Chapter 1
Sweet Sauce woke in a crater, naked body steaming.
For a few seconds it was all he could do to remain conscious, fighting the backlash of a spell that could easily kill a lesser pony. The worldgate seared into the loamy earth all around him, scrawling the magical signature to his place of origin.
He would have to scratch those out before he left, hopefully before anypony else stumbled upon this place. An astute unicorn might be able to reverse-engineer his origin, much to their torment. He could imagine no pony from one end of Equestria to the other guilty of sin great enough to be banished to New Mexico.
Nearly dying was an exhausting process, and he could still barely move. But he couldn’t lay there until he was stronger—he had to know if the spell had worked.
But would anywhere be as bad as where I left? He toyed with the idea, considering a range of possible worlds. But even swarms of parasprites and the devouring Outsiders from beyond time and space would at least mean something was happening.
Sweet Sauce managed to sit up, at least enough to see his own shape. Elation surged in him, briefly overpowering the spellburn gnawing at his whole body. I’m a pony again!
He leapt to his hooves in the center of the crater, wobbling only slightly from one side to the other. Despite many years away, he found balance still came naturally to him. “That’s two victories,” he muttered to himself. “She couldn’t keep me away forever.”
As he said it, his ears twitched at the unfamiliar tone. He’d been expecting himself to sound different when he got back here, that was part of any transformation. But why did his voice sound so childish?
“Please don’t be…” He trailed off, hiking up the edge of the crater. It was about equal to his height, maybe two paces around in any direction. He scribbled at the markings with his hooves as he walked, deliberately smearing them into ashy dirt.
At the edge of the crater was more grass—a field? But not far away he saw a copse of bright green deciduous trees, and the ground was covered with dense growth. Grass, not bare dirt with patches of thorny bushes and the occasional cactus. It was almost enough to ignore just how big it all seemed. Those trees might as well be monuments, rising up in the distance like a city unto themselves. Even the grass grew above his eye level in places, though it was the soft green, friendly kind.
Sweet stumbled forward a few steps, breaking into a run for a simple takeoff—and felt nothing at his sides. He skidded to a halt in the rich green grass, turning to stare. There were no wings protruding from his sides.
There was something else missing, far more important than any pair of feathering wings. After so many years without it, Sweet searched for the cutie mark on a light green flank. He could still picture it perfectly: the arcanus equilibrium, a star diagram used in all but the simplest ritual spells.
There was nothing there. Short green coat, barely even tall enough to see through the overgrown grass. It was like staring into a mirror, and not recognizing the reflection. Being another species was bad—being younger was bound to be inconvenient. But losing his mark?
But did I lose it when they forced me out? Or coming back?
With deliberate slowness, dreading what would be waiting for him, Sweet reached up with one hoof, feeling his forehead. He already didn’t see it when he looked up, but he had to be sure.
There was nothing there. No horn, no wings. “I’m a mudpony,” he declared with a definitive stomp into the dirt. “Me, a mudpony.”
What would he do about it? Sweet considered the problems before him, ranking them in an instant. He had no idea where in Equestria he was. He was apparently a little colt again,though he couldn’t say just how much of his physical age he had lost. He was an earth pony, stripped of all but the vague earth “strength.” It was a good thing his arrival couldn’t strip him of his understanding of ritual magic and supernatural principle, or else he’d really be in trouble.
It’s okay. I still have more magic in me now than I could marshal in a decade back there. It’s an improvement. Fix later.
Sweet circled the edge of his crater, scratching away the rest of his spell as he walked. With hooves this small, it took him a good while—long enough for him to examine his surroundings for any sign of civilization. He also searched among the dirt for any sign of the portable music player he’d hoped to bring with him, the single object of great enough personal significance to risk bringing into the spell.
He found it after a few minutes, lifting it from the dirt. It was little more than a rectangle of melted plastic now, glass screen fractured into a thousand lines and colors. “Goodbye, old friend,” he whispered, lowering his head respectfully to the machine. Away went one of the few parts of his prison he had loved.
He tossed it into the center of the crater, kicking in some blackened dirt to seal the music player away for its eternal rest.
That sacred ritual done, Sweet Sauce returned his attention to escape. Unlike the body he’d been trapped in, this one could eat the grass if it came to that. He did so while he circled, chewing thoughtfully.
For a few seconds. He spat it out just as quickly, wiping his tongue clean on his coat. “Alright, going a little too native. Walk it back.” What would his sisters think if they’d seen him eating grass?
He banished that unpleasant thought, focusing instead on the edge of a red roof visible in the distance. Ten seconds of flying, maybe less. Unfortunately, he had to walk.
He whistled as he went, or tried. Pony teeth weren’t quite where his instincts expected. Undeterred, he hummed instead. He could still get the pitch right, even if it wasn’t in the right octave anymore.
Finally the building came into view, along with several others nearby. The architecture would’ve been entirely unrecognizable to him in Equestria, but not in his prison. It was a barn, along with a farmhouse. He emerged at the edge of a fence, walking right under while barely having to duck.
But he wasn’t the sort of pony to be borne down with dread over the mounting evidence of his physical changes. Sweet Sauce wasn’t going to give up while victory seemed so close.
He circled around the farmhouse, eyes scanning for any sign of other ponies. Perhaps this new body would keep his return from being quite so dramatic—but that didn’t mean he couldn’t still get the information he needed.
He could make out activity from one of the nearby orchards—repeated banging and echoing, like somepony was losing a fight with a tree. That sounded rather entertaining, and he probably would’ve gone to look.
But as he turned in that direction, he spied distant roofs through the trees, densely packed around a few taller structures.
More rural than I’d like, he thought. But regardless of where in Equestria he’d ended up, there was bound to be regular travel to the capital.
“Hey there!” called a voice, high and girlish. He turned reflexively, and caught a pony trotting towards him from up the road. She crossed the gate with a confidence that suggested she owned the place, or at least lived here.
She was also taller than he was. His ears flattened involuntarily, and he took a step back, face warming a degree or two. “Are you lost, little pony? I ain’t seen you anywhere near the farm before. But if you’re here with cousins for the harvest, you’re three months too early.”
He blinked, dazed for another second more. This child wasn’t here to torment him and remind him of the failings of his spell—Sweet Sauce had achieved the impossible. Twice, actually.
“Yeah, I’m lost,” he said. “Could you point me to the Castle of the Two Sisters?”
The filly blinked, dumbfounded. “You mean the place my sister told me never to go by my lonesome, out in the Everfree?”
Everfree. The stranger recognized the name. “Yeah, that!” He took a few steps past her, back towards the road. “Could you tell me where it is? That’s where I’m supposed to go. I’m not quite sure about the conversion rate between universal time, but I’m at least a few centuries late by now.”
The filly stared after him, before catching up in two bounds. She stopped directly in front of him, putting on the air of a big kid protecting their smaller, stupider sibling. “Whatever you’re talkin’ about, there ain’t nothing worth going through the Everfree for. Don’t you got parents or something? Maybe talk to them if you want to go anywhere so dangerous.”
Parents. The word hit him harder than any earth pony hoof. He stiffened, silent for a few seconds. Then he dodged around her, back down the road where she’d come from.
“You’re right!” he called, without looking back. “I should probably get back before somepony misses me.”
The filly followed to the edge of her gate, watching him go. “Yeah!” she called, reaching vainly after him with one hoof. “You should… probably… yeah! You go ahead and do that! Unless you think you need help! I know mah sis wouldn’t mind if I was a little later gettin’ chores done, if I was helping a little pony in need!”
He didn’t look back. Not terribly friendly perhaps, but friendship took effort better spent on something more productive. “Nah, thanks anyway. Good luck with your rural drudgery, workhorse!”
With respectful greetings concluded, Sauce accelerated down the road towards the town, hope building in his chest. The Everfree is close enough that children have to be warned not to go there. I’m already closer than I could’ve hoped.
Of course what he would actually do when he reached his goal was still a diffuse cloud of possibility at this stage, but Sauce could live with that. Overplanning was part of the reason he was in trouble in the first place.
The nameless town seemed so close, but the actual process of walking there drained his endurance still further. He might need to rethink his strategy of walking to the castle himself. Depending on the angle he entered, the Everfree could require multiple days of walking.
My allies are long dead. My possessions are entombed or destroyed. My body is lost. Sweet’s list kept getting longer and more discouraging. But I’m not in New Mexico anymore. I’ve already won, even if I get eaten by a Grue.
He broke into a trot, crossing an old bridge into a town. Compared to where he had come from, the place seemed dated, with thatch rooves and narrow, cobblestone streets. But it didn’t matter that these ponies could’ve been a town from his own time, without much progress or change. At least until he saw the castle.
Lording over this humble farming village was a structure that looked like the northern crystalsmiths had left their snowy home to build here in Equestria. Its design was at once beautiful and utterly ridiculous. All the important parts of that structure are at the upper floors. It was a castle built with no regard whatsoever for the needs of the non-winged ponies, who would have to hoof it up many flights whenever they wanted to visit.
This was home. The village bustled with activity, ponies throngning around him, chatting with each other in friendly voices. They bought and sold and traded, just as he remembered.
They still used Celestia’s sun glyph in many of their decorations, each one staring down at him like an unblinking eye.
Was she hunting him, even now, ready to cast him back into the desert? Or would she even care that he survived?
Finally, somepony who looked like they knew what they were talking about.
The single unicorn sat oddly on a park bench, reading a packet of hastily printed paper. She barely even looked up as he approached. But she wasn’t a mudpony, so he’d already made progress. “Excuse me, spellweaver?”
She didn’t move, didn't even look at him. “Unicorn!” he shouted, hopping up onto the side of the bench. Her head was still well over his, but it was something.
“Oh.” She blinked, then looked at him. “Hey little guy. What can I do for you?”
“I’m in search of knowledge,” he said. “I require a map to the capital. Do the scribes maintain a repository in this agrarian backwater?”
She frowned, looking puzzled. “That’s not a very nice thing to say about Ponyville,” she eventually said. “I know it’s no Canterlot, but… what kind of colt talks like that?”
He ignored the question, and her complaint. “I require scholars. Please, where would I find them? I need to acquire a map before sundown.”
She rolled her eyes, then pointed vaguely towards the absurd tree-castle in the distance. “In there, the Castle of Friendship. Are you lost, kid?”
He hopped off the bench, hurrying in the indicated direction. Sweet Sauce would not stop for anything, even a well-meaning unicorn.
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always nice to see another story with dinky and/or pip
Thank you very much for this!
interesting start, i take it he another one of celestia failures
Reading this while on break, my coworkers looked at me funny when I suddenly burst out laughing.
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reminds me of a silly comic strip where Rarity got revenge on Rainbow Dash (for being left behind at the end of "the last roundup") by sending her to Hollywood...
AND sent Scootaloo and Derpy to keep her company! (because Dash had stuck her with Pinkie)
You won't get me, you eldritch... something!
Ya know... He should thank his lucky stars he wasn't sent to Iowa.... Or Ohio.... Shudder. Nightmares of boredom unparalleled.
Im still not sure how i feel about boopy comm'ing you to finally get this done over, writing it themselves. Reguardless im glad sweet's charchter is still alive and amusing as the original drafts from forever ago.
shots fired
At least he missed Ohio.
Ooh, ooh!!! I found me a mistake!!! I am useful!
he can improve pony nature with rituals ? This will improve the life of every pony a thousand times!
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Even Sombra wouldn't deserve such a fate.
I laughed a lot reading this. It made me smile.
I absolutely loved Sweet Sauce's interactions with the other ponies. Marvelous.
Wait, was he banished to Earth?
Is this a sequel to something?
Also quite refreshing have a banished villian from millenia ago have a mundane name. Not sure why other authors tend to make them all teen edgy like.
Está historia no merece tu tiempo, no lo desperdicies.
Sobre aviso, no hay engaño.
11357855
You're an ass it looks like a couple more people that have already downvoted your vote also agree