over twice his height. Her wings spread wide, as large as Luna’s had been in those days. Probably not as big as his, but it was hard to be sure. Everything looked bigger from the ground.

“Princess Celestia and Princess Luna,” he said. “They’re supposed to be ruling from here, in their castle. But there was nopony living here.”

The Alicorn was soft purple, with darker shades swirling in her mane streaked with pink. She took a few steps towards him. But she didn’t raise a weapon, and her horn didn’t begin to glow with protective magic. “Nopony has lived here for almost a thousand years,” she said, like a teacher instructing him in something he ought to know. “Most ponies don’t even remember the Castle of the Two Sisters used to be the capital. Did Miss Cheerilee not teach you that?”

There would be no fleeing from this pony, not with wings like that. Yet she was barely watching him—mostly she eyed their surroundings, the forest and the ruins of the castle.

“I have no idea who that is,” he said flatly. One hoof brushed against a chunk of rusting metal on the floor before him—a blade, or what was left of one. Should he attack the Alicorn? A doomed approach. Besides, she hadn’t done anything to him yet. “I just want to meet with Princess Celestia. I didn’t want to hurt anypony, and I don’t think I did. Timberwolves aren’t ponies.”

“No, they… what?” The Alicorn, who had to be Twilight Sparkle, touched his shoulder with a wing, urging him back into the castle. “Come with me, please. It’s very dangerous to be here. Even more recently. Your parents will hear about you wandering off.”

He obeyed, though he let his hooves drag through the dirt as he did so, kicking up a little ash. “I doubt you have the necromancy to do that. Even Luna wasn’t willing to learn that much forbidden magic.”

Finally the young princess seemed to hear him—maybe for the first time. “Did you just say…” She stopped, horn glowing faintly. Not an attacking spell, but a bright lavender glow, illuminating the collapsed hallway. “Did you just say necromancy?”

He shrugged. “You said you were going to tell my parents. Well, they’re dead. You’d need horribly evil magic to talk to them. Didn’t seem like the type.”

Before she could answer, another face appeared from the hallway. A bright blue pegasus, hovering around the corner rather than standing there. “Twi? Did you find another foal in here? These two say they—” She stopped, looking down at Sauce. “Oh, great! That’s everypony.”

Twilight’s magic faltered, and she gestured forward again. Sweet Sauce obeyed without objection, marching shamefully back the rest of the way.

By the time he made it into the hallway proper, he discovered that even more had changed during his brief absence. Several mares waited here now, eyeing the castle warily. They came from all of the common tribes. Despite their intention to find a “monster,” he couldn’t see a single weapon between them. No swords, no spears, not even a dagger.

“I want to know who told you about that,” Twilight said. “Later. When we’re back in Ponyville.”

“And I want to meet the princess. Both of us are probably going to be disappointed today.” He left her there, to converse in confused voices with the pegasus mare. She’d already gone back to not paying any attention to him. How much more outrageous would he have to get before the adults noticed?

I could be a disciple of Tirek. Or maybe I’m going to summon the Smooze, that could be fun. The Alicorn was entirely unknown to him, but she had recognized certain keywords. But which side of the family had she come from?

“They found you!” Dinky called, as he rejoined them in the center of the circle of rescuers. “Why’d you run away like that? Weren’t you afraid of getting lost?”

“Entirely the goal,” he muttered.

The rescuing ponies were all mares, and still seemed focused on possible dangers. Had they not listened when his companions told them what the “monster” had been? That was quickly becoming a theme.

“You don’t want to get in trouble!” Pipsqueak exclaimed, with the joy of a genius who had just solved a complex technical problem. “You were running away!”

“That might be a clever deduction if I hadn’t said so explicitly when I left. It appears I’ve been outmatched. I can only hope they take me to judgement by both princesses before I am executed.”

“What’s ‘executed’?” Dinky asked.

He didn’t get the chance to reply—one of the ponies guarding them had finally noticed their conversation. A creamy yellow pegasus this time, with a long, wavy mane. “Little fillies and colts should try to relax. Being scared won’t help us make it home any faster. I’m sure we’ll be going back soon. Then we’ll get you back to your families where you belong.”

He met her gaze without blinking. “I’m glad for both of them—my companions deserve your mercy. But I have no family to be returned to.”

“Oh dear,” the mare said. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“He says things like that,” Pipsqueak added. “I think he makes it all up. He just likes to make ponies confused, so he says the weirdest things he can think of.”

“Absolutely not!” He turned, puffing out his chest. “You have no idea the depths of eldritch perplexitude I’m capable of, workbeast! I was being sincere.”

The Alicorn’s voice interrupted them all, loud enough that even Sweet turned to look. “Everypony, move close to me. These little ponies have families at home, and they’ve waited long enough. We’ll skip the walk.”

Comments

[Level Dasher]

These little ponies have families at home, and they’ve waited long enough.

Twi, gotta turn your ears up a notch. One of 'em doesn't— told you that explicitly.

[Bronycommander]

Heh, loved Dinky's innocence at the end, nice job!

And don't take this the wrong way, I can't get Sweet Sauce 's design out of my head

[A.P.O.N.I.]

depths of eldritch perplexitude

Wow. That colt is either going to go all evil, or write comic books. Could go either way.

[TartarusFire]

eldritch perplexitude

The ultimate madness, being able to resurrect something worse than dead ponies, the winning Soufflé recipe...
Also for being able to just create a word that doesn't exist.

11248730
Why not both

[FanOfMostEverything]

My quest to find the princesses will require effort elsewhere.

"You're looking for the princesses? We could've just gotten on the train to Canterlot!"
"... We could have what?"

I can understand the adults refusing to believe Sweet; his story's too outrageous to take at face value for anyone on his side of the fourth wall. At first, anyway. He may be able to push it past the point of deniability, but it can take a lot to break through Twilight's first assumption. (Mentioning necromancy may do it, especially if he get into the gory details.) On the other hand, if she insists on keeping him near for the sake of giving him some adult supervision, he'll have access to a direct line to Celestia. Whether he'll know that is another matter...

[Nubium]

11248709
She isn't paying attention ! Though you'd think she would, after the mention of necromancy...

[Maramanasa]

Either twiggles is not paying attention or is doing the assuming game again. You'd think she'd learn after zecora but apparently not.

Also I am really curious as to what he did to get banished. The fact he knows dark magic means he read about it in the human world or knew about from research. More and more mysteries from our time displaced friend.

[Teikan]

since when is unromance an evil?