Fluttershy discovers animal crackers
Cover picture artist is MR-1 on deviantART
It was a nice, bright and shining day for young Fluttershy. Her animals were happy, the birds were chirping and all the little fillies were out playing in the distance. While the Pegasus fed her pet squirrel, she heard Twilight coming from around her cottage.
“Hey Fluttershy,” the purple unicorn said. “What’s up?”
Fluttershy, smiling kindly replied, “Oh, I’m just doing my usual things for the morning.”
As the young pony grabbed a bucket and sat in next to her door, her friend asked something peculiar.
“Have you seen Rainbow flying around with a box today?”
Fluttershy, curious as to what Rainbow would be doing with a box said, “No, but what’s in the box?”
Twilight smiled oddly and claimed, “Oh, nothing… really nothing you’d want to know about.”
As she walked off, Fluttershy’s eyebrow rose slightly. Returning to her work, she heard the distinguished whoosh of the cyan Pegasus’s flight. As she soared just above her head, the yellow mare heard Twilight call her with fear in her voice. She was just behind the cottage, and as Rainbow landed, Fluttershy hid behind the wall, out of sight.
“Are you trying to get Fluttershy to cry?” Twilight asked.
The rainbow-maned Pegasus claimed, “What? They're just a snack!”
“That doesn’t matter! If Fluttershy sees them, she’ll take things the wrong way! Did she see you?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so, but then again I wasn’t really paying attention.”
As Fluttershy heard Twilight face hoof, she decided to confront the two. Just as she crept around the corner, Rainbow saw her and hid the box she was holding behind her back.
“What’s that? Fluttershy asked.
“Nothing!” Rainbow lied.
“It’s just a box,” Twilight claimed.
Fluttershy eyed the two carefully. She could just barely see the corner of the box, but before she could say another word, Rainbow took off in a fit of speed. As the rainbow lines followed her to some clouds far off, Twilight just smiled awkwardly.
“Umm… Twilight… what was that?” the butter yellow mare asked.
Twilight gulped while blinking, and said “Nothing!” Next thing Fluttershy knew, the mare teleported out of there lickety-split.
The Pegasus stood there, confused by this, and insanely curious. She decided to go to Applejack, seeing as how she could never tell a lie without being found out. As she approached the barn, she saw her orange friend taking a break next to the wooden fences while munching on an apple.
“Uh, Applejack,” Fluttershy questioned, “What’s the box Rainbow Dash has?”
Applejack spat bits of apples out as her ears received the question. Her hoof rose to her mouth to wipe some spit off. As she looked at her friend, caught off guard by this, she said, “Uh, sugar… you really don’t wanna know. Trust me.”
Fluttershy argued, “But I do want to know. She seemed to be hiding the thing like it would hurt me. What could a simple box do to me that would be so devastating?”
Applejack fibbed, “It’s… just a box… and nothing else… just a box.”
Her weird smile told Fluttershy she was lying, so Fluttershy resiliently said, “Please, just tell me what it is.”
Applejack, trying to put on her best poker face continued to lie. “It’s just a box… nothing more, trust me.”
Fluttershy rolled her eyes and said, “Fine, if you won’t tell me, I’ll have to find out myself.”
As she left, Applejack sighed and returned to her work.
Fluttershy decided to investigate Rarity and possibly dig some clues up from her. As she entered her boutique, Rarity noticed the doorbell ring. As she came around the corner to greet her customer, she saw it to be the yellow Pegasus looking a bit upset.
“Fluttershy, what seems to be the problem?” she asked in concern.
“Oh, nothing much… except Rainbow has some small box. She and Twilight are hiding what it is from me, Applejack lied about it, and I was wondering if… you knew anything about it?”
Rarity gulped, turned around and muttered, “It’s best you didn’t know… trust me.”
Fluttershy became irritated with those last two words. “Why does everypony want me to trust them that if I find out what this is, it’ll hurt me in some way?”
Rarity, turning her head said, “Look, darling, if you found out, believe me, you’d be distraught!”
Fluttershy just sighed and walked out. As she did, she headed to Twilight’s house and knocked. She heard Twilight, Rainbow and Pinkie murmuring something. As the door slowly opened, Fluttershy looked inside to see the box sitting on the table inside.
“May I… come in?” she asked kindly.
Twilight gulped and said, “I’d prefer… you didn’t. It’s for your own good!”
Fluttershy, finally having enough of this, pushed her way through. As Pinkie grabbed the box, Fluttershy chased after her. The box was then tossed to Rainbow Dash, who was heading for the window. As she tried to fly out, WHAM, the window wasn’t even open. As the box fell to the floor, Fluttershy dived for it. Her whole body covered the box, and as she began to creepily giggle, she rose up and said, “Now… now I’ll see what you’ve been hiding from me! Now, I’ll see what’s so dangerous for me to see!” She lifted the box up and looked at it, only to give a horrified look once her eyes were able to fully view the cartoonish designs of animals, all in cracker form.
“A-a-animal… crackers?!” her scratchy voice asked. A few seconds of gazing at the ludicrous snack passed before she threw the box up and began screaming in torment. As she tried to run for the door, Twilight stopped her by shutting it in the nick of time. the frightened pony stopped just before slamming right into it face first, and searched for a way out.
Twilight magically grabbed her being and frantically tried to explain, “The're just crackers that Pinkie made!”
Fluttershy, whipping her hooves in various directions trying to break free interrogated, “So she killed a bunch of my forest friends and cooked them into snacks?!”
Pinkie walked up to her friend and giggled, “No silly! The're made out of dough! There's not actual animals in them!”
Fluttershy, calming down asked, “But why animals, Why not just regular squares, or circles?”
Rainbow, still dazed by the impact said, “Because it’s cute!” Fluttershy was let go and sat there, staring at the box. As Rainbow Dash picked them up, she continued, “We knew you’d react like this, and it was a special gift for me from Pinkie Pie. I thought they were awesome, but we all knew you’d freak out if you saw them… that’s why we hid them.”
Fluttershy gulped and said, “I… need some time alone… please, excuse me.”
As she opened the door, Twilight asked, "Are you going to be alright?”
Fluttershy nodded her head and said, “I just need some time alone.”
In a few days, this would just be one silly occurrence, but Fluttershy would probably never recover from the frightening thought of ponies eating the heads of animal crackers.
Hmm... faved.
This to too perfect. I have that picture as my current wallpaper
True story
Win.
All my yes.
The fact that you didn't capitalize all the letters in the title is bugging me a lot.
1255132 There.
1255138 Many thanks!
You keep using "their" in place of "they're".
1255165 Thank you for pointing that out. I sometimes get that single thing mixed up. It's been fixed.
You keep on missing quotation marks, and punctuation before and after them... like commas.
Pretty simple concept, a nice, relaxing read, can't say I laughed for the comedy tag, but it's good.
The review train has arrived!
1) If Twilight didn't want Fluttershy knowing about the box, why did she bring it up in the first place?
2) I thought you needed more of a transition from Fluttershy's curiosity to her madness. You just kind of jumped there at the end, and a little more buildup would have made it seem less out-of-the-blue.
3) I noticed a few grammar errors, mostly having to do with commas before quotes. For example:
should be
While we're on the topic, you need to learn the difference between 'their' and 'they're'. 'Their' is possessive, indicating ownership, and 'they're' is a contraction of 'they are.' And 'claimed' isn't a very good attributive verb in most cases.
Also, there were a few typos. My favorite was 'Ludacris.' That's the name of the rapper, not an actual word. The word you want is 'ludicrous.'
Otherwise, a fun little story based on a pretty good idea. I hope this helps!
And of course I thought of "Cupcakes" as soon as I read that Pinkie had made them.
1255217>>1255218 Okay... the errors are fixed. The thing with their, the're and there has always messed me up. I know the difference but sometimes, I just forget. I apologize for this, and will try to remember to read it while splitting up conjunctions as I reread my work. As for Ludacris... I don't even know where that came from.
YAY you listened to my suggestion
Poor Fluttershy, PFFFFFFT Yeah right!
Will read in a bit; I love Fluttershy~!
1255341 Eeyup!
1255344 She's my fave pony.
These instantly popped into my head:
[youtube=oXQUTsXaQKE]
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/6/20/NQAda-i_vUG9geDeOkEijg2.jpg
We need a Fluttercry pic for this
1255277
Good for you! Fix the silly grammar derps BEFORE you go live in the feature box for awhile
Feature box is all about th' "Cute pony reacts to incongruous thing, cutely"
(in as close to the minimum 1000 words as possible)
So that's what animal crackers are...
That was an entertaining read.
All my everything
1255506Say what??? ... ... Oh celestia! YES!
Hmmmmm......love Flutter's and thought this was bad ass so I'm down.
Is it sad that the last sentence pertained to me? I always bite the heads of the animals off first.
Anyway, great story. Fluttershy will be forever scarred by this incident !
Hmmm. making me hungry for animal crackers.
1255564
Fix the derps and make your mane presentable.
Have fun up there...
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/scared.gif fluttershy will never recover from that
So...
How long before this is featured?
You make my insides smile.
Brohoof to anyone who gets it
1255634It is featured!
1255641
Indeed. It wasn't when I started reading, but I posted my comment and reloaded the page, and what do you know.
You people work quick.
That was scary.
Great concept. Pretty in character. I can see this definitely happenIng somehow. However while good the story could use a bit more polish. Still I liked it.
"SOYLENT YELLOW IS ANIMA.... Oh, they arent? My bad..."
Moustache for you!
This was so cute!
1255639seriously?cupcakes reference? not sayiniwouldnt do the same but bein twisted is supposed to be my job
anyways this is what this story made me do this
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120906142304/runescape/images/6/60/EvilLaughEmote.gif
its also my job to put a runescape emote on every story i read so there
Damn you got featured fast, it hasn't even left the new stories list
>1255867 This isn't even my best work. And it ticks me off that the single joke fic I did, not EVEN serious gets featured while I have a whole arsenal of awesome sensual stories that deserve to be up there! But I'm still psyched I got featured!
PERFECT!!!!!!!!!
YET IT HAD SOME ERROR::
STILL GREAT
The friendly snack that smiles back--until you bite their heads off.
Fluttertrauma.
F.D.A.C. i think i see what you did there...
wonder how Fluttershy would handle Happy Tree Friends
1255132 I can't shake the feeling that we've met before...
This is a friggin' win.
... Why is it, even though she proved to only be trying to protect Fluttershy, that I can't stop thinking about Twilight as being a troll in this story?
"Did I do good, teacher?"
"You've done wonderfully, my faithful student."
Applejack....
LYING?
1256160 Remember the Pinkamena episode? It's canon! I'm in the clear.