Luna Smashes her Jaw

by Ponycrafter

Fire Away!

Princess Luna made her final adjustments. The tension on the ropes felt right. The sights lined up with the target perfectly. The pumpkin's weight was evenly distributed. She double checked, triple checked and quadru... quint... whatever. She was sure that her catapult was going to bullseye the target dead-on. After checking one last time, she turned to Twilight Sparkle. She, Applejack and many other ponies in costumes watched on with curiosity.

"Fire away, princess!" Twilight shouted encouragingly.

Luna promptly obeyed, pressing her full weight down on the catapult, activating the firing mechanism, sending the wooden arm swinging forward with a clunk! The ammunition, in this case the pumpkin, made a sharp whistling noise as it homed in on its target. As expected, it splattered against the bullseye, spraying seeds and juice everywhere.

"Haha!" Luna cried. "The fun has been doubled!"

Luna smiled happily as the crowd cheered her on loudly.

---

The night was well over by the time Luna was preparing to leave. Pipsqueak and his friends had long gone to bed, and even Applejack retreated to her orchard to settle in for the night. Twilight was seeing Princess Luna away at the moment.

"We had much fun this night, Twilight Sparkle." Luna smiled as she waited for her royal chariot to arrive.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, princess," Twilight replied. "I'm just happy you decided not to cancel Nightmare Night."

Luna shared a quick giggle with Twilight as a loud crack was heard, followed by a loud curse. Looking towards the source of the noise, the pair noticed an earth pony struggling to get one of the pumpkin catapults packed away. He was trying to force it down with his weight, but his astropony costume didn't make it an easy job. He cursed silently under his breath as the catapult flung upwards as he forced it down, smacking him in the chest and knocking him back a bit. Luna and Twilight looked at eachother with amusement.

"Should we lend aid, Twilight Sparkle?" Luna asked.

"Let's."

Twilight and Luna made their way towards the struggling earth pony. He glanced at them through his mirror-like visor. Luna could see herself in it; she looked rather dashing, if she thought so herself.

"Mind lendin' me a hand 'ere?" The pony asked. His voice was slightly muffled by his helmet. "Bloody thing won't go down."

"Of course," Luna replied.

She cantered over next to the colt and helped press the catapult down with her own weight. She was undoubtedly bigger than the colt, being a princess and all, but even her and the pony couldn't push it down far enough to get it locked into place.

"Hang on, princess," Twilight said as her horn ignited. A rope slung itself around the catapult's arm and was just shy of being able to tie itself around the catapult's chassis.

"Please quicken thy pace," Luna grunted. "This mechanism is fighting back with the force of Cerberus!"

"Almost... there..." Twilight said as the rope got closer and closer to the chassis. "Allllmoooossst..."

Luna and the colt groaned as the catapult pushed back, almost knocking Luna and the other pony clean off.

"Anytime now, mate," the colt growled.

"Got it!" Twilight exclaimed as the rope magically bound itself to the chassis of the catapult, securing the launching arm in place.

Luna and the other colt bounced off happily.

"Well done, Sparkle," Luna said. "And you too, my little pony."

The earth pony in question let out a muffled chuckle at this. He was happy to meet a princess, but to be complimented by one? Boy, Derpy wasn't gonna believe this.

"Now, shall we cart this pumpkin launching mechanism into a safer location, far from the hooves of foals and neigher-do-wells?"

"What?" Twilight and the colt said in unison.

Luna facehoofed. "Shall we move this thing?"

"Oh, right..."

"Yeah."

Luna propped herself on her hind legs as she put her front legs on the cart, grunting as she pushed the heavy thing towards a shed with the help of Twilight and the colt. Even if it was only made of wood, being on the moon for 1000 years doesn't give you much time to exercise. Within due time, however, the catapult was safely stored inside of the shed. As the ponies were about to leave, however, Luna turned back.

"Halt, my friends," she said. "I hath forgotten to lock the arm in place."

Luna stood on top of the catapult and reached for said lever. She pushed it with a hoof, flipping it forward.

"Errr, mate?" The colt mumbled. "The bloody thing was already locked."

Click.

Luna froze in shock, looking down at the catapult arm, now shuddering slightly.

"Oh, ponyfea-"

WHACK!

---

"Multiple fractures in jawbone."

Luna moaned in pain as the doctor listed off the many injuries Luna had sustained.

"Minor concussion. Several cracked teeth."

More pained moaning.

"Cracked skull base. Minor lacerations on chest and belly. Patient is delusional."

"Mmm nmmt delusshmm," Luna mumbled painfully.

"Ah-ah!" The doctor exclaimed. "No talking right now, princess. Not until we get that jaw of yours in place."

Luna groaned with annoyance, planting her royal hindquarters on the examination table. She had made a big mistake, flipping that lever. It had ended up snapping the rope holding the catapult, sending the arm flying upwards, clapping her mouth shut. Hard. This had broken her jaw in multiple places, cracked her teeth and sent her flying at least twenty feet in the air, through the shed roof and onto the hard cobblestone road below. It had hurt, but not so much that she couldn't make it back to the Canterlot doctor herself. Her guards, of course, were curious as to what happened, but with Luna being unable to talk and Twilight and the colt too shocked to speak, they got no answers.

"Cracked rib, possibly from long fall, very minor internal bleeding, a black eye and a partridge in a pear tree."

The doctor finished his diagnosis, setting down his clipboard magically and trotting into the next room. Some muffled conversation was heard through the walls. It was hard, but Luna could make out some of the conversation.

"... My poor Lulu alright?"

"Yes, your majesty. She's..."

"Oh, what happe..."

"... Course you can see her, your highness," The doctor's voice sounded from behind the closed ornate door. It swung open slowly, with the doctor trotting in and Princess Celestia following after.

"Oh, Lulu!"

Or, at least Luna thought it was Celestia.

Her mane was frazzled, flying in every which way. None of her royal regalia was present, save for a bathrobe covering her body. Her eyes were bloodshot and her fur stuck up in many places. It was obvious she was sleeping when she was informed of the accident.

"Thank myself you're alright!" Celestia sighed in relief. "I heard you were hurt, and I came as fast as I can."

"Yes siree, she had quite the incident your highness," The doctor chimed. "One of Ponyville's siege catapults broke her jaw and flung her 'bout fifty feet in the air!"

"Twenntn," Luna corrected. A few drops of silvery blood dripped from her mouth.

"Twenty feet, then," The doctor chuckled, levitating an ice pack over to Princess Luna's jawbone. She took it eagerly, sighing in relief at the cool sensation rippling across her pained muscles.

"Either way, she's quite the lucky filly!"

Celestia couldn't help but giggle as Luna yelped in pain, dropping the ice pack, which promptly clattered against the ceramic tile floor.

"So," The doctor carried on, taking a sip of his coffee. "She's gonna need lotsa bed rest, liquid foods only..."

Luna's eyes widened in horror as the doctor listed off the many healing requirements.

"... For about five weeks. Oh, and one last thing," The doctor said. "Absolutely no talking!"

Luna's shoulder's sagged when she saw her sister's mischievous smile creeping across her face.

---

Luna trotted unhappily with Celestia down the halls of her royal castle. Guards were quite surprised to see their princess locked up in a steel jaw lock, but they snapped to attention nonetheless. Luna didn't want to have to sip soup from a straw, or have to write things down to talk. This sucked eggs.

"So," Celestia began happily. "No talking for five weeks, hm?"

Luna nodded.

"And nothing but soup, oh my..."

Luna groaned angrily at her sister. Even if she was the co-ruler of Equestria, she still had her evil side.

"Looks like more cake for me, hmm?"

Luna grumbled to herself as she turned a corner around the marble halls. Celestia chuckled quietly.

"I'll be eating delicious cake, and you'll be sucking smoothies from a straw..."

"Ssshhh," Luna hushed through her mask.

"Maybe you'll get a delicious banana milkshake?"

"Fupphf you."

Celestia laughed aloud to herself as she planned the many ways to humiliate her sister.

THE END

Comments

[sierra_seven_]

Another bland, boring 'Luna X's a Y' fic? Inb4 Featured!

"Cracked rib, possibly from long fall, very minor internal bleeding, a black eye and a partridge in a pear tree."

Oh, and doctor? The subject is also haemorrhaging bad puns and frankly disappointing jokes.

[The ancient one]

1246622

How is it i manage to find you on EVERY fic i glance at? Are you stalking me?

[sierra_seven_]

1246651 Hmm, think of me as a TWE scout. I search for the bad fanfictions and add them to the group.

[The ancient one]

1246682

You must not be a good scout, neither of my stories seem to be on it. o.o

[sierra_seven_]

1246688 Whoa, for a second I thought you were serious with the 'Blood Fang' one

[The ancient one]

1246691

Blood fang, ah that one. Should update that one soon. No that one is just me and a friend making a parody of bad fics, parodies of bad fics, and my immortal.

I wanted EVERYONE to hate it but some people got enjoyment from it, so eh, what can ya do.

The serious one is "Unexpected changeling"

The latest chapter is getting mixed reactions, most liked it, but a few here and there turned from it with disgust. To be honest, i'm surprised anyone even likes the story at all.

[Starflower]

Love It!!!

[Relevant Heavy Metal]

Jawbreaker - Judas Priest

[jakol]

Good idea, decent execution. Good luck.

[Poise]

Reminds me of "Hiatus", but I'm going to assume it follows a basic principle.

[i_am_the_jam]

You'd think that their incredible power would have allowed Luna to heal herself, or to at least speed up the recovery.

And can't Celestia grow her own fur back in less than 4 weeks?

[Ponycrafter]

246 views already? Wowzers, I never thought it would be that popular

[Night Sky]

1246622 this fic is actually pretty good